Forget About the Guy You Like
Revision as of 16:15, 20 February 2016 by Kipkis (Kipkis | contribs) (importing article from wikihow)
You like him, but you want to forget him. Maybe he's made it clear that he doesn't like you back; maybe you can't pursue him for family or religious reasons. Maybe he's with someone else, or otherwise unavailable, but you just can't get him out of your head. If you want to forget about him, you'll need to move on. Spend more time with your friends, try something new, and try to let go. You may even meet someone else who's a better fit!
Steps
Addressing Your Feelings
- Embrace your feelings for him, then let them go. Accept the grief, sadness, loneliness, regret, anxiety, guilt, insecurity, or other negative emotions in the order they come to you. Let yourself be sad, and let yourself heal. Ultimately, the surest path to getting over someone is to be honest with yourself.
- Talk about your feelings with a friend, a relative, or a counselor. Don't bottle up your emotions. Ask your support system for advice, and try to understand what went wrong. If you aren't sure what to do next, these people may have the wisdom and insight to guide you.
- Talk to parents, older siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents – anyone that you feel comfortable asking for insight. You may even feel comfortable asking a favorite teacher or a leader in your community.
- Be careful who you trust. If you are spilling your guts to someone for whom your crush is a mutual friend, make sure that this person won't pass along what you say. It may be harder to get over the guy if there's gossip floating around.
- Remind yourself that this crush is just another fish in the sea. Consider that there are hundreds of thousands—even millions—of people with whom you can fall in love. He may seem like the one, but this doesn't mean that he is the only one. Nor does it mean you'll never find someone like him again.
- Learn from the experience. Think about why this crush didn't work out. Maybe you were into him, but he wasn't into you; maybe he was in a relationship already, or he had eyes for someone else; maybe you said something to turn him off, or he did something that made you decide that he was bad news. Whatever the circumstances, you cannot take back what has happened. You can only absorb this, learn from it, and grow.
- Think about what you would have done differently. You might be able to successfully navigate a crush situation in the future by analyzing what went wrong with this guy.
- Think about the sort of person that you want to pursue. Maybe this guy just wasn't right for you, even if you found yourself attracted to him. Consider which qualities will guide your future crushes, and which personality traits you want to avoid.
Letting Go
- Avoid him for a while. If you know where he hangs out at lunch, avoid that area altogether. Find a new way. You may wind up thinking about him even more if you walk near him or you see him talking with someone else. If you're going to forget about him, you can't keep hanging around.
- If you have mutual friends, consider spending less time with that particular group until you're sure that you're over him. If you don't want to give up your social circle, try focusing your attention on other members of the group instead.
- It may be hard to avoid this guy if you have classes together, you work together, or you are frequently drawn together by other commitments (clubs, teams, etc.). Again, try to focus your attention on other members of that group, or try to interact with the guy in a platonic way.
- Keep conversations to a minimum, for a while. If he tries to talk to you, don't let yourself fall under his spell. Try not to fully engage in the conversation; give him short answers, and slip away as soon as you can. You don't need to be rude – you just might have an easier time forgetting about him if you aren't always talking to him. Bear in mind that if you have mutual friends or mutual obligations, you may eventually need to learn to interact with him in a platonic way.
- Stop checking his social media profiles for updates. It's hard to forget about someone if they're constantly popping up in your peripheral awareness. "Facebook stalking" this guy will keep you emotionally attached to him, but it won't make him feel the same way – and it isn't healthy to fixate on something unattainable. This will take discipline, but it will keep you grounded in the long run.
- If you're friends with him on Facebook, but you don't want to unfriend him, consider stopping notifications on his posts. This way, none of his photos or statuses will show up in your Newsfeed.
- Train yourself not to wonder about him. Whenever you catch yourself reading one of his updates, stop yourself and keep scrolling. Let go of him and focus on the next thing. Eventually, you may be able to completely disengage your interest from him.
- Get rid of things that remind you of him. This might include pictures of the two of you together, or a CD that he gave you, or a pen that you let him borrow – anything that keeps you thinking about him. If the things belong to him, give them back. If the things belong to you, give them away to a friend or a donation center. Let these reminders slip from your life, and you may find it much easier not to think about your crush.
Moving On
- Focus on what's important in your life. If you are constantly fixating upon what your crush is doing, you will find it much harder to forget him. Think about what demands your focus right now: maybe you have a big test coming up, or an exciting trip, or a big game this weekend. Try to divert your attention away from your crush so that you can move on. Throw yourself into your hobbies, your passions, and your obligations, and try to keep your mind engaged in the present.
- If you can't think of anything big that's coming up, try to focus on things that you can look forward to each day. Think about how lucky you are to be able to eat lunch with your friends on a daily basis. Think about the satisfaction that you get from practicing music, or practicing a sport, and feeling yourself gradually improve.
- Take some time to center yourself before pursuing another guy. If you have an especially rough time getting over this guy, you might want to take at least a few weeks to bring your emotions back into balance. Focus on school, on sports, friends, hobbies – focus on anything that you love. Try to bring yourself back in line with your non-relationship goals.
- When you find yourself drawn to a new guy, ask yourself whether you are ready. It can be a wonderful experience to let yourself fall for someone, but make sure that you are prepared for the emotional ride.
- Be careful not to simply replace your crush with another guy. Ask yourself, and be honest: are you shifting your feelings onto this new guy without giving yourself time to get over the first guy? If so, consider taking it slow.
- Some people advocate the "rebound" strategy: find a guy for whom you have a purely physical attraction, and don't let it get too serious. You will need to decide what's best for you – but be careful not to play with someone else's feelings as a way to deflect your own pain.
- Learn how to interact with the guy on a platonic level. You will know that you have fully moved on when you can hold a normal, non-self-conscious conversation with this guy. Try to change your emotional association with him from "crush" to "friend". You may not work well as romantic partners, but you may find that you become great friends! If you are already friends with the guy, and you don't want to throw that friendship away, you will need to learn how to be platonic.
