Find Happiness Within Yourself

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Many people find it hard to rely on themselves as a source of happiness. It is possible to find happiness inside yourself. There are different ways you can approach this and many techniques you can employ to help increase you feelings of inner happiness. You don't need to look beyond yourself to find your source of happiness. Just make sure you take the time to find it.

Steps

Defining the Road to Happiness

  1. Write down what happiness means to you. Because this is your happiness, it is important to frame what it means for you to be happy. There are many ways to get your ideas down, just make sure you do. In properly defining what you mean when you imagine your internal happiness, you give yourself a solid goal.
    • Brainstorm to get many ideas down quickly.
    • Make outlines to help structure your thoughts.
    • Write an essay to help you fully articulate your thoughts.
  2. Try to spot any triggers that lead to either positive or negative thoughts. Maybe rainy days always put you in a bad mood, or thinking of tests always makes you think of failure. When you recognize these, you're in a position to challenge them and to try to alter your inner state.[1] Instead of thinking about how rainy days put you in a bad mood, think positive thoughts like, "The plants in the garden could really use the rain water today."
  3. Set meaningful goals for yourself. Take a hard look at your life. Examine your values. Think about the person you want to become. Use this to set goals that are meaningful to you. Research suggests people that do are more likely to happily achieve their goals.[2]
    • Be realistic. Acknowledge your situation and abilities when you’re planning.[3]
    • Keep your goals action-oriented. Don't focus on things or on what you have or don't have. Focus on what you can do.
    • Frame your goals in a positive light. You’re more likely to achieve your goals if you see them as something you’re working toward, not something you’re working against.[4]
  4. Visualize your “best possible self.” This has been shown to increase feelings of happiness and well-being.[5] It involves visualizing how the “future you” looks after achieving your goals, and then picking out the characteristics you need to use/learn to get you where you want to be.[6]
    • Pick a few goals and imagine that you have achieved them.
    • Make sure these goals are personally meaningful, not status symbols.
    • Write down all the details of your scenarios. Imagine characteristics you will need to make them work.
    • Consider which of these traits and skills you already have.

Cultivating Happiness

  1. Develop an optimistic outlook. Work on improving your perspective in a couple areas of your life at first. Pessimism often stems from feelings of helplessness. Identify some aspects you’d like to change in your life, then work on improving them. This will help restore trust in your ability to create change.[7]
    • See yourself as cause, not consequence. Optimists believe negative events or experiences can be overcome. For example, if you're having a bad day, take it as a challenge. Don't let yourself feel defeated.
    • Start small. Don’t feel you have to take on everything at once.
  2. Practice active gratitude. This means making a point to be thankful. A multitude of research confirms that gratitude is good for you. It reduces anxiety and depression. Gratitude helps you to be positive and feel happy.[8] It strengthens relationships with others and encourages compassion.[9][10][11][12]
    • Some people are grateful by nature, but you can train yourself to develop gratitude.[13]
    • Make a time every day, like before dinner, to say things you're thankful for.
    • Remember to thank store clerks, delivery people and coworkers more often.
  3. Forgive and forget. Prolific research suggests that forgiving can have serious benefits for the forgiver. Forgiving produces calmer feelings, and can have big impacts on well-being. Quelling stress caused by ruminating on negative feelings can help increase overall feelings of happiness.[14] Don't just forgive others, remember to forgive yourself.
  4. Meditate. The goal of meditation is to focus and quiet your mind. It may come as a surprise to learn that you can meditate anywhere and any time. There are a great number of different kinds of meditation, such as yoga, transcendental, mindfulness, and laughter meditations.
    • Try different kinds of meditation. Look online or talk to local meditation teachers to find ones best suited for you.
    • Make it a regular habit. Meditation works best when it is done every day at the same time, so that you make it firmly part of a routine.

Dealing with Negativity

  1. Challenge your negative thoughts. Even if you have spent most of your life thinking negatively, you don’t have to continue being negative. Whenever you have a negative thought, particularly an automatic negative thought, stop and evaluate[15] whether the thought is true or accurate.[16]
    • When you feel like a failure, remind yourself of past success.
    • If you're angry at someone, try to see it from their point of view.
    • During sadness, make yourself watch funny movies or crack an impromptu joke.
  2. Show yourself compassion. Beating yourself up can leave you feeling weak and unhappy. Dwelling on negative thoughts or feelings of guilt doesn’t promote improvement. It holds you back. Show yourself the kindness and generosity you might show a friend.[17]
    • Treat yourself on a bad day.
    • Do something that distracts you, to break your frame of mind.
    • Get some rest and relaxation.
  3. Stop ruminating. Rumination is repeatedly thinking a negative thought. Moments, thoughts, things other people said repeat in your head to the point of obsession.[18] Rumination generates negative thoughts and emotions. The more you do it, the worse it gets. Ruminating excessively can contribute to feelings of depression. [19]
    • Work to solve problems you're obsessing over.[20] Instead of thinking about it, take action. Change the situation, or talk to people who can.
    • Practice positive self-reflection. If you spend a lot of time thinking about your negative traits, interrupt your thoughts with self-praise. Tell yourself you did a great job or that you tried your best.
  4. Seek professional help if needed. There are many instances when a professional can help advance your search for inner happiness. Do your research to discover the best one for you. You may not need any help, or you may choose to see more than one professional.
    • Life coaches and spiritual mentors can help you with strategies for inner happiness.
    • Therapists, psychologists and psychologists are qualified to help with mental health problems.

Video

Tips

  • Learn from yourself, teach yourself, love yourself. And, if you don't believe in yourself, then most of these things and positive things wouldn't be achieved!
  • If you feel frustrated, breathe in and out with your nose and listen to your breath.
  • Do things that are enjoyable to you!.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://ccvillage.buffalo.edu/Village/WC/wsc/outlines_and_handouts/feel_better_fast/hand05.html
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
  3. ↑ http://news.stanford.edu/news/2015/january/resolutions-succeed-mcgonigal-010615.html
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
  5. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/images/application_uploads/sheldon-SustainPositiveEmotion.pdf
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-matters-most/201303/what-is-your-best-possible-self
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201306/how-optimism-can-be-learned
  8. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/pdfs/GratitudePDFs/5Watkins-GratitudeHappiness.pdf
  9. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/pdfs/GratitudePDFs/2Wood-GratitudeWell-BeingReview.pdf
  10. ↑ http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01273.x/abstract
  11. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/gratitude/definition#why_practice
  12. ↑ http://www.psy.miami.edu/faculty/mmccullough/Papers/Gratitude_CDPS_2008.pdf
  13. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/pdfs/GratitudePDFs/5Watkins-GratitudeHappiness.pdf
  14. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/forgive-forget
  15. ↑ http://ccvillage.buffalo.edu/Village/WC/wsc/outlines_and_handouts/feel_better_fast/hand05.html
  16. ↑ http://www.healthlinkbc.ca/healthtopics/content.asp?hwid=uf9857
  17. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_self_compassion_beats_rumination
  18. ↑ http://www.apa.org/monitor/nov05/cycle.aspx
  19. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/01/20/why-ruminating-is-unhealthy-and-how-to-stop/
  20. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/01/20/why-ruminating-is-unhealthy-and-how-to-stop/

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