Change Your Reputation when You Are a Teen

Reputation is how other people view you and can be based on things you have (or haven’t done), gossip, and how you present yourself in person and online. Your reputation may be good, bad, or somewhere in between, but you might not be happy with the image that you feel you project. The good thing is, your reputation is not permanent and with time and a plan, you can change how people view you.

Steps

Examining Your Reputation

1. Figure out what exactly your reputation is.You may already know how people perceive you, but sometimes you may not know specifically what your reputation is.
   • If you're not sure how you present yourself to others, think about the things that people have told you about yourself.
   • Think about the things people have told other people about you.
   • Ask a trusted peer what type of reputation you have.
2. Figure out why you have this reputation. There can be lots of different reasons why you have the reputation you do. Take some time to determine why exactly you have this reputation. Where did the opinion of you come from?
   • Is your reputation based on things you actually have said or done?
   • Is it based on things you have posted, shared, or commented on online?
   • Is it based on misperceptions, gossip, or outright lies?
3. Separate your reputation from your self-image. Understand that your reputation is not always an accurate reflection of the real you. It is how people view you, and people can be wrong.
   • Ask yourself if your reputation truly represents who you are as a person.
   • Make sure that you don’t let the negative things people think about you turn into negative things you believe about yourself.
   • Always remember that you are a great person that deserves to be treated with respect, no matter what your reputation is.

Planning Your New Reputation

1. Think about why you want to change your reputation. Be honest with yourself and figure out why you really want to change.
   • You may find that there are parts of your reputation that you don’t want to or need to change.
   • If it’s to impress someone or just to fit in, maybe you don’t need to change your reputation, maybe you need to change your friends.
   • If it is because your reputation is negative and makes you feel bad about yourself and/or causes you problems, then you probably do want to change it.
2. Develop a “profile” of the ideal you. Write a description of the new you. If you want to, create a vision board or drawing depicting the person you want to be.
   • Be detailed and specific. Instead of using vague terms like "fun" or "intelligent", use more descriptive and exact terms like "puts people at ease" or "knows a lot about Latin".
   • While it can be useful to add "a neat, polished appearance" or something similar, don't focus only on physical and material things.
   • Include descriptions of things the ideal you would do, places you would go, etc.
   • Consider what your cyber reputation would look like as well. What types of sites, posts, comments, etc. are in line with the reputation you want to have?
3. Make a realistic, detailed and specific plan to change your reputation. Using the profile you created of the ideal you, think about how you can change one or two things about your reputation.
   • Think about what actions/tasks you will need to do. How will you need to change your attitude, your activities, and/or your appearance? How will you need to act and dress? Where will you need to go? What will you need to do?
   • Make sure your changes are things that you have the ability, time and money to achieve. Think about what financial, material, and human resources you have to support you in making your changes. Think about what resources you will need, as well as, if and how you can get them.
4. Plan to strengthen your current positive friendships. Your changes don't mean you have to stop being friends with anyone.
   • Share your plan with people you trust. Some people might make fun of you or not believe you, so carefully choose who you share your plan with. Make sure it is with people that truly care about you.
   • Surround yourself with people that support your new reputation. Try to avoid people that only want to bring up your old reputation or who just don't fit with the person you are trying to be now.
   • Talk to your friends and socialize with them on a regular basis. They might be able to offer other tips and suggestions that help your new reputation, like people to meet or places to go.
5. Plan to seek out and make new friends. Be open to meeting and getting to know new people.
   • Look for opportunities at school, social events, and other places to meet people.
   • Join positive social groups (in-person and online) that are in line with the reputation you are developing.
   • Create a group or club if one doesn't exist for your current interests.
6. Plan to update your appearance. This doesn’t mean you have to buy a new wardrobe, it just means paying attention to how you look and making sure you are presenting the best you.
   • Present yourself in a way that makes you feel good about how you look.
   • Present yourself in a way that reflects how you want people to view you.

Starting to Change

1. Start implementing your plan to change your reputation. Now that you know why you are changing, what you are changing, and how you are going to do it, you can take action. Use your plan to help you know what to wear, do, say, where to go, etc.
2. Own up to what you have done in the past. If you have a bad reputation based on something you did, then be honest about what happened, apologize sincerely and show people that you really are sorry and really have changed.
3. Be consistent. Make a concerted effort every day, in every situation, and everything you say, do, and post to reflect the person you are becoming.
   • Make sure your outward appearance matches the other changes you are making to your reputation. Talk, walk, and look like the reputation you are building.
   • Present yourself with confidence. When gossip or negative people come around, don’t let it upset you. When possible, ignore it and be confident knowing that you are changing yourself in positive ways.
   • Make sure the people you socialize with fit the real you and the reputation you are building.
   • Make sure your cyber personality reflects the changes you are making.
4. Align your activities with your new reputation. Do things, go places and post things that represent the person you are becoming.
   • Attend school and social events, meetings, community classes, meet-ups, etc. that support your new reputation.
   • You may have to step outside your comfort zone a bit, but, when you can, volunteer or find a way to participate in activities that build your reputation.
   • Join positive online groups and forums related to your developing reputation.
5. Ask for support from people you trust. It always helps to have someone encouraging you and lending a hand when things get rough or just to remind of the great person you are becoming.
6. Be patient. Unfortunately, although they can be destroyed in a moment, good reputations take time to build and rebuild. At first people may not see or even believe that you are changing. Remember that change takes time, but know that as long as you work at it consistently, people will begin to see the new you.

Tips

• Make sure you stay true to yourself. Always change because you feel you need to make positive changes for your benefit. Never change to impress someone. If they don't like the way you are normally, then who needs them? But always remember that you CAN be a better version of yourself!
• Believe that you can change and understand that you are allowed to change. While some people may be slow to accept it, It is your right as a teen and as a person.
• Stick to your plan and apply your strategies often, so over time they truly become a part of you. Refer to your vision board or some other reminder of the reputation you want that you can use to stay focused.
• People will notice the change in you. Telling people that you are choosing to focus on being a better you is humanizing and you will likely be admired for it. However, you do not have to explain yourself if they don't get it.

Warnings

• If someone is rude or nasty to you, try not to worry about it; unfortunately, it is a part of life. There will always be someone who just is not nice, and nobody is going to be liked by everyone.
• There is a difference between someone being rude and someone bullying you. If a person’s rude or nasty behavior makes you feel threatened (at school, online, or anywhere else), talk to a trusted teacher, administrator or your parents.
• Never let anyone tell you who you are. It is your decision and a work in progress.

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Sources and Citations

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