Get the Love of Your Life

Finding the love of your life might have more to do with your actions than with fate. A proactive approach to meeting and dating new people will increase your odds of finding “the one.” But finding the love of your life requires you to first love yourself.

Steps

Meeting People

1. Give yourself permission to find love. Being in a relationship takes time, commitment, and vulnerability. Loving yourself first allows you to share love with others. Strong, loving relationships are built on trust, honesty, and communication. You must be willing to meet these expectations if you are looking for someone to call "the love of your life."
2. Make an online dating profile. Online dating allows you to meet people that specifically fit your guidelines. About 15% of Americans have used a dating website, which gives you a large pool for potential partners. There are many websites and apps to choose from, including ones that are specific to your interests, religion, or occupation. Successful profiles have playful usernames, short but humorous summaries, and a recent photograph.
3. Go to local events. If you want to meet people in your area, seek out large local events where you might find someone with a common interest. One survey found that a high percentage of people reported meeting their significant other at sporting events, music festivals, and charity events.
4. Join a club or start a new hobby. The best way to meet people with common interests is through an organization or class. You can find a knitting circle, start ballroom dancing classes, or join a board game club. If you are passionate about a cause, volunteer at a charity. Check your local newspaper or a meet-up website to find social organizations in your area.
5. Try speed dating. Speed dating is a great way to meet many single matches in a short period of time. Awkward conversation is cut short as you are limited to a few minutes with each potential beau. If you both like each other, you can trade numbers, but if there no chemistry, you don’t have to flounder on an awkward first date.

Dating

1. Keep it casual for the first date. The beginning of a new relationship can be exciting, but first dates can be awkward, especially if you don’t know your date very well yet. Meeting up for coffee or drinks is an easy way to maintain a relaxed atmosphere while getting to know the other person. The first few dates you go on can be an important foundation for the rest of your relationship, and making sure the other person is comfortable will increase the odds that they will want to go on more dates.
2. Plan dates that allow you to talk. Movies, plays, and other performances may be fun, but they prevent you from getting to know your date. For first dates, try dinner, coffee dates, drinks, or activities like bowling, visiting a museum, or going to a local fair. These allow you to talk and get to know each other, an important basis for a long-lasting relationship.
3. Touch them in non-sexual ways. While you should not initiate physical contact that your date is uncomfortable with, light touching around the arms and shoulders can signal interest and enhance attraction. Try sitting next to your date instead of across from them. Gently touch their shoulders as you are talking to them or brush against them if you are walking together.
   • If the other person draws away or does not return the contact, it is a sign they are uncomfortable with the touch. Do not continue physical contact. Furthermore, this may be a sign of disinterest.
4. Make eye contact. While you might be shy around a new date, making eye contact not only boosts attraction but it can make you more memorable to your date. Extended eye contact can even make you feel like you’re in love with someone. Keep their gaze for several seconds, and remember to blink!
5. Strive for emotional intimacy. If you are looking to call someone the "love of your life," an emotional bond is key. Rushing the physical side of a relationship does not necessarily prevent an emotional bond, but it can make the emotional landscape more difficult to navigate. Couples that have strong friendships with one another also have higher sexual satisfaction and romance in their relationships

Communicating with Your Partner

1. Appreciate your date. In the early stages of a relationship, you can express your interest in a date by laughing at their jokes, complimenting their positive qualities, and asking thoughtful questions about their interests.
2. Talk about common interests. Avoid touchy topics like religion or politics. Certain subjects like hobbies, travel, jobs, and activities are great conversation starters and can reveal much about your date. Good questions include:
   • What is your favorite book/movie/TV show? Have you seen the latest ____?
   • Do you have pets? Are you a dog person or a cat person?
   • Do you play sports? Do you like to compete in any local leagues?
   • What do you do for a living? Do you enjoy your job? How did you get into that field?
   • What is your dream vacation? Do you like to travel? Where is the most exciting place you’ve ever been?
3. Practice active listening. Especially as your relationship develops, listening to your partner will strengthen your bond. Make eye contact and don’t interrupt. Rephrase what they said by using “I” statements, e.g. “I understand that you don’t like this because…” or “What I hear is that you are struggling with…”
4. Read their body language. If your partner is closing themselves off physically, it could be a sign that something is wrong. Watch to see if they are frequently crossing their arms, avoiding eye contact, or facing their body away from you. Their voice may also be louder and more confrontational. These might be signs for you to open up dialogue.
5. Tell your partner if something is wrong. Open with a line about how much you love them before gently bringing up what is bothering you. Avoid blaming them, and don’t use phrases like “you must” or “you should.” Allow your partner to respond to start a strong dialogue.
   • For example: “Can we talk? I love you very much, but I have been struggling lately with _____. This makes me feel _____.”
   • Emphasize to your partner that you want to work on the relationship using “we” phrases. “How can we work on this?” “Is there a way for us to solve this?”

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

1. Continue going on fun dates. If your love is really for life, you will need to maintain it so that the passion does not fade. Even when you are married with children, find time to be alone with each other. Go on interesting dates. Try new activities together. These will increase bonding throughout your life.
2. Communicate with your partner. Lack of communication is a major source of tension in relationships. Disagreements and arguments are a part of every relationship, but communicating with your partner when you are unhappy can smooth over the bumpy aspects of your love. Don’t bottle up your feelings inside. Be honest with your partner, and be accepting when they are honest with you.
3. Maintain boundaries. Just because you are together forever does not mean that you have become the same person. Boundaries are an important way to keep a healthy space for yourself while forming a framework that encourages communication and support. You can maintain your own social life and hobbies, and you don’t have to share your passwords or social media accounts with your significant other.
   • Just as your significant other should respect your boundaries, remember to respect theirs. If they have a passion or hobby that you don’t share, let them pursue it.
4. Compromise and negotiate. If you are making major decisions together, make sure that both voices are being heard in the relationship. There should be an equal power dynamic between both partners, and this means that sometimes you will have to compromise or even concede to the other partner. At the same time, your partner should be doing the same for you.
5. Take care of yourself. Identify your needs and take care of them. Practicing healthy habits in other aspects of your life can promote a healthy relationship. Exercise, eat healthy foods, meditate, get plenty of sleep, socialize, and work towards success in your job. By taking care of yourself, you can better take care of others.

Tips

• You will probably have to go on many dates before you meet the love of your life. Don’t get discouraged. You will never meet your true love if you don’t keep trying.
• If you are having difficulty approaching people or talking to strangers, work on boosting your social skills. The more skilled you become at talking to people, the easier it will be to find the love of your life. Furthermore, it will improve your communication skills when you are in a long-term relationship.
• Just because you feel like you have found “love at first sight” doesn’t mean it will last forever. Continue practicing healthy relationship practices throughout your life together, and the love will truly last.

Warnings

• Love doesn't ask you to do anything you know is unsafe or risky. Furthermore, if someone loves you, they will not pressure you to do things you are uncomfortable with. Be bold in saying “no” if you don’t want something. If they are the love of your life, they will give you the space you need.
• Watch out for warning signs early in the relationship for controlling or abusive behavior. These include excessive neediness, lying (even minor “white lies”), road rage, possessiveness, or pressuring you into sex.
• Don’t try to change your partner or mold them into a more “ideal” partner. This can cause resentment. Love your partner for who they are.

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Sources and Citations

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• Cultivate Compassion in Your Life
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