Difference between revisions of "Tell if You Are Codependent"
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| − | A codependent person is an individual who develops patterns within their relationships where the codependent individual has a one-sided relationship with another person. In these relationships, the codependent individual ignores personal needs and suppresses emotions in favor of the other person in the relationship.<ref>http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency</ref> If you are worried you might be codependent, there are ways to help you determine if you are. | + | A codependent person is an individual who develops patterns within their relationships where the codependent individual has a one-sided relationship with another person. In these relationships, the codependent individual ignores personal needs and suppresses emotions in favor of the other person in the relationship.<ref name="rf16084">http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency</ref> If you are worried you might be codependent, there are ways to help you determine if you are. |
| − | [[Category:Relationships]] | + | [[Category: Relationships]] |
==Steps== | ==Steps== | ||
===Recognizing Codependency=== | ===Recognizing Codependency=== | ||
#Notice if you are codependent. Codependency, also known as relationship addiction, is an emotional and behavioral condition that can affect many different people. If you are a codependent person, you may avoid personal uncomfortable or strong emotions in favor of focusing on another person’s needs. | #Notice if you are codependent. Codependency, also known as relationship addiction, is an emotional and behavioral condition that can affect many different people. If you are a codependent person, you may avoid personal uncomfortable or strong emotions in favor of focusing on another person’s needs. | ||
| − | #*In codependent relationships, you may focus solely on the well-being and needs of the other person in your relationship and completely ignores yourself, often to your own detriment.<ref | + | #*In codependent relationships, you may focus solely on the well-being and needs of the other person in your relationship and completely ignores yourself, often to your own detriment.<ref name="rf16084" /> |
#See if you exhibit codependent behaviors. There are a certain set of behaviors that you will exhibit if you are codependent. Your may notice a few or all of these at one time or another throughout your life. These behaviors include: | #See if you exhibit codependent behaviors. There are a certain set of behaviors that you will exhibit if you are codependent. Your may notice a few or all of these at one time or another throughout your life. These behaviors include: | ||
#*A tendency to avoid conflict or uncomfortable emotions, or masking your emotions with passive aggressive expressions of anger or humor | #*A tendency to avoid conflict or uncomfortable emotions, or masking your emotions with passive aggressive expressions of anger or humor | ||
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#*Tendency to hang on to a relationship no matter what due to your personal feelings of loyalty to your partner, even though the relationship is harmful, usually to avoid feelings of abandonment | #*Tendency to hang on to a relationship no matter what due to your personal feelings of loyalty to your partner, even though the relationship is harmful, usually to avoid feelings of abandonment | ||
#*Difficulty saying no or having guilt over being assertive | #*Difficulty saying no or having guilt over being assertive | ||
| − | #*Extreme preoccupation with the opinions of others or valuing their opinions over your own<ref>http://coda.org/index.cfm/meeting-materials1/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/</ref> | + | #*Extreme preoccupation with the opinions of others or valuing their opinions over your own<ref name="rf16085">http://coda.org/index.cfm/meeting-materials1/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/</ref> |
| − | #*Difficulty communicating, identifying your own needs, or making decisions<ref>http://proactivechange.com/relationships/codependency.htm</ref> | + | #*Difficulty communicating, identifying your own needs, or making decisions<ref name="rf16086">http://proactivechange.com/relationships/codependency.htm</ref> |
| − | #*Feeling resentment over lack of acknowledgment for your personal efforts and self-sacrifice, which often lead to feelings of guilt<ref>http://lifecounsel.org/pub_li_overcomingCodependency.html</ref> | + | #*Feeling resentment over lack of acknowledgment for your personal efforts and self-sacrifice, which often lead to feelings of guilt<ref name="rf16087">http://lifecounsel.org/pub_li_overcomingCodependency.html</ref> |
#Ask yourself questions that reflect codependent behaviors. If you aren't sure you are codependent based on your tendencies or behaviors, there are some questions you can ask yourself that can help reveal it. These questions include: | #Ask yourself questions that reflect codependent behaviors. If you aren't sure you are codependent based on your tendencies or behaviors, there are some questions you can ask yourself that can help reveal it. These questions include: | ||
#*Does/has the person you live with every hit or abused you in any way? | #*Does/has the person you live with every hit or abused you in any way? | ||
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#*Do you find it hard to adjust to changes in any environment? | #*Do you find it hard to adjust to changes in any environment? | ||
#*Do you get jealous or rejected when your partner spends times with friends/other people? | #*Do you get jealous or rejected when your partner spends times with friends/other people? | ||
| − | #*Do you have a hard time accepting compliments or gifts from others?<ref | + | #*Do you have a hard time accepting compliments or gifts from others?<ref name="rf16084" /> |
#Determine if you have feelings caused by codependency. If you are or have been in a codependent relationship for a long time, your continual pattern of repressed emotions, your fixation on the other’s needs, and the continual denial of your personal needs can cause lasting effects. It leads to: | #Determine if you have feelings caused by codependency. If you are or have been in a codependent relationship for a long time, your continual pattern of repressed emotions, your fixation on the other’s needs, and the continual denial of your personal needs can cause lasting effects. It leads to: | ||
#*Feelings of emptiness | #*Feelings of emptiness | ||
#*Low self-esteem | #*Low self-esteem | ||
| − | #*Confusion about your personal needs, goals, and feelings<ref>http://www.drew.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/16/Healthy-Exchange-Spring-2009-pdf2.pdf</ref> | + | #*Confusion about your personal needs, goals, and feelings<ref name="rf16088">http://www.drew.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/16/Healthy-Exchange-Spring-2009-pdf2.pdf</ref> |
#Know if you are in a relationship codependency can affect. Traditionally, codependency was limited to romantic relationships. However, despite this common misconception, you can suffer from codependency in any type of relationship. | #Know if you are in a relationship codependency can affect. Traditionally, codependency was limited to romantic relationships. However, despite this common misconception, you can suffer from codependency in any type of relationship. | ||
#*This includes familial and platonic relationships in addition to romantic ones. | #*This includes familial and platonic relationships in addition to romantic ones. | ||
| − | #*Since it is passed down through families, there may be an instance where your entire familial unit exists or did exists in a codependent state, where all the needs of the family unit are put aside for the well-being of one member of the family.<ref | + | #*Since it is passed down through families, there may be an instance where your entire familial unit exists or did exists in a codependent state, where all the needs of the family unit are put aside for the well-being of one member of the family.<ref name="rf16084" /> |
#Determine if your partner fits the other role in a codependent relationship. There are two categories of people in a codependent relationship. Your role as the codependent individual is known as the ‘’caretaker’’, while the other individual in the relationship, who would be your partner or loved one, is known as the ‘’taker’’. | #Determine if your partner fits the other role in a codependent relationship. There are two categories of people in a codependent relationship. Your role as the codependent individual is known as the ‘’caretaker’’, while the other individual in the relationship, who would be your partner or loved one, is known as the ‘’taker’’. | ||
#*The takers typically have an excessive need for control of the attention, love, sexual relations, and approval they get and give. They will often get these things through expressions of violence, blame, anger, irritation, criticism, neediness, righteousness, incessant talking, invasive touching, or emotional drama. | #*The takers typically have an excessive need for control of the attention, love, sexual relations, and approval they get and give. They will often get these things through expressions of violence, blame, anger, irritation, criticism, neediness, righteousness, incessant talking, invasive touching, or emotional drama. | ||
| − | #*The taker individuals will often express these behaviors outside of the codependent relationship, which will affect their children, work relationships, and familial relationships.<ref | + | #*The taker individuals will often express these behaviors outside of the codependent relationship, which will affect their children, work relationships, and familial relationships.<ref name="rf16088" /> |
#Recognize if your child is also codependent. Codependency can start during childhood, so you might need to look for codependent behaviors in your children. This is especially true if you find that you are codependent yourself. Children will often exhibit similar behaviors as adults, but they may be more subtle because they are still learning the behaviors. Common symptoms of codependent children include: | #Recognize if your child is also codependent. Codependency can start during childhood, so you might need to look for codependent behaviors in your children. This is especially true if you find that you are codependent yourself. Children will often exhibit similar behaviors as adults, but they may be more subtle because they are still learning the behaviors. Common symptoms of codependent children include: | ||
#*Inability to make decisions | #*Inability to make decisions | ||
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#*Fear of being alone | #*Fear of being alone | ||
#*Being angry often | #*Being angry often | ||
| − | #*Not being assertive in communication with others<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/teen-angst/201310/codependency-in-children</ref> | + | #*Not being assertive in communication with others<ref name="rf16089">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/teen-angst/201310/codependency-in-children</ref> |
===Recognizing Risk Factors=== | ===Recognizing Risk Factors=== | ||
#Determine if your family has a history of codependency. Codependent behaviors are often passed down through families. This means that somewhere in your past, you were either witness to or part of a codependent relationship. Through these situations, you were taught that it was wrong to express any needs, wants, or emotions. | #Determine if your family has a history of codependency. Codependent behaviors are often passed down through families. This means that somewhere in your past, you were either witness to or part of a codependent relationship. Through these situations, you were taught that it was wrong to express any needs, wants, or emotions. | ||
#*You may have spent portions of your childhood being called upon to meet the needs of others, which taught you as a child to suppress personal emotional and physical needs as you developed in favor of taking care of a family member. | #*You may have spent portions of your childhood being called upon to meet the needs of others, which taught you as a child to suppress personal emotional and physical needs as you developed in favor of taking care of a family member. | ||
| − | #*When you left this family environment, you may have continue this pattern within your own romantic and other relationships, which may then get passed on to your children.<ref>http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/codependency</ref><ref | + | #*When you left this family environment, you may have continue this pattern within your own romantic and other relationships, which may then get passed on to your children.<ref name="rf16090">http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/codependency</ref><ref name="rf16088" /> |
#Consider if you have a history of abuse. Another common situation that leads to codependency is a history of abuse. In these situations, if you have been abused, you may become codependent as a way to deal with the trauma of the situation. You may suppress emotions and needs in these abusive situations in favor of focusing on other’s needs. | #Consider if you have a history of abuse. Another common situation that leads to codependency is a history of abuse. In these situations, if you have been abused, you may become codependent as a way to deal with the trauma of the situation. You may suppress emotions and needs in these abusive situations in favor of focusing on other’s needs. | ||
#*This abuse may have happened during your childhood and continued without intervention from your family. This can also happen in codependent familial relationships. | #*This abuse may have happened during your childhood and continued without intervention from your family. This can also happen in codependent familial relationships. | ||
| − | #*This can be emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.<ref | + | #*This can be emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.<ref name="rf16084" /> |
#Recognize common situations that cause codependent relationships. Although codependency issues can occur in any type of relationship or with any person, there are certain types of people that encourage codependent relationships. Codependent relationships often develop between you and a person who needs looking after or taken care of. These types of people include: | #Recognize common situations that cause codependent relationships. Although codependency issues can occur in any type of relationship or with any person, there are certain types of people that encourage codependent relationships. Codependent relationships often develop between you and a person who needs looking after or taken care of. These types of people include: | ||
#*Those suffering from addiction | #*Those suffering from addiction | ||
#*Individuals with mental health disorders | #*Individuals with mental health disorders | ||
| − | #*People with chronic illness<ref | + | #*People with chronic illness<ref name="rf16084" /> |
| − | #Look for divorce in your past. Another past experience that may lead to codependency is divorce. In situations with divorce, an opportunity may arise when an eldest child has to step into a parental role to pick up the slack for the absentee parent. In these cases, the parenting of the child may produce behaviors of codependency.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201107/when-parents-make-children-their-friend-or-spouse</ref> | + | #Look for divorce in your past. Another past experience that may lead to codependency is divorce. In situations with divorce, an opportunity may arise when an eldest child has to step into a parental role to pick up the slack for the absentee parent. In these cases, the parenting of the child may produce behaviors of codependency.<ref name="rf16091">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201107/when-parents-make-children-their-friend-or-spouse</ref> |
#*You may also not want to discuss these difficulties with the remaining parent so as to not upset them. This leads to the repression of emotions and can lead to codependency. | #*You may also not want to discuss these difficulties with the remaining parent so as to not upset them. This leads to the repression of emotions and can lead to codependency. | ||
===Treating Codependency=== | ===Treating Codependency=== | ||
| − | #Discover the root of your codependency. If you find you are codependent, you should see a mental health professional to help determine the root of your condition. Since codependency is often related to childhood dysfunction, you will work with a therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, or other mental health professional to dig into your past to determine the cause. From there, the mental health professional will help you work through these issues in order to heal your condition.<ref> http://www.drew.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/16/Healthy-Exchange-Spring-2009-pdf2.pdf</ref> The most common forms of treatment are: | + | #Discover the root of your codependency. If you find you are codependent, you should see a mental health professional to help determine the root of your condition. Since codependency is often related to childhood dysfunction, you will work with a therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, or other mental health professional to dig into your past to determine the cause. From there, the mental health professional will help you work through these issues in order to heal your condition.<ref name="rf16092"> http://www.drew.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/16/Healthy-Exchange-Spring-2009-pdf2.pdf</ref> The most common forms of treatment are: |
| − | #*Education about the condition and how it affects you and your relationships<ref | + | #*Education about the condition and how it affects you and your relationships<ref name="rf16084" /> |
| − | #*Experiential group therapy, which uses movements, actions, and activities to work through your condition with therapy activities such as equine therapy, music therapy, and expressive arts therapy<ref>http://www.crchealth.com/types-of-therapy/what-is-experiential-therapy/</ref> | + | #*Experiential group therapy, which uses movements, actions, and activities to work through your condition with therapy activities such as equine therapy, music therapy, and expressive arts therapy<ref name="rf16093">http://www.crchealth.com/types-of-therapy/what-is-experiential-therapy/</ref> |
#*Individual and group talk therapy, which focuses on discussing and talking through your issues and experiences | #*Individual and group talk therapy, which focuses on discussing and talking through your issues and experiences | ||
#Learn to focus on yourself. Codependent people often forget who they are and what their own wants, needs, and desires are. When you are seeking treatment for codependency, work with your mental health professional to help you relearn who you are and what you want out of life. | #Learn to focus on yourself. Codependent people often forget who they are and what their own wants, needs, and desires are. When you are seeking treatment for codependency, work with your mental health professional to help you relearn who you are and what you want out of life. | ||
| − | #*Since codependent people spend their lives thinking about others, you may not understand how to determine your own needs, wants, goals, and desires. The mental health professional can help you to discover these things.<ref>http://psychcentral.com/lib/recovery-from-codependency/</ref> | + | #*Since codependent people spend their lives thinking about others, you may not understand how to determine your own needs, wants, goals, and desires. The mental health professional can help you to discover these things.<ref name="rf16094">http://psychcentral.com/lib/recovery-from-codependency/</ref> |
| − | #*You may also learn how to perform self-care techniques in order to focus on your own well-being. These include reducing your stress, getting enough sleep, and eating well.<ref | + | #*You may also learn how to perform self-care techniques in order to focus on your own well-being. These include reducing your stress, getting enough sleep, and eating well.<ref name="rf16090" /> |
#Create personal boundaries. In addition to finding the cause and learning about yourself, you need to break from your current tendency for destructive relationship behaviors and patterns. This can be done by building healthy, flexible boundaries in your relationships. This is often very difficult for a codependent person to accomplish at first, so work with your mental health professional to learn about boundaries and how to incorporate them into your life. This can be done by learning how to: | #Create personal boundaries. In addition to finding the cause and learning about yourself, you need to break from your current tendency for destructive relationship behaviors and patterns. This can be done by building healthy, flexible boundaries in your relationships. This is often very difficult for a codependent person to accomplish at first, so work with your mental health professional to learn about boundaries and how to incorporate them into your life. This can be done by learning how to: | ||
#*Lovingly detach yourself from others | #*Lovingly detach yourself from others | ||
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#*Recognize your internal criticisms and personal need for perfection | #*Recognize your internal criticisms and personal need for perfection | ||
#*Accept yourself and any uncomfortable emotions | #*Accept yourself and any uncomfortable emotions | ||
| − | #*Become assertive about your personal needs and values<ref | + | #*Become assertive about your personal needs and values<ref name="rf16094" /> |
| − | #Join a support group. If you want more help or want to talk to others who are going through the same thing, think about joining a support group. There are some organizations that are geared towards codependency, such as Co-Dependents Anonymous and Al-Anon.<ref> http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/codependency</ref> | + | #Join a support group. If you want more help or want to talk to others who are going through the same thing, think about joining a support group. There are some organizations that are geared towards codependency, such as Co-Dependents Anonymous and Al-Anon.<ref name="rf16095"> http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/codependency</ref> |
#*You can search for group meeting on the [http://locator.coda.org/|Co-Dependents Anonymous website] | #*You can search for group meeting on the [http://locator.coda.org/|Co-Dependents Anonymous website] | ||
#*Meetings for Al-Anon, an organization specifically targeted to codependent individuals who have dealt with alcoholic family relationships, can be found on their [http://al-anon.org/find-a-meeting|website]. | #*Meetings for Al-Anon, an organization specifically targeted to codependent individuals who have dealt with alcoholic family relationships, can be found on their [http://al-anon.org/find-a-meeting|website]. | ||
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== Related Articles == | == Related Articles == | ||
*[[Avoid Codependent Relationships]] | *[[Avoid Codependent Relationships]] | ||
| Line 83: | Line 83: | ||
*[[Have Good Mental Health]] | *[[Have Good Mental Health]] | ||
*[[Help a Troubled Friend or Relative]] | *[[Help a Troubled Friend or Relative]] | ||
| − | *[[Spot | + | *[[Spot a Psychopath]] |
==Sources and Citations== | ==Sources and Citations== | ||
{{reflist}} | {{reflist}} | ||
{{WikiHow}} | {{WikiHow}} | ||
