Difference between revisions of "Tell When Someone Doesn't Want to Talk to You Anymore"
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Have you ever been talking to someone or tried to enter a conversation and asked yourself if a person didn’t want to speak with you? A person may not want to talk to you for many reasons ranging from they are tired or don’t like you to you’ve interrupted a private chat. In some cases, it might be difficult to tell if someone doesn’t want to talk to you. But by reading body language and listening to speech patterns, you can figure out if someone doesn’t want to talk to you and then politely excuse yourself from the interaction. | Have you ever been talking to someone or tried to enter a conversation and asked yourself if a person didn’t want to speak with you? A person may not want to talk to you for many reasons ranging from they are tired or don’t like you to you’ve interrupted a private chat. In some cases, it might be difficult to tell if someone doesn’t want to talk to you. But by reading body language and listening to speech patterns, you can figure out if someone doesn’t want to talk to you and then politely excuse yourself from the interaction. | ||
| − | [[Category:Social Interactions]] | + | [[Category: Social Interactions]] |
== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
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#*Notice if the person goes offline when you send them a message. It could be that she doesn't want to talk to you, but once again you can't really know what is going on. She might be busy. | #*Notice if the person goes offline when you send them a message. It could be that she doesn't want to talk to you, but once again you can't really know what is going on. She might be busy. | ||
#*Check the person’s responses. If they are one word such as “yeah,” “sure,” or something along those lines, chances are they’re no longer interested in the conversation or don’t want to talk to you. | #*Check the person’s responses. If they are one word such as “yeah,” “sure,” or something along those lines, chances are they’re no longer interested in the conversation or don’t want to talk to you. | ||
| − | #Hear the person’s tone. The tone of voice someone uses when speaking to you can tell you a lot about how they are feeling. Noticing the tenor of the conversation can help you figure out if the person isn’t engaged and cue you to exit elegantly.<ref>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/02/04/AR2011020406095.html</ref> Ask yourself the following questions about the tone: | + | #Hear the person’s tone. The tone of voice someone uses when speaking to you can tell you a lot about how they are feeling. Noticing the tenor of the conversation can help you figure out if the person isn’t engaged and cue you to exit elegantly.<ref name="rf1">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/02/04/AR2011020406095.html</ref> Ask yourself the following questions about the tone: |
#*Does she sound irritated when I say something? | #*Does she sound irritated when I say something? | ||
#*Does he seem tired, slow, or bored when he responds? | #*Does he seem tired, slow, or bored when he responds? | ||
#*Does she sound pleasant or excited about our interaction? | #*Does she sound pleasant or excited about our interaction? | ||
| − | #*Does it seem like she’s questioning everything I say?<ref>http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/nonverbal-communication.htm</ref> | + | #*Does it seem like she’s questioning everything I say?<ref name="rf2">http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/nonverbal-communication.htm</ref> |
#Figure out who is leading the chat. If you suspect a person doesn’t want to talk to you, figure out who is leading the conversation. This can also indicate if your conversation partner has checked out and you need to stop talking. | #Figure out who is leading the chat. If you suspect a person doesn’t want to talk to you, figure out who is leading the conversation. This can also indicate if your conversation partner has checked out and you need to stop talking. | ||
#*Notice if you hear your own voice considerably more than that of your chatting partner, which can be a sign she is no longer interested in the conversation. | #*Notice if you hear your own voice considerably more than that of your chatting partner, which can be a sign she is no longer interested in the conversation. | ||
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#Listen to responses. The ways that someone responds to your questions and statements can tell you a lot about whether they want to talk to you. The following types of responses can indicate the person is bored with the conversation or doesn’t want to talk to you: | #Listen to responses. The ways that someone responds to your questions and statements can tell you a lot about whether they want to talk to you. The following types of responses can indicate the person is bored with the conversation or doesn’t want to talk to you: | ||
#*Using lazy responses like “oh really,” “you’re so right,” or “totally.” | #*Using lazy responses like “oh really,” “you’re so right,” or “totally.” | ||
| − | #*Mirroring the language you use such as “It’s really cold today” with “Yes, it is cold.”<ref>http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/bored_body.htm</ref> | + | #*Mirroring the language you use such as “It’s really cold today” with “Yes, it is cold.”<ref name="rf3">http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/bored_body.htm</ref> |
#*Ignoring questions or statements | #*Ignoring questions or statements | ||
#*Giving one word or closed statement answers including a simple “no” or “yes.” Using gestures such as a head nod can also indicate that a person doesn’t want to talk. | #*Giving one word or closed statement answers including a simple “no” or “yes.” Using gestures such as a head nod can also indicate that a person doesn’t want to talk. | ||
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#*Looking at the floor | #*Looking at the floor | ||
#*Staring around the room | #*Staring around the room | ||
| − | #*Watching the clock.<ref | + | #*Watching the clock.<ref name="rf3" /> |
| − | #*Glazing over of their eyes.<ref>http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-tell-someone-is-bored-2014-8</ref> | + | #*Glazing over of their eyes.<ref name="rf4">http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-tell-someone-is-bored-2014-8</ref> |
| − | #Note body position. Just as where a person’s eyes are positioned can tell you about their engagement in the conversation, so can the body posture. Look at how the person is standing to see if she is interested in talking to you.<ref | + | #Note body position. Just as where a person’s eyes are positioned can tell you about their engagement in the conversation, so can the body posture. Look at how the person is standing to see if she is interested in talking to you.<ref name="rf4" /> |
| − | #*See if the person if mimicking your posture and pointing her body towards yours. If she’s not, then she has likely checked out of the conversation.<ref | + | #*See if the person if mimicking your posture and pointing her body towards yours. If she’s not, then she has likely checked out of the conversation.<ref name="rf4" /> |
| − | #*Check if the person is facing towards you. If she isn’t, she probably wants out of the conversation.<ref | + | #*Check if the person is facing towards you. If she isn’t, she probably wants out of the conversation.<ref name="rf4" /> |
#*See if the person’s feet are pointing towards you, which can also indicate if they’re into the chat. | #*See if the person’s feet are pointing towards you, which can also indicate if they’re into the chat. | ||
| − | #*Note the space between you and the person. If she is not close to you, she probably doesn’t want to talk.<ref | + | #*Note the space between you and the person. If she is not close to you, she probably doesn’t want to talk.<ref name="rf2" /> |
#Check body language. Body language is a great cue about how a person is feeling about you or your conversation. Some examples body language that could indicate the person doesn’t want to talk to you are: | #Check body language. Body language is a great cue about how a person is feeling about you or your conversation. Some examples body language that could indicate the person doesn’t want to talk to you are: | ||
#*Stiff or immobile body | #*Stiff or immobile body | ||
| − | #*Tense and raised shoulders<ref | + | #*Tense and raised shoulders<ref name="rf2" /> |
#*Crossing arms over the chest | #*Crossing arms over the chest | ||
#*Touching your neck or fingering you collar | #*Touching your neck or fingering you collar | ||
#*Fidgeting or doodling. | #*Fidgeting or doodling. | ||
| − | #*Yawning.<ref | + | #*Yawning.<ref name="rf3" /> |
===Excusing Yourself Politely=== | ===Excusing Yourself Politely=== | ||
| − | #Avoid panicking or getting angry. Sometimes people just don't feel like talking, could be busy, or something might have happened in their personal life. Try and not panic and don’t get angry with the person. Be understanding and excuse yourself politely from the conversation, which can save you and your partner from continued awkward exchanges.<ref>http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-gracefully-exit-a-conversation-2014-7</ref> | + | #Avoid panicking or getting angry. Sometimes people just don't feel like talking, could be busy, or something might have happened in their personal life. Try and not panic and don’t get angry with the person. Be understanding and excuse yourself politely from the conversation, which can save you and your partner from continued awkward exchanges.<ref name="rf5">http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-gracefully-exit-a-conversation-2014-7</ref> |
#*Do your best to not show your emotions to the other person. | #*Do your best to not show your emotions to the other person. | ||
| − | #Use a common excuse. There are many different reasons that you might need to end a conversation like using the restroom or taking a phone call.<ref>http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/238978</ref> If you notice your conversation partner isn’t engaging, draw upon an “easy out” to leave the chat while leaving things on a positive note.<ref | + | #Use a common excuse. There are many different reasons that you might need to end a conversation like using the restroom or taking a phone call.<ref name="rf6">http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/238978</ref> If you notice your conversation partner isn’t engaging, draw upon an “easy out” to leave the chat while leaving things on a positive note.<ref name="rf6" /> You could say that: |
#*You would like to get another refreshment at the bar | #*You would like to get another refreshment at the bar | ||
#*You need to take or make an important call | #*You need to take or make an important call | ||
#*You need to use the restroom | #*You need to use the restroom | ||
| − | #*You’re feeling slightly ill and need some fresh air.<ref | + | #*You’re feeling slightly ill and need some fresh air.<ref name="rf6" /> |
| − | #Find a natural transition in the chat. If something naturally interrupts your conversation, take it as a way to extract yourself.<ref | + | #Find a natural transition in the chat. If something naturally interrupts your conversation, take it as a way to extract yourself.<ref name="rf6" /> This helps you leave the conversation on a positive note. |
#*Look for something in the room that makes you “realize” something. For example, say “wow, I didn’t realize it got so late. I need to get home for my daughter’s bedtime,” after looking towards a clock or at your watch. | #*Look for something in the room that makes you “realize” something. For example, say “wow, I didn’t realize it got so late. I need to get home for my daughter’s bedtime,” after looking towards a clock or at your watch. | ||
| − | #*See if there is someone else who can join the conversation to make your exit.<ref | + | #*See if there is someone else who can join the conversation to make your exit.<ref name="rf6" /> |
| − | #*Wait for a lull in the conversation and use this as a way to transition out of the conversation. For example, you can say “I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you, but I need to get going because I have an early meeting.”<ref | + | #*Wait for a lull in the conversation and use this as a way to transition out of the conversation. For example, you can say “I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you, but I need to get going because I have an early meeting.”<ref name="rf5" /> |
| − | #Show consideration for the person’s time. You can easily extract yourself from an unproductive conversation by framing your exit to the other person’s benefit. Use strategic statements such as “I don’t want to monopolize your time” to finish the chat.<ref | + | #Show consideration for the person’s time. You can easily extract yourself from an unproductive conversation by framing your exit to the other person’s benefit. Use strategic statements such as “I don’t want to monopolize your time” to finish the chat.<ref name="rf5" /> |
| − | #*Say things like “I’m sure you’d like to talk to other people, so I’m going to scamper off.”<ref | + | #*Say things like “I’m sure you’d like to talk to other people, so I’m going to scamper off.”<ref name="rf5" /> |
| − | #*Remember to keep your tone and body language as genuine as possible.<ref | + | #*Remember to keep your tone and body language as genuine as possible.<ref name="rf5" /> |
| − | #*Avoid using this tactic too often because it can make you appear disingenuous.<ref | + | #*Avoid using this tactic too often because it can make you appear disingenuous.<ref name="rf5" /> |
| − | #Ask for a business card or contact information. Asking for information about how to contact the person naturally indicates that the conversation is coming to an end. Find a nice way to say that you’ve enjoyed the conversation and would like to follow up for more information.<ref | + | #Ask for a business card or contact information. Asking for information about how to contact the person naturally indicates that the conversation is coming to an end. Find a nice way to say that you’ve enjoyed the conversation and would like to follow up for more information.<ref name="rf5" /> |
#*Ask a specific question about the person’s business, course of study, or interests. Use this to lead you to ask “I’d love to know more about that. Do you have a business card or contact information where I could reach you for more information?” | #*Ask a specific question about the person’s business, course of study, or interests. Use this to lead you to ask “I’d love to know more about that. Do you have a business card or contact information where I could reach you for more information?” | ||
| − | #*Make sure to look at the information when they give it to you, which is a sign of respect.<ref | + | #*Make sure to look at the information when they give it to you, which is a sign of respect.<ref name="rf5" /> |
| − | #*Offer to help the person. You can say “I really enjoyed chatting with you and learning about your work. Please let me know if I can do anything to help you out.”<ref | + | #*Offer to help the person. You can say “I really enjoyed chatting with you and learning about your work. Please let me know if I can do anything to help you out.”<ref name="rf6" /> |
#*Use this tactic with someone who you don’t already know well. | #*Use this tactic with someone who you don’t already know well. | ||
| − | #Bring the conversation full circle. If you notice the person doesn’t want to talk to you any longer, find a way to end the conversation by bringing it back to what you started talking about. Make sure to repeat what you’ve learned and thank them for their time.<ref | + | #Bring the conversation full circle. If you notice the person doesn’t want to talk to you any longer, find a way to end the conversation by bringing it back to what you started talking about. Make sure to repeat what you’ve learned and thank them for their time.<ref name="rf5" /> |
| − | #*Keep this transition as natural as possible. Ask about something related to what started the conversation as your way to end it.<ref | + | #*Keep this transition as natural as possible. Ask about something related to what started the conversation as your way to end it.<ref name="rf5" /> |
| − | #Thank the person for their time. Even if you know the person doesn’t want to talk to you and may have been impolite, take the high road and keep things positive.<ref | + | #Thank the person for their time. Even if you know the person doesn’t want to talk to you and may have been impolite, take the high road and keep things positive.<ref name="rf5" /> Make sure the person knows you enjoyed the conversation—even if you didn’t—and thank them for their time.<ref name="rf5" /> |
#*Say something like “I’m sorry but I have to excuse myself. I really enjoyed our conversation, Chris, and want to thank you for your helpful advice.” | #*Say something like “I’m sorry but I have to excuse myself. I really enjoyed our conversation, Chris, and want to thank you for your helpful advice.” | ||
| − | #*Include the person’s name in your final statement to show that you respect and remember them.<ref | + | #*Include the person’s name in your final statement to show that you respect and remember them.<ref name="rf5" /> |
#*Remember to keep it positive with the statement “you catch a lot more bees with honey than with vinegar.” | #*Remember to keep it positive with the statement “you catch a lot more bees with honey than with vinegar.” | ||
===Following Up on the Conversation=== | ===Following Up on the Conversation=== | ||
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#*Give the person a few days between your conversation and when you next contact her. This can help her deal with possible problems she had or help her get over being upset with you. | #*Give the person a few days between your conversation and when you next contact her. This can help her deal with possible problems she had or help her get over being upset with you. | ||
#Send a friendly message. Get in contact with the person again via text, email, social media, or phone call. You could also stop by the person’s office or class. This can open the door to a new conversation and help you determine her position on talking with you. | #Send a friendly message. Get in contact with the person again via text, email, social media, or phone call. You could also stop by the person’s office or class. This can open the door to a new conversation and help you determine her position on talking with you. | ||
| − | #*Keep the message brief and friendly. Emphasize how much you enjoyed your last interaction.<ref> http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-gracefully-exit-a-conversation-2014-7</ref> For example, write something like “I really had a nice time with you during our last chat. I hope things are well with you. Maybe you’d be interested in continuing our chat over coffee?” | + | #*Keep the message brief and friendly. Emphasize how much you enjoyed your last interaction.<ref name="rf7"> http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-gracefully-exit-a-conversation-2014-7</ref> For example, write something like “I really had a nice time with you during our last chat. I hope things are well with you. Maybe you’d be interested in continuing our chat over coffee?” |
#*Avoid sending anything lengthy or multiple messages. The response you receive to this simple message will tell you a lot about the person’s position. | #*Avoid sending anything lengthy or multiple messages. The response you receive to this simple message will tell you a lot about the person’s position. | ||
#Determine the person’s position. Watch for the person’s response and how long it takes for them to read and respond to the message. This can help indicate if she doesn’t want to talk to you. | #Determine the person’s position. Watch for the person’s response and how long it takes for them to read and respond to the message. This can help indicate if she doesn’t want to talk to you. | ||
