Get Your Wife Interested in Hosting a Boys’ Night In

Template:StubYou’ve been gunning to have the guys over to watch the game or play poker, but your wife doesn’t seem to see it your way. Instead of letting her shut down every notion or idea, show her that a boys’ night in is a great idea. Apply these few quick steps and she’ll be happier to host a night for you and your friends in no time.

Steps

1. Find out why she isn’t keen to having your friends over. Are you a boisterous or loud group or do you neglect to clean up after the guys have been over? Finding out why your wife isn’t thrilled when you want to have a guys’ night is key to hosting parties in the future. It means that you can have countering reasons that prove that any previous debacles won't happen again.
   • Mentally review what happened last time the guys came over. Go through the evening play by play and identify any red flags. Did your friends leave drink rings on the furniture or scream too loudly during the game? Or are you having trouble finding anything wrong?
   • Ask your closest buddy if he noticed any behavior that might tick your wife off. If you're having trouble figuring out why she doesn’t want to host a guys’ night, ask a recent guest. He may have a different perspective and provide insight into what you possibly did wrong.
   • Did your wife act angry or annoyed during your last hosting event? Recall her mood after everyone left and the days afterward. More precisely, recall what she said.
2. Mend fences. After reflecting on previous occasions and pinpointing just what went off-the-wall from your wife's point of view, prepare your promises (ones you fully intend to keep). Some suggestions include:
   • Messiness. This time promise that you will take full personal responsibility for cleaning up after the lads. Be really cool and set a deadline, like noon the next day. Offer a penalty if you don't get it done on time, like paying for her to go to the movies with friends and not you.
   • Noisiness. Explain to her that boys will be boys and that noise is expected. However, let her know that you'll ask them to keep it down more and won't permit heavy metal to blast through the house at 2am in the morning. Suggest that she can turn up the TV in another room or even sleep over at her friend's house. Be nice about it though! As a last resort, if this is an ongoing issue, investigate sound-proofing of the room you and your mates like to party in.
   • Food. Did you expect her to make all the food and then get out of the way last time? Don't place any expectations on her to feed you and your crew. Either make or buy the food in advance or order in take-outs. It's not fair to expect her to do the catering.
   • Rudeness of any of your friends. This one's a little harder, especially if there's an ongoing spat between one of your mates and her. Don't try to defend him; she comes first. However, do try to help both of them mend bridges. On the other hand, if any of your friends has been rude or condescending to your wife, ask him direct to stop, and tell her you are being proactive about it.
   • Toilet time. Do any of your mates hog the bathroom or leave it worse for wear? If you don't have a second bathroom, this can be particularly upsetting as the toilet needs to be readily available for all those present in the house. Ask your mates to be quick about their business and to clean up behind themselves. Do so diplomatically; leaving the toilet brush with a note along the lines of "please clean up your own mess" might help. Of course, always promise to clean the toilet after they've gone and if you haven't got a second toilet, now may be the time to investigate getting one installed.
   • Drunkenness. This can be a huge factor in turning a spouse off boys' nights-in. Drunken people are not always the most considerate, quietest, boundary-observing people. While you can't tell your friends not to drink, you can redirect their behavior and send them home when they're too drunk to be good company. You can also take away their keys and send them home in taxis. Of course, this part of your promise means that you need to stay sober enough to be responsible. Your marriage is worth that.
3. Encourage her to have her friends over. Not only suggest she have a party, but also contribute and help with the event. This will not only show her you care, but that you're fully capable hosting, preparing for and cleaning up after an event. Plus if she has a party, why can’t you too?
   • Be her assistant before, during and after the party. Offer to pick up food, ice, balloons–whatever she may need.
   • Help her clean the house leading up to and after the event. If you demonstrate that you too care about the house perhaps she’ll be more inclined to be cool about having boys’ night.
   • Be friendly and charming when her friends arrive, then make yourself scarce. Model the kind of behavior you would want from her during your boys’ night and hope she is taking notes.
4. Select a night to have the guys over that doesn’t conflict with her schedule. Perhaps the last guys’ night was held on the evening before her big presentation at work or she was in the other room trying to watch her favorite reality TV show while you were loud and whooping it up with the guys. Consider her schedule and think about which days during the week or month would possibly be the best choice. A good idea may be to host a guys’ night on the same evening she has book club or another commitment away from home.
5. Create the guest list before you tell her about guys’ night. Were there certain guys she simply doesn’t like at the last guys’ night? Or perhaps one of your buddies always gets a little too drunk and breaks something at your house, which annoys her to no end. Be selective with your guest list and include friends who will respect your home and wife’s privacy as much as you.
6. Explain how much it would mean to you to have the guys over. Approach your wife with the notion that you would love to have the guys over to watch the big game or play cards. Let her know that you’ve been working long hours at the office and it would help you blow off a lot of steam just to hang out with the guys at home.
   • Tell her about your evening rules. Put her mind at ease and let her know you will set strict hours and a specific guest list. Your wife may just need to know that your friends aren’t going to make themselves at home and stay until tomorrow.
   • Explain how you will prevent any previous issues from recurring. Recall your initial list of “don’ts” from the previous gathering. Let her know that you understand those actions upset or annoyed her and that you are going to take steps to avoid the same thing happening this time. Lay out exactly what you plan to do such as providing coasters for all drinks and monitoring the furniture throughout the night.
7. Recall your involvement with her event and how you can apply the same actions to your own evening and ask whether she doesn’t she want help out too? If you're feeling daring and she appears to be into your guys’ night, consider asking if she wants to pitch in. Execute this step with extreme care––you could end up with a babysitter or a mom if you aren’t careful. Only inquire if she seems to be genuinely interested in allowing you to host a guys’ night, otherwise skip this step and do the planning, prepping and cleaning on your own.

Tips

• Immediately following guys’ night, plan a surprise romantic getaway or evening for just the two of you to show your appreciation.
• Lay down a few ground rules for your pals such as no smoking cigars in the house or other actions that would get under your lady’s skin.
• Have a set start and end time to the evening so she is fully aware when your guests will leave.
• Restore the house to its original state––that may mean intense cleaning. The only way you’ll earn her respect and possibly another guys’ night in is to make sure no trace of the evening is left behind.

Warnings

• Unless she smokes, ask you friends not to do so inside the house. Cigarette smoke moves between rooms and can upset a non-smoker intensely.
• Don’t go behind your wife’s back and have a party anyway. Even if you have the guys over when she is out of town, you risk getting busted if anything happens or breaks.

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