Difference between revisions of "Spend Quality Time with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend"
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[[Category:Going Steady]] | [[Category:Going Steady]] | ||
| − | [[Category:Long Term Dating]] | + | [[Category: Long Term Dating]] |
== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
===Making Room in Your Schedule=== | ===Making Room in Your Schedule=== | ||
| − | #Prioritize your relationship. The first step toward spending quality time with your significant other is to make your relationship a top priority. A feeling of closeness is one of the most important “ingredients” for a healthy relationship, which you can only find if you spend quality time together.<ref>http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/love.html#kha_21</ref> | + | #Prioritize your relationship. The first step toward spending quality time with your significant other is to make your relationship a top priority. A feeling of closeness is one of the most important “ingredients” for a healthy relationship, which you can only find if you spend quality time together.<ref name="rf1">http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/love.html#kha_21</ref> |
#* If your girlfriend or boyfriend is, say, number 5 on your list of daily activities, that relationship probably won’t go very far. | #* If your girlfriend or boyfriend is, say, number 5 on your list of daily activities, that relationship probably won’t go very far. | ||
#*If you do find that your relationship is a low priority to you, simply apologize to your girlfriend or boyfriend and start making changes. | #*If you do find that your relationship is a low priority to you, simply apologize to your girlfriend or boyfriend and start making changes. | ||
#*If you feel like your relationship is a low priority to your boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to discuss this. | #*If you feel like your relationship is a low priority to your boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to discuss this. | ||
| − | #Make positive changes. If your relationship has not been a high priority, it’s time to make positive changes. Adopt a mindset like the one we all get about New Year’s resolutions. Make sure that you start small and choose only one behavior to change at a time.<ref>http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/lifestyle-changes.aspx</ref> | + | #Make positive changes. If your relationship has not been a high priority, it’s time to make positive changes. Adopt a mindset like the one we all get about New Year’s resolutions. Make sure that you start small and choose only one behavior to change at a time.<ref name="rf2">http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/lifestyle-changes.aspx</ref> |
#*Choosing only one behavior makes it manageable and prevents you from getting overwhelmed. | #*Choosing only one behavior makes it manageable and prevents you from getting overwhelmed. | ||
#*Once you have made one positive behavior a habit, you can move on to the next one. Your relationship will slowly but surely rise to the top of your priorities. | #*Once you have made one positive behavior a habit, you can move on to the next one. Your relationship will slowly but surely rise to the top of your priorities. | ||
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===Focusing on the Other Person=== | ===Focusing on the Other Person=== | ||
| − | #Make sure your time is "quality." In the method below this one, we talk about doing activities that make it easier to spend quality time. But in order to do that, you need to know what makes a date a "quality" one. Quality time is defined as "time spent giving all of one's attention to someone who is close."<ref>http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/quality%20time</ref> | + | #Make sure your time is "quality." In the method below this one, we talk about doing activities that make it easier to spend quality time. But in order to do that, you need to know what makes a date a "quality" one. Quality time is defined as "time spent giving all of one's attention to someone who is close."<ref name="rf3">http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/quality%20time</ref> |
#*You know you're spending quality time with your boyfriend or girlfriend when you give them all of your attention. | #*You know you're spending quality time with your boyfriend or girlfriend when you give them all of your attention. | ||
#Look at your partner when talking. Making eye contact does a lot of things for human beings, including showing that you are listening. If you want to spend quality time with your partner—not just time, but ''quality'' time—then look them in the eyes. | #Look at your partner when talking. Making eye contact does a lot of things for human beings, including showing that you are listening. If you want to spend quality time with your partner—not just time, but ''quality'' time—then look them in the eyes. | ||
| − | #*Eye contact makes people feel like you are more “believable and earnest.”<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sideways-view/201412/the-secrets-eye-contact-revealed</ref> | + | #*Eye contact makes people feel like you are more “believable and earnest.”<ref name="rf4">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sideways-view/201412/the-secrets-eye-contact-revealed</ref> |
| − | #*Looking at someone for long periods of time, also known as gazing, communicates that you value the other person and that the relationship more than the words you are saying to each other.<ref | + | #*Looking at someone for long periods of time, also known as gazing, communicates that you value the other person and that the relationship more than the words you are saying to each other.<ref name="rf4" /> |
#Avoid staring at the TV. One way to make sure your partner feels that they are more important to you than anything else is to spend time talking with them rather than staring at a screen. | #Avoid staring at the TV. One way to make sure your partner feels that they are more important to you than anything else is to spend time talking with them rather than staring at a screen. | ||
#*That’s not to say that you can’t watch a movie or TV together. But screen-watching has its place, and if you are trying to spend quality time with someone, a movie or show is not the time to do it. | #*That’s not to say that you can’t watch a movie or TV together. But screen-watching has its place, and if you are trying to spend quality time with someone, a movie or show is not the time to do it. | ||
| − | #Give undivided attention. If you don’t spend quality time together, your bond will eventually fade away. Quality time is a way to strengthen this bond.<ref | + | #Give undivided attention. If you don’t spend quality time together, your bond will eventually fade away. Quality time is a way to strengthen this bond.<ref name="rf4" /> When you’re spending time together, show you care by giving your undivided attention. |
#*That means doing things like putting away your phone, turning off the TV, and doing something together that forces you to look at the other person without distractions. | #*That means doing things like putting away your phone, turning off the TV, and doing something together that forces you to look at the other person without distractions. | ||
| − | #*Giving undivided attention shows that the relationship is important to you.<ref>http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/relationship-help.htm#Spend</ref> | + | #*Giving undivided attention shows that the relationship is important to you.<ref name="rf5">http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/relationship-help.htm#Spend</ref> |
| − | #Listen attentively. Listening also shows that a relationship is important to you. If you aren’t a good listener, learn to [[Be a Good Listener|be a good listener]] by doing things like fully focusing on your partner, avoiding interruptions, and showing interest in the conversation.<ref>http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/effective-communication.htm</ref> | + | #Listen attentively. Listening also shows that a relationship is important to you. If you aren’t a good listener, learn to [[Be a Good Listener|be a good listener]] by doing things like fully focusing on your partner, avoiding interruptions, and showing interest in the conversation.<ref name="rf6">http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/effective-communication.htm</ref> |
#*Show your desire to make the relationship stronger by listening well all the time, not just when you feel like it. | #*Show your desire to make the relationship stronger by listening well all the time, not just when you feel like it. | ||
#*Show that you are listening by offering feedback after your partner is done talking. | #*Show that you are listening by offering feedback after your partner is done talking. | ||
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===Planning Fun Dates=== | ===Planning Fun Dates=== | ||
# Notice what your partner enjoys. In order to create moments in which you can spend quality time with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to plan activities. The best activities are ones that either you or your partner enjoys. If you’re doing the planning, pick something the other person would want to do. | # Notice what your partner enjoys. In order to create moments in which you can spend quality time with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to plan activities. The best activities are ones that either you or your partner enjoys. If you’re doing the planning, pick something the other person would want to do. | ||
| − | #*If at least one person enjoys an activity, they will feel like you are paying attention to them, which is key for spending quality time together.<ref | + | #*If at least one person enjoys an activity, they will feel like you are paying attention to them, which is key for spending quality time together.<ref name="rf5" /> |
| − | #Decide to plan activities together. Even if you are having a conflict with your boyfriend or girlfriend, a fun activity can keep you from getting so mad that you walk away.<ref>https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-tips-for-success</ref> | + | #Decide to plan activities together. Even if you are having a conflict with your boyfriend or girlfriend, a fun activity can keep you from getting so mad that you walk away.<ref name="rf7">https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-tips-for-success</ref> |
#*If you plan together, you’ll both have a voice about where you go, making each other feel important. | #*If you plan together, you’ll both have a voice about where you go, making each other feel important. | ||
#Choose inexpensive dates. In order to sustain a weekly dating routine, you should pick activities that are not expensive. There are many things you can do that are free, from walking in the park to attending street festivals to just window shopping at the mall. | #Choose inexpensive dates. In order to sustain a weekly dating routine, you should pick activities that are not expensive. There are many things you can do that are free, from walking in the park to attending street festivals to just window shopping at the mall. | ||
#Enjoy the scenery. Every community has (or is a short drive away from) walking trails, parks, and other forms of beautiful scenery. Taking this in with your boyfriend or girlfriend is an inexpensive and memorable way to spend time together. | #Enjoy the scenery. Every community has (or is a short drive away from) walking trails, parks, and other forms of beautiful scenery. Taking this in with your boyfriend or girlfriend is an inexpensive and memorable way to spend time together. | ||
#Look up local activities online. Your city will often put on free festivals, outdoor concerts, or other activities throughout the year. This is a great way to spend quality time together. | #Look up local activities online. Your city will often put on free festivals, outdoor concerts, or other activities throughout the year. This is a great way to spend quality time together. | ||
| − | #* If there is an admission fee, many times it may be waived if you offer to volunteer at the event. You may have to go to the event coordinators and ask about volunteering.<ref> http://www.wisebread.com/great-ways-to-save-money-by-volunteering</ref> | + | #* If there is an admission fee, many times it may be waived if you offer to volunteer at the event. You may have to go to the event coordinators and ask about volunteering.<ref name="rf8"> http://www.wisebread.com/great-ways-to-save-money-by-volunteering</ref> |
| − | #Play a sport. Doing physical activity together helps you to laugh and have fun, which is important for any relationship. Laughing together helps you to see the world as less serious, and difficult situations as less daunting.<ref | + | #Play a sport. Doing physical activity together helps you to laugh and have fun, which is important for any relationship. Laughing together helps you to see the world as less serious, and difficult situations as less daunting.<ref name="rf5" /> |
| − | #Work out together. Setting a fitness goal together and then pursuing it side by side will actually help you stay together. Studies show that working out as a couple has many benefits to the relationship.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201401/5-reasons-why-couples-who-sweat-together-stay-together</ref> | + | #Work out together. Setting a fitness goal together and then pursuing it side by side will actually help you stay together. Studies show that working out as a couple has many benefits to the relationship.<ref name="rf9">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201401/5-reasons-why-couples-who-sweat-together-stay-together</ref> |
| − | #*Couples who work out in tandem experience something called “nonverbal mimicry” if they exercise side by side, which creates a closer bond and more emotional intimacy.<ref | + | #*Couples who work out in tandem experience something called “nonverbal mimicry” if they exercise side by side, which creates a closer bond and more emotional intimacy.<ref name="rf9" /> |
| − | #*Working out together enhances physical attraction, improving your physical relationship.<ref | + | #*Working out together enhances physical attraction, improving your physical relationship.<ref name="rf9" /> |
| − | #Volunteer to serve. Find a homeless shelter, animal shelter, or even go online and look at a volunteer agency in your community. Volunteering together improves the connection between couples.<ref>https://www.projectangelheart.org/volunteering-together-keeps-you-connected/</ref> | + | #Volunteer to serve. Find a homeless shelter, animal shelter, or even go online and look at a volunteer agency in your community. Volunteering together improves the connection between couples.<ref name="rf10">https://www.projectangelheart.org/volunteering-together-keeps-you-connected/</ref> |
| − | #Cook a meal. Cooking together can be one of the most intimate and rewarding activities a couple can experience.<ref>http://www.aarp.org/relationships/love-sex/info-01-2011/15_unique_valentine_ideas_naked_truth.html</ref> You can even make a dish with aphrodisiac properties to help enhance your physical relationship.<ref>http://www.aarp.org/food/cooking/info-01-2011/romantic-recipes-aphrodisiacs.html</ref> | + | #Cook a meal. Cooking together can be one of the most intimate and rewarding activities a couple can experience.<ref name="rf11">http://www.aarp.org/relationships/love-sex/info-01-2011/15_unique_valentine_ideas_naked_truth.html</ref> You can even make a dish with aphrodisiac properties to help enhance your physical relationship.<ref name="rf12">http://www.aarp.org/food/cooking/info-01-2011/romantic-recipes-aphrodisiacs.html</ref> |
| − | #*Such foods include honey, chocolate, saffron, avocado, and almonds.<ref | + | #*Such foods include honey, chocolate, saffron, avocado, and almonds.<ref name="rf12" /> |
== Tips == | == Tips == | ||
