Difference between revisions of "Seduce Your Friend"
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===Seducing Your Friend=== | ===Seducing Your Friend=== | ||
#Find a quiet moment together. A proper seduction cannot take place if you're in a crowded area. To be intimate, you need an intimate space. This could be at the end of a night at a party together, or after one of you has invited the other over. A quiet, private setting is important because you don't want any external pressures affecting the way the seduction is received. Even if someone wants to be seduced, he may feel shy about it if he thinks his friends will be there to see it happen. | #Find a quiet moment together. A proper seduction cannot take place if you're in a crowded area. To be intimate, you need an intimate space. This could be at the end of a night at a party together, or after one of you has invited the other over. A quiet, private setting is important because you don't want any external pressures affecting the way the seduction is received. Even if someone wants to be seduced, he may feel shy about it if he thinks his friends will be there to see it happen. | ||
| − | #Make the interaction light and playful. Even if your friend finds you physically attractive, you will have a hard time of properly seducing him if you're bringing his mood down. Emphasize your positive side. This can be done as simply as making a conscious decision to be pleasant around the person you would like to seduce. Being cheerful leads to opportunities to flirt more openly, whether you consciously mean to or not. A proper seduction is very rarely a serious thing.<ref>http://ca.askmen.com/dating/doclove/doc-love.html</ref> | + | #Make the interaction light and playful. Even if your friend finds you physically attractive, you will have a hard time of properly seducing him if you're bringing his mood down. Emphasize your positive side. This can be done as simply as making a conscious decision to be pleasant around the person you would like to seduce. Being cheerful leads to opportunities to flirt more openly, whether you consciously mean to or not. A proper seduction is very rarely a serious thing.<ref name="rf1">http://ca.askmen.com/dating/doclove/doc-love.html</ref> |
| − | #Express attraction through light touching.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201202/how-flirt-and-seduce-touch-part-1</ref> Touch is an important part of flirting. It's the way that's going to break the two of you past the barrier between friends and something more. Light touching can include anything from a hug to a brief touch on the arm. These movements aren't risking a lot, and you can usually tell from the way they're reacting to it whether they'll accept bolder gestures. | + | #Express attraction through light touching.<ref name="rf2">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201202/how-flirt-and-seduce-touch-part-1</ref> Touch is an important part of flirting. It's the way that's going to break the two of you past the barrier between friends and something more. Light touching can include anything from a hug to a brief touch on the arm. These movements aren't risking a lot, and you can usually tell from the way they're reacting to it whether they'll accept bolder gestures. |
| − | #*You can try to keep your flirtations subtle if you want to save the chance of pulling back if you decide your affections aren't being reciprocated.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201203/how-flirt-without-it-seeming-youre-flirting</ref> | + | #*You can try to keep your flirtations subtle if you want to save the chance of pulling back if you decide your affections aren't being reciprocated.<ref name="rf3">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201203/how-flirt-without-it-seeming-youre-flirting</ref> |
| − | #Hold your friend's gaze. While it's normal to make eye contact with a friend while you're talking, prolonged eye contact usually hints at something more. Studies have shown that holding someone's gaze for an extended amount of time can provoke intense feelings.<ref>http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3028929/Tracey-Cox-five-eye-contact-tricks-man-s-attention-spot-s-interested-you.html</ref> Even if you normally spend time with this friend, make a point of keeping eye contact while you seduce him. | + | #Hold your friend's gaze. While it's normal to make eye contact with a friend while you're talking, prolonged eye contact usually hints at something more. Studies have shown that holding someone's gaze for an extended amount of time can provoke intense feelings.<ref name="rf4">http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3028929/Tracey-Cox-five-eye-contact-tricks-man-s-attention-spot-s-interested-you.html</ref> Even if you normally spend time with this friend, make a point of keeping eye contact while you seduce him. |
| − | #*The reaction of eye contact can be positive or negative. A lot of it depends on whether the other person finds you physically attractive.<ref | + | #*The reaction of eye contact can be positive or negative. A lot of it depends on whether the other person finds you physically attractive.<ref name="rf4" /> |
| − | #Work flirtation into your conversation. If the friend you want to seduce is already close and comfortable enough with you, regular conversation should come naturally to the two of you. With the foundations in place, you'll want to work playful flirting into your talk. Exchanging light, teasing remarks into your conversation is a great place to start.<ref>http://ca.askmen.com/top_10/dating/10-simple-ways-to-flirt-better_10.html</ref> Compliments are a more direct way of showing interest, especially if those compliments are aimed at things you're typically attracted to. | + | #Work flirtation into your conversation. If the friend you want to seduce is already close and comfortable enough with you, regular conversation should come naturally to the two of you. With the foundations in place, you'll want to work playful flirting into your talk. Exchanging light, teasing remarks into your conversation is a great place to start.<ref name="rf5">http://ca.askmen.com/top_10/dating/10-simple-ways-to-flirt-better_10.html</ref> Compliments are a more direct way of showing interest, especially if those compliments are aimed at things you're typically attracted to. |
#*An example of a flirtatious remark: "Your hair looks great today. I think it really suits you." | #*An example of a flirtatious remark: "Your hair looks great today. I think it really suits you." | ||
#Gauge your friend's current reaction. A simple but important thing to do before you make the final push is to reflect on the ways in which your friend has reacted towards your flirtations thus far. If he's smiled when you've touched him or responded to your teasing with teasing of his own, it's probable your friend is inviting you to make a move. On the contrary, if your friend is looking uncomfortable, it's probably a sign you should back off. | #Gauge your friend's current reaction. A simple but important thing to do before you make the final push is to reflect on the ways in which your friend has reacted towards your flirtations thus far. If he's smiled when you've touched him or responded to your teasing with teasing of his own, it's probable your friend is inviting you to make a move. On the contrary, if your friend is looking uncomfortable, it's probably a sign you should back off. | ||
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#Make a bold move. All seductions involve a moment of truth. Most often, this means a kiss, although it might also mean an overtly sexual or romantic comment. If your friend has responded well to non-committal overtures, you can move in. Kissing on the lips is often seen as something that is reserved for more than just friends. Once you think the time is right, move in. Don't be too quick about it either. It may be stressful, but it's not an experience you want to rush. | #Make a bold move. All seductions involve a moment of truth. Most often, this means a kiss, although it might also mean an overtly sexual or romantic comment. If your friend has responded well to non-committal overtures, you can move in. Kissing on the lips is often seen as something that is reserved for more than just friends. Once you think the time is right, move in. Don't be too quick about it either. It may be stressful, but it's not an experience you want to rush. | ||
#*All bold moves are risky by their very nature. It's a good idea to feel out your chances before making a commitment to the seduction. | #*All bold moves are risky by their very nature. It's a good idea to feel out your chances before making a commitment to the seduction. | ||
| − | #Open yourself to the possibility of being seduced.<ref> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201309/the-paradox-seduction</ref> A strange thing about seduction is that it sometimes becomes hard to know who is seducing who. Women generally tend to play a more submissive role in seductions, but women sometimes play it off as an active way to pull a man in. If you think there is mutual attraction there, he may well be waiting for the right moment to make his own move. You should let him know that it's a good idea to step in. | + | #Open yourself to the possibility of being seduced.<ref name="rf6"> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201309/the-paradox-seduction</ref> A strange thing about seduction is that it sometimes becomes hard to know who is seducing who. Women generally tend to play a more submissive role in seductions, but women sometimes play it off as an active way to pull a man in. If you think there is mutual attraction there, he may well be waiting for the right moment to make his own move. You should let him know that it's a good idea to step in. |
===Preserving the Friendship=== | ===Preserving the Friendship=== | ||
| − | #Accept the consequences. Consequences for a seduction could be very good, or very bad. Your friendship could give birth to a one-night stand or even a long-term relationship. On the other hand, things can get uncomfortable and awkward quickly. If this is the case, the best way to repair a friendship (provided you want to repair it) is by talking openly about what happened.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/i-can-relate/201202/saving-your-guy-gal-friendship</ref> Explain what you felt and why you wanted to do what you did. | + | #Accept the consequences. Consequences for a seduction could be very good, or very bad. Your friendship could give birth to a one-night stand or even a long-term relationship. On the other hand, things can get uncomfortable and awkward quickly. If this is the case, the best way to repair a friendship (provided you want to repair it) is by talking openly about what happened.<ref name="rf7">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/i-can-relate/201202/saving-your-guy-gal-friendship</ref> Explain what you felt and why you wanted to do what you did. |
#*It's usually best not to pry into questions like why he rejected you. Focusing on the rejection itself can lead to bitterness on both ends. | #*It's usually best not to pry into questions like why he rejected you. Focusing on the rejection itself can lead to bitterness on both ends. | ||
| − | #*If all is indeed lost, you have to accept your losses. Not everything is going to work out the way you want it to; the same is especially true in pursuing relationships.<ref>http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/03/29/8-steps-to-closure-when-a-friendship-ends/</ref> | + | #*If all is indeed lost, you have to accept your losses. Not everything is going to work out the way you want it to; the same is especially true in pursuing relationships.<ref name="rf8">http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/03/29/8-steps-to-closure-when-a-friendship-ends/</ref> |
#Talk things through. If the seduction has failed for whatever reason, there's going to be a spot of awkwardness. It is best to turn this into an opportunity for both sides to vent their feelings and say how they feel. This may lessen the impact of the rejection, but it's necessary if you want to keep the friendship alive. Be honest with how you feel. If the other person tries to brush it off as a joke, it may be best to follow through with that and move past the episode as quickly as possible. Otherwise, it's a good idea to talk about what happened as friends. Make sure to let your friend that you care about her as a friend, in spite of any added attraction you've had for her. | #Talk things through. If the seduction has failed for whatever reason, there's going to be a spot of awkwardness. It is best to turn this into an opportunity for both sides to vent their feelings and say how they feel. This may lessen the impact of the rejection, but it's necessary if you want to keep the friendship alive. Be honest with how you feel. If the other person tries to brush it off as a joke, it may be best to follow through with that and move past the episode as quickly as possible. Otherwise, it's a good idea to talk about what happened as friends. Make sure to let your friend that you care about her as a friend, in spite of any added attraction you've had for her. | ||
#*You might start a conversation with something like this: "I know how this might look. While I am attracted to you, I also value you as a great friend. I hope you don't think I feel any less of you because of this." | #*You might start a conversation with something like this: "I know how this might look. While I am attracted to you, I also value you as a great friend. I hope you don't think I feel any less of you because of this." | ||
#Take things forward. Following the seduction, you need to move forward. This is true whether the seduction worked, you're staying friends, or the friendship was ruined as a result. The outcomes vary wildly, but even in the worst case, there is no benefit in letting yourself suffer over it. An important part of life lies in accepting your decisions and learning from them. Even if you regret making the seduction, you should forgive yourself as soon as you can. After all, you were taking a risk, and for that, you should feel proud of yourself. | #Take things forward. Following the seduction, you need to move forward. This is true whether the seduction worked, you're staying friends, or the friendship was ruined as a result. The outcomes vary wildly, but even in the worst case, there is no benefit in letting yourself suffer over it. An important part of life lies in accepting your decisions and learning from them. Even if you regret making the seduction, you should forgive yourself as soon as you can. After all, you were taking a risk, and for that, you should feel proud of yourself. | ||
| − | #*If the seduction fails completely and your friendship is terminated, fill the emotional void with something new and fresh.<ref | + | #*If the seduction fails completely and your friendship is terminated, fill the emotional void with something new and fresh.<ref name="rf8" /> Keep yourself occupied. The people who heal from emotional pain the fastest are those who stay busy. Don't take it personally. Move on, and fuel your frustrations towards getting to a better place in life. |
| − | #*If the seduction fails but you manage to remain friends, try to let things resume as they did. Staying friends is easiest if you manage to talk things through when the seduction happens. Accept that some feelings aren't mutual, while others are.<ref | + | #*If the seduction fails but you manage to remain friends, try to let things resume as they did. Staying friends is easiest if you manage to talk things through when the seduction happens. Accept that some feelings aren't mutual, while others are.<ref name="rf7" /> |
#*If you're rejected at first and the friendship stays together, he might begin to see just how much you value him. If you let the subject be for the time being, there is the chance he might change his mind and realize what a catch you are. | #*If you're rejected at first and the friendship stays together, he might begin to see just how much you value him. If you let the subject be for the time being, there is the chance he might change his mind and realize what a catch you are. | ||
===Considering Your Options=== | ===Considering Your Options=== | ||
#Consider your chances. If you are already friends with someone, there is some chance you can figure out your chances of success based on your existing interactions. Is there already some flirting involved in your interactions together? Is she involved with someone else already? Do you get the impression she already finds you attractive? If you get a less-than-desired answer for at least one of these questions, it does not necessarily mean there is no hope for you. Rather, you'll have to play your cards right, and possibly change things about yourself to suit her needs in a partner. | #Consider your chances. If you are already friends with someone, there is some chance you can figure out your chances of success based on your existing interactions. Is there already some flirting involved in your interactions together? Is she involved with someone else already? Do you get the impression she already finds you attractive? If you get a less-than-desired answer for at least one of these questions, it does not necessarily mean there is no hope for you. Rather, you'll have to play your cards right, and possibly change things about yourself to suit her needs in a partner. | ||
| − | #*Having expectations beforehand is an important part of making things work.<ref> http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/the-dos-and-donts-of-dating-a-friend</ref> Even if you do successfully seduce your friend, things can go sour quickly if you don't know where to go from there. | + | #*Having expectations beforehand is an important part of making things work.<ref name="rf9"> http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/the-dos-and-donts-of-dating-a-friend</ref> Even if you do successfully seduce your friend, things can go sour quickly if you don't know where to go from there. |
| − | #Recognize that your friend may already want to be seduced.<ref | + | #Recognize that your friend may already want to be seduced.<ref name="rf6" /> Seduction is essentially a form of positive attention, and there isn't a person who doesn't enjoy feeling wanted. Whether they respond well to your seduction is another thing, but you should keep in mind that you friend may already have feelings for you that you haven't noticed yourself. If you go about it in a way that isn't weird or demanding, the gesture can seem affectionate if anything. |
| − | #Determine whether or not a seduction is worth it. Unlike trying to date a stranger, there is more of a risk factor in meaning to seduce a friend. For starters, you could ruin your friendship. Even worse, the fallout from it could affect other mutual friendships as well. On the other hand, a friendship that is strong enough can usually survive a failed seduction, provided things are discussed openly.<ref> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/i-can-relate/201202/saving-your-guy-gal-friendship</ref> | + | #Determine whether or not a seduction is worth it. Unlike trying to date a stranger, there is more of a risk factor in meaning to seduce a friend. For starters, you could ruin your friendship. Even worse, the fallout from it could affect other mutual friendships as well. On the other hand, a friendship that is strong enough can usually survive a failed seduction, provided things are discussed openly.<ref name="rf10"> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/i-can-relate/201202/saving-your-guy-gal-friendship</ref> |
#*Cross-reference your expectations with your expected chances and decide for yourself whether you should go through with it. | #*Cross-reference your expectations with your expected chances and decide for yourself whether you should go through with it. | ||
#*There is no easy answer to a question like this, but it is important that you live with whatever decision you make. Although going for the seduction may seem like the riskier move, staying quiet can result in just as much pain if you really like the person. | #*There is no easy answer to a question like this, but it is important that you live with whatever decision you make. Although going for the seduction may seem like the riskier move, staying quiet can result in just as much pain if you really like the person. | ||
#Pinpoint your expectations. It should also be said that there are varying degrees of success that relate to your expectations. If you want a relationship but think you'll only get a one night stand at best, it is up for debate whether it is worth it. Likewise, it is also dubious to attempt a one-night stand with someone you think may get emotionally tied to you after the fact. | #Pinpoint your expectations. It should also be said that there are varying degrees of success that relate to your expectations. If you want a relationship but think you'll only get a one night stand at best, it is up for debate whether it is worth it. Likewise, it is also dubious to attempt a one-night stand with someone you think may get emotionally tied to you after the fact. | ||
| − | #Decide what you want from your friend. There are a lot of degrees by which you could seduce a friend. You may want to get a full relationship with her, and it's possible you may otherwise prefer a 'friends with benefits'-type situation. <ref>http://www.mensfitness.com/women/6-ways-to-maintain-friends-with-benefits</ref> | + | #Decide what you want from your friend. There are a lot of degrees by which you could seduce a friend. You may want to get a full relationship with her, and it's possible you may otherwise prefer a 'friends with benefits'-type situation. <ref name="rf11">http://www.mensfitness.com/women/6-ways-to-maintain-friends-with-benefits</ref> |
| − | #*If a 'friends with benefits' arrangement is what you're specifically looking for, it's recommended you try looking for one of your friends that is already open and comfortable with sexuality.<ref>http://www.mensfitness.com/women/6-ways-to-maintain-friends-with-benefits?page=3</ref> | + | #*If a 'friends with benefits' arrangement is what you're specifically looking for, it's recommended you try looking for one of your friends that is already open and comfortable with sexuality.<ref name="rf12">http://www.mensfitness.com/women/6-ways-to-maintain-friends-with-benefits?page=3</ref> |
== Tips == | == Tips == | ||
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== Warnings == | == Warnings == | ||
*Don't try to seduce your friend if he's already in a relationship. It is very bad form. The seduction is likely to fail, and your friendship will probably be ruined to boot. | *Don't try to seduce your friend if he's already in a relationship. It is very bad form. The seduction is likely to fail, and your friendship will probably be ruined to boot. | ||
| − | *Don't value your friendship on the hopes that you might get a relationship out of it. The friendship itself will feel hollow, and the chances of a relationship actually happening will be minimized as a result.<ref | + | *Don't value your friendship on the hopes that you might get a relationship out of it. The friendship itself will feel hollow, and the chances of a relationship actually happening will be minimized as a result.<ref name="rf7" /> |
==Related Articles== | ==Related Articles== | ||
