Difference between revisions of "Restrain Yourself from an Outburst"
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| − | + | Everybody gets angry at times. But one in five Americans has an anger management problem.<ref name="rf1">http://www.angermanagementtips.com/tips.htm</ref> A person’s anger may make them melt down in front of others and yell, scream, hit out or abuse others. This type of outburst is destructive anger at its most potent. It hurts you and it hurts others, in physical, emotional and social ways. If you have trouble restraining yourself from angry outbursts, you need to retrain yourself on how to handle challenging situations. This is the best way forward to a calmer life. | |
[[Category:Anger Management]] | [[Category:Anger Management]] | ||
== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
===Taking Immediate Steps to Restrain Your Outburst=== | ===Taking Immediate Steps to Restrain Your Outburst=== | ||
| − | #Take notice of physical signs. When your body goes into stress mode, you will likely start to experience certain physical signs. These might include:<ref>http://www.sevencounties.org/poc/center_index.php?cn=116</ref> | + | #Take notice of physical signs. When your body goes into stress mode, you will likely start to experience certain physical signs. These might include:<ref name="rf2">http://www.sevencounties.org/poc/center_index.php?cn=116</ref> |
#*Your jaws are clenched and your muscles tense. | #*Your jaws are clenched and your muscles tense. | ||
#*Your head or stomach hurts. | #*Your head or stomach hurts. | ||
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#*Defensiveness | #*Defensiveness | ||
#Count to ten. If you feel yourself getting angry and are experiencing the symptoms of anger listed above, you can tell yourself that you don’t have to react right away. Counting can help you put off your feelings for the moment. It might feel a bit silly at first, but counting really can distract your long enough to calm down. Hold off on reacting and give yourself time to sort out your feelings. | #Count to ten. If you feel yourself getting angry and are experiencing the symptoms of anger listed above, you can tell yourself that you don’t have to react right away. Counting can help you put off your feelings for the moment. It might feel a bit silly at first, but counting really can distract your long enough to calm down. Hold off on reacting and give yourself time to sort out your feelings. | ||
| − | #Try deep breathing. Try to get some space to yourself for a bit. If you can, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom, a stairwell, or outside while you do this, and this will help you feel comfortable deep breathing to calm down.<ref>http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/controlling-anger.aspx</ref> | + | #Try deep breathing. Try to get some space to yourself for a bit. If you can, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom, a stairwell, or outside while you do this, and this will help you feel comfortable deep breathing to calm down.<ref name="rf3">http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/controlling-anger.aspx</ref> |
#*Breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four. | #*Breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four. | ||
#*Make sure you are breathing with your diaphragm rather than with your chest. When you breathe with your diaphragm, your belly extends out (you can feel it with your hand). | #*Make sure you are breathing with your diaphragm rather than with your chest. When you breathe with your diaphragm, your belly extends out (you can feel it with your hand). | ||
#*Do this as many times as necessary until you start feeling calmer. | #*Do this as many times as necessary until you start feeling calmer. | ||
| − | #Repeat a calming word or phrase. Try saying something calming to yourself, such as, “Calm down,” or “Relax,” or “Take it easy.” Repeat this phrase over and over until you feel your anger start to dissipate.<ref | + | #Repeat a calming word or phrase. Try saying something calming to yourself, such as, “Calm down,” or “Relax,” or “Take it easy.” Repeat this phrase over and over until you feel your anger start to dissipate.<ref name="rf3" /> |
#Get a change of scenery. If you feel your blood boil, get out. Take a walk. Breathe deeply. If you are able to remove yourself from the situation, do it. By not having the thing or person that makes you mad in front of you, you can more easily calm down. | #Get a change of scenery. If you feel your blood boil, get out. Take a walk. Breathe deeply. If you are able to remove yourself from the situation, do it. By not having the thing or person that makes you mad in front of you, you can more easily calm down. | ||
#Try progressive muscle relaxation. Progressive muscle relaxation is the process of tensing and relaxing your entire body in progressive stages. It is thought that by tensing your muscles yourself, you can release pent-up tension in your body. Here is an overview of this method: | #Try progressive muscle relaxation. Progressive muscle relaxation is the process of tensing and relaxing your entire body in progressive stages. It is thought that by tensing your muscles yourself, you can release pent-up tension in your body. Here is an overview of this method: | ||
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#*You can even use this method if you lose your temper a lot. Using something to make you laugh will help you calm down for this moment. Then you can more effectively employ other methods, such as problem solving, to come up with a solution to the situation you’re facing. | #*You can even use this method if you lose your temper a lot. Using something to make you laugh will help you calm down for this moment. Then you can more effectively employ other methods, such as problem solving, to come up with a solution to the situation you’re facing. | ||
===Identifying the Causes of Your Anger=== | ===Identifying the Causes of Your Anger=== | ||
| − | #Examine what else is happening in your life. We might feel angry when we have a lack of control, whether it’s physical or emotional. These common occurrences all have the potential to raise ire in people:<ref>http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/162035.php</ref> | + | #Examine what else is happening in your life. We might feel angry when we have a lack of control, whether it’s physical or emotional. These common occurrences all have the potential to raise ire in people:<ref name="rf4">http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/162035.php</ref> |
#*Physical discomforts: Feeling tired, hungry or in pain can make people angry and cranky. | #*Physical discomforts: Feeling tired, hungry or in pain can make people angry and cranky. | ||
#*Going through the grieving process: Anger is a part of the grieving process. | #*Going through the grieving process: Anger is a part of the grieving process. | ||
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#*Stress from the daily grind, such as meeting deadlines, putting up with traffic, dealing with disappointing outcomes, or not meeting one’s goals or expectations. | #*Stress from the daily grind, such as meeting deadlines, putting up with traffic, dealing with disappointing outcomes, or not meeting one’s goals or expectations. | ||
#*Loss of money or income, such as getting robbed or having money problems. | #*Loss of money or income, such as getting robbed or having money problems. | ||
| − | #Rate your anger. Rating your anger can help you realize what type of events make you angry and the degree they make you angry. Some events might cause mild irritation, while others might trigger you wanting to blow your top. You don’t really need an official anger scale. You can make your own, for instance, on a scale of one to ten, or zero to 100. You can use what works with you.<ref>https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/rage-ratings/</ref> | + | #Rate your anger. Rating your anger can help you realize what type of events make you angry and the degree they make you angry. Some events might cause mild irritation, while others might trigger you wanting to blow your top. You don’t really need an official anger scale. You can make your own, for instance, on a scale of one to ten, or zero to 100. You can use what works with you.<ref name="rf5">https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/rage-ratings/</ref> |
#*Track how often your anger spikes by writing down your anger rating in a journal. | #*Track how often your anger spikes by writing down your anger rating in a journal. | ||
| − | #Keep an anger journal. An anger journal will help you keep track of what events anger you and the degree to which they anger you. You should also track the surrounding events and environments that preceded your anger or occurred during your anger. Take note of how you react when you’re angry, and the reactions of other people when you get angry.<ref>https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/anger-diary-and-triggers/</ref> When you record in your journal, you can make the following observations: | + | #Keep an anger journal. An anger journal will help you keep track of what events anger you and the degree to which they anger you. You should also track the surrounding events and environments that preceded your anger or occurred during your anger. Take note of how you react when you’re angry, and the reactions of other people when you get angry.<ref name="rf6">https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/anger-diary-and-triggers/</ref> When you record in your journal, you can make the following observations: |
#*What provoked the anger? | #*What provoked the anger? | ||
#*Rate your anger. | #*Rate your anger. | ||
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#Make an anger management plan. Following a plan will help you gain control over your anger at the moment. The key is to gain control of your body’s response first. Once you do this, you can work out what is bothering you and why. When you understand this, you can assertively express yourself to make sure you are expressing your anger in a productive way. It takes lots of practice and patience to deal with your feelings in a new, constructive way. | #Make an anger management plan. Following a plan will help you gain control over your anger at the moment. The key is to gain control of your body’s response first. Once you do this, you can work out what is bothering you and why. When you understand this, you can assertively express yourself to make sure you are expressing your anger in a productive way. It takes lots of practice and patience to deal with your feelings in a new, constructive way. | ||
#*Have a specific set of actions in mind for when you feel angry. For example, once you recognize that you are feeling angry, step outside for five minutes. Take some deep breaths and repeat a calming phrase to yourself. This process will help you defuse your anger. | #*Have a specific set of actions in mind for when you feel angry. For example, once you recognize that you are feeling angry, step outside for five minutes. Take some deep breaths and repeat a calming phrase to yourself. This process will help you defuse your anger. | ||
| − | #Avoid "all or nothing" thinking. When a person is angry, he may tend to think, “Everything’s ruined,” or “I’ll never be able to do that.” This type of thinking reduces things to an all-or-nothing scenario because the person thinks that the problem is the end of the world. Avoid words and phrases that put situations in absolute terms. Stop framing things with “always” or “never.”<ref | + | #Avoid "all or nothing" thinking. When a person is angry, he may tend to think, “Everything’s ruined,” or “I’ll never be able to do that.” This type of thinking reduces things to an all-or-nothing scenario because the person thinks that the problem is the end of the world. Avoid words and phrases that put situations in absolute terms. Stop framing things with “always” or “never.”<ref name="rf4" /> |
#*Instead, think to yourself: “This situation is frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world.” | #*Instead, think to yourself: “This situation is frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world.” | ||
#Avoid situations that make you angry. Oftentimes, you can avoid angry outbursts by avoiding the situation that makes you angry. For example, if you know that you get angry at the morning traffic, try to leave at a different time, or take public transit. If you know you get angry because you skipped lunch, be diligent about eating properly. | #Avoid situations that make you angry. Oftentimes, you can avoid angry outbursts by avoiding the situation that makes you angry. For example, if you know that you get angry at the morning traffic, try to leave at a different time, or take public transit. If you know you get angry because you skipped lunch, be diligent about eating properly. | ||
| − | #Let go of grudges. When you harbor resentment against someone, your anger will only continue and become hard to control. Accept others for who they are. Focus on how you handle a situation, rather than how someone else handles it. Letting go of grudges will help you refocus your energy on more positive things.<ref | + | #Let go of grudges. When you harbor resentment against someone, your anger will only continue and become hard to control. Accept others for who they are. Focus on how you handle a situation, rather than how someone else handles it. Letting go of grudges will help you refocus your energy on more positive things.<ref name="rf4" /> |
#Try exercising. Exercise can help dissipate anger. For adults and children, research shows that exercise helps with mood regulation and controlling emotions. Try exercising when you’re in a mad moment, or use it daily to release aggression. | #Try exercising. Exercise can help dissipate anger. For adults and children, research shows that exercise helps with mood regulation and controlling emotions. Try exercising when you’re in a mad moment, or use it daily to release aggression. | ||
#Reset your emotions with a good night’s sleep. Getting a good night’s sleep helps people regulate their emotions. Emotions are harder to control when we don’t get enough sleep. One study showed that with only a few nights of disrupted sleep for teenage girls, their negative feelings increased as well as their anger. | #Reset your emotions with a good night’s sleep. Getting a good night’s sleep helps people regulate their emotions. Emotions are harder to control when we don’t get enough sleep. One study showed that with only a few nights of disrupted sleep for teenage girls, their negative feelings increased as well as their anger. | ||
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#*When you breathe in, envision a golden-white light that relaxes you and makes you feel happy. Envision this white light spreading into your lungs and throughout your entire body. When you breathe out, breathe out muddy, dark colors which represent your angry, stressed out feelings. | #*When you breathe in, envision a golden-white light that relaxes you and makes you feel happy. Envision this white light spreading into your lungs and throughout your entire body. When you breathe out, breathe out muddy, dark colors which represent your angry, stressed out feelings. | ||
#*If you feel like you have trouble meditating, don’t worry. Meditation is a combination of deep breathing exercises, visualization, and performing mental tasks. But if you feel like it’s difficult for you to sit long enough to meditate, or if you feel uncomfortable meditating, you can just begin with simply deep breathing. This will still initiate your body’s calming response. | #*If you feel like you have trouble meditating, don’t worry. Meditation is a combination of deep breathing exercises, visualization, and performing mental tasks. But if you feel like it’s difficult for you to sit long enough to meditate, or if you feel uncomfortable meditating, you can just begin with simply deep breathing. This will still initiate your body’s calming response. | ||
| − | #Don’t get discouraged if you relapse. When people try something new, it doesn’t always go perfectly.<ref>https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/handling-anger-management-relapses/</ref> This can be true when you’re learning new ways to deal with anger. The best way to deal with relapses in exploding with anger or reacting passive-aggressively is to look at what didn’t work. It’s part of the learning process. When you are able to look at what didn’t work, you can adjust what you do for that anger trigger for the next time. | + | #Don’t get discouraged if you relapse. When people try something new, it doesn’t always go perfectly.<ref name="rf7">https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/handling-anger-management-relapses/</ref> This can be true when you’re learning new ways to deal with anger. The best way to deal with relapses in exploding with anger or reacting passive-aggressively is to look at what didn’t work. It’s part of the learning process. When you are able to look at what didn’t work, you can adjust what you do for that anger trigger for the next time. |
#*Most of all, hang in there! Be happy for your smallest accomplishments, because each one of them is a step towards accomplishing your bigger goal, which is dealing with anger. | #*Most of all, hang in there! Be happy for your smallest accomplishments, because each one of them is a step towards accomplishing your bigger goal, which is dealing with anger. | ||
===Expressing Anger in a Healthy Way=== | ===Expressing Anger in a Healthy Way=== | ||
| − | #[[Communicate in an Assertive Manner|Focus on communicating assertively]]. Assertive communication emphasizes that both people in a conversation have important needs. To communicate assertively, give the facts without making accusations. <ref>https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/assertive-communication-and-anger-management/</ref> | + | #[[Communicate in an Assertive Manner|Focus on communicating assertively]]. Assertive communication emphasizes that both people in a conversation have important needs. To communicate assertively, give the facts without making accusations. <ref name="rf8">https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/assertive-communication-and-anger-management/</ref> |
#*For example, you might say: “I was hurt and angry because it seems like you were belittling my project when you laughed during my presentation. I don’t know what was going on, but it seems like you weren’t paying attention or taking my hard work seriously. I could have just misunderstood what was going on. Can we talk and work this out?” | #*For example, you might say: “I was hurt and angry because it seems like you were belittling my project when you laughed during my presentation. I don’t know what was going on, but it seems like you weren’t paying attention or taking my hard work seriously. I could have just misunderstood what was going on. Can we talk and work this out?” | ||
| − | #Be respectful. Using please and thank you is not only polite, but it also shows respect for other people. Your communications should convey requests rather than demands. In order to get respect, you have to give it. Then you will foster cooperation and reciprocal respect. This is the opposite of what happens with anger, where aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive communications puts others at odds with you.<ref>https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/anger-management-and-making-requests/</ref> | + | #Be respectful. Using please and thank you is not only polite, but it also shows respect for other people. Your communications should convey requests rather than demands. In order to get respect, you have to give it. Then you will foster cooperation and reciprocal respect. This is the opposite of what happens with anger, where aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive communications puts others at odds with you.<ref name="rf9">https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/anger-management-and-making-requests/</ref> |
#*You can start your communications this way: “When you have the time, could you…” or “It would be a great help if you… Thanks, I appreciate it!” | #*You can start your communications this way: “When you have the time, could you…” or “It would be a great help if you… Thanks, I appreciate it!” | ||
| − | #Make communications clear. If you hem and haw and beat around the bush, or make general statements that are not specific, everyone involved will get frustrated. Instead, directly address the person you need to resolve your issue with. Make it clear what you would like to see happen. Be sure to put it in the form of a request.<ref | + | #Make communications clear. If you hem and haw and beat around the bush, or make general statements that are not specific, everyone involved will get frustrated. Instead, directly address the person you need to resolve your issue with. Make it clear what you would like to see happen. Be sure to put it in the form of a request.<ref name="rf9" /> |
#*For instance, if your coworker is speaking very loudly on the phone and it’s difficult for you to do your work, you can state your request like this: “I have a request. Would you please lower the volume of your voice on the telephone? It’s making it very difficult to concentrate on my work. I’d really appreciate it. Thanks.” | #*For instance, if your coworker is speaking very loudly on the phone and it’s difficult for you to do your work, you can state your request like this: “I have a request. Would you please lower the volume of your voice on the telephone? It’s making it very difficult to concentrate on my work. I’d really appreciate it. Thanks.” | ||
#*If you had stated instead, “It’s really difficult to get my work done with all the noise in this office” to everyone in the room, it’s not specific. Moreover, it will most likely alienate all of your coworkers, and you probably won’t get your problem solved. | #*If you had stated instead, “It’s really difficult to get my work done with all the noise in this office” to everyone in the room, it’s not specific. Moreover, it will most likely alienate all of your coworkers, and you probably won’t get your problem solved. | ||
| − | #Express your feelings well. When you figure out how you’re feeling, convey the real feeling, like hurt, and keep judgment statements out of it.<ref | + | #Express your feelings well. When you figure out how you’re feeling, convey the real feeling, like hurt, and keep judgment statements out of it.<ref name="rf9" /> |
#*For example, this is not an assertive way to express yourself: “I feel that you are an insensitive bore.” That is a judgment against another person (and not a very nice one at that). | #*For example, this is not an assertive way to express yourself: “I feel that you are an insensitive bore.” That is a judgment against another person (and not a very nice one at that). | ||
#*Instead, stick to things that pertain to you: “I feel that you are not being sensitive to my feelings when you read your paper instead of listening to what I’m trying to say.” | #*Instead, stick to things that pertain to you: “I feel that you are not being sensitive to my feelings when you read your paper instead of listening to what I’m trying to say.” | ||
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===Getting Professional Help=== | ===Getting Professional Help=== | ||
| − | #Enroll in an anger management program. Fortunately, anger management programs have been shown to have a high rate of success. The most successful programs help you understand your anger, give you short-term strategies to deal with your anger, and help you build skills.<ref> http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/recognize-anger.aspx</ref> | + | #Enroll in an anger management program. Fortunately, anger management programs have been shown to have a high rate of success. The most successful programs help you understand your anger, give you short-term strategies to deal with your anger, and help you build skills.<ref name="rf10"> http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/recognize-anger.aspx</ref> |
| − | #*There are a wide variety of options for anger management programs.<ref> http://www.psychguides.com/guides/anger-symptoms-causes-and-effects/o </ref> For example, there are anger management programs available for teens, executives, police officers, and other populations of people who might be experiencing different types of anger for different reasons. | + | #*There are a wide variety of options for anger management programs.<ref name="rf11"> http://www.psychguides.com/guides/anger-symptoms-causes-and-effects/o </ref> For example, there are anger management programs available for teens, executives, police officers, and other populations of people who might be experiencing different types of anger for different reasons. |
| − | #Try therapy. Therapy is a great way to find new ways of dealing and expressing anger. You can take your anger journal, for instance, and bring it to therapy with you.<ref>http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/help.aspx</ref> | + | #Try therapy. Therapy is a great way to find new ways of dealing and expressing anger. You can take your anger journal, for instance, and bring it to therapy with you.<ref name="rf12">http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/help.aspx</ref> |
#*Your therapist will most likely use relaxation techniques to help you calm down in the middle of an anger episode. Your therapist will also help you deal with the thoughts that can trigger anger and find new ways to view your situations. Therapists will also help you with emotional coping skills and assertiveness communication training. | #*Your therapist will most likely use relaxation techniques to help you calm down in the middle of an anger episode. Your therapist will also help you deal with the thoughts that can trigger anger and find new ways to view your situations. Therapists will also help you with emotional coping skills and assertiveness communication training. | ||
#*You may choose to see a psychotherapist who specializes in a person’s history to resolve problems today, such as overcoming an abusive or neglectful childhood, or overcoming a tragic event. This can be very helpful in dealing with anger from past events. | #*You may choose to see a psychotherapist who specializes in a person’s history to resolve problems today, such as overcoming an abusive or neglectful childhood, or overcoming a tragic event. This can be very helpful in dealing with anger from past events. | ||
#*Find a therapist in your area by using the American Psychological Association’s [http://locator.apa.org Psychologist Locator]. | #*Find a therapist in your area by using the American Psychological Association’s [http://locator.apa.org Psychologist Locator]. | ||
| − | #Ask your doctor about medication. Anger is often part of a different disorder, such as bipolar disorder, depression, or anxiety. Drug therapy for anger will depend on the condition with which the anger is occurring. Taking the medications for the disorder could help the anger as well.<ref>http://www.psychguides.com/guides/anger-symptoms-causes-and-effects/</ref> | + | #Ask your doctor about medication. Anger is often part of a different disorder, such as bipolar disorder, depression, or anxiety. Drug therapy for anger will depend on the condition with which the anger is occurring. Taking the medications for the disorder could help the anger as well.<ref name="rf13">http://www.psychguides.com/guides/anger-symptoms-causes-and-effects/</ref> |
#*For example, if the anger is occurring with depression, anger could be treated along with other depression symptoms with antidepressants. If irritability is occurring as a part of generalized anxiety disorder, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Lexapro or Prozac might be used to treat the disorder. In the meantime, these drugs can help with your irritability. | #*For example, if the anger is occurring with depression, anger could be treated along with other depression symptoms with antidepressants. If irritability is occurring as a part of generalized anxiety disorder, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Lexapro or Prozac might be used to treat the disorder. In the meantime, these drugs can help with your irritability. | ||
#*Each drug has side effects. For example, lithium is used to treat bipolar disorder. It has a very high rate of renal (kidney) complications. Being aware of the possible side effects will help you monitor for complications. It’s very important to discuss these possibilities openly with your doctor. | #*Each drug has side effects. For example, lithium is used to treat bipolar disorder. It has a very high rate of renal (kidney) complications. Being aware of the possible side effects will help you monitor for complications. It’s very important to discuss these possibilities openly with your doctor. | ||
