Difference between revisions of "React when Insulted or Teased"
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== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
===Assessing the Situation=== | ===Assessing the Situation=== | ||
| − | #Realize it’s not about you. People who tease and insult others are insecure. Their bullying is often driven by fear, narcissism, and the need to control a situation. Picking on others makes them feel powerful. Recognizing that it’s about them, not you, will help you gain confidence in the situation.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200911/ego-insecurity-and-the-destructive-narcissist</ref> | + | #Realize it’s not about you. People who tease and insult others are insecure. Their bullying is often driven by fear, narcissism, and the need to control a situation. Picking on others makes them feel powerful. Recognizing that it’s about them, not you, will help you gain confidence in the situation.<ref name="rf17086">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200911/ego-insecurity-and-the-destructive-narcissist</ref> |
#Understand your aggressor’s motivation. Making an effort to understand why a particular person is insulting or teasing you is key to coming up with a resolution to the situation. Sometimes people tease you to make themselves feel better; other times they might do it because they don't understand you or the situation as well as they could. | #Understand your aggressor’s motivation. Making an effort to understand why a particular person is insulting or teasing you is key to coming up with a resolution to the situation. Sometimes people tease you to make themselves feel better; other times they might do it because they don't understand you or the situation as well as they could. | ||
| − | #*For example, the coworker who always insults your clothing may feel like you are getting more credit than you deserve from your boss.<ref>http://lifehacker.com/how-to-handle-being-bullied-as-an-adult-1726099137</ref> | + | #*For example, the coworker who always insults your clothing may feel like you are getting more credit than you deserve from your boss.<ref name="rf17087">http://lifehacker.com/how-to-handle-being-bullied-as-an-adult-1726099137</ref> |
#*In another example, your aggressor might be teasing you because they do not understand that your disability prevents you from fully participating in an activity. | #*In another example, your aggressor might be teasing you because they do not understand that your disability prevents you from fully participating in an activity. | ||
#*Keep in mind that some forms of teasing can be playful and are not meant to hurt your feelings. For example, a relative or close friend might tease you about something, such as a quirk that they find amusing about you. | #*Keep in mind that some forms of teasing can be playful and are not meant to hurt your feelings. For example, a relative or close friend might tease you about something, such as a quirk that they find amusing about you. | ||
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===Responding to Being Teased or Insulted=== | ===Responding to Being Teased or Insulted=== | ||
| − | #Prepare for the situation. If you must spend time with a person who repeatedly insults or teases you, come up with a plan for how you will address the situation. Thinking through ways you can respond and role-playing can help you handle the situation.<ref>http://www.webmd.com/parenting/tc/bullying-what-children-should-do-if-they-are-bullied</ref> | + | #Prepare for the situation. If you must spend time with a person who repeatedly insults or teases you, come up with a plan for how you will address the situation. Thinking through ways you can respond and role-playing can help you handle the situation.<ref name="rf17088">http://www.webmd.com/parenting/tc/bullying-what-children-should-do-if-they-are-bullied</ref> |
#*Practice role playing with a trusted friend or family member. Try having your best friend say, “Anna, your haircut is really awful.” You can respond with, “Thank you for your opinion, but I like it and that is what matters.” | #*Practice role playing with a trusted friend or family member. Try having your best friend say, “Anna, your haircut is really awful.” You can respond with, “Thank you for your opinion, but I like it and that is what matters.” | ||
#*If your boss is insulting you in a belittling way, come up with a plan. Try saying, “Bob, your teasing is unprofessional, hurtful, and is hindering my productivity. I will report it to human resources if it continues.” | #*If your boss is insulting you in a belittling way, come up with a plan. Try saying, “Bob, your teasing is unprofessional, hurtful, and is hindering my productivity. I will report it to human resources if it continues.” | ||
| − | #Stay calm. It’s important to stay calm when you are being teased or insulted, even if your instinct is to get angry or cry. People who tease and insult others are often looking for a reaction. Keep your cool and stay grounded.<ref>http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2277292/</ref> | + | #Stay calm. It’s important to stay calm when you are being teased or insulted, even if your instinct is to get angry or cry. People who tease and insult others are often looking for a reaction. Keep your cool and stay grounded.<ref name="rf17089">http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2277292/</ref> |
#*When someone insults you, try taking several deep breaths before responding to them. | #*When someone insults you, try taking several deep breaths before responding to them. | ||
| − | #Be assertive. Be confident and clear with the aggressor about how his or her insults affect you. Use a firm, yet calm tone and explain why you are not okay with their teasing.<ref>http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/105581/teaching_kids_to_deal_with</ref> | + | #Be assertive. Be confident and clear with the aggressor about how his or her insults affect you. Use a firm, yet calm tone and explain why you are not okay with their teasing.<ref name="rf17090">http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/105581/teaching_kids_to_deal_with</ref> |
#*Try saying to a classmate who teases you about your shoes, “It makes me angry when you insult me in front of our classmates. So stop it.” | #*Try saying to a classmate who teases you about your shoes, “It makes me angry when you insult me in front of our classmates. So stop it.” | ||
#*If your co-workers are heckling you at work in a sexist way, try saying, “Your teasing and insults are bordering on sexual harassment. If this happens again I will report you immediately to our supervisor.” | #*If your co-workers are heckling you at work in a sexist way, try saying, “Your teasing and insults are bordering on sexual harassment. If this happens again I will report you immediately to our supervisor.” | ||
| − | #Ignore the insult. Sometimes the best response to an insult is to ignore it. You can pretend you didn’t hear it at all or change the subject to something completely off topic. Ignoring your aggressor’s teasing or insults instead of reacting will prevent fuel being added to the fire.<ref | + | #Ignore the insult. Sometimes the best response to an insult is to ignore it. You can pretend you didn’t hear it at all or change the subject to something completely off topic. Ignoring your aggressor’s teasing or insults instead of reacting will prevent fuel being added to the fire.<ref name="rf17089" /> |
#*If you are insulted or teased online, don’t respond. | #*If you are insulted or teased online, don’t respond. | ||
#*If you are being insulted by a family member, try to ignore the insult and leave the room. | #*If you are being insulted by a family member, try to ignore the insult and leave the room. | ||
| − | #React with humor. Using humor to react to being teased or insulted is an effective response. Humor can diffuse a tense situation, disarm the aggressor, and even undermine the insult. Try making a joke when someone insults or teases you.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201302/how-deal-insults-and-put-downs</ref> | + | #React with humor. Using humor to react to being teased or insulted is an effective response. Humor can diffuse a tense situation, disarm the aggressor, and even undermine the insult. Try making a joke when someone insults or teases you.<ref name="rf17091">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201302/how-deal-insults-and-put-downs</ref> |
#*If your coworker insults the poster you bring to a conference try saying, “You’re right. This is an awful poster. I really shouldn’t have let my five-year-old do my work for me.” | #*If your coworker insults the poster you bring to a conference try saying, “You’re right. This is an awful poster. I really shouldn’t have let my five-year-old do my work for me.” | ||
#*Another option might be to act shocked and engage in some playful banter with the person. For example, you might say something like, “Oh my goodness! You’re right! Thank you for helping me to see the light!” | #*Another option might be to act shocked and engage in some playful banter with the person. For example, you might say something like, “Oh my goodness! You’re right! Thank you for helping me to see the light!” | ||
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#*Even if the teasing is non-malicious, you can still say something to the person if it bothers you, such as "I love hanging out with you and it's fun teasing each other sometimes, but the following topics hurt my feelings and those are off limits now: clothes, husband, kids, etc…” | #*Even if the teasing is non-malicious, you can still say something to the person if it bothers you, such as "I love hanging out with you and it's fun teasing each other sometimes, but the following topics hurt my feelings and those are off limits now: clothes, husband, kids, etc…” | ||
===Feeling Better About Yourself=== | ===Feeling Better About Yourself=== | ||
| − | #[[Develop Self-Esteem|Work on your self-esteem]]. Having low self-esteem can make it harder to handle teasing, whether it is mean-spirited or not. Improving your self-esteem takes time, but you can do it using simple activities, such as:<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem</ref> | + | #[[Develop Self-Esteem|Work on your self-esteem]]. Having low self-esteem can make it harder to handle teasing, whether it is mean-spirited or not. Improving your self-esteem takes time, but you can do it using simple activities, such as:<ref name="rf17092">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem</ref> |
#*Giving yourself compliments. Try looking in the mirror every morning and saying one positive thing about your appearance, such as “Your eyes look especially bright and beautiful today.” | #*Giving yourself compliments. Try looking in the mirror every morning and saying one positive thing about your appearance, such as “Your eyes look especially bright and beautiful today.” | ||
#*Making a list of your strengths, achievements, and things that you admire about yourself. Try to list at least five things in each column. Keep the list and read over it daily. | #*Making a list of your strengths, achievements, and things that you admire about yourself. Try to list at least five things in each column. Keep the list and read over it daily. | ||
#Practice self care. Taking care of yourself is important and a good strategy to deal with being insulted or teased. Try taking a long bath, going on a quiet walk, or doing something nice for yourself like getting a pedicure. These self care strategies will help you build self esteem and feel better about yourself. | #Practice self care. Taking care of yourself is important and a good strategy to deal with being insulted or teased. Try taking a long bath, going on a quiet walk, or doing something nice for yourself like getting a pedicure. These self care strategies will help you build self esteem and feel better about yourself. | ||
| − | #[[ Develop-Your-Resilience|Develop your resilience]]. Being resilient means that it is easier for you to recover from teasing, insults, and other obstacles. Try to work on your resilience to improve your ability to bounce back from the teasing and insults that you endure. Some things you can do to build up your resilience include:<ref> https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/resilience.htm</ref> | + | #[[ Develop-Your-Resilience|Develop your resilience]]. Being resilient means that it is easier for you to recover from teasing, insults, and other obstacles. Try to work on your resilience to improve your ability to bounce back from the teasing and insults that you endure. Some things you can do to build up your resilience include:<ref name="rf17093"> https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/resilience.htm</ref> |
#*Looking at your mistakes as learning opportunities. | #*Looking at your mistakes as learning opportunities. | ||
#*Reminding yourself that you have the power to choose your response. | #*Reminding yourself that you have the power to choose your response. | ||
#*[[Set Realistic Goals|Setting realistic goals for yourself]]. | #*[[Set Realistic Goals|Setting realistic goals for yourself]]. | ||
#*[[Build Self Confidence|Building up your confidence]]. | #*[[Build Self Confidence|Building up your confidence]]. | ||
| − | #[[Be Assertive|Learn how to be more assertive]]. Being able to express yourself in an assertive way can also help you to deal with teasing. To be assertive, it is important to be comfortable saying “No” to people and to express your needs in a clear, direct way.<ref> http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/02/25/building-assertiveness-in-4-steps/</ref> | + | #[[Be Assertive|Learn how to be more assertive]]. Being able to express yourself in an assertive way can also help you to deal with teasing. To be assertive, it is important to be comfortable saying “No” to people and to express your needs in a clear, direct way.<ref name="rf17094"> http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/02/25/building-assertiveness-in-4-steps/</ref> |
#*Say what is bothering you in a specific way. For example, “You often tease me about my hair, such as by calling me a poodle or frizzball.” | #*Say what is bothering you in a specific way. For example, “You often tease me about my hair, such as by calling me a poodle or frizzball.” | ||
#*Express your feelings about the teasing. For example, you might say something like, “I feel angry when you say these things because I think my hair looks awesome.” | #*Express your feelings about the teasing. For example, you might say something like, “I feel angry when you say these things because I think my hair looks awesome.” | ||
#*Say what you want to happen. For example, “I want you to stop teasing me about my hair. If you do it again, then I will walk away.” | #*Say what you want to happen. For example, “I want you to stop teasing me about my hair. If you do it again, then I will walk away.” | ||
===Getting Help=== | ===Getting Help=== | ||
| − | #Talk to your parents. If you are a child or teenager and are being teased or insulted, it is important that you let them know what is going on. Tell them about the situation and ask for their help in resolving it.<ref>http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/what-to-do-if-you-are-being-bullied</ref> | + | #Talk to your parents. If you are a child or teenager and are being teased or insulted, it is important that you let them know what is going on. Tell them about the situation and ask for their help in resolving it.<ref name="rf17095">http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/what-to-do-if-you-are-being-bullied</ref> |
#*Try saying something like, "Mom/Dad, I have been getting teased by someone at school and I have tried to get them to stop, but it is not working." | #*Try saying something like, "Mom/Dad, I have been getting teased by someone at school and I have tried to get them to stop, but it is not working." | ||
#Reach out to a teacher or other trusted professional. If someone at school is insulting or teasing you, touch base with your teacher, school counselor, or even the school nurse. These educational professionals can help you devise a strategy for dealing with the situation. | #Reach out to a teacher or other trusted professional. If someone at school is insulting or teasing you, touch base with your teacher, school counselor, or even the school nurse. These educational professionals can help you devise a strategy for dealing with the situation. | ||
