Difference between revisions of "Not Act Like an Idiot Around Your Crush"
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== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
===Calming Down Before You See Them=== | ===Calming Down Before You See Them=== | ||
| − | #Just breathe. When you see your crush and start feeling excited and nervous, focus on your breathing. Remember that your lungs get less oxygen when you take quick, short breaths, which makes your heart speed up and your body tense up. So make a point of taking deep, long breaths to calm both your body and mind.<ref>http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/relaxation-techniques-for-stress-relief.htm</ref> | + | #Just breathe. When you see your crush and start feeling excited and nervous, focus on your breathing. Remember that your lungs get less oxygen when you take quick, short breaths, which makes your heart speed up and your body tense up. So make a point of taking deep, long breaths to calm both your body and mind.<ref name="rf1">http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/relaxation-techniques-for-stress-relief.htm</ref> |
#*Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. | #*Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. | ||
#*Encourage deeper breaths by imagining that your lungs are down in your abs. | #*Encourage deeper breaths by imagining that your lungs are down in your abs. | ||
#*Practice on your own so it’s easier to do when your crush is around. | #*Practice on your own so it’s easier to do when your crush is around. | ||
| − | #Make an “okay” sign with your fingers. This may sound odd, but it’s actually a yoga trick called the Gyan Mudra. Form an “O” by joining the tip of your index finger with the tip of your thumb, just like you would to signal “okay” to someone. Refocus your attention from the inside to the outside. Instead of focusing on the excitement building up inside you, just concentrate on the feeling of your thumb and fingertip touching.<ref>http://www.purpleclover.com/health/3864-chill-factor-15-ways-calm-yourself-right-now/item/calm-gyan-mudra/</ref> | + | #Make an “okay” sign with your fingers. This may sound odd, but it’s actually a yoga trick called the Gyan Mudra. Form an “O” by joining the tip of your index finger with the tip of your thumb, just like you would to signal “okay” to someone. Refocus your attention from the inside to the outside. Instead of focusing on the excitement building up inside you, just concentrate on the feeling of your thumb and fingertip touching.<ref name="rf2">http://www.purpleclover.com/health/3864-chill-factor-15-ways-calm-yourself-right-now/item/calm-gyan-mudra/</ref> |
#*You can do this right before you see that special someone, or even while you’re talking to them. Just hold your hands behind your back when you see them, or use whatever you’re holding (like a textbook) to hide it from view if you think it looks odd. | #*You can do this right before you see that special someone, or even while you’re talking to them. Just hold your hands behind your back when you see them, or use whatever you’re holding (like a textbook) to hide it from view if you think it looks odd. | ||
| − | #Use music to relax. If you know you will be seeing your crush any minute, listen to something relaxing beforehand if you can. Create a playlist full of calming music on your device. Otherwise, just play a song that usually calms you down in the back of your head.<ref>http://www.prevention.com/mind-body/emotional-health/de-stress-techniques</ref> | + | #Use music to relax. If you know you will be seeing your crush any minute, listen to something relaxing beforehand if you can. Create a playlist full of calming music on your device. Otherwise, just play a song that usually calms you down in the back of your head.<ref name="rf3">http://www.prevention.com/mind-body/emotional-health/de-stress-techniques</ref> |
#*Whatever music you choose, the keyword is “relaxing.” | #*Whatever music you choose, the keyword is “relaxing.” | ||
#*Your body’s rhythms will naturally fall in sync with the music’s. | #*Your body’s rhythms will naturally fall in sync with the music’s. | ||
#*This means your body will start getting worked up if you play something too exciting. | #*This means your body will start getting worked up if you play something too exciting. | ||
| − | #Dance a little. Get rid of your anxieties by dancing them out before you see that guy or girl who makes you swoon. This is a proven way to relieve stress, so if you’re all alone (or if you don’t mind busting a move in public) go all out and dance it off. Otherwise, just move your feet around by taking a walk, stepping on and off a curb or stair, or something similar.<ref>http://www.purpleclover.com/health/3864-chill-factor-15-ways-calm-yourself-right-now/item/calm-pulp-fiction-dance/</ref> | + | #Dance a little. Get rid of your anxieties by dancing them out before you see that guy or girl who makes you swoon. This is a proven way to relieve stress, so if you’re all alone (or if you don’t mind busting a move in public) go all out and dance it off. Otherwise, just move your feet around by taking a walk, stepping on and off a curb or stair, or something similar.<ref name="rf4">http://www.purpleclover.com/health/3864-chill-factor-15-ways-calm-yourself-right-now/item/calm-pulp-fiction-dance/</ref> |
#*Depending on what type of music you like to dance to, this might seem to contradict the whole bit about listening to relaxing music. But don’t worry about that. | #*Depending on what type of music you like to dance to, this might seem to contradict the whole bit about listening to relaxing music. But don’t worry about that. | ||
#*Dancing will increase your blood flow throughout your body and deliver more oxygen everywhere, which help tense muscles relax and feel better. So if you’re going to be active, the more active the better! | #*Dancing will increase your blood flow throughout your body and deliver more oxygen everywhere, which help tense muscles relax and feel better. So if you’re going to be active, the more active the better! | ||
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#Be confident in your looks. Don't fret over those little imperfections that you'd like to wish away. Also, don't worry about trying to morph into a certain "type" that you think your crush might like. Dress the way you like to dress. Style your hair the way you like it. Be yourself and own it! | #Be confident in your looks. Don't fret over those little imperfections that you'd like to wish away. Also, don't worry about trying to morph into a certain "type" that you think your crush might like. Dress the way you like to dress. Style your hair the way you like it. Be yourself and own it! | ||
#*Sure, people are definitely attracted to certain looks. But it's been proven that people are likely to respond much quicker to your level of confidence than your appearance. | #*Sure, people are definitely attracted to certain looks. But it's been proven that people are likely to respond much quicker to your level of confidence than your appearance. | ||
| − | #*So, if you're a brunette or redhead who's worried that your crush only seems to date blondes (or vice versa), stop worrying! As long as you act confident in your own looks, they'll be more blown away by your self-assurance than your hair color.<ref> http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/science/2168-science-explains-why-confidence-scores-you-dates/</ref> | + | #*So, if you're a brunette or redhead who's worried that your crush only seems to date blondes (or vice versa), stop worrying! As long as you act confident in your own looks, they'll be more blown away by your self-assurance than your hair color.<ref name="rf5"> http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/science/2168-science-explains-why-confidence-scores-you-dates/</ref> |
===Talking with Them=== | ===Talking with Them=== | ||
| − | #Be bold. When you see your crush, just go right up and start a conversation.<ref>http://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/advice/a7606/nervous-around-guys/</ref> Show them how confident you are by going straight for it instead of shying away.<ref>http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/science/2168-science-explains-why-confidence-scores-you-dates/</ref> Don’t give yourself time to overthink things and grow anxious (or give someone else the chance to swoop in and steal their attention). Just walk on up and open with something casual. Try:<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0</ref> | + | #Be bold. When you see your crush, just go right up and start a conversation.<ref name="rf6">http://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/advice/a7606/nervous-around-guys/</ref> Show them how confident you are by going straight for it instead of shying away.<ref name="rf7">http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/science/2168-science-explains-why-confidence-scores-you-dates/</ref> Don’t give yourself time to overthink things and grow anxious (or give someone else the chance to swoop in and steal their attention). Just walk on up and open with something casual. Try:<ref name="rf8">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0</ref> |
#*Asking a question about something you share in common, like a class: “Hey, do you know which pages Mr. Kingsley asked us to read for tomorrow? I didn’t write them down, and now I can’t remember.” | #*Asking a question about something you share in common, like a class: “Hey, do you know which pages Mr. Kingsley asked us to read for tomorrow? I didn’t write them down, and now I can’t remember.” | ||
#*Commenting on something that peaks your interest, like their new sneakers: “Hey, nice kicks! Where’d you get them?” | #*Commenting on something that peaks your interest, like their new sneakers: “Hey, nice kicks! Where’d you get them?” | ||
#*Using something incidental to get the ball rolling, like the book they’re reading: “You know, that one’s been in my to-read pile forever. Is it worth getting into?” | #*Using something incidental to get the ball rolling, like the book they’re reading: “You know, that one’s been in my to-read pile forever. Is it worth getting into?” | ||
| − | #Keep them talking about themselves. Once you draw them into a conversation, keep the spotlight on them at first to draw them in farther. Think of yourself as an interviewer and ask a lot of follow-up questions. This will flatter their ego by showing that you’re interested in what they think, and give you a chance to grow more comfortable with them before the spotlight turns on you. For example, if you opened the conversation by commenting on the book they’re reading:<ref | + | #Keep them talking about themselves. Once you draw them into a conversation, keep the spotlight on them at first to draw them in farther. Think of yourself as an interviewer and ask a lot of follow-up questions. This will flatter their ego by showing that you’re interested in what they think, and give you a chance to grow more comfortable with them before the spotlight turns on you. For example, if you opened the conversation by commenting on the book they’re reading:<ref name="rf6" /> |
#*Ask if they’ve read any of that author’s books. If they have, which would they recommend reading first? | #*Ask if they’ve read any of that author’s books. If they have, which would they recommend reading first? | ||
#*Say the book they recommend was turned into a movie. Ask which they liked better and why. | #*Say the book they recommend was turned into a movie. Ask which they liked better and why. | ||
#*As you go on, let the conversation flow naturally from topic to topic, but keep the focus on what they think of that topic, whatever it may be. | #*As you go on, let the conversation flow naturally from topic to topic, but keep the focus on what they think of that topic, whatever it may be. | ||
#*So, if they really liked the movie adaptation because their favorite director made it, ask why they like that director, which film is their favorite, and so on. | #*So, if they really liked the movie adaptation because their favorite director made it, ask why they like that director, which film is their favorite, and so on. | ||
| − | #Look at them. Make direct eye-contact when you walk up to them and maintain it as you talk. Show them that you’re interested in what they have to say by keeping your attention on them. Avoid glancing away and staring off at something else, which might make them think you’re bored, distracted, or feeling defensive.<ref | + | #Look at them. Make direct eye-contact when you walk up to them and maintain it as you talk. Show them that you’re interested in what they have to say by keeping your attention on them. Avoid glancing away and staring off at something else, which might make them think you’re bored, distracted, or feeling defensive.<ref name="rf7" /> |
#*That isn’t to say that you should stare at them without blinking, though, because that could be creepy. | #*That isn’t to say that you should stare at them without blinking, though, because that could be creepy. | ||
#*Take natural breaks. Shut your eyes or look away when you laugh. If someone else shouts or zips by on a bike a few feet away, glance at them. | #*Take natural breaks. Shut your eyes or look away when you laugh. If someone else shouts or zips by on a bike a few feet away, glance at them. | ||
#*Just keep your breaks brief and bring your attention back to your crush immediately. | #*Just keep your breaks brief and bring your attention back to your crush immediately. | ||
#*Don’t forget to smile when you first approach. Show them that you’re happy to be talking to them and that they should be happy, too! | #*Don’t forget to smile when you first approach. Show them that you’re happy to be talking to them and that they should be happy, too! | ||
| − | #Concentrate on them, not you. Focus on what’s happening outside of you instead of your internal emotions. Tune all of your attention to what your crush says and does. Empty your mind of everything else so you only react to the conversation, not any anxiety that you might be feeling inside.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201106/how-reduce-dating-anxiety</ref> | + | #Concentrate on them, not you. Focus on what’s happening outside of you instead of your internal emotions. Tune all of your attention to what your crush says and does. Empty your mind of everything else so you only react to the conversation, not any anxiety that you might be feeling inside.<ref name="rf9">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201106/how-reduce-dating-anxiety</ref> |
#*Of course, don’t take that too literally and stand there empty-headed like a zombie. | #*Of course, don’t take that too literally and stand there empty-headed like a zombie. | ||
#*The trick is to quiet any thoughts that don’t have anything to do with what the two of you are talking about right here, right now. | #*The trick is to quiet any thoughts that don’t have anything to do with what the two of you are talking about right here, right now. | ||
#*This way you won’t overthink things and make the conversation awkward by worrying about stuff that has nothing to do with it. | #*This way you won’t overthink things and make the conversation awkward by worrying about stuff that has nothing to do with it. | ||
| − | #Offer your own take on things. Asking your crush lots of questions at first shows your interest in their thoughts and opinions, but remember to start sharing your own as you grow more comfortable around them. Don’t make them feel like this is a police interrogation. Make the conversation an equal give-and-take as you go on.<ref | + | #Offer your own take on things. Asking your crush lots of questions at first shows your interest in their thoughts and opinions, but remember to start sharing your own as you grow more comfortable around them. Don’t make them feel like this is a police interrogation. Make the conversation an equal give-and-take as you go on.<ref name="rf8" /> |
#*Let’s say you’re still talking about their favorite director and movies. If one of their favorite movies is one of yours, too, say so and tell them why you love it. | #*Let’s say you’re still talking about their favorite director and movies. If one of their favorite movies is one of yours, too, say so and tell them why you love it. | ||
#*If not, play the desert island game and ask which five movies they’d bring with them to watch for the rest of their lives. Then share your own picks and the reasons why. | #*If not, play the desert island game and ask which five movies they’d bring with them to watch for the rest of their lives. Then share your own picks and the reasons why. | ||
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#*By being bold, asking lots of questions, and sharing your own answers, you can make them feel like the conversation is equal parts give-and-take. | #*By being bold, asking lots of questions, and sharing your own answers, you can make them feel like the conversation is equal parts give-and-take. | ||
#*At the same time, you get to direct the course of the conversation so you can reveal exactly what you want to share about yourself. | #*At the same time, you get to direct the course of the conversation so you can reveal exactly what you want to share about yourself. | ||
| − | #Keep things light. Make the conversation enjoyable by sticking to topics that you both enjoy. Leave serious talks for the future, when the two of you are officially together. For now, just show your crush that you’re a fun person to talk to, and keep the conversation carefree.<ref | + | #Keep things light. Make the conversation enjoyable by sticking to topics that you both enjoy. Leave serious talks for the future, when the two of you are officially together. For now, just show your crush that you’re a fun person to talk to, and keep the conversation carefree.<ref name="rf9" /> |
#*Avoid being negative. Say you absolutely hate their favorite movie. Don’t put them off by picking it apart. | #*Avoid being negative. Say you absolutely hate their favorite movie. Don’t put them off by picking it apart. | ||
#*That isn’t to say you have to lie and say you loved it. Be honest, but carefree. Just say you couldn’t get into it, and leave it at that. | #*That isn’t to say you have to lie and say you loved it. Be honest, but carefree. Just say you couldn’t get into it, and leave it at that. | ||
#*Then use some aspect about it as a springboard to something you can speak positively about. For example, if an actor in that movie was in a movie you do love, switch topics by saying something like, “Oh, but you know what Tom Hardy movie I do love . . .?” | #*Then use some aspect about it as a springboard to something you can speak positively about. For example, if an actor in that movie was in a movie you do love, switch topics by saying something like, “Oh, but you know what Tom Hardy movie I do love . . .?” | ||
#*On the other hand, if you both think a movie was terrible, feel free to bond over picking it apart if you both enjoy doing that! | #*On the other hand, if you both think a movie was terrible, feel free to bond over picking it apart if you both enjoy doing that! | ||
| − | #Keep a positive frame of mind. Don't assume everything's destined to go wrong. That will just increase your chances of self-fulfilling that destiny and acting like more of an idiot! Instead, keep an open mind. Stop yourself from trying to read too much into every little thing your crush says or does. Unless they flat-out say, "I don't like you," take it easy on yourself. Go with the flow and assume everything will work out for the best.<ref | + | #Keep a positive frame of mind. Don't assume everything's destined to go wrong. That will just increase your chances of self-fulfilling that destiny and acting like more of an idiot! Instead, keep an open mind. Stop yourself from trying to read too much into every little thing your crush says or does. Unless they flat-out say, "I don't like you," take it easy on yourself. Go with the flow and assume everything will work out for the best.<ref name="rf9" /> |
#*You're not a mind-reader, so give yourself a break if they seem withdrawn when you talk with them. They could be tired, distracted, or depressed about something else entirely. | #*You're not a mind-reader, so give yourself a break if they seem withdrawn when you talk with them. They could be tired, distracted, or depressed about something else entirely. | ||
#*Focus on what goes right instead of worrying about what goes wrong. For example, if you made them laugh with a joke, cherish that moment instead of dwelling on the fact that you stuttered a few times. | #*Focus on what goes right instead of worrying about what goes wrong. For example, if you made them laugh with a joke, cherish that moment instead of dwelling on the fact that you stuttered a few times. | ||
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===Controlling Your Body=== | ===Controlling Your Body=== | ||
| − | #Focus on your body language, not your body. Don’t worry about imperfections. Remember: everybody has some. Instead of worrying needlessly about hiding this or that feature, focus instead on showing self-confidence through your body language. So fix yourself up and dress according to your own style instead of trying to force-fit yourself into a “type” that you think your crush might like better.<ref | + | #Focus on your body language, not your body. Don’t worry about imperfections. Remember: everybody has some. Instead of worrying needlessly about hiding this or that feature, focus instead on showing self-confidence through your body language. So fix yourself up and dress according to your own style instead of trying to force-fit yourself into a “type” that you think your crush might like better.<ref name="rf7" /> |
#*People are far more likely to respond to your self-confidence than your appearance. | #*People are far more likely to respond to your self-confidence than your appearance. | ||
#*Focus less on what your face and body look like, and more on how you carry yourself. | #*Focus less on what your face and body look like, and more on how you carry yourself. | ||
| − | #Be still. Try not to fidget or act jumpy. Avoid nervous behavior like tapping your feet or fingers or playing with your hair, ear, or anything else. Whether you’re standing or sitting, remain composed. Only move when it’s called for. Show you own the room by not acting like you’re ready to flee at the drop of a hat.<ref>http://liveboldandbloom.com/10/self-confidence/body-language-tips</ref> | + | #Be still. Try not to fidget or act jumpy. Avoid nervous behavior like tapping your feet or fingers or playing with your hair, ear, or anything else. Whether you’re standing or sitting, remain composed. Only move when it’s called for. Show you own the room by not acting like you’re ready to flee at the drop of a hat.<ref name="rf10">http://liveboldandbloom.com/10/self-confidence/body-language-tips</ref> |
#*Keep your feet from tapping or your knees from bouncing by concentrating on keeping both feet flat on the floor. | #*Keep your feet from tapping or your knees from bouncing by concentrating on keeping both feet flat on the floor. | ||
#*Use your hands to make gestures if that’s what you normally do. Just try to keep it to a minimum and be graceful about it so your special someone isn’t distracted by wild flailing. | #*Use your hands to make gestures if that’s what you normally do. Just try to keep it to a minimum and be graceful about it so your special someone isn’t distracted by wild flailing. | ||
#*If you feel like some part of you absolutely must move, focus your attention on your breathing. Breathe deeply and concentrate on how your chest rises and falls. | #*If you feel like some part of you absolutely must move, focus your attention on your breathing. Breathe deeply and concentrate on how your chest rises and falls. | ||
| − | #Pay attention to your hands and arms. Avoid the temptation to stick your hands in your pockets. Also fight the urge to cross arms. Your crush might see these as signs of boredom, anger, or defensiveness. Keep your arms hanging relaxed by your sides when standing, or fold your hands over your lap if you’re sitting.<ref>https://expertbeacon.com/ways-men-show-confidence-through-body-language/#.WDSjnEYrKVM</ref> | + | #Pay attention to your hands and arms. Avoid the temptation to stick your hands in your pockets. Also fight the urge to cross arms. Your crush might see these as signs of boredom, anger, or defensiveness. Keep your arms hanging relaxed by your sides when standing, or fold your hands over your lap if you’re sitting.<ref name="rf11">https://expertbeacon.com/ways-men-show-confidence-through-body-language/#.WDSjnEYrKVM</ref> |
| − | #*If you find this hard, bring something to hold when you talk to them to keep your hands occupied. This could be anything from a textbook, bag, or even a pair of sneakers if you’re on your way to the gym.<ref | + | #*If you find this hard, bring something to hold when you talk to them to keep your hands occupied. This could be anything from a textbook, bag, or even a pair of sneakers if you’re on your way to the gym.<ref name="rf10" /> |
| − | #*If you do bring a prop to hold, just bring one. Juggling a pile of random stuff might make you seem like a disorganized mess.<ref>http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2015/05/10-ways-body-language-can-help-women-be-more-powerful/</ref> | + | #*If you do bring a prop to hold, just bring one. Juggling a pile of random stuff might make you seem like a disorganized mess.<ref name="rf12">http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2015/05/10-ways-body-language-can-help-women-be-more-powerful/</ref> |
| − | #Keep your feet and legs in mind as well. Resist the urge to fold in on yourself and hold yourself too tightly. Instead, show your confidence by setting your feet slightly apart from each other. Aim your toes directly at your crush. Show them that your attention is focused squarely on them. Avoid creating the impression that you’re ready to bolt in some other direction.<ref | + | #Keep your feet and legs in mind as well. Resist the urge to fold in on yourself and hold yourself too tightly. Instead, show your confidence by setting your feet slightly apart from each other. Aim your toes directly at your crush. Show them that your attention is focused squarely on them. Avoid creating the impression that you’re ready to bolt in some other direction.<ref name="rf12" /> |
#*Do the same if you’re seated facing each other. If you’re seated side by side instead, angle your feet slightly toward them. | #*Do the same if you’re seated facing each other. If you’re seated side by side instead, angle your feet slightly toward them. | ||
#*Cross an ankle over one knee when you’re sitting if that feels more comfortable. | #*Cross an ankle over one knee when you’re sitting if that feels more comfortable. | ||
| − | #Maintain good posture. Keep your back straight, your shoulders down, and your arms relaxed. Stick your chest out a little. Avoid hunching over or tensing your shoulders all the way up to your ears. Whether you’re sitting, standing still, or walking, stay relaxed, move slowly, and keep your back tall and proud.<ref | + | #Maintain good posture. Keep your back straight, your shoulders down, and your arms relaxed. Stick your chest out a little. Avoid hunching over or tensing your shoulders all the way up to your ears. Whether you’re sitting, standing still, or walking, stay relaxed, move slowly, and keep your back tall and proud.<ref name="rf11" /> |
#*The key is to come off as relaxed, so if you have bad posture in general, start working on improving it when you’re alone. If you aren’t used to good posture, you may come across as stiff and cranky if you force it. | #*The key is to come off as relaxed, so if you have bad posture in general, start working on improving it when you’re alone. If you aren’t used to good posture, you may come across as stiff and cranky if you force it. | ||
#*Another exception would be if your crush is much shorter than you are. In this case, feel free to hunch forward to bring your heads closer together. This way you won’t come across as staring down your nose at them. | #*Another exception would be if your crush is much shorter than you are. In this case, feel free to hunch forward to bring your heads closer together. This way you won’t come across as staring down your nose at them. | ||
