Talk to a Friend Who Gossips

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So you have a friend who is a Be a Gossip? How do you approach someone who is like that or share yourself with them when you aren't sure if what you is going to be spread around? Friends like this can be a pain and tiresome to deal with. Here are some tips on how to talk to a friend who gossips.

Steps

  1. See for yourself if the person is a gossip - if you are just taking someone else's word that they are, then you'll never know the truth and will have been wrongly accusing them of gossiping. If they openly share intimate details of their relationships or friendships with other people with you, then you can be fairly certain that they will be doing the same with your personal information. Note however that if you are exceptionally good friends, then they may not be doing this, but generally, it is a good way to spot a gossip.
  2. Be aware of what you say when you are speaking to them. Although it may be annoying, if you really want to stay friends with this person, then you can't let your guard down even for a moment. Try to keep off certain subjects which could portray you badly or sharing your deepest thoughts with the person and certainly do not give out other people's information as it will almost certainly got out that you leaked the information.
  3. Change the subject if you are uncomfortable with what you are discussing. If the friend pesters you to tell them, stand your ground and say that it's personal.
  4. Share good things with your friend about yourself. This helps you build your confidence and will stop hurtful gossip spreading around, but make sure you don't over-do it otherwise you will appear to be a big-head with an ego. Remember that nobody gossips about nice things, so if you give the friend very little or nothing negative to say about you, then you probably won't be mentioned at all.
  5. Make sure the friend knows that what you are telling them is private and for no one else to know, if you are intent on sharing personal information with them. Make sure you are persistent in telling them this, but do not treat them like an idiot.
  6. Get them to really open up about themselves - one thing gossips love to talk about is themselves. Although it may sound nasty, if they share something really personal about themselves, keep it as a back-up so that if they ever threaten to tell someone else your secrets then you can remind them that you also have heard theirs too. This will remain at the back of their mind when speaking to others and will help to keep your secrets safe. Of course, don't use this information, but in a friendly way mention that you both have shared so much with each other.
  7. Keep a close-knit group of friends and family who you can trust and depend on. It may not stop the friend gossiping, but you will know that if they hear anything, Tell a Friend They're Being Talked About. If you can trust them, ask them to keep an eye out to make sure that your friend isn't gossiping to others.
  8. Make sure other friends and family members who you can trust stop gossiping too. Remember, gossipers are looking for acceptance and think that information is power (thus sharing all their gossip means they are powerful in their eyes), so if you make sure that none of your other friends or family are comfortable with gossiping, then the gossiper will obey and follow suit.
  9. Confront and express your feelings to your friend if you have proof they have been gossiping about you. Tell them that it hurt your feelings and that you trusted them with this information. Only Confront the Person Who Talked Behind Your Back if you are certain they have been talking about you - again, don't just go on someone else's word.
  10. Consider terminating the friendship. If you really cannot make the friendship work, then it is probably best you both go your separate ways. At best, you could keep them as an acquaintance who you can make small talk with over a coffee or at the supermarket. If you want to end the friendship, do it gradually over time - if you get into a huge discussion about it then your friend will almost certainly start spreading rumours about you, but if you simply stop visiting as often, then you may be able to avoid this. Handle the situation with care and sensitivity, more so than any other. If all else fails, tell them to go tell your secrets - they will feel like they've lost their power over you and won't feel so eager to spread rumours.

Tips

  • The best way to handle a friend who gossips is actually to never be friends with one in the first place at all. As soon as you do become friends with one, you are headed for a friendship which will be fraught with situations where you must constantly watch what you share of yourself and power struggles if your friend threatens to share your secrets.
  • Always ask the friend in private if something is true. If you do it in public, then you become the gossiper.
  • Sit down with the friend in private and tell them how you feel about his/her gossiping. If they shoot back a nasty comment walk away and talk to a parent or a responsible adult. If you can't find anybody to talk to about the problem just walk away when your friend tries to gossip or just say "I'm not interested" and ignore any nasty comments.
  • Remember that your friend has their flaws just like any other, so Try to be understanding and work with the person. Over time, who knows, maybe your friend will lose their gossiping ways.

Warnings

  • If the rumours are persistent and grievous, then consider taking a more serious approach to resolve the situation, such as through the courts for slander.

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