Difference between revisions of "Make Peace with Herpes"

[[Recognize Herpes|Herpes]] is incredibly common. In the US, about one in six people between the ages of 14 and 49 have genital herpes, and in some populations, the prevalence is even greater.<ref name="rf1">http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm</ref> Once you have herpes, you have it for life, but that doesn't mean your life has to be worse for it.  Everyone has a physical issues to deal with, and yours just happens to be herpes. The best way to make peace with the virus is to accept that it's part of you and get comfortable managing it to improve your quality of life.

[[Category: Sexually Transmitted Diseases]]

#Accept that you have herpes. Accepting that you have herpes will allow you to move forward.<ref name="rf2">http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/psychological-issues-related-herpes</ref> Studies have shown that people with herpes who use an acceptance coping style have a better quality of life.<ref name="rf3">hpq.sagepub.com.proxy.library.vanderbilt.edu/content/16/1/12.full.pdf</ref>  Acceptance coping means accepting that your herpes is real and it is something that you have to address.  Acceptance is an ongoing process that takes time. Many people will refuse to acknowledge that they actually have herpes or will continue to live as though they do not have herpes.  This denial will only make things more difficult for you. <ref name="rf3" />

#*If you know you have herpes and do not inform a sexual partner, this can not only hurt your relationship, but there may be legal ramifications as well: you can be sued for negligence or personal injury if you.<ref name="rf2" /> Herpes is nothing to be ashamed of, but you need to be honest with your partners so they can make an informed decision and protect their own health.  

#*Write down or verbalize any negative feelings and thoughts you have about having herpes. Then, challenge where those negative feelings are coming from and replace them with more positive thoughts. <ref name="rf4">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-darkness/201508/how-acceptance-can-transform-your-life</ref><ref name="rf5">http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/coping-diagnosis</ref>

#*Focus on the present.  Do not think of the worst case scenario or dwell in your negative emotions.Instead of saying, "My life is over because I have herpes," try saying, "I am living right now, even though I have herpes," or, "I am many things. Having herpes is only one part of my life."<ref name="rf6">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/paintracking/201303/the-dialectic-pain-synthesizing-acceptance-and-change</ref>

#Redefine what is normal. You will have to make some changes to your life that may be difficult at first, but know that your life does not have to change dramatically.  You can still do everything that you had planned to do. You may have to take medication every day and deal with an outbreak every once in a while, but you can mostly continue your life as normal.<ref name="rf7">http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/coping-diagnosis?page=2</ref>

#*Continue to live the life you had before you were diagnosed.  Make sure that you spend time doing things that you enjoy and make time for your family and friends. Doing simple things like taking a walk or reading a book can help you feel more positive about yourself.<ref name="rf2" />

#Talk to someone you can trust. When we go through problems, we often isolate ourselves.  This can make matters worse.  Talking to someone that cares about you and that you can trust will help you tremendously.<ref name="rf8">http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/stress-healthy</ref>  This person can be a friend, family member, partner, or a therapist.

#Realize that herpes is common.  Herpes is a very common virus in the United States.<ref name="rf1" />  Most people that have herpes have no symptoms or very mild symptoms.  You probably know people who have herpes.  Know that you are not alone.

#Forgive yourself. You will go through a variety of emotions after you are diagnosed with herpes.  Many people are in disbelief, angry, resentful, ashamed, or embarrassed.<ref name="rf2" />  These feelings are normal, but it is important for you to address and work through them.  Holding on to negative emotions can cause stress, which can make your outbreaks worse and more painful.<ref name="rf2" />

#*Write down exactly what you want to forgive yourself for to work through your anger.  Cut up or burn this letter to symbolize that you are letting all of it go.<ref name="rf9">http://www.thepowerofforgiveness.com/pdf/Forgiving_oneself.pdf</ref>

#Forgive others. It is normal for you to be upset with the person that gave you herpes and wonder if the person knew that they had it.<ref name="rf7" /> Most people with herpes do not know that they have it. [[Forgive| Forgiveness]] is about you and not the other person.  Holding on to anger and resentment will only hurt you and not the other person.  You have to make the choice to forgive the person.

#*Acknowledge any anger or resentment you feel.  Talk about it or write it down.  Try writing a letter to the person who gave you herpes to process your feelings and then burn the letter.<ref name="rf10">http://www.growcounseling.com/10-steps-to-forgiveness/</ref>  The burning of the letter is symbolic of you letting the anger and resentment go.

#Seek professional help. If you are not able to handle the emotional impact of herpes on your own, you should go see a therapist or a counselor.  Cognitive behavioral stress management, [[Perform Progressive Muscle Relaxation|progressive muscle relaxation]], and group therapy have been found to be helpful for managing herpes.<ref name="rf11">hpq.sagepub.com.proxy.library.vanderbilt.edu/content/16/1/80.full.pdf</ref>

#*Cognitive behavioral stress management will help you focus on how your thoughts effect your emotions and behaviors.  Participating in this type of therapy can help you feel less depressed and can improve your body's immune function.<ref name="rf12">http://www.apa.org/pi/aids/resources/research/schneiderman.aspx</ref>

#Join a support group. A support group is a safe place for you to talk about your feelings and learn from other people who are living with herpes.<ref name="rf13">http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/genital-herpes/basics/coping-support/con-20020893</ref>  Support groups can be found online and in person.  Ask your doctor if they know of any support groups. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) has a hotline that can connect you with counselors and information.<ref name="rf14">http://www.itsyoursexlife.com/hotlines-and-resources</ref>

#See a medical professional.  Your doctor can help you find the best way to [[Treat Herpes|manage your herpes]]. Knowing how to manage your outbreaks will give you a sense of control.  You should talk to your doctor about any concerns you have and how herpes may affect your life.<ref name="rf2" />

#[[Reduce Stress|Reduce Stress]].  Studies have shown a relationship between increased stress levels and a greater number of outbreaks.  This can create a vicious cycle because a herpes outbreak can be very stressful.<ref name="rf2" />

#*Deep breathing, yoga, meditation, and walking outside are good ways to reduce stress.  You should find an activity that you enjoy to help you relieve.  You should practice stress management regularly and try to incorporate it into your daily life.<ref name="rf15">http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/basics/stress-relief/hlv-20049495</ref>

#Take medication.  Although there is no cure for herpes, there are medications that can help you manage.  Medications can help your sores heal faster, reduce the intensity and frequency of your outbreaks, and minimize the chance of you passing herpes to someone else.<ref name="rf16">http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/genital-herpes/basics/treatment/con-20020893</ref> The most common medications for herpes are Acyclovir (Zovirax), Famciclovir (Famvir), and Valacyclovir (Valtrex).

#*Your doctor will let you know how often you should take your medication.  Some people only take medication when they are experiencing symptoms while others take medication everyday.<ref name="rf16" />

#[[Tell Your Partner You Have Herpes|Communicate with your sexual partner]].  It is important that you let your current sex partner or any future sex partners that you have herpes.  This can be a very hard conversation.  You should have this conversation in private and before things get hot and heavy.<ref name="rf17">http://www.itsyoursexlife.com/stds-testing-gyt/article/talk-to-your-partner</ref>

#*You can start the conversation by saying, "I would like to talk to you about something.  I found out that I was diagnosed with the herpes virus.  It is very common, but I would like to talk to you about ways we can have safe sex..."<ref name="rf17" />

#*Some people may have a negative reaction when you tell them that you have herpes.  Try not to become defensive and let the other person calm down and work through what you have told them.<ref name="rf18">http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/all-about-genital-herpes-how-tell-your-partner?page=2</ref>  They may be willing to deal with it and they may not.  Know that you will be okay either way.

#*Being honest about having herpes can help build trust in a relationship.<ref name="rf2" />