Difference between revisions of "Make Friends Online"
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Tired of talking to yourself? Are you stuck at home, or feel shy about going out on your own to meet new people? The internet is a great place to shake off your shyness, meet new people from around the world, and form friendships with people who share your interests and passions. It’s not hard to learn how to make friends online. | Tired of talking to yourself? Are you stuck at home, or feel shy about going out on your own to meet new people? The internet is a great place to shake off your shyness, meet new people from around the world, and form friendships with people who share your interests and passions. It’s not hard to learn how to make friends online. | ||
| − | [[Category:Keeping Safe Online]] | + | [[Category: Keeping Safe Online]] |
== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
===Picking Out Like-Minded People=== | ===Picking Out Like-Minded People=== | ||
| − | #Scan the website first. When you join an online community, it’s smart to scan the site or “lurk” on (browse) the forums, comments, and message boards. Just like when you walk in the door of a social event, you want to get a feel for the place and how the people are interacting. You can tell from the comment conversations if these people will be ones you can relate to or not.<ref>http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/friendship/make-friends-online-3323.html</ref> | + | #Scan the website first. When you join an online community, it’s smart to scan the site or “lurk” on (browse) the forums, comments, and message boards. Just like when you walk in the door of a social event, you want to get a feel for the place and how the people are interacting. You can tell from the comment conversations if these people will be ones you can relate to or not.<ref name="rf16457">http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/friendship/make-friends-online-3323.html</ref> |
#*Some online communities require that you sign up before you can read the boards or comments. You can do a little research about websites by reading reviews or reading on the website itself to see if you think it would be a good match for your personality. | #*Some online communities require that you sign up before you can read the boards or comments. You can do a little research about websites by reading reviews or reading on the website itself to see if you think it would be a good match for your personality. | ||
#Identify users who share your interests. Once you’re signed up on a website, it’s time to find users you think might make good friends for you. The easiest place to start is identifying others who share your interests. If you see a comment someone left about how much they love soccer or baking, and you love that thing too, you may want to pursue friendship with that person. | #Identify users who share your interests. Once you’re signed up on a website, it’s time to find users you think might make good friends for you. The easiest place to start is identifying others who share your interests. If you see a comment someone left about how much they love soccer or baking, and you love that thing too, you may want to pursue friendship with that person. | ||
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===Maintaining Friendships Online=== | ===Maintaining Friendships Online=== | ||
#Use standard writing techniques. Maintaining the norm for typing helps people like you since this standard is widely understood, even internationally. Using all caps, or a mix of uppercase and lowercase, or fancy scripts, is difficult to read and makes you seem pretentious or needy if no one else is doing this. | #Use standard writing techniques. Maintaining the norm for typing helps people like you since this standard is widely understood, even internationally. Using all caps, or a mix of uppercase and lowercase, or fancy scripts, is difficult to read and makes you seem pretentious or needy if no one else is doing this. | ||
| − | #*This can make it look like you are trying to draw attention to yourself, which works online just as it does in person: it usually pushes people away. This is because it suggests that you are unable to take care of yourself.<ref>http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/neediness-rocks-and-heres-why-0716145</ref> | + | #*This can make it look like you are trying to draw attention to yourself, which works online just as it does in person: it usually pushes people away. This is because it suggests that you are unable to take care of yourself.<ref name="rf16458">http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/neediness-rocks-and-heres-why-0716145</ref> |
#*Avoid “text talk” like using numbers to abbreviate a word (l8er, for example) as it appears unprofessional and lazy, not to mention being difficult to read. | #*Avoid “text talk” like using numbers to abbreviate a word (l8er, for example) as it appears unprofessional and lazy, not to mention being difficult to read. | ||
#Stay kind and polite. In your comments, don’t be biased or rude. Although you want to be able to express yourself, jumping into a conversation with your guns blazing makes people want to get away from you, especially if they disagree. Instead, maintain a polite and kind demeanor—even when you do disagree—to avoid polarizing the conversation and losing friends before you even start. | #Stay kind and polite. In your comments, don’t be biased or rude. Although you want to be able to express yourself, jumping into a conversation with your guns blazing makes people want to get away from you, especially if they disagree. Instead, maintain a polite and kind demeanor—even when you do disagree—to avoid polarizing the conversation and losing friends before you even start. | ||
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#*Don’t personally attack anyone. Online spaces are just as particular about this as real-life places. This fact is easy to forget on online, where you aren’t seeing people’s body language. | #*Don’t personally attack anyone. Online spaces are just as particular about this as real-life places. This fact is easy to forget on online, where you aren’t seeing people’s body language. | ||
#Ask questions. To get to know people, you want to show interest in their lives just like in real life. Show interest by asking pertinent questions that aren’t awkward or embarrassing to answer. You may find that they ask you questions in return. | #Ask questions. To get to know people, you want to show interest in their lives just like in real life. Show interest by asking pertinent questions that aren’t awkward or embarrassing to answer. You may find that they ask you questions in return. | ||
| − | #*Just like in real life, listening is a key for making online friendships.<ref>http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm</ref> | + | #*Just like in real life, listening is a key for making online friendships.<ref name="rf2910">http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm</ref> |
#*Be open about your life when you are asked questions, because just like in real life, being shy will push most people away. You can’t build a friendship if there isn’t both give and take. | #*Be open about your life when you are asked questions, because just like in real life, being shy will push most people away. You can’t build a friendship if there isn’t both give and take. | ||
#Exchange email addresses. Once you have established a solid rapport with someone and feel that they are a safe friendship, you may want to exchange email addresses. This is especially useful if you are going to be out of touch (except through email) on a trip. | #Exchange email addresses. Once you have established a solid rapport with someone and feel that they are a safe friendship, you may want to exchange email addresses. This is especially useful if you are going to be out of touch (except through email) on a trip. | ||
| − | #Maintain open communication. Just like in real life, you have to communicate with people in order to stay friends with them. This means replying to messages, to posts, and asking questions and making inquiries about people before they ask you. This is called pursuing friendships.<ref>http://www.glamour.com/story/should-you-pursue-a-new-friend</ref> | + | #Maintain open communication. Just like in real life, you have to communicate with people in order to stay friends with them. This means replying to messages, to posts, and asking questions and making inquiries about people before they ask you. This is called pursuing friendships.<ref name="rf16459">http://www.glamour.com/story/should-you-pursue-a-new-friend</ref> |
#*Reply to messages promptly. If you wait days or week to respond, you risk losing an online friendship, as it makes you look disinterested or too busy. | #*Reply to messages promptly. If you wait days or week to respond, you risk losing an online friendship, as it makes you look disinterested or too busy. | ||
#Comment often. Not only should you PM (private message) other users on a regular basis, but commenting in forums and threads keeps you current with friends. It also keeps your name in front of them so that you don’t get forgotten. | #Comment often. Not only should you PM (private message) other users on a regular basis, but commenting in forums and threads keeps you current with friends. It also keeps your name in front of them so that you don’t get forgotten. | ||
#*Tag others in your comments to include them, share ideas, and encourage conversation. | #*Tag others in your comments to include them, share ideas, and encourage conversation. | ||
#Think about setting up phone calls. If your friendship is going well and you have made sure that someone is safe, you may want to consider talking on the phone. Although this mode of communication is already in place for most online gaming, not so for most websites. Phone chats are fun because they make communication instant, deepening your friendship. | #Think about setting up phone calls. If your friendship is going well and you have made sure that someone is safe, you may want to consider talking on the phone. Although this mode of communication is already in place for most online gaming, not so for most websites. Phone chats are fun because they make communication instant, deepening your friendship. | ||
| − | #*Think about meeting in real life, but only if you have already talked on the phone or through video chat to verify their identity. Take your time getting to the point of meeting in real life.<ref | + | #*Think about meeting in real life, but only if you have already talked on the phone or through video chat to verify their identity. Take your time getting to the point of meeting in real life.<ref name="rf16457" /> |
#*Both phone chats and real-life meetings are normal parts of online dating sites. | #*Both phone chats and real-life meetings are normal parts of online dating sites. | ||
#Deal with conflict. Conflict with online friends is inevitable, just like it is in real life. And just like real life, you want to deal with it so that your reputation doesn’t become tarnished with other users. Ask to PM or video/phone chat a friend in order to deal with the conflict, rather than trying to work it out in a public forum or slowly over email. | #Deal with conflict. Conflict with online friends is inevitable, just like it is in real life. And just like real life, you want to deal with it so that your reputation doesn’t become tarnished with other users. Ask to PM or video/phone chat a friend in order to deal with the conflict, rather than trying to work it out in a public forum or slowly over email. | ||
| − | #*It is recommended that you take some time to cool off before trying to work through a conflict with an online friend, as well as discuss the situation with someone else to gain perspective.<ref>http://users.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/conflict.html</ref> | + | #*It is recommended that you take some time to cool off before trying to work through a conflict with an online friend, as well as discuss the situation with someone else to gain perspective.<ref name="rf16460">http://users.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/conflict.html</ref> |
===Staying Safe Online=== | ===Staying Safe Online=== | ||
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#*Set all your profiles to private so that you aren’t sharing your contact details with everyone. | #*Set all your profiles to private so that you aren’t sharing your contact details with everyone. | ||
#Create an obscure username. Try not to use your actual name—at least not your last name or surname—so that others can’t find your details in an internet search. Instead, try to make a username out of an activity or show that you enjoy, like soccergirl or Sherlock_fan. | #Create an obscure username. Try not to use your actual name—at least not your last name or surname—so that others can’t find your details in an internet search. Instead, try to make a username out of an activity or show that you enjoy, like soccergirl or Sherlock_fan. | ||
| − | #* Likewise for your profile picture, use a non-descript profile image or avatar. Don’t use an actual picture of yourself, but instead upload an image of nature or your favorite movie character. You can also create an avatar on the internet to place in profile picture slots.<ref>http://go.secondlife.com/landing/avatar/?campaignid=292379430&adgroupid=29556769710&loc_physical_ms=9013097&placement=&keyword=%25252Bcreate%252520an%252520%25252Bavatar&matchtype=b&creative=100838274270&utmsource=Google&creativeid=T001010&gclid=Cj0KEQjw09C5BRDy972s6q2y4egBEiQA5_guv3Ez-Z8RP8tsr7S2fc3YjXqSt0BG7wPNKMWESFZ5XRIaAlsp8P8HAQ</ref> | + | #* Likewise for your profile picture, use a non-descript profile image or avatar. Don’t use an actual picture of yourself, but instead upload an image of nature or your favorite movie character. You can also create an avatar on the internet to place in profile picture slots.<ref name="rf16461">http://go.secondlife.com/landing/avatar/?campaignid=292379430&adgroupid=29556769710&loc_physical_ms=9013097&placement=&keyword=%25252Bcreate%252520an%252520%25252Bavatar&matchtype=b&creative=100838274270&utmsource=Google&creativeid=T001010&gclid=Cj0KEQjw09C5BRDy972s6q2y4egBEiQA5_guv3Ez-Z8RP8tsr7S2fc3YjXqSt0BG7wPNKMWESFZ5XRIaAlsp8P8HAQ</ref> |
#Refuse to transfer money. If someone asks you for money through an online community, this is a red flag that you are dealing with a spammer or identity thief. Always refuse to pay for anything, especially if they ask for a card number or bank account number. | #Refuse to transfer money. If someone asks you for money through an online community, this is a red flag that you are dealing with a spammer or identity thief. Always refuse to pay for anything, especially if they ask for a card number or bank account number. | ||
#*Do not share any type of payment information. PayPal may be ok, but make sure there is a real website that you are submitting to, if they are asking on behalf of a company or organization. | #*Do not share any type of payment information. PayPal may be ok, but make sure there is a real website that you are submitting to, if they are asking on behalf of a company or organization. | ||
#*Avoid lending money in general to someone you have met online, as this can lead to a security breach. | #*Avoid lending money in general to someone you have met online, as this can lead to a security breach. | ||
#*You also don’t want to reveal that you can be pressured into giving money, because if you will give a little, you might give a lot, placing you in a situation where you might be repeatedly pressured for money. | #*You also don’t want to reveal that you can be pressured into giving money, because if you will give a little, you might give a lot, placing you in a situation where you might be repeatedly pressured for money. | ||
| − | #Be stingy about personal details. Absolutely never give out personal details like your social security number, birthdate, and passport number, as these are what people can use to steal your identity. Studies show that most teenagers are pretty good about protecting their personal info and keeping their profiles set to private, and everyone should follow their example.<ref>http://www.pewinternet.org/2007/04/18/friendship-strangers-and-safety-in-online-social-networks/</ref> | + | #Be stingy about personal details. Absolutely never give out personal details like your social security number, birthdate, and passport number, as these are what people can use to steal your identity. Studies show that most teenagers are pretty good about protecting their personal info and keeping their profiles set to private, and everyone should follow their example.<ref name="rf16462">http://www.pewinternet.org/2007/04/18/friendship-strangers-and-safety-in-online-social-networks/</ref> |
#*Avoid describing your appearance online as well. | #*Avoid describing your appearance online as well. | ||
| − | #Be very cautious about phone and video chats. If you do decide to set up a phone or video chat, be very sure that the person you have agreed to talk to is a real person and not a spammer or predator. You can look for signs of online predators like these:<ref>http://www.internetsafety101.org/upload/FF_IS101_InformationalGuide.pdf</ref> | + | #Be very cautious about phone and video chats. If you do decide to set up a phone or video chat, be very sure that the person you have agreed to talk to is a real person and not a spammer or predator. You can look for signs of online predators like these:<ref name="rf16463">http://www.internetsafety101.org/upload/FF_IS101_InformationalGuide.pdf</ref> |
#*Has a lot of activity with children on their accounts | #*Has a lot of activity with children on their accounts | ||
#*Asks questions about who you are wanting to talk to | #*Asks questions about who you are wanting to talk to | ||
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#Find friends in online classes. You can also find friends when you take online classes. Most online classes require participation on discussion boards, which allows you to get to know other like-minded students. The online forums for these classes also allow you to access student emails so that you can communicate outside of class. | #Find friends in online classes. You can also find friends when you take online classes. Most online classes require participation on discussion boards, which allows you to get to know other like-minded students. The online forums for these classes also allow you to access student emails so that you can communicate outside of class. | ||
#*Most colleges and universities now have online counterparts to their on-campus courses, so search your campus website. | #*Most colleges and universities now have online counterparts to their on-campus courses, so search your campus website. | ||
| − | #Use social media sites. By now, social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram are household names. Most of the “friends” people have on these sites are people they know in real life, but that doesn’t mean strangers can’t add each other as “friends.” In fact, teenagers say they find a lot of friends this way.<ref | + | #Use social media sites. By now, social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram are household names. Most of the “friends” people have on these sites are people they know in real life, but that doesn’t mean strangers can’t add each other as “friends.” In fact, teenagers say they find a lot of friends this way.<ref name="rf16462" /> |
#*Use sites for dating, like match.com and eharmony. Although these sites are meant for helping people find romance, it is possible to make friends with the men and women who you don’t end up dating. | #*Use sites for dating, like match.com and eharmony. Although these sites are meant for helping people find romance, it is possible to make friends with the men and women who you don’t end up dating. | ||
#*Use sites for platonic friendships, like Patook and Bumble BFF. Those are structured like dating apps but only have members who are looking for friends. | #*Use sites for platonic friendships, like Patook and Bumble BFF. Those are structured like dating apps but only have members who are looking for friends. | ||
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#*Sites like Blogger.com, Wordpress.com, and LiveJournal are reliable blogging spaces. | #*Sites like Blogger.com, Wordpress.com, and LiveJournal are reliable blogging spaces. | ||
#Use local meetup sites. Most large cities have MeetUp.com sites so that community members can easily find others who share their interests. Meetup sites tends to focus on meeting in real life, but since these are group-oriented activities, users who are accompanied by friends are generally safe. | #Use local meetup sites. Most large cities have MeetUp.com sites so that community members can easily find others who share their interests. Meetup sites tends to focus on meeting in real life, but since these are group-oriented activities, users who are accompanied by friends are generally safe. | ||
| − | #Use gaming sites. As seen in steps above, joining online gaming communities is an easy way to make friends. To play most games, however, you have to purchase the disc and pay for an online subscription, as well as have the home equipment to use it. Some free games do exist, but they are usually not as fun or interactive because gamers don’t like them.<ref>http://www.pcworld.com/article/2457868/software-games/the-17-best-free-pc-games.html</ref> | + | #Use gaming sites. As seen in steps above, joining online gaming communities is an easy way to make friends. To play most games, however, you have to purchase the disc and pay for an online subscription, as well as have the home equipment to use it. Some free games do exist, but they are usually not as fun or interactive because gamers don’t like them.<ref name="rf16464">http://www.pcworld.com/article/2457868/software-games/the-17-best-free-pc-games.html</ref> |
#*You usually need either a fast, high-capacity PC or a gaming system like PlayStation or Xbox, with a good quality controller and headset, to truly enjoy the gaming scene and make friends. | #*You usually need either a fast, high-capacity PC or a gaming system like PlayStation or Xbox, with a good quality controller and headset, to truly enjoy the gaming scene and make friends. | ||
#Use freelance sites. Why not make friends while earning money? Many freelancing websites allow you to set up chats with clients and fellow freelancers so that you can more quickly communicate about the work. These chats can easily turn toward personal things, developing friendships while you do your work. | #Use freelance sites. Why not make friends while earning money? Many freelancing websites allow you to set up chats with clients and fellow freelancers so that you can more quickly communicate about the work. These chats can easily turn toward personal things, developing friendships while you do your work. | ||
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== Tips == | == Tips == | ||
* Several MMOs, fps and simple gaming communities might help you get friends. Get a steam account if you don’t have it. Get some free multiplayer games and find a nice server/group. Remember: just be active and friendly! | * Several MMOs, fps and simple gaming communities might help you get friends. Get a steam account if you don’t have it. Get some free multiplayer games and find a nice server/group. Remember: just be active and friendly! | ||
| − | *There are quite a few sites tailored just for teenagers. A few include:<ref>https://botw.org/top/Kids_and_Teens/Computers_and_Internet/Online_Communities/For_Teens/</ref> | + | *There are quite a few sites tailored just for teenagers. A few include:<ref name="rf16465">https://botw.org/top/Kids_and_Teens/Computers_and_Internet/Online_Communities/For_Teens/</ref> |
**4 Degreez | **4 Degreez | ||
**Alloy | **Alloy | ||
