Difference between revisions of "Love Someone"
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===Feeling Love=== | ===Feeling Love=== | ||
#Consider whether the person is worth your love or not. Love requires a significant emotional investment. While loving someone is not always a matter of choice, it may be worth taking a look at the connection you have with a given person and thinking how loving them might affect you. While this step may sound like a warning, it's actually a positive step towards loving them. If you struggle with feeling love, justifying it on a logical basis can be a positive step forward. | #Consider whether the person is worth your love or not. Love requires a significant emotional investment. While loving someone is not always a matter of choice, it may be worth taking a look at the connection you have with a given person and thinking how loving them might affect you. While this step may sound like a warning, it's actually a positive step towards loving them. If you struggle with feeling love, justifying it on a logical basis can be a positive step forward. | ||
| − | #*Refusing to be realistic about your feelings may be a sign of infatuation, so be warned.<ref>http://psychcentral.com/library/love_infatuation.html</ref> | + | #*Refusing to be realistic about your feelings may be a sign of infatuation, so be warned.<ref name="rf1">http://psychcentral.com/library/love_infatuation.html</ref> |
| − | #Open yourself to the possibility of being hurt.<ref>http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-15571/how-to-truly-love-someone.html</ref> With all love comes the risk of potentially having those feelings turned against you. Defence mechanisms may arise as a way to protect us from the possibility of loving someone. In order to love fully, you need to push past this doubt and realize that love is worth all of the risks you take in pursuing it. | + | #Open yourself to the possibility of being hurt.<ref name="rf2">http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-15571/how-to-truly-love-someone.html</ref> With all love comes the risk of potentially having those feelings turned against you. Defence mechanisms may arise as a way to protect us from the possibility of loving someone. In order to love fully, you need to push past this doubt and realize that love is worth all of the risks you take in pursuing it. |
| − | #*Positive self-talk is a good way to get past this fear. If you are ever in doubt, don't be afraid to tell yourself aloud: "Love is worth the risk of being hurt." Living in fear is itself a form of pain. If you're able to train yourself to let go of that, you'll be much better for the long run.<ref>http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-fear-hurt/</ref> | + | #*Positive self-talk is a good way to get past this fear. If you are ever in doubt, don't be afraid to tell yourself aloud: "Love is worth the risk of being hurt." Living in fear is itself a form of pain. If you're able to train yourself to let go of that, you'll be much better for the long run.<ref name="rf3">http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-fear-hurt/</ref> |
| − | #Feel love as an addiction. You have probably heard the metaphor comparing love to a drug, but as far as brain chemistry goes, that is somewhat true.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love</ref> When you love someone, you become addicted to their presence. If you focus on all of the good things about someone, you will become increasingly excited to see them again. | + | #Feel love as an addiction. You have probably heard the metaphor comparing love to a drug, but as far as brain chemistry goes, that is somewhat true.<ref name="rf4">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love</ref> When you love someone, you become addicted to their presence. If you focus on all of the good things about someone, you will become increasingly excited to see them again. |
| − | #*Love as an addiction should manifest itself as missing that person terribly while you're apart.<ref> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love</ref> | + | #*Love as an addiction should manifest itself as missing that person terribly while you're apart.<ref name="rf5"> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love</ref> |
| − | #Celebrate your love's success without jealousy.<ref | + | #Celebrate your love's success without jealousy.<ref name="rf4" /> Even when we hear about friends accomplishing great things, it is naturally to feel a tinge of jealousy, especially if we're not happy with the state of our own lives. This is not so often the case with love. If you truly love someone, you feel happy for their happiness, and don't let your own jealousies into the mix. |
| − | #Love yourself. Though your feelings towards yourself may have nothing to do with the way your perceive someone you love, the fact remains that you cannot give yourself completely over to someone unless you feel secure and stable with who you are. Loving yourself means recognizing your good qualities, and acknowledging that those are the things that define you as a person.<ref> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201004/loving-yourself-how-important-is-it#comment-164117</ref> The experience of loving yourself isn't comparable to love for another, but it is a strong step in the right direction. | + | #Love yourself. Though your feelings towards yourself may have nothing to do with the way your perceive someone you love, the fact remains that you cannot give yourself completely over to someone unless you feel secure and stable with who you are. Loving yourself means recognizing your good qualities, and acknowledging that those are the things that define you as a person.<ref name="rf6"> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201004/loving-yourself-how-important-is-it#comment-164117</ref> The experience of loving yourself isn't comparable to love for another, but it is a strong step in the right direction. |
===Expressing Love through Action=== | ===Expressing Love through Action=== | ||
| − | #Express your love in words. Arguably the most obvious way of showing love is through words of affirmation.<ref> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201502/how-do-you-define-love</ref> This can range from anything from a simple "I love you" to a more elaborate passage about all the things you admire about the person you love. This applies to love in friendships as much as romantic arrangements. | + | #Express your love in words. Arguably the most obvious way of showing love is through words of affirmation.<ref name="rf7"> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201502/how-do-you-define-love</ref> This can range from anything from a simple "I love you" to a more elaborate passage about all the things you admire about the person you love. This applies to love in friendships as much as romantic arrangements. |
#*Often, saying "I love you" says more than most anything else, if only for the fact that people have placed so much emphasis on those three words. | #*Often, saying "I love you" says more than most anything else, if only for the fact that people have placed so much emphasis on those three words. | ||
| − | #Use physical touch to your advantage. Touch can be used to a wide variety of positive effects.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201405/why-lovers-touch-is-so-powerful</ref> While the benefits would seem most apparent in a romantic connection, love may be demonstrated in all types of love. Depending on the type of connection you have with someone you love, physical affection may come naturally, and it may be reciprocated in turn. Physical touch feels good, and helps promote good feelings between the both of you.<ref | + | #Use physical touch to your advantage. Touch can be used to a wide variety of positive effects.<ref name="rf8">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201405/why-lovers-touch-is-so-powerful</ref> While the benefits would seem most apparent in a romantic connection, love may be demonstrated in all types of love. Depending on the type of connection you have with someone you love, physical affection may come naturally, and it may be reciprocated in turn. Physical touch feels good, and helps promote good feelings between the both of you.<ref name="rf7" /> |
#*Kissing and cuddling are best suited to show romantic love. | #*Kissing and cuddling are best suited to show romantic love. | ||
#*A handshake or a hug can demonstrate platonic love. | #*A handshake or a hug can demonstrate platonic love. | ||
| − | #Make a habit of gift-giving.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201502/how-do-you-define-love</ref> Gifts are a great thing if you want to express your love to someone. While words go a long way, a gift is a concrete sign of your affection. Gifts can be as small or as big as you want. The important thing is that the gift was given with sincere feelings behind it. The types of gifts you might give depends on the type of love you're expressing: | + | #Make a habit of gift-giving.<ref name="rf9">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201502/how-do-you-define-love</ref> Gifts are a great thing if you want to express your love to someone. While words go a long way, a gift is a concrete sign of your affection. Gifts can be as small or as big as you want. The important thing is that the gift was given with sincere feelings behind it. The types of gifts you might give depends on the type of love you're expressing: |
#*Flowers are a very common gift to give to a romantic lover. | #*Flowers are a very common gift to give to a romantic lover. | ||
#*Less symbolic gifts, like concert tickets, may be given to friends or family. | #*Less symbolic gifts, like concert tickets, may be given to friends or family. | ||
#[[Make Love Last|Make it last.]] When people first begin to love, they rarely consider the long-term ramifications. It can feel amazing to love someone at first, but the greatest rewards come from a lot of persistence and effort from both sides. Once you have a strong relationship, don't get lazy; feed it every day. Whether that's through repeating the steps or exploring new ways, making love last is very important. If love was thought to be short-lived, it would never feel as powerful as it does. | #[[Make Love Last|Make it last.]] When people first begin to love, they rarely consider the long-term ramifications. It can feel amazing to love someone at first, but the greatest rewards come from a lot of persistence and effort from both sides. Once you have a strong relationship, don't get lazy; feed it every day. Whether that's through repeating the steps or exploring new ways, making love last is very important. If love was thought to be short-lived, it would never feel as powerful as it does. | ||
===Understanding Love=== | ===Understanding Love=== | ||
| − | #[[Define Love|Define love.]] Before anything else, it is important to base your search for answers on a generally agreed-upon definition for the word love. Love may be casually described as a very strong affection for something or someone, although answers will vary from person to person.<ref>http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/love</ref> Chances are you have your own definition of love. Try to put your own definition into words. | + | #[[Define Love|Define love.]] Before anything else, it is important to base your search for answers on a generally agreed-upon definition for the word love. Love may be casually described as a very strong affection for something or someone, although answers will vary from person to person.<ref name="rf10">http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/love</ref> Chances are you have your own definition of love. Try to put your own definition into words. |
#*Because love is something you feel, looking to art and music lets you feel someone else's interpretation directly. The Beatles are a great go-to in this regard, but there are great songs about love from virtually every era and style of music. | #*Because love is something you feel, looking to art and music lets you feel someone else's interpretation directly. The Beatles are a great go-to in this regard, but there are great songs about love from virtually every era and style of music. | ||
| − | #*Writers and philosophers have given many different interpretations of love. You may want to seek out their opinions if you're having any doubt with your own definition.<ref>https://www.brainpickings.org/2013/01/01/what-is-love/</ref> | + | #*Writers and philosophers have given many different interpretations of love. You may want to seek out their opinions if you're having any doubt with your own definition.<ref name="rf11">https://www.brainpickings.org/2013/01/01/what-is-love/</ref> |
| − | #Consider the different types of love. Love covers a wide variety of positive feelings for an all-encompassing range of human relationships. Think of all of the different types of connections you can foster with people. Most connections have the potential for a certain kind of love. A love you have for your parents or your children is distinct from the feelings you would have towards a lover. It is important to first consider these different types of love, and how they might ideally feel. While it could be categorized endlessly, Ancient Greek philosophers categorized love into four general categories:<ref | + | #Consider the different types of love. Love covers a wide variety of positive feelings for an all-encompassing range of human relationships. Think of all of the different types of connections you can foster with people. Most connections have the potential for a certain kind of love. A love you have for your parents or your children is distinct from the feelings you would have towards a lover. It is important to first consider these different types of love, and how they might ideally feel. While it could be categorized endlessly, Ancient Greek philosophers categorized love into four general categories:<ref name="rf9" /> |
#*Eros refers to a romantic love. This is arguably the first type of love people think of when the term love is brought up. | #*Eros refers to a romantic love. This is arguably the first type of love people think of when the term love is brought up. | ||
#*Storge refers to a love of family and kinship. | #*Storge refers to a love of family and kinship. | ||
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#*Agape was the Greeks' term for a "divine love", relating to spiritual matters. | #*Agape was the Greeks' term for a "divine love", relating to spiritual matters. | ||
#*Love can also be used to describe affection for an object or a concept. For instance, someone may love their car, or their country. | #*Love can also be used to describe affection for an object or a concept. For instance, someone may love their car, or their country. | ||
| − | #Distinguish love from infatuation.<ref>http://www.srcp.org/for_some_parents/developmental_disabilities/the_specifics/infatuationDD.html</ref> It is very easy to recognize mere attraction as real love. However, most often this boils down to a case of infatuation. Judging infatuation as love muddles the value of love as a term. If you are thinking of romantic love, this can often refer to a confusion between love with a mostly physical attraction. | + | #Distinguish love from infatuation.<ref name="rf12">http://www.srcp.org/for_some_parents/developmental_disabilities/the_specifics/infatuationDD.html</ref> It is very easy to recognize mere attraction as real love. However, most often this boils down to a case of infatuation. Judging infatuation as love muddles the value of love as a term. If you are thinking of romantic love, this can often refer to a confusion between love with a mostly physical attraction. |
#*Although there is such a thing as love at first sight, it is much more likely that real love will develop gradually. | #*Although there is such a thing as love at first sight, it is much more likely that real love will develop gradually. | ||
#Be realistic about love. When it all comes down to it, love is idealistic by nature. That doesn't mean it can't be a part of real life, but you do need to be realistic about what you define as love. Love can feel magical, but it's by no means fairy tale-like or perfect. You can love someone and still fight with them or dislike things about them. At the end of the day however, loving someone means the positives outweigh their negative traits, and you would go out of your way to help them out at no benefit to yourself. It is easy to idealize the notion of love, but there is real-life potential for it in virtually all of us. | #Be realistic about love. When it all comes down to it, love is idealistic by nature. That doesn't mean it can't be a part of real life, but you do need to be realistic about what you define as love. Love can feel magical, but it's by no means fairy tale-like or perfect. You can love someone and still fight with them or dislike things about them. At the end of the day however, loving someone means the positives outweigh their negative traits, and you would go out of your way to help them out at no benefit to yourself. It is easy to idealize the notion of love, but there is real-life potential for it in virtually all of us. | ||
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*Love cannot be forced, but it can be felt by practically anyone. The steps in this article shouldn't be seen so much as a way to create love from nothing, so much as a way to identify and recognize love that is already there. | *Love cannot be forced, but it can be felt by practically anyone. The steps in this article shouldn't be seen so much as a way to create love from nothing, so much as a way to identify and recognize love that is already there. | ||
==Warnings== | ==Warnings== | ||
| − | *Love is an abstract concept. Because of that, everyone's definition will be different. This can lead to problems when people talk about love in concrete terms.<ref | + | *Love is an abstract concept. Because of that, everyone's definition will be different. This can lead to problems when people talk about love in concrete terms.<ref name="rf9" /> |
==Related Articles== | ==Related Articles== | ||
*[[Love]] | *[[Love]] | ||
