Difference between revisions of "Love Somebody"

#Distinguish between infatuation and love. Infatuation is when you feel euphoria, happiness, excitement and a lot more that can be tough to put into words.<ref name="rf1">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201207/the-deceptive-power-loves-first-moments</ref> During infatuation, you may see your relationship and your partner in an ideal way, but this feeling is temporary. Real lasting love is far more than a feeling. It is a faithful commitment that grows even when the feelings of infatuation fade away.

#*Feelings of infatuation can last up to two years all the while acting on your brain in a way that is not too different from drugs.<ref name="rf2">http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/preparing-for-marriage/what-it-means-to-be-intimate/developing-emotional-intimacy</ref>

#Choose to love your partner. Accept your partner and avoid doing and saying things to bring your partner down. Critical comments, chronic sarcasm, and passive-aggressive behavior can destroy a relationship. Instead, show encouragement, kindness, and genuine concern for your partner. This will strengthen your bond.<ref name="rf2" />

#* For example, if you're having trouble accepting your partner, try the 5:1 ratio. Offer five positive comments for each negative one. You'll soon discover how much you appreciate  your partner.<ref name="rf3">http://family-psychology.com/ratios-predicting-divorce-and-marital-dissatisfaction/</ref>

#Be open and honest with each other. Sharing things with your partner can create emotional intimacy and make you feel closer to your partner.<ref name="rf4">http://psp.sagepub.com/content/23/4/363.full.pdf+html</ref> While this might seem scary, you'll eventually go from getting to know someone to understanding and caring for the person.

#*A good way to ease into emotional intimacy is to spend quality time with your partner. During this quality time, ask questions to learn more about your partner. Intimate questions can strengthen the emotional bond between two people.<ref name="rf4" />

#Date your partner all over again. Think of when you were getting to know one another the first time. Remember how much you tried to impress your partner and how nervous you felt. Try to make the same effort to win your partner again.<ref name="rf5">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/05/long-term-relationship-secrets_n_4174424.html</ref>

#Stay in love. Remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place and choose to remain "madly in love." People who say they are "madly in love" have increased brain activity in the region identified with new love or infatuation.<ref name="rf6">http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB120243044114252137</ref>

#Love the whole person. Your partner may have changed since you fell in love. Regardless of what first attracted you, try to celebrate the way your partner has grown and avoid making focusing on the past. Just as you want to be loved for who you are now and today, so does your partner.<ref name="rf7">http://www.divorcesupport.com/divorce/Accepting-Your-Spouse-For-Who-He-or-She-Really-Is-224.html</ref>

#Do your part. Focus on changing your attitudes and expectations, rather than making your partner change. Your partner may not want to change the relationship or even stay in it. Don't try to control what is out of your hands. All you can do is focus on your actions and desires.<ref name="rf7" />

#Understand friendship. Friendship is when two people respect, accept, and appreciate each other.<ref name="rf8">http://www.ohio.edu/research/communications/Friendship.cfm</ref> You may become friends with someone who shares similar interests or values with you. While some aspects of friendship love may seem similar to romantic love, there is one big difference. Romantic love is about melding and blending two people, but friendship is about being fully accepted as an individual.

#Learn how to be a good friend. Don't take friendship for granted. Instead, work to keep your relationship strong. You can do this in several ways. Put your friend's needs ahead of your own when it counts. Be available for your friend, even if it's inconvenient for you. More importantly, be the kind of friend you'd like to have.<ref name="rf9">http://tinybuddha.com/blog/25-ways-to-be-a-true-friend/</ref>

#Resolve conflicts in your friendship. If you and your friend are fighting, don't be afraid to talk about it. Put yourself in your friend's shoes to understand his viewpoint. If you aren't sure what's wrong or what the solution is, ask your friend. If it's something minor, patch things up. If not, respectfully let your friend you've given it some thought, have listened to him, and disagree.<ref name="rf10"> http://powertochange.com/sex-love/conflictfriend/</ref>

#Choose to love your relative. Loving your family member is a lot like loving someone else; it requires commitment. Don't think that loyalty alone is enough to keep your relationship strong. It will require work, but familial love should offer a strong, safe, supportive loving place.<ref name="rf11">http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/1229-strengthening-family-relationships</ref>

#* The stronger your relationships are with people in your life, the better you will be at taking care of others. If you have a poor relationship with a family member, you may have a hard time being as empathetic or compassionate as you could be.<ref name="rf12">http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/367.pdf</ref>

#* Be clear in your expectations and consequences. For example, if you invite your family member to dinner once a week, then he needs to be there when he says he will. If he doesn't, follow through with a consequence.<ref name="rf13">http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/14/your-money/the-importance-of-setting-expectations-whether-high-or-low.html</ref>

#Set boundaries. Boundaries create manageable expectations for interactions and behavior. So, if a challenging family member has a way of being unreliable or sporadic in your life, create a boundary of expectation. This can help both of you work on creating a relationship. You can even negotiate the boundaries, just stick firm to the aspects that are most important to you.<ref name="rf14">http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424127887323482504578227613937854612</ref>

#*Make sure you are eating healthy and exercising. Committing to just twenty minutes of exercise a day can help you teach your own mind that you have worth.<ref name="rf15">http://www.helpguide.org/articles/exercise-fitness/emotional-benefits-of-exercise.htm</ref>

#* For example, make time for hobbies and activities you enjoy or want to learn. Encourage yourself to learn new skills. Treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend.<ref name="rf16">http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/PositiveSteps.htm</ref>

#* Anger and guilt can take a toll on your health. Resenting yourself can increase your stress levels. This stress can cause or worsen heart disease, autoimmune disease, and cancer.<ref name="rf17">http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/learning-to-forgive-yourself</ref>

#[[Cultivate-and-Keep-Personal-Relationships|Cultivate loving behaviors]]. You'll be able to foster loving relationships if you act in a loving, compassionate manner. This means being trustworthy, respectful, and kind. While this may sound simple, you'll need to keep evaluating how loving you are.<ref name="rf18">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-would-aristotle-do/201201/how-good-are-you-loving</ref>

#Be a [[Develop-Good-Communication-Skills|good communicator]]. This doesn't just mean being talkative. Instead, you should try to be skilled at honest, open communication. This includes [[Be-a-Good-Listener|actively listening]] to the other person. Learn to ask questions and be specific when talking.<ref name="rf19">http://www.forbes.com/sites/jaysondemers/2014/05/29/7-things-good-communicators-always-do/</ref> The other person will feel more engaged.

#[[Avoid-an-Abusive-Relationship|Avoid abusive relationship]] patterns. Never intimidate, blame, emotional abuse, threaten, isolate, or talk down to another person.<ref name="rf20">http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/</ref> This controlling behavior is really just a way for one person to gain power over the other. When this happens, a healthy, loving relationship is not possible.

#* Relationship abuse gradually worsens over time. If you think you are in an abusive relationship, seek outside help. Remember, you deserve to be in a healthy, loving relationship.<ref name="rf21">http://stoprelationshipabuse.org/educated/what-is-relationship-abuse/</ref>