Difference between revisions of "Live With Someone You Hate"
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#*It could be that you haven't been the most pleasant roommate either, or that you could communicate your feelings in a healthy way to improve your relationship with this person. | #*It could be that you haven't been the most pleasant roommate either, or that you could communicate your feelings in a healthy way to improve your relationship with this person. | ||
#*Evaluate your own actions and how you could be a better roommate. | #*Evaluate your own actions and how you could be a better roommate. | ||
| − | #Prepare for interaction. You know you might be having an uncomfortable conversation with your roommate, so prepare what you want to say ahead of time.<ref>http://www.cornerstone-ct.com/strategies-for-dealing-with-your-dif/</ref> | + | #Prepare for interaction. You know you might be having an uncomfortable conversation with your roommate, so prepare what you want to say ahead of time.<ref name="rf1">http://www.cornerstone-ct.com/strategies-for-dealing-with-your-dif/</ref> |
#*Try to think positively about the upcoming conversation. Going into it with a bad attitude won't help. | #*Try to think positively about the upcoming conversation. Going into it with a bad attitude won't help. | ||
#*Take a deep breathe and try be be calm. | #*Take a deep breathe and try be be calm. | ||
#*Think of exactly what you want to say, making sure you say it respectfully. | #*Think of exactly what you want to say, making sure you say it respectfully. | ||
| − | #Initiate rapport. Seek out your roommate to have a conversation, so you give the impression of wanting to talk to them.<ref | + | #Initiate rapport. Seek out your roommate to have a conversation, so you give the impression of wanting to talk to them.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Make eye contact. | #*Make eye contact. | ||
#*Use their name. | #*Use their name. | ||
#*Work to make a connection and be pleasant. | #*Work to make a connection and be pleasant. | ||
#*Speak in a calm, nice tone. | #*Speak in a calm, nice tone. | ||
| − | #Actively listen to the other person. Sometimes, a relationship goes sour because you don't listen to the other persons point of view.<ref | + | #Actively listen to the other person. Sometimes, a relationship goes sour because you don't listen to the other persons point of view.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Make sure you focus on what they are saying, not how it makes you feel initially. | #*Make sure you focus on what they are saying, not how it makes you feel initially. | ||
#*Don't interrupt your roommate. Let them finish. | #*Don't interrupt your roommate. Let them finish. | ||
#*Nod or acknowledge that you are listening and hearing what they have to say. | #*Nod or acknowledge that you are listening and hearing what they have to say. | ||
| − | #Clarify your understanding. This will show you are listening to the other person and make sure you are really understanding what they are trying to say.<ref | + | #Clarify your understanding. This will show you are listening to the other person and make sure you are really understanding what they are trying to say.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Follow up with clarification statements. | #*Follow up with clarification statements. | ||
#*Say something like "Let me understand what you are trying to tell me…." or "Help me understand what you want me to do…" | #*Say something like "Let me understand what you are trying to tell me…." or "Help me understand what you want me to do…" | ||
#*Maintain a pleasant and calm voice. | #*Maintain a pleasant and calm voice. | ||
| − | #Be polite. You don't want to give off the idea that this person is bothering you.<ref | + | #Be polite. You don't want to give off the idea that this person is bothering you.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Don't call names, shout, or get sarcastic even if the other person does. | #*Don't call names, shout, or get sarcastic even if the other person does. | ||
#*You can say "Please stop yelling at me" or "If you yell at me I can't understand what I can do to solve this problem…" | #*You can say "Please stop yelling at me" or "If you yell at me I can't understand what I can do to solve this problem…" | ||
| − | #*Respond to them in a pleasant voice. Don't let them know they are getting to you.<ref | + | #*Respond to them in a pleasant voice. Don't let them know they are getting to you.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#Be silent if necessary. You don't want to engage a person who is overly angry or aggressive. | #Be silent if necessary. You don't want to engage a person who is overly angry or aggressive. | ||
#*If your roommate becomes hostile, be silent until they calm down. | #*If your roommate becomes hostile, be silent until they calm down. | ||
#*If someone is ranting, eventually they will run out of steam. Then you can reassess if you want to continue the conversation or try again when they are calmer. | #*If someone is ranting, eventually they will run out of steam. Then you can reassess if you want to continue the conversation or try again when they are calmer. | ||
#*Whatever you do, don't yell or get hostile back. | #*Whatever you do, don't yell or get hostile back. | ||
| − | #Wait to be invited back into the discussion. Once the other person is quiet and calmer, you can try to initiate conversation again.<ref | + | #Wait to be invited back into the discussion. Once the other person is quiet and calmer, you can try to initiate conversation again.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Respond in a low, calm voice. Try not to sound bossy or authoritative. | #*Respond in a low, calm voice. Try not to sound bossy or authoritative. | ||
#* You can initiate the conversation again with something like "As I was saying…" or "So, this is how I think we can solve this…" | #* You can initiate the conversation again with something like "As I was saying…" or "So, this is how I think we can solve this…" | ||
#*If the other person becomes angry or hostile again, be silent or end the conversation. You are the messenger and you don't have to engage a hostile person. | #*If the other person becomes angry or hostile again, be silent or end the conversation. You are the messenger and you don't have to engage a hostile person. | ||
| − | #Confirm that you will follow up the conversation. If you both agree to work on your conflict, then you will want to discuss it again soon.<ref | + | #Confirm that you will follow up the conversation. If you both agree to work on your conflict, then you will want to discuss it again soon.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Clearly state what you intend to do to solve the situation. | #*Clearly state what you intend to do to solve the situation. | ||
#*Confirm that the other person wants to open dialogue again in the future. | #*Confirm that the other person wants to open dialogue again in the future. | ||
#*Give a realistic time-frame for having a second discussion. | #*Give a realistic time-frame for having a second discussion. | ||
| − | #End the conversation politely. Make sure your roommate knows you no longer want to continue talking, especially if they become angry.<ref | + | #End the conversation politely. Make sure your roommate knows you no longer want to continue talking, especially if they become angry.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*You can say "Thank you for letting me know how I can work this out. We'll talk again later" | #*You can say "Thank you for letting me know how I can work this out. We'll talk again later" | ||
#*If the other person is angry or hostile, simply say "We are done here…" and walk away. | #*If the other person is angry or hostile, simply say "We are done here…" and walk away. | ||
