Difference between revisions of "Live With Someone You Hate"
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It is very hard to live with a person you dislike. But before you read this, you should consider whether you truly ''hate'' this person. Regardless, while living with someone you don't like is challenging, there are certain things you can do make it easier. Communication is key to any relationship, even that of roommates. This article addresses how to communicate with someone you dislike and outlines strategies to reduce conflict in your living situation. | It is very hard to live with a person you dislike. But before you read this, you should consider whether you truly ''hate'' this person. Regardless, while living with someone you don't like is challenging, there are certain things you can do make it easier. Communication is key to any relationship, even that of roommates. This article addresses how to communicate with someone you dislike and outlines strategies to reduce conflict in your living situation. | ||
| − | [[Category:Managing Conflict and Difficult Interactions]] | + | [[Category: Managing Conflict and Difficult Interactions]] |
== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
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#*It could be that you haven't been the most pleasant roommate either, or that you could communicate your feelings in a healthy way to improve your relationship with this person. | #*It could be that you haven't been the most pleasant roommate either, or that you could communicate your feelings in a healthy way to improve your relationship with this person. | ||
#*Evaluate your own actions and how you could be a better roommate. | #*Evaluate your own actions and how you could be a better roommate. | ||
| − | #Prepare for interaction. You know you might be having an uncomfortable conversation with your roommate, so prepare what you want to say ahead of time.<ref>http://www.cornerstone-ct.com/strategies-for-dealing-with-your-dif/</ref> | + | #Prepare for interaction. You know you might be having an uncomfortable conversation with your roommate, so prepare what you want to say ahead of time.<ref name="rf1">http://www.cornerstone-ct.com/strategies-for-dealing-with-your-dif/</ref> |
#*Try to think positively about the upcoming conversation. Going into it with a bad attitude won't help. | #*Try to think positively about the upcoming conversation. Going into it with a bad attitude won't help. | ||
#*Take a deep breathe and try be be calm. | #*Take a deep breathe and try be be calm. | ||
#*Think of exactly what you want to say, making sure you say it respectfully. | #*Think of exactly what you want to say, making sure you say it respectfully. | ||
| − | #Initiate rapport. Seek out your roommate to have a conversation, so you give the impression of wanting to talk to them.<ref | + | #Initiate rapport. Seek out your roommate to have a conversation, so you give the impression of wanting to talk to them.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Make eye contact. | #*Make eye contact. | ||
#*Use their name. | #*Use their name. | ||
#*Work to make a connection and be pleasant. | #*Work to make a connection and be pleasant. | ||
#*Speak in a calm, nice tone. | #*Speak in a calm, nice tone. | ||
| − | #Actively listen to the other person. Sometimes, a relationship goes sour because you don't listen to the other persons point of view.<ref | + | #Actively listen to the other person. Sometimes, a relationship goes sour because you don't listen to the other persons point of view.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Make sure you focus on what they are saying, not how it makes you feel initially. | #*Make sure you focus on what they are saying, not how it makes you feel initially. | ||
#*Don't interrupt your roommate. Let them finish. | #*Don't interrupt your roommate. Let them finish. | ||
#*Nod or acknowledge that you are listening and hearing what they have to say. | #*Nod or acknowledge that you are listening and hearing what they have to say. | ||
| − | #Clarify your understanding. This will show you are listening to the other person and make sure you are really understanding what they are trying to say.<ref | + | #Clarify your understanding. This will show you are listening to the other person and make sure you are really understanding what they are trying to say.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Follow up with clarification statements. | #*Follow up with clarification statements. | ||
#*Say something like "Let me understand what you are trying to tell me…." or "Help me understand what you want me to do…" | #*Say something like "Let me understand what you are trying to tell me…." or "Help me understand what you want me to do…" | ||
#*Maintain a pleasant and calm voice. | #*Maintain a pleasant and calm voice. | ||
| − | #Be polite. You don't want to give off the idea that this person is bothering you.<ref | + | #Be polite. You don't want to give off the idea that this person is bothering you.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Don't call names, shout, or get sarcastic even if the other person does. | #*Don't call names, shout, or get sarcastic even if the other person does. | ||
#*You can say "Please stop yelling at me" or "If you yell at me I can't understand what I can do to solve this problem…" | #*You can say "Please stop yelling at me" or "If you yell at me I can't understand what I can do to solve this problem…" | ||
| − | #*Respond to them in a pleasant voice. Don't let them know they are getting to you.<ref | + | #*Respond to them in a pleasant voice. Don't let them know they are getting to you.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#Be silent if necessary. You don't want to engage a person who is overly angry or aggressive. | #Be silent if necessary. You don't want to engage a person who is overly angry or aggressive. | ||
#*If your roommate becomes hostile, be silent until they calm down. | #*If your roommate becomes hostile, be silent until they calm down. | ||
#*If someone is ranting, eventually they will run out of steam. Then you can reassess if you want to continue the conversation or try again when they are calmer. | #*If someone is ranting, eventually they will run out of steam. Then you can reassess if you want to continue the conversation or try again when they are calmer. | ||
#*Whatever you do, don't yell or get hostile back. | #*Whatever you do, don't yell or get hostile back. | ||
| − | #Wait to be invited back into the discussion. Once the other person is quiet and calmer, you can try to initiate conversation again.<ref | + | #Wait to be invited back into the discussion. Once the other person is quiet and calmer, you can try to initiate conversation again.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Respond in a low, calm voice. Try not to sound bossy or authoritative. | #*Respond in a low, calm voice. Try not to sound bossy or authoritative. | ||
#* You can initiate the conversation again with something like "As I was saying…" or "So, this is how I think we can solve this…" | #* You can initiate the conversation again with something like "As I was saying…" or "So, this is how I think we can solve this…" | ||
#*If the other person becomes angry or hostile again, be silent or end the conversation. You are the messenger and you don't have to engage a hostile person. | #*If the other person becomes angry or hostile again, be silent or end the conversation. You are the messenger and you don't have to engage a hostile person. | ||
| − | #Confirm that you will follow up the conversation. If you both agree to work on your conflict, then you will want to discuss it again soon.<ref | + | #Confirm that you will follow up the conversation. If you both agree to work on your conflict, then you will want to discuss it again soon.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Clearly state what you intend to do to solve the situation. | #*Clearly state what you intend to do to solve the situation. | ||
#*Confirm that the other person wants to open dialogue again in the future. | #*Confirm that the other person wants to open dialogue again in the future. | ||
#*Give a realistic time-frame for having a second discussion. | #*Give a realistic time-frame for having a second discussion. | ||
| − | #End the conversation politely. Make sure your roommate knows you no longer want to continue talking, especially if they become angry.<ref | + | #End the conversation politely. Make sure your roommate knows you no longer want to continue talking, especially if they become angry.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*You can say "Thank you for letting me know how I can work this out. We'll talk again later" | #*You can say "Thank you for letting me know how I can work this out. We'll talk again later" | ||
#*If the other person is angry or hostile, simply say "We are done here…" and walk away. | #*If the other person is angry or hostile, simply say "We are done here…" and walk away. | ||
