Difference between revisions of "Listen"
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| − | + | Do you want to master the art of listening? If you tend to zone out when someone's talking, or you notice that people don't often choose you as a confidant, it's time to start practicing this skill. Taking an active, engaged approach to listening will improve your relationships and enrich your experience of the world. If you want to learn how to listen with undivided attention and respond in a way that keeps people talking, keep reading. | |
| − | [[Category:Speaking and Listening Skills]] | + | [[Category: Speaking and Listening Skills]] |
== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
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=== Having Open Body Language=== | === Having Open Body Language=== | ||
| − | #Lean forward a little. This simple body language indicates to the person speaking that you are interested in hearing more.<ref>http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/01/how-to-listen/?_r=0</ref> Your body should be facing the person who is talking, and your torso should be at a slight forward angle. The lean doesn't have to be over pronounced to be effective. | + | #Lean forward a little. This simple body language indicates to the person speaking that you are interested in hearing more.<ref name="rf1">http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/01/how-to-listen/?_r=0</ref> Your body should be facing the person who is talking, and your torso should be at a slight forward angle. The lean doesn't have to be over pronounced to be effective. |
#Make eye contact, but not too much. Making eye contact during a conversation also indicates that the person to whom you're listening has your undivided attention. Eye contact is a very important way to establish open lines of communication. However, you don't want to sustain eye contact for a prolonged period of time, because that can make the person speaking feel uncomfortable. | #Make eye contact, but not too much. Making eye contact during a conversation also indicates that the person to whom you're listening has your undivided attention. Eye contact is a very important way to establish open lines of communication. However, you don't want to sustain eye contact for a prolonged period of time, because that can make the person speaking feel uncomfortable. | ||
| − | #*Research shows that during one-on-one conversations, most people make 7-10 seconds of eye contact before looking away.<ref>http://www.inc.com/abigail-tracy/eye-contact-too-much-or-too-little.html</ref> | + | #*Research shows that during one-on-one conversations, most people make 7-10 seconds of eye contact before looking away.<ref name="rf2">http://www.inc.com/abigail-tracy/eye-contact-too-much-or-too-little.html</ref> |
#Nod in acknowledgement. Nodding your head is another effective way of showing people you're talking to that you're right there with them. You can nod in agreement or as a way of nudging the person to say more. Just make sure you nod during appropriate points in the conversation; if you nod when someone tells you something disagreeable, they may feel you aren't really listening. | #Nod in acknowledgement. Nodding your head is another effective way of showing people you're talking to that you're right there with them. You can nod in agreement or as a way of nudging the person to say more. Just make sure you nod during appropriate points in the conversation; if you nod when someone tells you something disagreeable, they may feel you aren't really listening. | ||
| − | #*You can also encourage the person to keep going with short verbal comments, like "yes," "I see," or "uh huh."<ref>http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm</ref> | + | #*You can also encourage the person to keep going with short verbal comments, like "yes," "I see," or "uh huh."<ref name="rf3">http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm</ref> |
#Don't fidget or slouch. Make sure your body language conveys interest, not boredom. If you're busy picking your nails, tapping your feet, crossing your arms or leaning your head on your hand, most people will end the conversation quickly so as not to bore you out of your mind. Sit up straight to show that you're engaged in the conversation. | #Don't fidget or slouch. Make sure your body language conveys interest, not boredom. If you're busy picking your nails, tapping your feet, crossing your arms or leaning your head on your hand, most people will end the conversation quickly so as not to bore you out of your mind. Sit up straight to show that you're engaged in the conversation. | ||
#*If you are disabled and need to fidget in order to listen, find [[Stim Discreetly|discreet ways]] to do so, such as wiggling a foot or squeezing a stress ball with your hand resting on the table. If it's not right in front of their face, they probably won't mind. If your conversation partner mentions it, explain that this helps you listen, and ask them to continue. | #*If you are disabled and need to fidget in order to listen, find [[Stim Discreetly|discreet ways]] to do so, such as wiggling a foot or squeezing a stress ball with your hand resting on the table. If it's not right in front of their face, they probably won't mind. If your conversation partner mentions it, explain that this helps you listen, and ask them to continue. | ||
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#*If you do interrupt (everyone does it from time to time), it's a good idea to apologize and ask the person to please continue what he or she was saying. | #*If you do interrupt (everyone does it from time to time), it's a good idea to apologize and ask the person to please continue what he or she was saying. | ||
#Ask questions. Keep other people talking by asking questions that indicate you've been listening and would like to know more. You can ask a simple leading question, like "What happened next?" Or something specific to the topic at hand. Chiming in with phrases like "I agree!" and "Me, too" can also help to move the conversation along. | #Ask questions. Keep other people talking by asking questions that indicate you've been listening and would like to know more. You can ask a simple leading question, like "What happened next?" Or something specific to the topic at hand. Chiming in with phrases like "I agree!" and "Me, too" can also help to move the conversation along. | ||
| − | #*You can repeat what someone is telling you as a way to clarify his or her point.<ref | + | #*You can repeat what someone is telling you as a way to clarify his or her point.<ref name="rf3" /> |
#*It's up to you to decide how personal your questions should be. If your questions are interpreted as crossing a line, the conversation will quickly shut down. | #*It's up to you to decide how personal your questions should be. If your questions are interpreted as crossing a line, the conversation will quickly shut down. | ||
#Don't be critical. Be open to understanding the other person's point of view, even if you're discussing a subject upon which you disagree. Criticizing the person for saying something you found inadequate or silly is a sure way to keep the person from confiding in you again. A good listener stays as nonjudgmental as possible. If you have a counterargument, wait until the person is finished making his or her point before stating it. | #Don't be critical. Be open to understanding the other person's point of view, even if you're discussing a subject upon which you disagree. Criticizing the person for saying something you found inadequate or silly is a sure way to keep the person from confiding in you again. A good listener stays as nonjudgmental as possible. If you have a counterargument, wait until the person is finished making his or her point before stating it. | ||
