Difference between revisions of "Learn to Accept Yourself"

Self-acceptance is the ability to unconditionally value all parts of yourself. This means that you value the good parts as well as the parts that you think need improvement. <ref name="rf1">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200809/the-path-unconditional-self-acceptance</ref> The process of self-acceptance starts with acknowledging judgements against yourself and softening those judgments, so that every part of yourself can be valued.<ref name="rf1" /> Additionally, it is important to commit yourself to shifting your focus from judgement and blame to tolerance and compassion.<ref name="rf2">http://psychcentral.com/lib/therapists-spill-12-ways-to-accept-yourself/00013976</ref>   

#Acknowledge your strengths and attributes. Acknowledging your strengths, or attributes you value, in order to help give balance to the work you will do on accepting the parts of yourself that are less valued. Additionally, realizing your strengths may help change your conceptualizations about yourself.<ref name="rf2" /> Start by listing your strengths, or list one strength per day if it is challenging to think of them. For example:

#Make a list of your accomplishments. Identify and acknowledge your strengths by making a list of your accomplishments. These might include people you have helped, your personal achievements, or troublesome times you have overcome.<ref name="rf2" /> These types of examples can help place your focus on actions or deeds. More concrete examples will help you identify your strengths. For example:

#Recognize how you judge yourself. Recognizing your own judgment is important in helping you identify areas where you are overly critical of yourself.<ref name="rf2" /> Being overly critical is when you create areas or find attributes of yourself that you have unproductive feelings about. These might include shame or disappointment, and these feelings can squash self-acceptance. Start by writing a list of negative thoughts you might have about yourself. For example:

#Recognize how other people’s comments affect you. When other people make comments about us, we often internalize these comments and work them into our opinions about ourselves. If you can figure out the root of your self-judgements, you can start to rethink how you perceive yourself.<ref name="rf3">https://psychologies.co.uk/self/accept-yourself.html</ref>

#Catch yourself when you think negative thoughts. Once you know the specific areas of your life for which you are most critical, it is time to start quieting your “inner critic.”<ref name="rf2" /> Your inner critic tells you things like: “I’m not the ideal body size” of “I can never do anything right.” Quieting your inner critic will reduce reinforcement of your negative thoughts about yourself which will aid you in creating room for compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance. To quiet your inner critic, practice catching these negative thoughts as they come up. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’m such an idiot,” ask yourself these things:

#Challenge your inner critic. When you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself, challenge and quiet this inner critic. Be prepared with a positive counter-thought or mantra. You can use the strengths that you’ve identified in previous steps.<ref name="rf2" />

#Focus on self-acceptance first before self-improvement. Self-acceptance is accepting yourself just how you are in the present. Self-improvement focuses on changes that need to be made in order to accept the self in the future. <ref name="rf1" /> ,<ref name="rf2" /> Identify areas with the intention to value them as they are now. Then, you can decide whether you want to improve them in the future.

#Alter expectations of yourself. When you set unrealistic expectations for yourself, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. This will, in turn, make it hard to accept yourself. Shift your expectations of yourself. <ref name="rf4">http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/04/07/6-small-steps-to-accept-yourself/</ref>

#Learn that you are worthy of compassion. It may seem odd or uncomfortable to say that you will create compassion for yourself because it may seem self-centered, but self-compassion is the bedrock of self-acceptance. This is because compassion is the “sympathetic consciousness of others' distress with a desire to alleviate it.”<ref name="rf5">http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/compassion</ref> You are deserving of this same understanding and kindness! The first step in self-compassion is validating your own self-worth.<ref name="rf1" /> It is easy and quite common to allow others’ thoughts, feelings, opinions, and beliefs to dictate our self-approval. Instead of allowing your approval to be the decision of others, make it your own. Learn to validate and approve of yourself without needing it from others.<ref name="rf1" />

#Practice daily affirmations. An affirmation is a positive statement meant to encourage and be uplifting. Using this method for yourself can be a powerful tool in helping to build self-compassion.<ref name="rf6"> http://self-compassion.org/exercise-2-self-compassion-break/</ref> Having compassion for yourself makes it easier to empathize and forgive your past self, which will help you overcome feelings of guilt and regret. Daily affirmations also help to slowly change your inner critic. Build compassion daily by telling, writing, or thinking affirmations. Some examples of affirmations include:

#*Take a compassion break. If you are having a tough day accepting a particular part of yourself, take a moment and be kind to build self-compassion. Acknowledge that your judgement of yourself causes pain and that self-judgment can be overly harsh. Remind yourself to be kind and practice self-affirmation.<ref name="rf7">http://self-compassion.org/exercise-2-self-compassion-break/</ref>

#* To help you practice self-forgiveness, the exercise of writing a letter can be a powerful emotional and cognitive tool to start the process.<ref name="rf8">https://books.google.com/books?id=4pCSBAAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&q&f=fals</ref> Write a letter addressed to your younger or past-self, and use a kind, loving tone. Remind your younger self (inner critic) that you may have made mistakes. But you know you are not perfect, and that is okay. Our mistakes often offer valuable learning opportunities. Remind yourself that how you acted or what you did may have been all you knew how to do in that moment.  

#Turn guilt thoughts into gratitude statements. Remembering that you often learn from past mistakes can help you think about your past in a productive way. Practice being thankful for what you have learned and accept that making mistakes is a part of life. Then, your past guilt or shame will not keep you from accepting yourself in the present. Write down the guilt phrases/thoughts you have, and turn each into a gratitude statement.<ref name="rf8" /> For example:

#Surround yourself with loving people. If you spend your time with people who negate your self-worth, you may have a hard time accepting yourself. When people are constantly critical of you, it will be harder to convince yourself that you have strengths. Spend time with people who are supportive of you and who love you. These people will give you the boost you need to accept yourself for who you are.<ref name="rf9">http://psychcentral.com/lib/therapists-spill-12-ways-to-accept-yourself/13976/</ref>