Difference between revisions of "Learn Patience in a Relationship"
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==Steps== | ==Steps== | ||
===Being Patient with Your Partner=== | ===Being Patient with Your Partner=== | ||
| − | #Consider your partner’s feelings. One way to deter impatience in your relationship is to think about how your actions and attitudes will affect your partner. If you are patient and kind with your partner, they will feel loved and adored. If you are impatient and intolerant, your partner is likely to feel rejected by you. Keeping this in mind will help motivate you to be patient in your relationship.<ref>http://ourpeacefulfamily.com/patience-in-marriage/</ref> | + | #Consider your partner’s feelings. One way to deter impatience in your relationship is to think about how your actions and attitudes will affect your partner. If you are patient and kind with your partner, they will feel loved and adored. If you are impatient and intolerant, your partner is likely to feel rejected by you. Keeping this in mind will help motivate you to be patient in your relationship.<ref name="rf1">http://ourpeacefulfamily.com/patience-in-marriage/</ref> |
#*For example, if your partner forgets to stop and buy milk, saying “That’s okay, we’ll just get it later,” shows that you understand it was a simple mistake. If you instead say something like “I can’t believe you did this again. You always forget everything,” you are implying that your partner is flawed and that their mistakes are unacceptable. | #*For example, if your partner forgets to stop and buy milk, saying “That’s okay, we’ll just get it later,” shows that you understand it was a simple mistake. If you instead say something like “I can’t believe you did this again. You always forget everything,” you are implying that your partner is flawed and that their mistakes are unacceptable. | ||
| − | #Buffer your responses. Many people turn immediately to an impatient response. They assume that mistakes or inconveniences are the result of incompetence and carelessness. This leads to having a bleak outlook on those around you, and will likely cause you to say hurtful things before you even have time to think about what you are saying. To break this habit, use a buffer to force yourself to think before responding.<ref>http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/patience.html</ref> | + | #Buffer your responses. Many people turn immediately to an impatient response. They assume that mistakes or inconveniences are the result of incompetence and carelessness. This leads to having a bleak outlook on those around you, and will likely cause you to say hurtful things before you even have time to think about what you are saying. To break this habit, use a buffer to force yourself to think before responding.<ref name="rf2">http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/patience.html</ref> |
#*For example, you could make it a personal rule that when something frustrating happens, you take three deep breaths before you say anything at all. This will give you time to process the situation and respond appropriately. | #*For example, you could make it a personal rule that when something frustrating happens, you take three deep breaths before you say anything at all. This will give you time to process the situation and respond appropriately. | ||
#*In a more serious situation, you could leave the room or go for a walk. This will allow you time to cool down and think about your reaction. | #*In a more serious situation, you could leave the room or go for a walk. This will allow you time to cool down and think about your reaction. | ||
| − | #Have realistic expectations. Patience comes with understanding. One of the first things you will need to understand about your partner is that they are not perfect. When you set unrealistic expectations for your partner or decide that things absolutely must go a certain way, you will inevitably be disappointed. This disappointment will lead to impatience and frustration in the relationship. Avoid this by having reasonable expectations for your partner.<ref | + | #Have realistic expectations. Patience comes with understanding. One of the first things you will need to understand about your partner is that they are not perfect. When you set unrealistic expectations for your partner or decide that things absolutely must go a certain way, you will inevitably be disappointed. This disappointment will lead to impatience and frustration in the relationship. Avoid this by having reasonable expectations for your partner.<ref name="rf2" /> |
#*An example of an unreasonable expectation might be thinking that your partner should be home at exactly 5:30 every day, even though they have a 25 minute commute and work until 5:00. This leaves little to no time to account for things like walking to the car, or changes in traffic, and ultimately sets your partner up to fail. A reasonable expectation, on the other hand, would be to expect your partner to let you know if they get held up or will be late getting home for some reason. | #*An example of an unreasonable expectation might be thinking that your partner should be home at exactly 5:30 every day, even though they have a 25 minute commute and work until 5:00. This leaves little to no time to account for things like walking to the car, or changes in traffic, and ultimately sets your partner up to fail. A reasonable expectation, on the other hand, would be to expect your partner to let you know if they get held up or will be late getting home for some reason. | ||
#*Another example of unreasonable expectations is to expect your significant other to always want to watch the same shows that you want to watch. Instead, you could expect that they allow you to choose some of the time, and you allow them to choose other times. | #*Another example of unreasonable expectations is to expect your significant other to always want to watch the same shows that you want to watch. Instead, you could expect that they allow you to choose some of the time, and you allow them to choose other times. | ||
| − | #Look at your partner as a whole. No relationship is perfect. There will inevitably be points of tension between you and your partner from time to time. Instead of letting this tension define your relationship during those times, keep in mind the things you love about your partner. When you see your partner as a whole, it is easier to be patient through stressful times.<ref | + | #Look at your partner as a whole. No relationship is perfect. There will inevitably be points of tension between you and your partner from time to time. Instead of letting this tension define your relationship during those times, keep in mind the things you love about your partner. When you see your partner as a whole, it is easier to be patient through stressful times.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*For example, if your partner does something that really annoys you, like tapping their foot, do not let that pet peeve take precedence over all of the good qualities that you love in your partner. | #*For example, if your partner does something that really annoys you, like tapping their foot, do not let that pet peeve take precedence over all of the good qualities that you love in your partner. | ||
#*You might also notice that some expressions your significant other uses often seem repetitive to you. Keep in mind that you are likely around them more than anyone else, and that you hear their stories and phrases more, too. Remember that these things are part of the whole person that you fell in love with. | #*You might also notice that some expressions your significant other uses often seem repetitive to you. Keep in mind that you are likely around them more than anyone else, and that you hear their stories and phrases more, too. Remember that these things are part of the whole person that you fell in love with. | ||
===Being Patient with Yourself=== | ===Being Patient with Yourself=== | ||
| − | #Give it time. Learning to be patient takes patience. If you are easily frustrated, that isn’t likely to change overnight. Being hard on yourself will only add to your frustration. Instead, recognize that you are working toward being more patient and forgive yourself for any mistakes that you make along the way.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-zesty-self/201109/four-steps-developing-patience</ref> | + | #Give it time. Learning to be patient takes patience. If you are easily frustrated, that isn’t likely to change overnight. Being hard on yourself will only add to your frustration. Instead, recognize that you are working toward being more patient and forgive yourself for any mistakes that you make along the way.<ref name="rf3">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-zesty-self/201109/four-steps-developing-patience</ref> |
#*For example, if you get frustrated sitting in traffic, recognize that you are frustrated and try to [[Calm Down|calm down]]. Then let it go. There is no need to be frustrated about being frustrated. | #*For example, if you get frustrated sitting in traffic, recognize that you are frustrated and try to [[Calm Down|calm down]]. Then let it go. There is no need to be frustrated about being frustrated. | ||
| − | #Set goals. If you want to be more patient, you’ll need to set some goals. This way you can have a clear definition of how you are succeeding. Each goal you reach will help energize you to reach the next. Some examples of goals that lead to being more patient might be things like:<ref | + | #Set goals. If you want to be more patient, you’ll need to set some goals. This way you can have a clear definition of how you are succeeding. Each goal you reach will help energize you to reach the next. Some examples of goals that lead to being more patient might be things like:<ref name="rf3" /> |
#*Waiting in line without being frustrated. | #*Waiting in line without being frustrated. | ||
#*Keeping a positive attitude with co-workers. | #*Keeping a positive attitude with co-workers. | ||
#*Overlooking things that your significant other does that you find annoying. | #*Overlooking things that your significant other does that you find annoying. | ||
| − | #Remind yourself that patience will pay off. Being patient benefits you in many ways. First of all, it allows your relationships to be more loving and respectful. Being patient also helps you remain calmer and more at peace with yourself. When you start to feel frustrated, keep in mind that responding with patience will help you live a more satisfying life.<ref | + | #Remind yourself that patience will pay off. Being patient benefits you in many ways. First of all, it allows your relationships to be more loving and respectful. Being patient also helps you remain calmer and more at peace with yourself. When you start to feel frustrated, keep in mind that responding with patience will help you live a more satisfying life.<ref name="rf3" /> |
#Practice positive self-talk. Most people have an inner dialogue that plays out in their minds day in and day out. This is your “self-talk.” Just like the things other people say, your self-talk can tear you down, or it can boost your confidence. When you analyze yourself and think (or talk) to yourself about being patient, focus on your progress in a positive way. | #Practice positive self-talk. Most people have an inner dialogue that plays out in their minds day in and day out. This is your “self-talk.” Just like the things other people say, your self-talk can tear you down, or it can boost your confidence. When you analyze yourself and think (or talk) to yourself about being patient, focus on your progress in a positive way. | ||
#*For example, avoid thoughts like “I’m just not patient enough to deal with that.” Instead, frame it in a positive by thinking or saying something like “Dealing with that is going to require a lot of patience.” | #*For example, avoid thoughts like “I’m just not patient enough to deal with that.” Instead, frame it in a positive by thinking or saying something like “Dealing with that is going to require a lot of patience.” | ||
===Practicing Patience Everyday=== | ===Practicing Patience Everyday=== | ||
| − | #Be aware of your stress. Understand your stress levels and what stressors affect you the most. Keep a journal of the things that frustrate or stress you out the most. As you come to understand your triggers, you can better [[Control Stress|control your stress]]. Having your stress under control will allow you to focus on being a more patient person. Common stressors are things like:<ref>http://www.codeofliving.com/life/how-to-be-more-patient-in-control-of-your-life/</ref> | + | #Be aware of your stress. Understand your stress levels and what stressors affect you the most. Keep a journal of the things that frustrate or stress you out the most. As you come to understand your triggers, you can better [[Control Stress|control your stress]]. Having your stress under control will allow you to focus on being a more patient person. Common stressors are things like:<ref name="rf4">http://www.codeofliving.com/life/how-to-be-more-patient-in-control-of-your-life/</ref> |
#*Traffic | #*Traffic | ||
#*Long lines | #*Long lines | ||
#*Excessive phone calls | #*Excessive phone calls | ||
#*Deadlines | #*Deadlines | ||
| − | #Remain positive. Most situations can be looked at in a positive and negative light. How patient you are in a given circumstance will depend on how positive or negative your outlook is. If you focus on the positive aspects of a situation, you will be much more patient.<ref | + | #Remain positive. Most situations can be looked at in a positive and negative light. How patient you are in a given circumstance will depend on how positive or negative your outlook is. If you focus on the positive aspects of a situation, you will be much more patient.<ref name="rf4" /> |
#*For example, if you view time spent sitting in traffic as time wasted, you will be frustrated and impatient. If you view that same time as a chance to have a conversation with your significant other, the experience is more positive and you will both be more patient. | #*For example, if you view time spent sitting in traffic as time wasted, you will be frustrated and impatient. If you view that same time as a chance to have a conversation with your significant other, the experience is more positive and you will both be more patient. | ||
| − | #Have a plan for tough situations. Being caught off guard is stressful, regardless of the situation. You can be more patient if you prepare yourself for difficult situations. One of the best ways to prepare for a situation is to [[Overcome Your Fears Through Visualization|visualize]] yourself dealing with it before it happens. Close your eyes and think about how the situation will play out, and how you will react to it.<ref | + | #Have a plan for tough situations. Being caught off guard is stressful, regardless of the situation. You can be more patient if you prepare yourself for difficult situations. One of the best ways to prepare for a situation is to [[Overcome Your Fears Through Visualization|visualize]] yourself dealing with it before it happens. Close your eyes and think about how the situation will play out, and how you will react to it.<ref name="rf4" /> |
#*For example, if you get irritated when your significant other sleeps in on the weekend, visualize yourself doing something you enjoy in the morning. Include in the visualization how you will greet your significant other warmly when they wake up. | #*For example, if you get irritated when your significant other sleeps in on the weekend, visualize yourself doing something you enjoy in the morning. Include in the visualization how you will greet your significant other warmly when they wake up. | ||
| − | #Keep your body healthy. [[Exercise]] and a [[Eat Healthy and Exercise|healthy diet]] can keep your body healthy. This will make you feel better, raise your self confidence, and help to balance your hormones and neurotransmitters (the chemicals that send messages throughout your brain and body). All of these things will reduce your stress level and help you to be more patient.<ref | + | #Keep your body healthy. [[Exercise]] and a [[Eat Healthy and Exercise|healthy diet]] can keep your body healthy. This will make you feel better, raise your self confidence, and help to balance your hormones and neurotransmitters (the chemicals that send messages throughout your brain and body). All of these things will reduce your stress level and help you to be more patient.<ref name="rf4" /> |
| − | #Focus on your mental health. Physical health is not the only factor to remaining happy and stable. If you practice good mental hygiene, you will find that you have much more capacity to be patient with yourself and your significant other. Things like [[Do Yoga at Home|yoga]], [[Meditate|meditation]], [[Breathe Deeply|deep breathing techniques]], and talking in [[Find a Mental Health Support Group|support groups]] can help you relieve built up stress.<ref | + | #Focus on your mental health. Physical health is not the only factor to remaining happy and stable. If you practice good mental hygiene, you will find that you have much more capacity to be patient with yourself and your significant other. Things like [[Do Yoga at Home|yoga]], [[Meditate|meditation]], [[Breathe Deeply|deep breathing techniques]], and talking in [[Find a Mental Health Support Group|support groups]] can help you relieve built up stress.<ref name="rf4" /> |
== Tips == | == Tips == | ||
*Keep a journal of things that make you impatient. | *Keep a journal of things that make you impatient. | ||
