Difference between revisions of "Know if the Guy You're Dating Is Right for You"
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==Steps== | ==Steps== | ||
===Figuring Out Your Priorities=== | ===Figuring Out Your Priorities=== | ||
| − | #Think about your beliefs and values. If the person you’re dating is right for you, the two of you will share common core beliefs and values. While these values will vary from couple to couple, it is important to think about what is important to you in life and whether or not your partner also values these things.<ref> http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/understanding-your-core-values-in-relationships-no-theyre-not-your-common-interests/</ref> | + | #Think about your beliefs and values. If the person you’re dating is right for you, the two of you will share common core beliefs and values. While these values will vary from couple to couple, it is important to think about what is important to you in life and whether or not your partner also values these things.<ref name="rf1"> http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/understanding-your-core-values-in-relationships-no-theyre-not-your-common-interests/</ref> |
#*Beliefs and values are not the same as common interests. | #*Beliefs and values are not the same as common interests. | ||
#*For example, love, care, trust, and respect are values, while sports and television are interests. | #*For example, love, care, trust, and respect are values, while sports and television are interests. | ||
| − | #Consider your common interests. It’s important to have common interests with the guy you’re dating. Your relationship should go beyond amazing chemistry. Think about things you both like to do, and how you spend your time when you’re together. Not having a lot of common interests isn’t a deal breaker, but both partners should be willing to try out some activities the other person enjoys.<ref>http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/8151905/Do-I-have-enough-in-common-with-my-girlfriend.html</ref> | + | #Consider your common interests. It’s important to have common interests with the guy you’re dating. Your relationship should go beyond amazing chemistry. Think about things you both like to do, and how you spend your time when you’re together. Not having a lot of common interests isn’t a deal breaker, but both partners should be willing to try out some activities the other person enjoys.<ref name="rf2">http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/8151905/Do-I-have-enough-in-common-with-my-girlfriend.html</ref> |
#*Make a list of your interests and then put a star beside interests that you share with him. | #*Make a list of your interests and then put a star beside interests that you share with him. | ||
#Decide what’s important to you in a relationship. It’s important to be clear about what matters most to you when you’re trying to figure out if the guy you’re dating is a good fit. Sit down and make a list of things that are important to you in a relationship. | #Decide what’s important to you in a relationship. It’s important to be clear about what matters most to you when you’re trying to figure out if the guy you’re dating is a good fit. Sit down and make a list of things that are important to you in a relationship. | ||
#*Some examples include spending quality time together, sharing similar life goals, and mutual respect. | #*Some examples include spending quality time together, sharing similar life goals, and mutual respect. | ||
===Evaluating Your Relationship=== | ===Evaluating Your Relationship=== | ||
| − | #Ask yourself how you feel when you’re together. He should make you feel good about yourself, valuing your personality, intelligence, and kindness. If a guy is right for you, you should have fun while you are together. The right guy will make you feel loved, appreciated, and valued.<ref> http://jamesrussell.org/blog/blog/10-ways-to-know-you-re-dating-the-right-guy</ref> | + | #Ask yourself how you feel when you’re together. He should make you feel good about yourself, valuing your personality, intelligence, and kindness. If a guy is right for you, you should have fun while you are together. The right guy will make you feel loved, appreciated, and valued.<ref name="rf3"> http://jamesrussell.org/blog/blog/10-ways-to-know-you-re-dating-the-right-guy</ref> |
#*Try asking yourself, “How do I feel after hanging out with the guy I’m dating?” | #*Try asking yourself, “How do I feel after hanging out with the guy I’m dating?” | ||
#*After you hang out with the guy you’re dating, try coming home and making a list of how you felt during and after hanging out together. | #*After you hang out with the guy you’re dating, try coming home and making a list of how you felt during and after hanging out together. | ||
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#*Try making a list of your best qualities and behaviors. Then ask yourself, “Does the guy I’m dating bring out these things in me?” | #*Try making a list of your best qualities and behaviors. Then ask yourself, “Does the guy I’m dating bring out these things in me?” | ||
#*Some examples might include having a positive outlook, acting with kindness toward others, or not engaging in gossip. | #*Some examples might include having a positive outlook, acting with kindness toward others, or not engaging in gossip. | ||
| − | #Consider your communication. Communication is key to a successful relationship, and how you and your guy communicate is a great indicator as to whether he is right for you. Both partners should be able to talk openly about their feelings, hopes, and dreams. And both should listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Even if it’s just small talk or what seems like an insignificant experience, it’s important that you and your guy communicate openly and regularly.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201501/6-surprising-ways-communicate-better-your-partner</ref> | + | #Consider your communication. Communication is key to a successful relationship, and how you and your guy communicate is a great indicator as to whether he is right for you. Both partners should be able to talk openly about their feelings, hopes, and dreams. And both should listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Even if it’s just small talk or what seems like an insignificant experience, it’s important that you and your guy communicate openly and regularly.<ref name="rf4">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201501/6-surprising-ways-communicate-better-your-partner</ref> |
#*Try making a list of times you communicated effectively with the guy you’re dating, and times you wish the communication would have been better. | #*Try making a list of times you communicated effectively with the guy you’re dating, and times you wish the communication would have been better. | ||
#*An example of good communication might include the time you argued but both took time to listen to the other person’s thoughts and feelings. | #*An example of good communication might include the time you argued but both took time to listen to the other person’s thoughts and feelings. | ||
#*An example of poor communication might be when he failed to inform you he wasn’t coming to hang out after previously making plans to do so. | #*An example of poor communication might be when he failed to inform you he wasn’t coming to hang out after previously making plans to do so. | ||
#*Compare the lists to get a holistic perspective on your overall communication as a couple, including areas where you can improve. | #*Compare the lists to get a holistic perspective on your overall communication as a couple, including areas where you can improve. | ||
| − | #Ask yourself whether he treats you with respect. If the guy you’re dating doesn’t respect you, he’s not right for you. He should respect your time, talents, and opinions. He should be okay with disagreeing. He shouldn’t lie to you, second-guess you, jerk you around, or try to micromanage your life. If a guy is right for you, he will respect and value you as an individual.<ref>http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a38880/signs-he-respects-you/</ref> | + | #Ask yourself whether he treats you with respect. If the guy you’re dating doesn’t respect you, he’s not right for you. He should respect your time, talents, and opinions. He should be okay with disagreeing. He shouldn’t lie to you, second-guess you, jerk you around, or try to micromanage your life. If a guy is right for you, he will respect and value you as an individual.<ref name="rf5">http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a38880/signs-he-respects-you/</ref> |
#*Make a list of times the guy you’re dating treated you with respect, and then make a list of times you felt he disrespected you. Compare the lists. | #*Make a list of times the guy you’re dating treated you with respect, and then make a list of times you felt he disrespected you. Compare the lists. | ||
===Looking for Warning Signs=== | ===Looking for Warning Signs=== | ||
| − | #Avoid men who physically abuse you. If a guy you are dating is physically abusive, he is not right for you. You should leave a physically abusive relationship as soon as you can. Seek support from friends, family, or by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Domestic violence includes physical abuse such as:<ref>http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/</ref> | + | #Avoid men who physically abuse you. If a guy you are dating is physically abusive, he is not right for you. You should leave a physically abusive relationship as soon as you can. Seek support from friends, family, or by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Domestic violence includes physical abuse such as:<ref name="rf6">http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/</ref> |
#*Slapping, kicking, punching, biting, choking, and pulling hair | #*Slapping, kicking, punching, biting, choking, and pulling hair | ||
#*Harming you with weapons | #*Harming you with weapons | ||
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#*Forcing you to use alcohol or drugs | #*Forcing you to use alcohol or drugs | ||
#*Forcing you to have sex or perform sexual acts | #*Forcing you to have sex or perform sexual acts | ||
| − | #Learn the signs of emotional and psychological abuse. If you are in a relationship with a guy who is emotionally abusive, he is not right for you. You should leave an emotionally abusive relationship as soon as possible and seek help from friends, family, or your local domestic violence center. This type of domestic violence often evolves into physical abuse. Emotional and psychological abuse can include:<ref>http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/10/13/21-warning-signs-of-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/</ref> | + | #Learn the signs of emotional and psychological abuse. If you are in a relationship with a guy who is emotionally abusive, he is not right for you. You should leave an emotionally abusive relationship as soon as possible and seek help from friends, family, or your local domestic violence center. This type of domestic violence often evolves into physical abuse. Emotional and psychological abuse can include:<ref name="rf7">http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/10/13/21-warning-signs-of-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/</ref> |
#*Humiliating or embarrassing you | #*Humiliating or embarrassing you | ||
#*Constantly putting you down | #*Constantly putting you down | ||
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#*Constantly calling or texting you when you are not with him | #*Constantly calling or texting you when you are not with him | ||
#*Isolating you from friends and family | #*Isolating you from friends and family | ||
| − | #Reconsider dating someone who is in another relationship. If you’re dating someone who has another significant other, like a wife, husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend, you should reconsider the relationship. This is especially true if the guy promises to break up with his significant other, but does not.<ref>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/30-signs-that-someone-isnt-interested-or-is-half-heartedly-interested-in-you-how-to-avoid-being-a-passing-time-candidate/</ref> | + | #Reconsider dating someone who is in another relationship. If you’re dating someone who has another significant other, like a wife, husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend, you should reconsider the relationship. This is especially true if the guy promises to break up with his significant other, but does not.<ref name="rf8">http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/30-signs-that-someone-isnt-interested-or-is-half-heartedly-interested-in-you-how-to-avoid-being-a-passing-time-candidate/</ref> |
| − | #Watch out for guys who only contact you sporadically. If he only contacts you sporadically, or relies predominately on email, text, or social media to make plans, it could be a sign he’s not that into you. This is also the case if he only wants to see you when he wants something, like money, sex, or a shoulder to cry on.<ref | + | #Watch out for guys who only contact you sporadically. If he only contacts you sporadically, or relies predominately on email, text, or social media to make plans, it could be a sign he’s not that into you. This is also the case if he only wants to see you when he wants something, like money, sex, or a shoulder to cry on.<ref name="rf8" /> |
===Making Your Decision=== | ===Making Your Decision=== | ||
#Reflect on your feelings. After you determine your priorities and evaluate your relationship, you should reflect on your feelings. Think about how the relationship as a whole makes you feel. Pay attention to your gut. If you feel that the guy you’re dating isn’t right for you, consider ending the relationship. | #Reflect on your feelings. After you determine your priorities and evaluate your relationship, you should reflect on your feelings. Think about how the relationship as a whole makes you feel. Pay attention to your gut. If you feel that the guy you’re dating isn’t right for you, consider ending the relationship. | ||
