Difference between revisions of "Know That You Are Beautiful"

Most of us wonder about our appearance from time to time. Unfortunately, society puts a lot of emphasis on the idea of “beauty.” TV and movies, magazines and books, and thousands of products and ads all insist that there’s one “ideal” you have to meet to be “beautiful.” These unrealistic and exclusionary standards take root in our minds early. Research studies have found that 50% of girls between the ages of 3 and 6 worry that they’re “fat” and nearly a third would alter their physical appearance if they could. However, several research studies have also shown that “beauty” is highly subjective and personal. It truly ''is'' in the eye of the beholder.<reF>http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/xhp/32/2/199/</ref> There is no one way to be beautiful. Learning to accept yourself and be confident in who you are, inside and out, will help you feel beautiful every day. And research has shown that when ''you'' feel beautiful, others are likely to feel that way too!<ref name="rf1">http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/science/2168-science-explains-why-confidence-scores-you-dates/</ref>     

#Show yourself compassion. Our appearances can be the source of a lot of shame and emotional pain. Sometimes, this shame can keep you from seeing your true beauty because you are stuck in a cycle of feeling unworthy, unlovable, undeserving, or inadequate.<Ref>http://www.womenspsychotherapy.com/shameoldwounds.html</ref> If others have judged you according to society’s artificial standards, you may also feel humiliated or embarrassed.<ref name="rf2">http://psychcentral.com/lib/shame-the-quintessential-emotion/</ref> Showing yourself compassion is the antidote to the shame that comes from being judged by others (or judging yourself).<ref name="rf3">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-compassion-chronicles/201307/how-compassion-can-heal-shame-childhood</ref> Here are some exercises you can do to begin building your self-compassion:<ref name="rf3" />

#Think about how you would treat a friend. Sometimes, we are much harsher on ourselves than we would ever be to anyone else. Think about how you would speak with a friend who was struggling to feel beautiful. What would you say to him or her? Try extending this same kindness to yourself.<ref name="rf4">http://self-compassion.org/exercise-1-treat-friend/</ref>

#* Research suggests that people tend to chose friends that we see as attractive in some way.<ref name="rf5">http://allpsych.com/psychology101/attribution_attraction/</ref> Think about what you find beautiful in the people you love. You may find that your standard of beauty for your friends is far more inclusive than the standard you hold yourself to.

#Challenge self-criticism. Research has shown that self-criticism can cause anxiety and depression.<ref name="rf6">http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/27/5-strategies-for-self-compassion/</ref> You may feel unhappy with yourself because you compare yourself to society’s artificial standards, or because you have been judged by others and feel ashamed. The more you practice on challenging unhelpful or self-critical thoughts, the more you will feel comfortable accepting yourself just as you are.<ref name="rf7">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/making-change/201107/how-stop-the-self-criticism-and-feel-better-about-you</ref>

#* The human brain has a bad tendency to focus on negative experiences and information, allowing the positive things to slip by us.<ref name="rf8">http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/taking_in_the_good</ref> The next time your inner critic tells you that you aren’t “______ enough,” remember that your brain doesn’t always tell the truth. It has probably overlooked many positive things about you in order to latch onto something negative, which may not even be true.<ref name="rf9">http://psychcentral.com/lib/therapists-spill-12-ways-to-accept-yourself/00013976</ref>

#Practice mindful awareness of your thoughts. A helpful way to deal with self-judging thoughts is to remember that they are just thoughts. They are not necessarily “true.” Trying to fight negative thoughts doesn’t always work. In fact, you may find yourself obsessing over the negative thought in an attempt to “get rid of it.” You may even find yourself judging yourself for not being able to stop thinking these thoughts. Instead, try acknowledging that these thoughts have occurred, and then acknowledge that these thoughts are not facts.<ref name="rf10">http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/2011/08/3-steps-to-break-the-self-judgment-habit/</ref><ref name="rf11">http://www.mindful.org/mindful-magazine/tara-brach-rain-mindfulness-practice</ref>

#Focus on the positives. Being surrounded by stereotypes of beauty can leave you vulnerable to the cognitive distortion of “filtering,” where you end up focusing only on the things you ''don’t'' like about yourself.<Ref>http://www.apsu.edu/sites/apsu.edu/files/counseling/COGNITIVE_0.pdf</ref> Challenge this distortion in your thinking by making a game of it: every time you think of something negative about yourself, immediately find something positive to counter it. It can be helpful to say these positive things into a mirror, which can help you accept what you’re saying as true.<ref name="rf12">http://www.beyondthemirror.org/Pages/Affirmations.aspx</ref>

#Make a self-appreciation list. Since our brains do such a good job of focusing on the negative, actively counter that tendency by keeping a list of the positive things about yourself. Taking time to acknowledge and record things that you like about yourself will help “store” them in your brain so that you can remember them later. When you are going through a tough patch, take out your self-appreciation list and reflect on the many things that make you your beautiful self. Here are some questions to get you started:<ref name="rf13">http://ripplerevolution.com/write-a-self-appreciation-journal-30-day-experiment</ref>

#Write yourself a forgiveness letter. Learning to forgive yourself is critical in helping you heal from past wounds that may be keeping you from seeing your true worth. Maybe you made a mistake in your past that you still judge yourself for. Maybe you feel guilty over an experience your younger self had. Whatever it is, forgiving yourself for the past can help you move forward.<ref name="rf14">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/write-yourself-well/201403/transactional-writing-letters-heal</ref><ref name="rf15">http://psychcentral.com/lib/therapists-spill-12-ways-to-accept-yourself/</ref>

#Question standards of beauty. Because we’re bombarded with images of what beauty is “supposed” to mean every day, it can be easy to accept those stereotypical definitions as true. Remember that these definitions are narrow, artificial, and exclusionary: all too often, “beautiful” means tall, white, thin, and young.<ref name="rf16">http://www.hofstra.edu/pdf/orsp_shahani-denning_spring03.pdf</ref> You don’t have to accept anyone else’s standards. Learning to recognize how artificial and unrealistic these external standards are can help you recognize that you are beautiful no matter what anyone else says.

#* Do an internet search for “magazine Photoshop failures” or “model airbrushing” to see ''just how many'' of these beauty ideals are entirely manufactured. Even supermodels cannot conform to these beauty standards without alteration.<ref name="rf17">http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/raising_happiness/post/aging_mom_bod</ref>

#Keep a journal. Journaling can help you identify unhelpful patterns of thinking. Remember that stress and anxiety can affect how you see and experience yourself, so you may experience more negative thoughts when you’re Write down when you struggle with negative thoughts or feelings about your appearance. Be as specific as possible. Here are some questions to help you:<ref name="rf18">http://self-compassion.org/exercise-6-self-compassion-journal/</ref>

#* Acknowledge and reflect on positive moments. It’s easy for your brain to ignore positive information because it’s always hunting for the negative stuff. The next time a friend gives you a compliment or you find yourself feeling great about yourself, take a moment to stop and savor that experience.<ref name="rf19">http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/10_steps_to_savoring_the_good_things_in_life</ref>

#* Focus on how you feel when you notice these positive moments. What senses are you using? How does your body feel? What are you thinking? Reflecting on these aspects can help you remember the positive moment more strongly later.<ref name="rf8" />

#Dress for success. It’s all too common for people to feel insecure, even ashamed, of their bodies. You may find yourself dressing a certain way to hide areas that embarrass you, or because you feel you do not “deserve” to dress a certain way. You may be tempted to wait until you have your “ideal” body before you buy attractive clothes. These actions will damage your self-confidence. Buy clothes that fit your body, just as it is. Wear clothes that make you feel beautiful, regardless of what any external standard says.<ref name="rf20">http://www.webmd.com/beauty/style/build-a-better-body-image-no-dieting-required</ref>

#* Research has shown that what you wear can impact your confidence. For example, one study found that people who wore a lab coat while performing a simple scientific task were more confident and had better results than those who didn’t wear a coat -- even though it was the exact same task!<ref name="rf21">http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022103112000200</ref> If you feel attractive and confident in your clothes, others will pick up on that too.

#* How you dress impacts how you feel about yourself. For example, actors often say that their costumes help them discover their characters. Dress for the “character” you want to be.<ref name="rf22">http://www.forbes.com/sites/learnvest/2012/04/03/what-your-clothes-say-about-you/</ref>

#* Find clothes that fit your body properly. Studies have demonstrated that when people wear clothes that fit well, others were more likely to see them as attractive.<ref name="rf23">http://99u.com/articles/14510/the-smart-creatives-guide-to-dressing-for-work</ref>

#Take care of your body. Your body does not have to conform to anyone else’s standards. Consider your motivation for how you eat and take care of yourself. Try to avoid doing things because you feel you “ought to” to meet society’s standards. Eating well, exercising, and developing good habits can help you feel beautiful by reminding you that you are honoring yourself because you are worth caring for.<ref name="rf24">http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-feel-comfortable-in-your-own-skin/</ref>

#* Exercise. Exercising releases natural mood-boosting chemicals called endorphins.<ref name="rf25">http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/exercise-and-stress/art-20044469</ref> Regular moderate exercise -- whether it’s running, swimming, or even gardening -- can also make you feel more energetic and positive.<ref name="rf26">http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20479481</ref> Just don’t approach it with the idea of “fixing” yourself, or you could actually cause yourself more mental hurt than good.<ref name="rf27">http://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/feeling-powerless-increases-the-weight-of-the-world-literally#sthash.eHCn2arf.dpuf</ref> Remind yourself that you are taking care of your health because you love yourself.

#* Eat well. How you eat can actually affect your mood.<ref name="rf28">http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/how-food-affects-your-moods</ref> Make sure to incorporate plenty of fresh vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and lean proteins into your diet. If you notice that you don’t feel good about yourself after eating something, consider why. You may want to avoid that food, or you may want to teach yourself new ways of responding to it.<ref name="rf29">http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/expert-blog/food-and-mood/bgp-20056183</ref> And remember: everything in moderation, including moderation. If you’re really craving a slice of peach pie, it’s okay to treat yourself.

#* Pamper yourself. Take a hot bath, go for a manicure, get a massage. Appreciate that you are worth treating well.<ref name="rf30">https://uhs.berkeley.edu/whatseatingyou/pdf/TenStepsBodyImage.pdf</ref>

#* Get enough sleep. When you don’t sleep well, you can end up experiencing symptoms including anxiety, depression, obesity, and irritability.<ref name="rf31">http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/matters/consequences</ref> Make sure to take time to get the sleep your body needs.

#Surround yourself with caring people. Humans are highly susceptible to “emotional contagion,” which happens when we pick up on the emotions of those around us and begin to feel the same way.<ref name="rf32">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-work/201410/faster-speeding-text-emotional-contagion-work</ref><ref name="rf33">http://asq.sagepub.com/content/47/4/644.short</ref> In other words, you’re likely to feel the same way that the people around you feel. Researchers have found that support, compassion, and kindness from others impacts our brains and sense of well-being.<ref name="rf34">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sapient-nature/201303/dealing-negative-people</ref> Surround yourself with friends and loved ones who support each other and don’t judge others based on shallow and artificial ideas.

#* Ask for a hug! Making physical contact with people you love releases oxytocin, a powerful bonding hormone that can also boost your mood.<ref name="rf35">http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0018506X12000098</ref><ref name="rf36">http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_ways_oxytocin_might_shape_your_social_life</ref>

#Tell others when your feelings are hurt. Some people may make hurtful comments about your appearance without even realizing that they have been unkind. Others may say hurtful things because of their own insecurities. Stand up for yourself when these things happen. Calmly tell the other person how s/he has hurt your feelings and ask him/her to stop. If s/he does not, avoid that person. You don’t have to put up with judgment or unkindness from others.<ref name="rf37">https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/10-steps-positive-body-image</ref>

#Ask for support. While you don’t ''need'' anyone else’s validation to be beautiful, hearing love and support from people you trust and love can be helpful.<ref name="rf38">http://marthabeck.com/2013/04/self-acceptance/</ref> Talk to a trusted friend or loved one about how you’re feeling. Ask if s/he has had a similar experience. You may be able to support and encourage each other.<ref name="rf15" />

#Show kindness to others. Practicing compassion toward others can help you feel happier and healthier.<ref name="rf39">http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/compassion/definition#why_practice</ref> The next time you’re feeling down about your own appearance, make an effort to say something kind to someone else. Tell them what you would hope to hear yourself. Practicing kindness toward others can also help you extend it to yourself.<ref name="rf40">http://psychcentral.com/lib/accepting-your-body/</ref>

#* As it turns out, beauty really is as beauty does. Studies have shown that people who are kind are more likely to be rated as physically attractive than unkind people.<ref name="rf41">http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/is_kindness_physically_attractive</ref> Other studies have shown that people who appear to be empathetic are more likely to be rated as sexually attractive.<ref name="rf42">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/romance-redux/201212/is-empathy-sexy</ref>  

#Fake it. If you wait to live your life until you “feel” beautiful, you could wait for a long time. Your brain may have gotten very good at convincing you that those criticisms and judgments are true. Practice behaving as if you ''already'' feel beautiful. It turns out that you actually can “fake it till you make it.”<Ref>http://www.forbes.com/sites/groupthink/2013/12/03/5-powerful-exercises-to-increase-your-mental-strength/</ref><ref name="rf38" />

#Talk with a therapist. Sometimes, the pressure to conform to society’s standards of beauty can cause deep wounds. It may also trigger illnesses such as eating disorders. If you’re struggling with negative thinking about yourself, a counselor or therapist can help by teaching you how to combat those unhelpful ways of thinking and finding ways to live a healthy and happy life.<ref name="rf43">http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist</ref>

#* Eating disorders are on the rise, with up to 30 million people in the U.S. suffering from one.<ref name="rf44">http://www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/eating-disorders-statistics/</ref> If you feel unattractive or dissatisfied with your appearance, you may be more at risk for developing an eating disorder. Eating disorders are severe medical conditions that require treatment.<ref name="rf45">http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/eating-disorders/basics/definition/con-20033575</ref>