Difference between revisions of "Ignore People You Don't Like"
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== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
=== Dealing with Social Situations === | === Dealing with Social Situations === | ||
| − | # Stay away from the person. Avoidance is sometimes the easiest way to ignore someone. If someone is getting on your nerves, try to keep your distance as much as you can.<ref>http://kidshealth.org/en/kids/bullies.html#</ref> | + | # Stay away from the person. Avoidance is sometimes the easiest way to ignore someone. If someone is getting on your nerves, try to keep your distance as much as you can.<ref name="rf1">http://kidshealth.org/en/kids/bullies.html#</ref> |
#*You can avoid places they're likely to hang out. If an annoying co-worker always eats lunch at noon, try eating lunch outside of the office or taking a later lunch. | #*You can avoid places they're likely to hang out. If an annoying co-worker always eats lunch at noon, try eating lunch outside of the office or taking a later lunch. | ||
#*Avoid social situations where you're likely to see that person. If annoying person from school is going to be at party this weekend, try making other plans. | #*Avoid social situations where you're likely to see that person. If annoying person from school is going to be at party this weekend, try making other plans. | ||
| − | # Avoid eye contact. When you're in the same room with someone who annoys you, be aware of your eyes. If you accidentally glance at the person, this could result in eye contact. This can be misinterpreted as an invitation to come over and talk. When you're around the person, try not to look at them. This will help minimize interactions.<ref>http://www.romanceways.com/how-to-ignore-someone-you-love.html</ref> | + | # Avoid eye contact. When you're in the same room with someone who annoys you, be aware of your eyes. If you accidentally glance at the person, this could result in eye contact. This can be misinterpreted as an invitation to come over and talk. When you're around the person, try not to look at them. This will help minimize interactions.<ref name="rf2">http://www.romanceways.com/how-to-ignore-someone-you-love.html</ref> |
# Communicate through others. If you work with someone, you sometimes have to communicate with them. It may be easiest to do it through others. You don't have to be rude about this. Do not, for example, say within the person's earshot something like, "Could you tell Jeff, who I'm not speaking to, to put his dirty dish in the sink?" You can, however, ask others to deliver information when necessary. | # Communicate through others. If you work with someone, you sometimes have to communicate with them. It may be easiest to do it through others. You don't have to be rude about this. Do not, for example, say within the person's earshot something like, "Could you tell Jeff, who I'm not speaking to, to put his dirty dish in the sink?" You can, however, ask others to deliver information when necessary. | ||
#*For example, you're working in a group for a work project. The annoying person is in your group. | #*For example, you're working in a group for a work project. The annoying person is in your group. | ||
#*Late at night, you realize you need to let the person know about an aspect of the project. If you know the person will get hostile and difficult when confronted, ask another coworker to talk to them. Say something like, "For some reason, Jeff doesn't love hearing suggestions from me. Could you let him know we have to reframe the conclusion of our report? Thanks." | #*Late at night, you realize you need to let the person know about an aspect of the project. If you know the person will get hostile and difficult when confronted, ask another coworker to talk to them. Say something like, "For some reason, Jeff doesn't love hearing suggestions from me. Could you let him know we have to reframe the conclusion of our report? Thanks." | ||
| − | # Curtail your responses. You can't completely avoid talking to someone, especially if you see them at work or school. You don't want to give a complete silent treatment when someone's talking to you, so work on curtailing your responses. When someone talks, give curt responses like "Hmmm" and "Okay." This will hopefully send the message that you want some space.<ref | + | # Curtail your responses. You can't completely avoid talking to someone, especially if you see them at work or school. You don't want to give a complete silent treatment when someone's talking to you, so work on curtailing your responses. When someone talks, give curt responses like "Hmmm" and "Okay." This will hopefully send the message that you want some space.<ref name="rf2" /> |
| − | # Tune out negative behavior. If someone's annoying behavior takes the form of bullying, such as name-calling or taunting, try to ignore it. Bullies tend to love getting a reaction out of people. If you don't deliver that reaction, the bullying may stop.<ref | + | # Tune out negative behavior. If someone's annoying behavior takes the form of bullying, such as name-calling or taunting, try to ignore it. Bullies tend to love getting a reaction out of people. If you don't deliver that reaction, the bullying may stop.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*If a co-worker always teases you, to the point you feel uncomfortable around them, try simply ignoring the teasing. | #*If a co-worker always teases you, to the point you feel uncomfortable around them, try simply ignoring the teasing. | ||
#*For example, you walk to the water fountain to get a drink and the co-worker makes a negative comment about your outfit. Simply pretend you didn't hear and carry on with your day. | #*For example, you walk to the water fountain to get a drink and the co-worker makes a negative comment about your outfit. Simply pretend you didn't hear and carry on with your day. | ||
| − | # Find strengths in numbers, if necessary. If the annoying person is very aggressive towards you, adopt the buddy system. Try to have friends or co-workers accompany you places you're likely to see the person. Friends can, for example, walk with you between classes or eat lunch with you to keep the annoying person away.<ref | + | # Find strengths in numbers, if necessary. If the annoying person is very aggressive towards you, adopt the buddy system. Try to have friends or co-workers accompany you places you're likely to see the person. Friends can, for example, walk with you between classes or eat lunch with you to keep the annoying person away.<ref name="rf1" /> |
=== Maintaining Good Manners === | === Maintaining Good Manners === | ||
| − | # Be formal with the person. There is no reason to be rude simply because you're ignoring someone. In fact, being rude will only escalate the situation. When you have to talk to the person, do so with formality.<ref | + | # Be formal with the person. There is no reason to be rude simply because you're ignoring someone. In fact, being rude will only escalate the situation. When you have to talk to the person, do so with formality.<ref name="rf2" /> |
#*Say things like, "Please," "Excuse me," and "Thank you." Show the person basic manners while maintaining a somewhat stiff demeanor. This will show the person you're not being hostile but you don't want a lot of interactions with them. | #*Say things like, "Please," "Excuse me," and "Thank you." Show the person basic manners while maintaining a somewhat stiff demeanor. This will show the person you're not being hostile but you don't want a lot of interactions with them. | ||
| − | # Do not taunt the person. Ignoring someone should not be an aggressive act. Do not make faces at the person, roll your eyes when they talk, or blatantly pretend not to hear them when they address you. You are now being annoying in return, which is not a good way of dealing. Never taunt someone while you're ignoring them.<ref>http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/relationships/etiquette-manners/proper-way-ignore-someone</ref> | + | # Do not taunt the person. Ignoring someone should not be an aggressive act. Do not make faces at the person, roll your eyes when they talk, or blatantly pretend not to hear them when they address you. You are now being annoying in return, which is not a good way of dealing. Never taunt someone while you're ignoring them.<ref name="rf3">http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/relationships/etiquette-manners/proper-way-ignore-someone</ref> |
| − | # Acknowledge their presence when necessary. You cannot completely tune someone out, especially if you work with that person. When necessary, acknowledge their presence in a manner that's polite but not overtly friendly. For example, offer a brief wave or nod when you pass them in the hallway. Reply to their question of, "How are you?" with "I'm fine. Thanks."<ref | + | # Acknowledge their presence when necessary. You cannot completely tune someone out, especially if you work with that person. When necessary, acknowledge their presence in a manner that's polite but not overtly friendly. For example, offer a brief wave or nod when you pass them in the hallway. Reply to their question of, "How are you?" with "I'm fine. Thanks."<ref name="rf3" /> |
| − | # Walk away when necessary. Sometimes, people may not take the hint. If someone continues to annoy you, even when you've tried to subtly indicate you don't want to talk to them, it's okay to make an excuse and walk away.<ref>http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/08/01/7-negative-people-you-need-to-ignore/</ref> | + | # Walk away when necessary. Sometimes, people may not take the hint. If someone continues to annoy you, even when you've tried to subtly indicate you don't want to talk to them, it's okay to make an excuse and walk away.<ref name="rf4">http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/08/01/7-negative-people-you-need-to-ignore/</ref> |
#*For example, a co-worker is being very critical about an aspect of your personal life. Even though you're giving non-comital responses, they keep at it. | #*For example, a co-worker is being very critical about an aspect of your personal life. Even though you're giving non-comital responses, they keep at it. | ||
#*Say something like, "Okay, I appreciate the input, but I don't really need it and I have somewhere to be." Then, leave the situation. | #*Say something like, "Okay, I appreciate the input, but I don't really need it and I have somewhere to be." Then, leave the situation. | ||
=== Confronting Someone if Necessary === | === Confronting Someone if Necessary === | ||
| − | # Stand up for yourself in the moment. Sometimes, an annoying person may cross a line to the point you feel uncomfortable or threatened. In these scenarios, it's okay to stand up for yourself in the moment. Be assertive and address the situation.<ref | + | # Stand up for yourself in the moment. Sometimes, an annoying person may cross a line to the point you feel uncomfortable or threatened. In these scenarios, it's okay to stand up for yourself in the moment. Be assertive and address the situation.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Calmly tell the person they crossed a line. Let them know you do not tolerate this type of behavior. | #*Calmly tell the person they crossed a line. Let them know you do not tolerate this type of behavior. | ||
#*For example, "Don't talk to me like that. I don't need unsolicited advice." | #*For example, "Don't talk to me like that. I don't need unsolicited advice." | ||
| − | # Document negative behaviors at work or school. If you feel uncomfortable because of an annoying person at work or school, document this. You want to make sure you have information to give to a higher authority if it comes to that.<ref>http://catherinescareercorner.com/2011/04/26/deal-with-a-bully-at-work-see-these-7-tips/</ref> | + | # Document negative behaviors at work or school. If you feel uncomfortable because of an annoying person at work or school, document this. You want to make sure you have information to give to a higher authority if it comes to that.<ref name="rf5">http://catherinescareercorner.com/2011/04/26/deal-with-a-bully-at-work-see-these-7-tips/</ref> |
#*Each time the person gets on your case, briefly jot down what was said, who saw it, and the date and time. | #*Each time the person gets on your case, briefly jot down what was said, who saw it, and the date and time. | ||
#*If you ever need to raise a formal complaint, you'll have a lot of information from which to pull. | #*If you ever need to raise a formal complaint, you'll have a lot of information from which to pull. | ||
| − | # Talk to the person about their behavior calmly. If someone is consistently annoying you, it's okay to calmly address the behavior. Wait until you can get a moment alone with the person and calmly and collectively explain what they are doing wrong.<ref | + | # Talk to the person about their behavior calmly. If someone is consistently annoying you, it's okay to calmly address the behavior. Wait until you can get a moment alone with the person and calmly and collectively explain what they are doing wrong.<ref name="rf5" /> |
#*For example, "I know you don't mean anything by it, but I don't love getting teased about my outfits." | #*For example, "I know you don't mean anything by it, but I don't love getting teased about my outfits." | ||
#*Let the person know how the behavior makes you feel. "It makes me feel uncomfortable at work, because people are always pointing out my looks now." | #*Let the person know how the behavior makes you feel. "It makes me feel uncomfortable at work, because people are always pointing out my looks now." | ||
#*Lastly, tell the person where to go from here. "I really don't want you to make comments like that anymore. Do you understand?" | #*Lastly, tell the person where to go from here. "I really don't want you to make comments like that anymore. Do you understand?" | ||
| − | # Bring in an outside authority figure. If someone's behavior does not improve after a direct confrontation, call in a higher authority. If you're in school, let a teacher or principal know. If you're at work, talk to someone in the HR department. You have a right to feel comfortable at your place of work or your school.<ref | + | # Bring in an outside authority figure. If someone's behavior does not improve after a direct confrontation, call in a higher authority. If you're in school, let a teacher or principal know. If you're at work, talk to someone in the HR department. You have a right to feel comfortable at your place of work or your school.<ref name="rf1" /> |
== Related Articles == | == Related Articles == | ||
