Find Out if a Girl Is Mad at You

Is your girlfriend or other close female friend acting unusually different around you? Are you getting the cold shoulder, or any other subtle negative message that is making you feel uncomfortable? Rather than ignore it, it's best that you try to figure out whether something is wrong, or whether you're simply overreacting. You can do this by reading her body language and her communication cues. You can also reach out to those close to her to find out if she is upset and speak to her just the two of you.

Steps

Reading Her Body Language and Communication Cues

1. Notice if she displays closed body language. When you get angry or mad, you tend to display it non-verbally through behavior and body language. You should observe the girl for any signs of closed body language, such as clenched fists, a clenched jaw, and a lack of eye contact when you try to look at her or catch her eye. She may also cross her arms over her chest or position her body away from you when you try to approach her and speak to her.
   • Other angry signs of behavior are shaking or trembling of the body as well as sweating and a red or flushed face. The girl may also frown at you, stare at you with a cold expression, or roll her eyes when you are around her.
2. Listen to the tone of her voice when she speaks to you. If the girl speaks to you or about you when you are around her, pay attention to the tone of her voice. If she uses a mocking or strained tone, as if she is speaking through clenched teeth, she is likely not impressed with you. Similarly, she may use a sarcastic tone when you are mentioned in conversation or when you try to speak to her. She may mock you or make fun of you as a way to show you she is angry.
   • If the girl is very mad at you, she may display her anger more overtly by yelling at you or shouting at you. A raised voice is usually a sign of anger.
3. Check if she is not answering your calls or texts. The girl may express her anger by dropping her communication with you through phone calls or text messages. She may ignore your calls and voicemails and be unresponsive to your texts. You may find yourself sending out texts to her and not getting your usual quick reply or no reply at all.
   • If the girl is texting you back, you may want to look at her messages more closely. Your usually funny stories via text may be only getting one word responses from her or the eye roll emoji. Your casual “what’s up” question may get short answers or answers in the form of a rhetorical question, such as, “how do you think I am?” This is likely a sign of passive aggressive anger on her part.
   • You may also notice she is using punctuation in her text messages, specifically a period at the end of her messages. The use of a period at the end of a text message could be taken as a sign of aggression or anger.

Talking to People Close to Her

1. Ask her close friends if she is upset. If the girl has cut off communication with you, in person or otherwise, you may want to contact her close friends to find out if she is mad. You may try getting in touch with her close friends at school or in the workplace. Ask her friend, “Have you spoken to her lately?” and “Do you know if she is upset at me?” The friend may be able to respond in the affirmative or contact the girl for you to get an answer.
   • Be respectful when you approach the girl’s close friends and do not pressure the friend if she does not want to share any information with you. She may advise you to try to speak to the girl directly, rather than trying to go around behind the girl’s back. Respect this advice and do not make the friend feel bad if she does not tell you what’s going on.
2. Reach out to her parents or other close family members. You may also want to talk to members of the girl’s family, especially if she is close to her family and confides in them. Contact one of her siblings who knows you and is close to the girl. Politely ask the sibling if she knows if the girl is upset with you.
   • You may also want to reach out to the girl’s parents, especially if you know her parents well and have a good relationship with them.
3. Talk to your mutual friends. If you and the girl have mutual friends in common, you may want to approach the mutual friend to get more information about the girl’s state of mind. Ask the mutual friend if she has noticed that the girl has been acting aggressive or upset towards you and if she has said anything negative about you lately. This can help you gauge if the girl is upset.
   • If your mutual friends also seem upset at you or express anger towards you when you ask about the girl, this could be a sign that you are in hot water. The girl may have confided in the mutual friend, and as a result, the mutual friend may also be mad at you.

Speaking to the Girl One on One

1. Find a quiet, secluded place to talk. Perhaps the most direct, and the most difficult, way to find out if the girl is mad at you is to speak to her one on one. Though it may be challenging, having a serious and honest conversation with her can help to address her anger, determine the cause of her anger, and potentially resolve the issue. You should speak to her in person, if possible, and ask her to meet you in a quiet, secluded area where you can talk privately. This could be in your apartment, in a park, or in your favorite hang out spot on campus.
   • You may want to also give her the option of choosing the meeting spot, especially if she is upset at you. This will allow her to dictate the setting of your conversation and give her a level of control over the situation.
2. Bring a peace offering. It’s never a bad idea to bring a peace offering with you to a potentially emotional conversation, especially if you may be in the wrong. You may bring her something small and thoughtful, like her favorite drink or item of food. Or you may bring her flowers as a sign that you know she is upset and you feel bad for what you may have done.
   • Having a peace offering can also make starting the conversation with her easier, as you can hand her something she might appreciate and ease your way into the discussion.
3. Ask her directly what you have done wrong. If you are not sure what you have done wrong, you may want to start the conversation by asking her directly why she is upset at you. You may say, “I’m aware you’re upset at me, but I’m not sure why. Can you tell me why?”
   • Only do this if you are not aware of why the girl is upset at you. If you have a suspicion of why she may be upset, such as something you did recently that was unkind or something you said that was inappropriate, avoid asking her this question as this will likely make her even more angry at you.
4. Apologize and make amends. If you are aware of what you have done wrong, you should make a heartfelt apology to her. Start by acknowledging what you did wrong and then go into a clear apology. For example, you may say, “I understand that you are angry at me for missing your birthday last week. I got caught up in my work and neglected your special day. I am so sorry I did that and I promise it will not happen again.”
   • Once you have apologized, you should ask her, “Will you accept my apology?” If she says yes, you should show your gratitude and be humble.
   • You should also make amends for your mistake through action. This could be making it up to her for missing an important milestone or event by taking her out for a special dinner or night out, just the two of you. Or you could adjust your behavior in the future so you do not do inappropriate things that will make her upset.

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Sources and Citations

See also

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• Be a Good Boyfriend in Middle School
• Act Silly with Your Boyfriend
• Tell if Someone Is Your Friend

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• Avoid Fights with Your Girlfriends
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