Identify if a Relationship Is Coming to an End
More often than not, people continue to stay in a relationship for months after it has actually 'ended'. Love is irrational and people are afraid of change. A bad relationship that hurts you and inhibits you needs to end before a good one can begin. And from personal experience, there ARE amazing people who are worth being in a relationship with. So why be mistreated and abused in a bad relationship?
Steps
- Make a list of the pros and cons of the relationship.Below are some MAJOR cons that either your partner does to you or YOU do to them.
- Identify that he/she is emotionally ABUSIVE. He/she insults you (and not jokingly!). If he/she makes you feel bad about yourself, makes you feel worthless, annihilates your self esteem, that is a very bad relationship to be in.
- Identify that he/she never wants to listen to your problems. Forgive them if they're just a little distracted, but if they say things like 'that's really stupid of you' when you tell them you're feeling insecure about your looks
- Identify that he/she will ignore you for days on end because of a disagreement or because he/she doesn't get their way!
- Identify that he/she is constantly flirting with other people. It is a PROBLEM if he/she is giving their number away, telling others they are single, etc. This is a debatable 'con' because some people flirt (like, smiling while conversing with a stranger, flicking hair back, touching shoulder) but are truly faithful and amazing to a partner. This is something you also need to discuss with your partner if it happens. Your partner should respect you if you tell them you feel uncomfortable when they flirt with others.
- Identify that he/she is cheating.
- Identify that he/she is physically ABUSIVE. The moment someone is abusive, you HAVE to leave them. It doesn't mean you stop caring about them. Leave the relationship so you don't put yourself in danger. Discuss it with them because violent people have deep seated problems. You should encourage them to get help for it.
- Discuss those issues with your partner. - anything that has popped up on your cons list, talk to your partner about them as soon as possible. It will help you hear their side of the story. Once you know the full scope of the situation, you will know whether it is a problem that is resolvable or just a misunderstanding you can both laugh about later
- Sometimes raising the issue will make the decision for both of you. Ask him/her what innate reason he/she has for flirting and giving their number away to strangers all the time, you may both decide he/she needs to move on because he/she can't settle down. And that will help you realize you were in a terrible relationship because your partner wasn't treating you with the respect and feelings you deserve! It is an indication that SOMEONE ELSE is out there for you.
- If YOU are the one mistreating your partner in those ways. - also TALK to your partner, apologize, find out WHY you are doing this and if it's possibly because you just don't love/like your partner any more. Often, people mistreat their partners because they don't love their partners any more but don't know how to end the relationship. That causes pain for everyone. If you know you're doing exactly that because you don't love them anymore - it has come to an end.
Tips
- Remember what you were like when you were single? Really happy? Worry free? Know what you wanted out of life? Worked on achieving your goals in life? Didn't have to feel guilty? - but I bet that all changed when you entered a relationship that has now turned sour. You know you're in a GOOD relationship when you haven't changed any of those good qualities/feelings you had when you were single. Partners should compliment one another. Inspire them to work harder at uni, or achieve their goals in life.
- Can you communicate with your partner? Communication isn't just talking. It is the ability to raise any issues you have about the relationship with your partner. You can't just sweep all the issues under the carpet because they will still exist. For example, if you're in a relationship with a guy who was very aloof towards you and insulted you but would pretend to be cheerful and nice to everyone else, if you just shrug it off, he will continue this behavior forever and you will get hurt and resent him.
- Lastly, if you're not happy single, you won't be happy in a relationship. That is fact. Your happiness isn't dependent on someone else.
- Please don't get upset if you had a bad relationship, or a string of bad relationships. There will be boys and girls out there who will mistreat you because they don't know how to face problems in a relationship. But there are actually good boys and good girls out there who will make amazing boyfriends and girlfriends.
- Try to remember why you went out with them in the first place. If it is because you just wanted to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, then you may consider this terrible relationship an experience to learn from. Relationships require a lot of work. It cannot just flow perfectly.
Warnings
- When a relationship ends, it hurts both - be prepared for pain, but also know that pain is inevitable in life and be glad for it, it'll make you stronger.
- Just because you're doubting the relationship now, doesn't mean it is going to end. Even through the best of times, we think about whether it will end. We all have some degree of existential thinking in us, we can just wonder about things. Always look at the bigger picture.
- Being constantly afraid that a relationship MAY be coming to an end - this one is a common fear for someone insecure or for someone who has entered a relationship for the first time. It is a self fulfilling prophecy: the thought will only eat you up inside and make the relationship a disastrous experience for you, thus bringing the end closer. Remember to enjoy the relationship just as it is in the present.
