Difference between revisions of "Get over a Crush on Your Coworker"
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== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
===Considering the Risks of a Workplace Crush=== | ===Considering the Risks of a Workplace Crush=== | ||
| − | #Check company policy.<ref>http://www.careercast.com/career-news/should-you-act-workplace-crush</ref><ref>http://jobs.modernpathology.org/career-news/should-you-act-workplace-crush</ref> If your company discourages or prohibits personal relationships among coworkers, and you don’t want to endanger your job, remind yourself of your priorities. You will probably decide that the crush is not worth risking your job. | + | #Check company policy.<ref name="rf1">http://www.careercast.com/career-news/should-you-act-workplace-crush</ref><ref name="rf2">http://jobs.modernpathology.org/career-news/should-you-act-workplace-crush</ref> If your company discourages or prohibits personal relationships among coworkers, and you don’t want to endanger your job, remind yourself of your priorities. You will probably decide that the crush is not worth risking your job. |
| − | #*Review your company’s workplace rules (perhaps available from your human resources department, if applicable) regarding personal relationships. Seeing the ramifications of having a romance in the works place spelled out might be enough motivation for you to put an end to the crush.<ref>http://www.careerealism.com/workplace-attraction-fight/</ref><ref>https://thecpt.org/2015/02/09/take-this-advice-before-dating-coworkers/</ref> | + | #*Review your company’s workplace rules (perhaps available from your human resources department, if applicable) regarding personal relationships. Seeing the ramifications of having a romance in the works place spelled out might be enough motivation for you to put an end to the crush.<ref name="rf3">http://www.careerealism.com/workplace-attraction-fight/</ref><ref name="rf4">https://thecpt.org/2015/02/09/take-this-advice-before-dating-coworkers/</ref> |
| − | #*There may also be legal ramifications of having a workplace romance, depending on laws regulating sexual harassment in your area.<ref>http://www.profitguide.com/manage-grow/human-resources/is-it-ever-ok-to-date-an-employee-60989</ref> | + | #*There may also be legal ramifications of having a workplace romance, depending on laws regulating sexual harassment in your area.<ref name="rf5">http://www.profitguide.com/manage-grow/human-resources/is-it-ever-ok-to-date-an-employee-60989</ref> |
| − | #Keep in mind the risks of workplace gossip.<ref | + | #Keep in mind the risks of workplace gossip.<ref name="rf1" /><ref name="rf3" /><ref name="rf2" /> If you dwell on a crush, and others at your workplace find out, gossip can spread. This can be the case even if you only talk about the crush, and don’t act on it. Gossip can give you a reputation for being unprofessional, and it can also lower your productivity and workplace morale. If you are worried about these risks, it may be best to not discuss your crush at work or with coworkers outside of your workplace. |
| − | #Keep in mind the social risks of acting on a workplace crush.<ref | + | #Keep in mind the social risks of acting on a workplace crush.<ref name="rf5" /> If you act on a crush you have on a coworker, there can be serious social ramifications, whether or not the crush reciprocates. Recognizing the risks of these can be enough to end your crush. Potential problems include: |
#*Being rejected by your crush | #*Being rejected by your crush | ||
| − | #*Lingering awkwardness if your crush does not reciprocate, or, if he or she does at first, but the relationship ultimately does not work out<ref | + | #*Lingering awkwardness if your crush does not reciprocate, or, if he or she does at first, but the relationship ultimately does not work out<ref name="rf2" /><ref name="rf4" /> |
#*Pressuring your crush to reciprocate if you are in a superior position in the workplace | #*Pressuring your crush to reciprocate if you are in a superior position in the workplace | ||
| − | #*Loss of credibility among your coworkers, who may perceive you as acting unprofessionally or giving special treatment to your crush<ref | + | #*Loss of credibility among your coworkers, who may perceive you as acting unprofessionally or giving special treatment to your crush<ref name="rf4" /> |
| − | #Think about the implications of a relationship not working out.<ref | + | #Think about the implications of a relationship not working out.<ref name="rf1" /> Even if you feel like you want to act on a crush, it is worth thinking about all possible outcomes, for better or worse. It is possible that the relationship could work out long-term, but if it does not: |
#*The relationship might succeed at first, but then fall apart. | #*The relationship might succeed at first, but then fall apart. | ||
#*If the relationship does not succeed, or eventually falls apart, you will have to deal with seeing the crush at work, possibly being promoted, etc. This can create a great deal of stress. | #*If the relationship does not succeed, or eventually falls apart, you will have to deal with seeing the crush at work, possibly being promoted, etc. This can create a great deal of stress. | ||
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===Finding Support to Get Over Your Crush=== | ===Finding Support to Get Over Your Crush=== | ||
| − | #Talk to a friend about the situation.<ref | + | #Talk to a friend about the situation.<ref name="rf3" /> Letting someone else know about your dilemma can relieve some of the pressure of having a crush you don’t want to act on. In addition to providing the support of a sympathetic ear, your friend might also have advice to give. |
#*If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone at your workplace about your crush, or if you are worried about workplace gossip spreading, you can talk to a non-work friend. | #*If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone at your workplace about your crush, or if you are worried about workplace gossip spreading, you can talk to a non-work friend. | ||
| − | #Increase your non-work social interaction.<ref | + | #Increase your non-work social interaction.<ref name="rf3" /><ref name="rf2" /><ref name="rf6">http://ellieadvice.com/obsession-with-co-worker-is-unhealthy/</ref> You may have developed a crush at work if you haven’t had enough opportunities to find romantic interests outside of work. If you have been working too much or avoiding social interaction outside of work, then make yourself set aside time to hang out with non-work friends or go and do some activities you enjoy. Look for opportunities to meet people outside of work, as this may take your interests away from your workplace crush. |
#Focus on positive distractions. Crushes often hold our attention because we let it happen. If you turn your mind to other things, however, it will be easier to get over the crush and move on. | #Focus on positive distractions. Crushes often hold our attention because we let it happen. If you turn your mind to other things, however, it will be easier to get over the crush and move on. | ||
#*At work, focus your mind on your tasks, and having professional interactions with your coworkers. Even some things as simple as taking time to decorate your office, caring for a potted plant at your desk, or listening to your favorite music while you work can provide positive distractions from your crush. | #*At work, focus your mind on your tasks, and having professional interactions with your coworkers. Even some things as simple as taking time to decorate your office, caring for a potted plant at your desk, or listening to your favorite music while you work can provide positive distractions from your crush. | ||
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===Dealing with Emotions Caused by Having a Crush=== | ===Dealing with Emotions Caused by Having a Crush=== | ||
#Separate fantasy from reality. A crush signifies attraction, but can also get wrapped up in the fantasy of what life would be like if you were to get together with your crush. Separating the fantasies from the feelings of attraction might help you put a crush into perspective. | #Separate fantasy from reality. A crush signifies attraction, but can also get wrapped up in the fantasy of what life would be like if you were to get together with your crush. Separating the fantasies from the feelings of attraction might help you put a crush into perspective. | ||
| − | #*Fantasy is past and future oriented. Reality is present oriented<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pathological-relationships/201304/fantasy-and-its-effect-your-reality</ref>. | + | #*Fantasy is past and future oriented. Reality is present oriented<ref name="rf7">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pathological-relationships/201304/fantasy-and-its-effect-your-reality</ref>. |
#*Focus on the life you are living right this moment instead of the life you wish you had. | #*Focus on the life you are living right this moment instead of the life you wish you had. | ||
| − | #Realize that you don’t always have to act on your feelings.<ref>https://www.themuse.com/advice/4-ways-to-deal-with-an-office-crush</ref> It is possible to have feelings for someone, including a coworker, without ever acting on them. If you are sure that you can keep your work life and love life separated, you might be able to deal with having a crush on a coworker by admitting the reality of your feelings while also declaring to yourself that you won’t act on them. | + | #Realize that you don’t always have to act on your feelings.<ref name="rf8">https://www.themuse.com/advice/4-ways-to-deal-with-an-office-crush</ref> It is possible to have feelings for someone, including a coworker, without ever acting on them. If you are sure that you can keep your work life and love life separated, you might be able to deal with having a crush on a coworker by admitting the reality of your feelings while also declaring to yourself that you won’t act on them. |
#*Sometimes, having a workplace crush can even be beneficial. For instance, it might make you dress better, work harder, or participate more in your company. | #*Sometimes, having a workplace crush can even be beneficial. For instance, it might make you dress better, work harder, or participate more in your company. | ||
| − | #Remember that the grass isn’t always greener.<ref | + | #Remember that the grass isn’t always greener.<ref name="rf3" /> Sometimes, having a crush is mostly fantasy. Maybe it seems like you would love to act on a crush, but in reality, it is only that the crush is unavailable or forbidden that causes the allure. Perhaps you can get over your crush simply by reminding yourself that you are happy where you are in life now, and that acting on the crush wouldn’t really be a dream come true. |
| − | #Set boundaries. If you are determined not to engage in workplace romance (to avoid jeopardizing your job, or for any other reason), then devise rules to deter any crushes you may have. For instance, you might decide to only interact with your crush when there are other people around, since this will help prevent you from stepping over your boundary.<ref | + | #Set boundaries. If you are determined not to engage in workplace romance (to avoid jeopardizing your job, or for any other reason), then devise rules to deter any crushes you may have. For instance, you might decide to only interact with your crush when there are other people around, since this will help prevent you from stepping over your boundary.<ref name="rf3" /> Oftentimes, setting boundaries makes it easier to get rid of stress and runaway emotions. |
#Give yourself time. Don’t expect to necessarily get over a crush immediately. Let yourself have enough time to work through your feelings, and decide how you want to move on. Don’t beat yourself up if it takes a little while to get over your crush. | #Give yourself time. Don’t expect to necessarily get over a crush immediately. Let yourself have enough time to work through your feelings, and decide how you want to move on. Don’t beat yourself up if it takes a little while to get over your crush. | ||
