Difference between revisions of "Get Your Kids to Do Their Homework"
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== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
#Understand the benefits of [[Do Homework|homework]]. If you're not convinced that homework matters, it will be even harder to convince your kids. There are some good reasons behind a moderate amount of homework: | #Understand the benefits of [[Do Homework|homework]]. If you're not convinced that homework matters, it will be even harder to convince your kids. There are some good reasons behind a moderate amount of homework: | ||
| − | #*Homework reinforces learning taught during the day. Some learning won't stick as well unless kids give it more practice and the classroom environment isn't necessarily going to provide adequate time for more practice. This is of special importance for [[Do Number Sense (Mental Math)|math]] and [[Improve Critical Thinking Skills|critical thinking skill]]s.<ref>Sparks of Genius, Train your kids to do homework without arguing. , http://sparksofgenius.wordpress.com/2007/05/14/train-your-kids-to-do-homework-without-arguing/</ref> | + | #*Homework reinforces learning taught during the day. Some learning won't stick as well unless kids give it more practice and the classroom environment isn't necessarily going to provide adequate time for more practice. This is of special importance for [[Do Number Sense (Mental Math)|math]] and [[Improve Critical Thinking Skills|critical thinking skill]]s.<ref name="rf1">Sparks of Genius, Train your kids to do homework without arguing. , http://sparksofgenius.wordpress.com/2007/05/14/train-your-kids-to-do-homework-without-arguing/</ref> |
| − | #*Sometimes homework teaches additional skills not taught at school due to lack of time or resources. This is a "broadening" learning effect of homework.<ref | + | #*Sometimes homework teaches additional skills not taught at school due to lack of time or resources. This is a "broadening" learning effect of homework.<ref name="rf1" /> |
| − | #*Homework instills [[Build Self‐Control|self-discipline]], teaching [[Manage Your Time|time management]], organizational skills, concentration skills, and self-responsibility.<ref | + | #*Homework instills [[Build Self‐Control|self-discipline]], teaching [[Manage Your Time|time management]], organizational skills, concentration skills, and self-responsibility.<ref name="rf1" /> Self-discipline is a key life skill that can only be learned in the doing. |
#Make peace with the reality that most kids don't like doing homework. When there are many other infinitely more interesting things happening, especially in our electronic gadget age, it's hard to make homework appealing, so stop trying. As a parent, guardian, or other person responsible for getting kids to do homework, acceptance isn't about agreement with them. It's about understanding and infusing the rest of your approach with that understanding, while remaining prepared to [[Establish Boundaries|set the boundaries]] and stand by your expectations that they will do it. | #Make peace with the reality that most kids don't like doing homework. When there are many other infinitely more interesting things happening, especially in our electronic gadget age, it's hard to make homework appealing, so stop trying. As a parent, guardian, or other person responsible for getting kids to do homework, acceptance isn't about agreement with them. It's about understanding and infusing the rest of your approach with that understanding, while remaining prepared to [[Establish Boundaries|set the boundaries]] and stand by your expectations that they will do it. | ||
#Be a [[Be a Better Facilitator|facilitator]] rather than a force to be reckoned with. You can cajole, plead, yell, threaten, bribe, and jump up and down with your face turning blue but none of this negative and mutually exhausting behavior will ''make'' your kids do anything. Sure, they'll respond to immediate threats of withdrawing privileges and you standing over them until it's done, but this will not turn into reformed homework behavior, and who has time to stand over them instead of getting other tasks done? Instead, aim to facilitate the homework process as much as possible: | #Be a [[Be a Better Facilitator|facilitator]] rather than a force to be reckoned with. You can cajole, plead, yell, threaten, bribe, and jump up and down with your face turning blue but none of this negative and mutually exhausting behavior will ''make'' your kids do anything. Sure, they'll respond to immediate threats of withdrawing privileges and you standing over them until it's done, but this will not turn into reformed homework behavior, and who has time to stand over them instead of getting other tasks done? Instead, aim to facilitate the homework process as much as possible: | ||
| − | #*Provide a distinct, comfortable, well-lit, quiet, and non-distracting place for the homework to be completed.<ref>Ed.gov, General homework tips for parents, http://www2.ed.gov/parents/academic/involve/homework/part_pg2.html#2</ref> Somewhere away from electronic items, pedestrian traffic, and other kids playing is ideal. | + | #*Provide a distinct, comfortable, well-lit, quiet, and non-distracting place for the homework to be completed.<ref name="rf2">Ed.gov, General homework tips for parents, http://www2.ed.gov/parents/academic/involve/homework/part_pg2.html#2</ref> Somewhere away from electronic items, pedestrian traffic, and other kids playing is ideal. |
| − | #*Ensure that your child has everything needed to do homework, from pens and paper, to a [[Buy a Laptop|laptop]] and books, calculator or phone with a calculator and be sure to get special project materials in advance, to avoid the excuse of "I don't have what I need".<ref | + | #*Ensure that your child has everything needed to do homework, from pens and paper, to a [[Buy a Laptop|laptop]] and books, calculator or phone with a calculator and be sure to get special project materials in advance, to avoid the excuse of "I don't have what I need".<ref name="rf2" /> Take a moment to sit down with them when they start homework to see what else they might need, including bookmarking quality kids' information websites they can use as part of their [[Write a Research Paper|homework research]] tools, such as the US Kids.gov site,<ref name="rf3">Kids.gov, http://www.kids.gov/</ref> and an online dictionary. |
#*Invite or encourage your child to keep you informed about homework progress and any interesting facts that arise out of it. | #*Invite or encourage your child to keep you informed about homework progress and any interesting facts that arise out of it. | ||
#[[Plan a Homework Schedule|Discuss homework]] with your kids in a direct and enabling manner. At the beginning of each term or semester, sit down and talk about how your kid intends to handle homework in the coming months. In this way, you set mutually shared ground rules for getting homework done, ground rules that you can call on to remind them when they're slipping, or to praise them for when they're meeting them. | #[[Plan a Homework Schedule|Discuss homework]] with your kids in a direct and enabling manner. At the beginning of each term or semester, sit down and talk about how your kid intends to handle homework in the coming months. In this way, you set mutually shared ground rules for getting homework done, ground rules that you can call on to remind them when they're slipping, or to praise them for when they're meeting them. | ||
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#[[Praise a Child|Use praise]] to achieve intrinsic motivation. Praising work done well and ignoring or downplaying poor performance is an approach that will enthuse your kid a lot more than focusing on the negatives, and it helps to remove the tension for you, along with any inclination to tear your hair out. | #[[Praise a Child|Use praise]] to achieve intrinsic motivation. Praising work done well and ignoring or downplaying poor performance is an approach that will enthuse your kid a lot more than focusing on the negatives, and it helps to remove the tension for you, along with any inclination to tear your hair out. | ||
#*Be careful when using rewards to spur homework completion. The aim is to rely principally on intrinsic motivators (fostering satisfaction at a job completed) rather than material rewards. Bribing is the ultimate demotivating strategy because any kid who associates completing homework with a new DS game or an allowance increase learns to do the activity for material gain rather than internal [[Be Patient|gratification]], or for greater understanding. Occasional rewards for a special project done really well can be a great boost but regular material rewards are best avoided. | #*Be careful when using rewards to spur homework completion. The aim is to rely principally on intrinsic motivators (fostering satisfaction at a job completed) rather than material rewards. Bribing is the ultimate demotivating strategy because any kid who associates completing homework with a new DS game or an allowance increase learns to do the activity for material gain rather than internal [[Be Patient|gratification]], or for greater understanding. Occasional rewards for a special project done really well can be a great boost but regular material rewards are best avoided. | ||
| − | #*Reward homework with exciting games and/or toys completed with praise, including informing your kid that you are really proud of her for being organized/timely/[[Be Proactive|proactive]], etc. It is important to define the exact reason why you are proud of your kid, so that she knows what to keep up. The idea is to "catch them doing something good" and keep noticing the good.<ref>Sparks of Genius, Train your kids to do homework without arguing. http://sparksofgenius.wordpress.com/2007/05/14/train-your-kids-to-do-homework-without-arguing/</ref> | + | #*Reward homework with exciting games and/or toys completed with praise, including informing your kid that you are really proud of her for being organized/timely/[[Be Proactive|proactive]], etc. It is important to define the exact reason why you are proud of your kid, so that she knows what to keep up. The idea is to "catch them doing something good" and keep noticing the good.<ref name="rf4">Sparks of Genius, Train your kids to do homework without arguing. http://sparksofgenius.wordpress.com/2007/05/14/train-your-kids-to-do-homework-without-arguing/</ref> |
#*Ignore poor behavior. When your kids don't achieve what they need to, avoid a yelling match. Keep your message simple, reminding your kids what you have agreed upon together when discussing how they'd approach homework and expressing both disappointment and a hope to see things return to normal the next day. | #*Ignore poor behavior. When your kids don't achieve what they need to, avoid a yelling match. Keep your message simple, reminding your kids what you have agreed upon together when discussing how they'd approach homework and expressing both disappointment and a hope to see things return to normal the next day. | ||
#*Keep real rewards simple, such as a [[Have Fun with Your Dog Outdoors|walk to the park]], a [[Make Pizza|pizza]] dinner, spending time playing a game with your kid that you usually find too hard for you, going to the [[Enjoy the Zoo|zoo]], etc. This way you remain involved, your child links good performance with spending more fun time with you, and having fun as a family. | #*Keep real rewards simple, such as a [[Have Fun with Your Dog Outdoors|walk to the park]], a [[Make Pizza|pizza]] dinner, spending time playing a game with your kid that you usually find too hard for you, going to the [[Enjoy the Zoo|zoo]], etc. This way you remain involved, your child links good performance with spending more fun time with you, and having fun as a family. | ||
| − | #Shift the [[Be Responsible|responsibility]] from you to your child. This may feel really hard for you, especially in a time when parents feel a sense of self-responsibility about homework, but it's absolutely vital that your child learns as early as possible that the consequences for not completing homework rest on them, not on you. Don't carry the weight of your child's unwillingness to complete homework on your shoulders; provided you are giving them a supportive and caring structured environment, and you've defined daily homework times, homework not completed is your child's lesson in learning about [[Be a Slacker Mom|self-responsibility]].<ref>Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, How to motivate your kids to do homework, http://www.newsforparents.org/expert_motivate_kids_homework.html</ref> After a few times of learning first hand the consequences of not completing homework, your child will soon start to see that he or she has responsibility in this matter. This is ''not'' the same as not caring at all. It is about taking a conscious approach to letting your kids learn to be responsible. | + | #Shift the [[Be Responsible|responsibility]] from you to your child. This may feel really hard for you, especially in a time when parents feel a sense of self-responsibility about homework, but it's absolutely vital that your child learns as early as possible that the consequences for not completing homework rest on them, not on you. Don't carry the weight of your child's unwillingness to complete homework on your shoulders; provided you are giving them a supportive and caring structured environment, and you've defined daily homework times, homework not completed is your child's lesson in learning about [[Be a Slacker Mom|self-responsibility]].<ref name="rf5">Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, How to motivate your kids to do homework, http://www.newsforparents.org/expert_motivate_kids_homework.html</ref> After a few times of learning first hand the consequences of not completing homework, your child will soon start to see that he or she has responsibility in this matter. This is ''not'' the same as not caring at all. It is about taking a conscious approach to letting your kids learn to be responsible. |
#Let the kids deal with the consequences of not doing their homework. Teachers are usually not very happy with students if they don't do homework. If your child flat-out refuses to do their work, then let them see what their teacher does the next day. They probably will do their homework after that! | #Let the kids deal with the consequences of not doing their homework. Teachers are usually not very happy with students if they don't do homework. If your child flat-out refuses to do their work, then let them see what their teacher does the next day. They probably will do their homework after that! | ||
#*Naturally, if you have a child with learning or other disabilities, you may need to vary this more hands-off approach. However, don't be afraid to seek support from professional people skilled in your child's particular disability; getting help is important when you don't know what else to do. | #*Naturally, if you have a child with learning or other disabilities, you may need to vary this more hands-off approach. However, don't be afraid to seek support from professional people skilled in your child's particular disability; getting help is important when you don't know what else to do. | ||
| − | #Remove your knee-jerk reaction of needing to do your kid's homework. If homework is meant to be done by your child alone, stay away. Too much parent involvement can prevent homework from having some positive effects. Homework is a great way for kids to develop independent, lifelong learning skills.<ref | + | #Remove your knee-jerk reaction of needing to do your kid's homework. If homework is meant to be done by your child alone, stay away. Too much parent involvement can prevent homework from having some positive effects. Homework is a great way for kids to develop independent, lifelong learning skills.<ref name="rf2" /> |
#Be engaged, not nosy. Nobody appreciates the nosy, stand-over person, and kids are no different. Try to make your approach to their homework one of engaged curiosity, not of nosiness or trying to cross off every discrete task as it's done. | #Be engaged, not nosy. Nobody appreciates the nosy, stand-over person, and kids are no different. Try to make your approach to their homework one of engaged curiosity, not of nosiness or trying to cross off every discrete task as it's done. | ||
#*Avoid asking your kid for precise details of homework the moment he or she walks through the door. Allow for chill time first. | #*Avoid asking your kid for precise details of homework the moment he or she walks through the door. Allow for chill time first. | ||
#*Avoid probing deeper than you need to. If your kid says "I've got math homework", ask "What sort of math?", not "How many pages and exactly what sort of equations? I want to see it when you're done, mister." | #*Avoid probing deeper than you need to. If your kid says "I've got math homework", ask "What sort of math?", not "How many pages and exactly what sort of equations? I want to see it when you're done, mister." | ||
#*Avoid demanding that ''you'' keep track of homework. Place that expectation back on your kid or you'll suffer the consequences of having to keep constant checks on everything, be at the receiving end of your kid's irritation, and end up realizing that all you've really taught your kid is that you'll manage her affairs rather than the other way around. | #*Avoid demanding that ''you'' keep track of homework. Place that expectation back on your kid or you'll suffer the consequences of having to keep constant checks on everything, be at the receiving end of your kid's irritation, and end up realizing that all you've really taught your kid is that you'll manage her affairs rather than the other way around. | ||
| − | #Consider doing ''your'' homework at the same time as your younger kid. When you are inspiring younger kids to get involved in homework, one neat trick is to do some homework of your own, to show your child that you're being responsible and completing essential chores too. Show your child that the skills they are learning are related to things you do as an adult. If your child is reading, you read too. If your child is doing math, balance your checkbook.<ref | + | #Consider doing ''your'' homework at the same time as your younger kid. When you are inspiring younger kids to get involved in homework, one neat trick is to do some homework of your own, to show your child that you're being responsible and completing essential chores too. Show your child that the skills they are learning are related to things you do as an adult. If your child is reading, you read too. If your child is doing math, balance your checkbook.<ref name="rf2" /> |
| − | #Find out what [[Motivate Yourself|motivates]] your kid. A recent study has shown that middle school aged kids who have an ambition that requires education before a career are more likely to knuckle down and do their homework than kids who lack ambition or who seek to work in an area that doesn't require a university education.<ref>Science Daily, Homework Wars: How Can Parents Improve the Odds of Winning?, http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100819173846.htm</ref> | + | #Find out what [[Motivate Yourself|motivates]] your kid. A recent study has shown that middle school aged kids who have an ambition that requires education before a career are more likely to knuckle down and do their homework than kids who lack ambition or who seek to work in an area that doesn't require a university education.<ref name="rf6">Science Daily, Homework Wars: How Can Parents Improve the Odds of Winning?, http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100819173846.htm</ref> |
#*If your child is motivated to enter a career requiring [[Get an Affordable College Education|college education]], you can use this knowledge to encourage your child to view homework as an investment. | #*If your child is motivated to enter a career requiring [[Get an Affordable College Education|college education]], you can use this knowledge to encourage your child to view homework as an investment. | ||
#*Even where this is not apparent, it doesn't hurt to talk to your children about the importance of ensuring that all opportunities are left open and that homework enables this. Of course, this type of reasoning is best reserved for middle school and up. | #*Even where this is not apparent, it doesn't hurt to talk to your children about the importance of ensuring that all opportunities are left open and that homework enables this. Of course, this type of reasoning is best reserved for middle school and up. | ||
| − | #Find a new name for homework. Every kid's ears prick up at the mention of "work". It's bad enough asking them to clean their room or to clear the latest art and craft disaster off the floor without having to insist also that they do homework. A little trick is to sidestep this in your household, and no matter what school is referring to it as, calling it something like "home learning", "brain boosting", or even just plain old "study". <ref | + | #Find a new name for homework. Every kid's ears prick up at the mention of "work". It's bad enough asking them to clean their room or to clear the latest art and craft disaster off the floor without having to insist also that they do homework. A little trick is to sidestep this in your household, and no matter what school is referring to it as, calling it something like "home learning", "brain boosting", or even just plain old "study". <ref name="rf5" /> Always talk about it in terms that suggest it's about learning and growing, not about work. |
#*Be positive about homework. Use positive language for it and subtly talk about how learning will help your child in the future. For example, tell your would-be [[Be an Actress|actress]] daughter that she won’t be able to memorize her lines if she’s not a stellar reader. The attitude you express about homework will be the attitude your child acquires. | #*Be positive about homework. Use positive language for it and subtly talk about how learning will help your child in the future. For example, tell your would-be [[Be an Actress|actress]] daughter that she won’t be able to memorize her lines if she’s not a stellar reader. The attitude you express about homework will be the attitude your child acquires. | ||
#Turn the homework into a game. Usually kids don't do homework because it's boring. Why not turn it into fun? | #Turn the homework into a game. Usually kids don't do homework because it's boring. Why not turn it into fun? | ||
