Difference between revisions of "Get Along with Your Sister"
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If you and your sister may fight a lot, this problem can be resolved. Getting along with your sister is an important part of developing a strong, lifetime relationship. Strive for positive interactions with your sister. Work on being polite and kind to her. Treat her more like a friend. Appreciate her good qualities. Try to consider what makes your sister likable and interesting. In the event of conflict, talk things out instead of fighting or arguing. With a little hard work, you can foster a great relationship with your sister. | If you and your sister may fight a lot, this problem can be resolved. Getting along with your sister is an important part of developing a strong, lifetime relationship. Strive for positive interactions with your sister. Work on being polite and kind to her. Treat her more like a friend. Appreciate her good qualities. Try to consider what makes your sister likable and interesting. In the event of conflict, talk things out instead of fighting or arguing. With a little hard work, you can foster a great relationship with your sister. | ||
| − | [[Category:Improving Sibling Relationships]] | + | [[Category: Improving Sibling Relationships]] |
== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
=== Interacting Positively With Your Sister === | === Interacting Positively With Your Sister === | ||
| − | #Support your sister's achievements. If you want a good relationship with your sister, make her feel supported. Instead of becoming jealous over your sister's achievements, be her personal cheerleader. This will make your sister feel valued and strengthen your bond.<ref>http://kidshealth.org/en/kids/sibling-rivalry.html#</ref> | + | #Support your sister's achievements. If you want a good relationship with your sister, make her feel supported. Instead of becoming jealous over your sister's achievements, be her personal cheerleader. This will make your sister feel valued and strengthen your bond.<ref name="rf1">http://kidshealth.org/en/kids/sibling-rivalry.html#</ref> |
#*If your sister achieves something, offer her a sincere congratulations. For example, say something like, "Good job! I'm so proud!" if she gets straight A's one semester. If you're supportive of your sister, she's more likely to be supportive of you in return. | #*If your sister achieves something, offer her a sincere congratulations. For example, say something like, "Good job! I'm so proud!" if she gets straight A's one semester. If you're supportive of your sister, she's more likely to be supportive of you in return. | ||
#*Remember, it's normal to be jealous at times. Sometimes, you may wish you were the one achieving something. However, just because you feel a negative emotion does not mean you have to act on it. Try to put your own negativity aside and try to genuinely congratulate your sister. | #*Remember, it's normal to be jealous at times. Sometimes, you may wish you were the one achieving something. However, just because you feel a negative emotion does not mean you have to act on it. Try to put your own negativity aside and try to genuinely congratulate your sister. | ||
| − | #Set boundaries respectfully. Boundaries are important for any healthy relationship. Without solid boundaries, positive relationships are difficult. You are entitled to your own physical and emotional space. When your sister invades your space, let her know politely instead of responding with anger.<ref>https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/sibling-fighting-5-ways-to-teach-your-kids-to-get-along/</ref> | + | #Set boundaries respectfully. Boundaries are important for any healthy relationship. Without solid boundaries, positive relationships are difficult. You are entitled to your own physical and emotional space. When your sister invades your space, let her know politely instead of responding with anger.<ref name="rf2">https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/sibling-fighting-5-ways-to-teach-your-kids-to-get-along/</ref> |
#*If your sister is upsetting you, you have the right to ask her to stop. Siblings sometimes take awhile to understand one another's boundaries, and your sister may occasionally inadvertently make you uncomfortable. In these situations, respond accordingly. | #*If your sister is upsetting you, you have the right to ask her to stop. Siblings sometimes take awhile to understand one another's boundaries, and your sister may occasionally inadvertently make you uncomfortable. In these situations, respond accordingly. | ||
#*Ask your sister to stop the behavior, but do so in a mature fashion. Do not say, "Get out of my room! I don't want you here!" Instead, say something like, "I need some space to myself sometimes, and I don't like it when you're in my room when I'm trying to read." | #*Ask your sister to stop the behavior, but do so in a mature fashion. Do not say, "Get out of my room! I don't want you here!" Instead, say something like, "I need some space to myself sometimes, and I don't like it when you're in my room when I'm trying to read." | ||
#*Sometimes, your sibling may not understand you are trying to establish boundaries. Do not hesitate to ask a parent for help if your sibling is not respecting your boundaries. | #*Sometimes, your sibling may not understand you are trying to establish boundaries. Do not hesitate to ask a parent for help if your sibling is not respecting your boundaries. | ||
| − | #Do chores together. A great way to improve your relationship is working together. Try to help your sister with some of her chores, and ask her for help in return. If the two of you work together on, say, the dishes, this will encourage teamwork and a sense of togetherness.<ref>http://www.chicagoparent.com/magazines/chicago-parent/february-2011/features/how-to-get-siblings-to-get-along</ref> | + | #Do chores together. A great way to improve your relationship is working together. Try to help your sister with some of her chores, and ask her for help in return. If the two of you work together on, say, the dishes, this will encourage teamwork and a sense of togetherness.<ref name="rf3">http://www.chicagoparent.com/magazines/chicago-parent/february-2011/features/how-to-get-siblings-to-get-along</ref> |
#*Making chores fun can help strengthen your relationship. If washing dishes seems tedious, the two of you can try making up songs to pass the time. | #*Making chores fun can help strengthen your relationship. If washing dishes seems tedious, the two of you can try making up songs to pass the time. | ||
| − | #Treat your sister more like a friend. Many people have a tendency to take siblings for granted. You may fail to see your sister as an individual if you're used to viewing her as just another family member. Try to treat your sister like a friend. Many siblings eventually become good friends.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200703/can-grown-siblings-learn-get-along</ref> | + | #Treat your sister more like a friend. Many people have a tendency to take siblings for granted. You may fail to see your sister as an individual if you're used to viewing her as just another family member. Try to treat your sister like a friend. Many siblings eventually become good friends.<ref name="rf4">https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200703/can-grown-siblings-learn-get-along</ref> |
#*Think about how you treat your friends from school. Chances are, you do not do things like tease and torment them, which you may to do your sister. Try to offer your sister this same kindness. | #*Think about how you treat your friends from school. Chances are, you do not do things like tease and torment them, which you may to do your sister. Try to offer your sister this same kindness. | ||
#*Hang out with your sister sometimes. Just because she's family does not mean the two of you can't hang out like friends. Invite her on a bike ride. Play a board game together. | #*Hang out with your sister sometimes. Just because she's family does not mean the two of you can't hang out like friends. Invite her on a bike ride. Play a board game together. | ||
=== Changing Your Attitude Towards Your Sister === | === Changing Your Attitude Towards Your Sister === | ||
| − | #Do not be jealous of your sister's talents. Jealousy is very common in sibling relationships, and can be a major cause of tension. If your sister is, for example, a bookworm, she may get a lot of attention from relatives. Instead of being jealous of this, admire your sister's talents.<ref | + | #Do not be jealous of your sister's talents. Jealousy is very common in sibling relationships, and can be a major cause of tension. If your sister is, for example, a bookworm, she may get a lot of attention from relatives. Instead of being jealous of this, admire your sister's talents.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Remind yourself of your own talents and skills. Your sister may have read all the works of Jane Austen, but maybe you're an excellent basketball player. Your sister may be great at figure skating, but you excel at horseback riding. | #*Remind yourself of your own talents and skills. Your sister may have read all the works of Jane Austen, but maybe you're an excellent basketball player. Your sister may be great at figure skating, but you excel at horseback riding. | ||
#*Remember, everyone is unique. There is no sense comparing yourself to your sister, as the two of you are different people. It's okay that you have different skills. | #*Remember, everyone is unique. There is no sense comparing yourself to your sister, as the two of you are different people. It's okay that you have different skills. | ||
| − | #Appreciate your sister's good qualities. If you're sometimes angry with your sister, keeping her good qualities in mind can help. Instead of focusing on things she does that irritate you, think about the reasons you value her.<ref>http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/siblings/siblings-101</ref> | + | #Appreciate your sister's good qualities. If you're sometimes angry with your sister, keeping her good qualities in mind can help. Instead of focusing on things she does that irritate you, think about the reasons you value her.<ref name="rf5">http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/siblings/siblings-101</ref> |
#*Throughout the day, pause and express appreciation for your sister. When she does something you like, make a point of saying so. | #*Throughout the day, pause and express appreciation for your sister. When she does something you like, make a point of saying so. | ||
#*For example, "Chloe, I really appreciate that you helped me with my math homework tonight." | #*For example, "Chloe, I really appreciate that you helped me with my math homework tonight." | ||
#*If you're able to appreciate your sister regularly, you will be less frustrated with her when conflicts arise. You will remember why your sister's good qualities outweigh her bad ones. | #*If you're able to appreciate your sister regularly, you will be less frustrated with her when conflicts arise. You will remember why your sister's good qualities outweigh her bad ones. | ||
| − | #Keep your mind on the future. It can be difficult to get along with a sibling when you're still at home, especially if the two of you share space and personal items. You may find yourself frequently frustrated. In these moments, think about the future. Remind yourself that you won't always get to see your sister every day. This can help you appreciate her more.<ref | + | #Keep your mind on the future. It can be difficult to get along with a sibling when you're still at home, especially if the two of you share space and personal items. You may find yourself frequently frustrated. In these moments, think about the future. Remind yourself that you won't always get to see your sister every day. This can help you appreciate her more.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Many siblings turn out to be good friends as adults. Even if the situation is tense now, you may one day think of your sister as your best friend. | #*Many siblings turn out to be good friends as adults. Even if the situation is tense now, you may one day think of your sister as your best friend. | ||
#*Keep this in mind when you feel frustrated. Remember, a single moment does not define an entire relationship. Having perspective will help you let certain frustrations go. | #*Keep this in mind when you feel frustrated. Remember, a single moment does not define an entire relationship. Having perspective will help you let certain frustrations go. | ||
| − | #Avoid labeling your sister. If you're living with someone, sometimes it's hard to see them as an individual. You may think of your sister in terms of a family role. For example, you may think, "My sister is the smart one" or "My sister is the goody two-shoes." Try to look beyond these definitions. Push to see your sister as more of an individual.<ref>http://www.realsimple.com/magazine-more/inside-magazine/life-lessons/close-siblings/page2</ref> | + | #Avoid labeling your sister. If you're living with someone, sometimes it's hard to see them as an individual. You may think of your sister in terms of a family role. For example, you may think, "My sister is the smart one" or "My sister is the goody two-shoes." Try to look beyond these definitions. Push to see your sister as more of an individual.<ref name="rf6">http://www.realsimple.com/magazine-more/inside-magazine/life-lessons/close-siblings/page2</ref> |
#*Pause when you find yourself labeling your sister. Take a second to question the validity of this label. Does your sister see herself this way? Is there anything about your sister that does not fit with this label? | #*Pause when you find yourself labeling your sister. Take a second to question the validity of this label. Does your sister see herself this way? Is there anything about your sister that does not fit with this label? | ||
#*Focus on aspects of your sister's personality that don't fit with the label you have. Maybe you think of your sister as a jock more than an intellectual. Pause and consider the fact she just aced her chemistry final. | #*Focus on aspects of your sister's personality that don't fit with the label you have. Maybe you think of your sister as a jock more than an intellectual. Pause and consider the fact she just aced her chemistry final. | ||
| − | #Find some time to spend with your sister. Spending time with your sister is vital to learning to appreciate her. The two of you will bond if you share activities. Work on spending some time with your sister each week.<ref | + | #Find some time to spend with your sister. Spending time with your sister is vital to learning to appreciate her. The two of you will bond if you share activities. Work on spending some time with your sister each week.<ref name="rf3" /> |
#*Attend your sister's basketball game after school. Accompany her to her next piano lesson. Ask her to join you in turn. You could, for example, invite her to your upcoming art show. | #*Attend your sister's basketball game after school. Accompany her to her next piano lesson. Ask her to join you in turn. You could, for example, invite her to your upcoming art show. | ||
#*Hang out during the day as well. Watch a movie with your sister after school. Play a game together. Talk about things like movies, books, and music. | #*Hang out during the day as well. Watch a movie with your sister after school. Play a game together. Talk about things like movies, books, and music. | ||
=== Managing Conflict With Your Sister === | === Managing Conflict With Your Sister === | ||
| − | #Think before reacting. The worst thing you can do in a conflict is react right away. If your sister hurt your feelings, pause before reacting. Take a few deep breaths and try doing something like counting to five. This will prevent you from blowing up at your sister, potentially making the situation worse.<ref | + | #Think before reacting. The worst thing you can do in a conflict is react right away. If your sister hurt your feelings, pause before reacting. Take a few deep breaths and try doing something like counting to five. This will prevent you from blowing up at your sister, potentially making the situation worse.<ref name="rf1" /> |
| − | #Express yourself with words. Use your words to handle conflict. Do not scream and yell, as you are not really communicating. Never resort to physical violence, as this will only make things worse. You also do not want to accidentally hurt your sister during an argument.<ref | + | #Express yourself with words. Use your words to handle conflict. Do not scream and yell, as you are not really communicating. Never resort to physical violence, as this will only make things worse. You also do not want to accidentally hurt your sister during an argument.<ref name="rf5" /> |
#*Let your sister know when she's hurt or upset you. Use simple language to explain the unacceptable behavior instead of getting angry in return. | #*Let your sister know when she's hurt or upset you. Use simple language to explain the unacceptable behavior instead of getting angry in return. | ||
#*For example, say something like, "Ella, do not pinch me. Pinching hurts." This is more effective than yelling or pinching back. | #*For example, say something like, "Ella, do not pinch me. Pinching hurts." This is more effective than yelling or pinching back. | ||
| − | #Avoid topics that lead to conflict. Certain topics may simply cause arguments. Maybe your sister dislikes discussing something at school. Maybe there's an issue you simply disagree on. If certain topics tend to only lead to conflict, you may be better off avoiding them. No one sees eye-to-eye on everything all the time.<ref>http://www.realsimple.com/magazine-more/inside-magazine/life-lessons/close-siblings/page3</ref> | + | #Avoid topics that lead to conflict. Certain topics may simply cause arguments. Maybe your sister dislikes discussing something at school. Maybe there's an issue you simply disagree on. If certain topics tend to only lead to conflict, you may be better off avoiding them. No one sees eye-to-eye on everything all the time.<ref name="rf7">http://www.realsimple.com/magazine-more/inside-magazine/life-lessons/close-siblings/page3</ref> |
| − | #Talk things out with a parent. If you're having trouble managing an issue with your sibling, talk to a parent. Your parents want you and your sister to get along. They will be happy to mediate if the two of you are having an issue.<ref | + | #Talk things out with a parent. If you're having trouble managing an issue with your sibling, talk to a parent. Your parents want you and your sister to get along. They will be happy to mediate if the two of you are having an issue.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*Do not bring it up in a negative way. You do not want your parents to think you're being argumentative or mean. Present yourself as wanting to resolve the issue rather than get your parents on your side. | #*Do not bring it up in a negative way. You do not want your parents to think you're being argumentative or mean. Present yourself as wanting to resolve the issue rather than get your parents on your side. | ||
#*For example, say something like, "Dad, I'm having trouble with Sophie lately. Can you give me some advice on how to talk to her about how she read my diary?" | #*For example, say something like, "Dad, I'm having trouble with Sophie lately. Can you give me some advice on how to talk to her about how she read my diary?" | ||
