Difference between revisions of "Forgive After an Affair"
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#*Tell your partner they should not go places where they’re likely to run into their former lover. | #*Tell your partner they should not go places where they’re likely to run into their former lover. | ||
#*Let your partner know that if they do bump into the former lover they should tell you immediately.<ref name="rf8">http://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/rebuilding-trust-in-your-marriage-after-an-affair/index.as</ref> | #*Let your partner know that if they do bump into the former lover they should tell you immediately.<ref name="rf8">http://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/rebuilding-trust-in-your-marriage-after-an-affair/index.as</ref> | ||
| − | #*Inform your partner that in order for you to trust them again they’ll have to make concessions that allow you access to their emails, texts, and phone records, credit card bills . . . anything that could be used to conduct an affair.<ref name=" | + | #*Inform your partner that in order for you to trust them again they’ll have to make concessions that allow you access to their emails, texts, and phone records, credit card bills . . . anything that could be used to conduct an affair.<ref name="rf10">http://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/rebuilding-trust-in-your-marriage-after-an-affair/index.aspx</ref> |
#Speak openly about the affair. Ask questions about the affair itself, (in addition to examining the underlying causes). It's better to know just what happened rather than filling in the details by using your imagination. There’s no limit to the horrors the imagination can conjure up if fueled by jealousy and anger. | #Speak openly about the affair. Ask questions about the affair itself, (in addition to examining the underlying causes). It's better to know just what happened rather than filling in the details by using your imagination. There’s no limit to the horrors the imagination can conjure up if fueled by jealousy and anger. | ||
#*Make it clear to your partner that it’s imperative that they answer your questions honestly. | #*Make it clear to your partner that it’s imperative that they answer your questions honestly. | ||
#*If your partner isn’t being honest it will lead to more feelings of distrust. So let your partner know that no matter how hurtful it will be, you want the truth. | #*If your partner isn’t being honest it will lead to more feelings of distrust. So let your partner know that no matter how hurtful it will be, you want the truth. | ||
| − | #*You might be asking the same questions over and over. But it’s necessary to work those questions and their painful answers out of your system.<ref name="rf10" | + | #*You might be asking the same questions over and over. But it’s necessary to work those questions and their painful answers out of your system.<ref name="rf10" /> Think of it as flushing rusty water from a tap. You open the tap and let the water run until the water runs clear. |
#Know that forgiveness is possible. Couples have affairs, one partner forgives the other, and they rebuild. It happens all the time. Forgiving your partner is certainly possible, but are ''you'' capable of forgiving? | #Know that forgiveness is possible. Couples have affairs, one partner forgives the other, and they rebuild. It happens all the time. Forgiving your partner is certainly possible, but are ''you'' capable of forgiving? | ||
#*Assess yourself honestly. Can you move past this? Do you see yourself as the type of person who can, eventually, forgive the affair if your partner is sincere about avoiding future infidelity? | #*Assess yourself honestly. Can you move past this? Do you see yourself as the type of person who can, eventually, forgive the affair if your partner is sincere about avoiding future infidelity? | ||
