Difference between revisions of "Flirt With a Girl You Work With"
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===Keeping Things Friendly=== | ===Keeping Things Friendly=== | ||
| − | # Smile at her. It’s simple, but smiling and being polite and kind are great ways to subtly hint that you like her. Workplaces are professional atmospheres, so livening up a bit and being friendly and outgoing could set you apart to her from the other people at work.<ref>http://madamenoire.com/277278/how-to-flirt-at-work-without-being-unprofessional/3/</ref> | + | # Smile at her. It’s simple, but smiling and being polite and kind are great ways to subtly hint that you like her. Workplaces are professional atmospheres, so livening up a bit and being friendly and outgoing could set you apart to her from the other people at work.<ref name="rf1">http://madamenoire.com/277278/how-to-flirt-at-work-without-being-unprofessional/3/</ref> |
#* A simple smile or joke is an appropriate form of flirting, and doesn’t cross any professional lines. If she smiles back and goes along with it, you know she’s into it. Alternatively, if she seems standoffish and shuts it down, you know to back off without any embarrassment. | #* A simple smile or joke is an appropriate form of flirting, and doesn’t cross any professional lines. If she smiles back and goes along with it, you know she’s into it. Alternatively, if she seems standoffish and shuts it down, you know to back off without any embarrassment. | ||
| − | # Use work as a way to break the ice. Try adding a joke in through a work memo email, or sending her a funny picture via webchat while you’re at work. Make a lighthearted joke about the meeting you both attended earlier in the day.<ref>http://nymag.com/thecut/2012/11/eight-essential-lessons-on-co-worker-flirting.html</ref> | + | # Use work as a way to break the ice. Try adding a joke in through a work memo email, or sending her a funny picture via webchat while you’re at work. Make a lighthearted joke about the meeting you both attended earlier in the day.<ref name="rf2">http://nymag.com/thecut/2012/11/eight-essential-lessons-on-co-worker-flirting.html</ref> |
#* You both have at least one thing in common: work. Use it as a way to start a conversation. Just avoid petty gossip about co-workers. You want to come off as a positive person, not a downer. Also, avoid any inappropriate jokes. Keep things friendly and light. | #* You both have at least one thing in common: work. Use it as a way to start a conversation. Just avoid petty gossip about co-workers. You want to come off as a positive person, not a downer. Also, avoid any inappropriate jokes. Keep things friendly and light. | ||
| − | # Offer to help her with work projects. If she gets assigned a big project or has to stay late, offer to stay and help. Ask her if she needs anything, or if there’s anything you can do for her. Being helpful is friendly, but also shows her that you’re interested in spending some extra time with her.<ref>http://madamenoire.com/277278/how-to-flirt-at-work-without-being-unprofessional/5/</ref> | + | # Offer to help her with work projects. If she gets assigned a big project or has to stay late, offer to stay and help. Ask her if she needs anything, or if there’s anything you can do for her. Being helpful is friendly, but also shows her that you’re interested in spending some extra time with her.<ref name="rf3">http://madamenoire.com/277278/how-to-flirt-at-work-without-being-unprofessional/5/</ref> |
#* If she misses a meeting or isn’t at work on a day you get new equipment or learn a new policy, bring her up to speed with some notes or a quick phone call. Again, you’ll be helping her out, but also showing her that you’re interested in her. Say something like, “I noticed you were out the other day, so I took down some notes during the meeting for you.” You’ll be letting her know you notice when she’s not around, as well. | #* If she misses a meeting or isn’t at work on a day you get new equipment or learn a new policy, bring her up to speed with some notes or a quick phone call. Again, you’ll be helping her out, but also showing her that you’re interested in her. Say something like, “I noticed you were out the other day, so I took down some notes during the meeting for you.” You’ll be letting her know you notice when she’s not around, as well. | ||
| − | # Bring her coffee or lunch. This will be like giving her a gift, but not one too garish or forward. It’s far more understated than giving her flowers, but will still show her you were thinking of her. Plus, it’ll give you a reason to go up and approach her for a conversation about something other than work.<ref>http://madamenoire.com/277278/how-to-flirt-at-work-without-being-unprofessional/6/</ref> | + | # Bring her coffee or lunch. This will be like giving her a gift, but not one too garish or forward. It’s far more understated than giving her flowers, but will still show her you were thinking of her. Plus, it’ll give you a reason to go up and approach her for a conversation about something other than work.<ref name="rf4">http://madamenoire.com/277278/how-to-flirt-at-work-without-being-unprofessional/6/</ref> |
#* The next time you’re headed out for coffee, ask if she wants some. If she does, she’ll tell you her go-to order, and later on, you’ll know exactly what to get her. Plus, it’s yet another opportunity to express interest in her, give her a smile, and offer to do something nice while still staying professional. | #* The next time you’re headed out for coffee, ask if she wants some. If she does, she’ll tell you her go-to order, and later on, you’ll know exactly what to get her. Plus, it’s yet another opportunity to express interest in her, give her a smile, and offer to do something nice while still staying professional. | ||
| − | # Keep the physical gestures to a minimum. Public displays of affection in a workplace can make other people feel uncomfortable, and it might be a different co-worker who ends up reporting you to a supervisor. Plus, physical gestures like touching could possibly make her feel uncomfortable as well, which is the opposite of what you want.<ref>https://www.shrm.org/hrdisciplines/employeerelations/articles/pages/forbidden-love-workplace-romance-policies-stricter.aspx</ref> | + | # Keep the physical gestures to a minimum. Public displays of affection in a workplace can make other people feel uncomfortable, and it might be a different co-worker who ends up reporting you to a supervisor. Plus, physical gestures like touching could possibly make her feel uncomfortable as well, which is the opposite of what you want.<ref name="rf5">https://www.shrm.org/hrdisciplines/employeerelations/articles/pages/forbidden-love-workplace-romance-policies-stricter.aspx</ref> |
#* Keep things professional, even when flirting. You can be flirtatious without touching her at all. Eye contact, smiles, and glances are just as effective as touching but don’t come with the possibility of coming off too forward or behaving inappropriately. You might also compliment her work ethic. Praise a project she did well recently. | #* Keep things professional, even when flirting. You can be flirtatious without touching her at all. Eye contact, smiles, and glances are just as effective as touching but don’t come with the possibility of coming off too forward or behaving inappropriately. You might also compliment her work ethic. Praise a project she did well recently. | ||
#* Keep things light and more on the prude side, just to be safe. Don’t make any sexual comments, or say anything that she might be offended by. These kinds of comments could lead to negative consequences like harassment suits or complaints filed against you with human resources. | #* Keep things light and more on the prude side, just to be safe. Don’t make any sexual comments, or say anything that she might be offended by. These kinds of comments could lead to negative consequences like harassment suits or complaints filed against you with human resources. | ||
===Flirting Outside the Workplace=== | ===Flirting Outside the Workplace=== | ||
| − | # Ask her to hang out after work. Start with an activity that other co-workers will be at, so that she doesn’t think you’re singling her out entirely. It won’t seem as if you’re coming on too strong this way. Then, once you’ve gone out as a group, you can suggest you hang out together alone outside of work.<ref>http://www.nicknotas.com/blog/how-to-date-women-at-your-work-without-catastrophe/</ref> | + | # Ask her to hang out after work. Start with an activity that other co-workers will be at, so that she doesn’t think you’re singling her out entirely. It won’t seem as if you’re coming on too strong this way. Then, once you’ve gone out as a group, you can suggest you hang out together alone outside of work.<ref name="rf6">http://www.nicknotas.com/blog/how-to-date-women-at-your-work-without-catastrophe/</ref> |
#* When you ask her out for some one-on-one time, try to make it casual. Invite her as if you were going already, and decided to ask her along. It will seem a little less intimidating, as it will seem like less than a date. Say something like, “I was going to hit my favorite bar after work today for a drink or two. Want to come along?” | #* When you ask her out for some one-on-one time, try to make it casual. Invite her as if you were going already, and decided to ask her along. It will seem a little less intimidating, as it will seem like less than a date. Say something like, “I was going to hit my favorite bar after work today for a drink or two. Want to come along?” | ||
# Find something you have in common besides work. When flirting with someone you work with, it’s easy to constantly fall back on work as a constant conversation topic. Instead, ask her about what she likes to do outside of work. Not only will this show her you’re interested in her as more than just a co-worker, it’ll also give you some hints about her as a person. | # Find something you have in common besides work. When flirting with someone you work with, it’s easy to constantly fall back on work as a constant conversation topic. Instead, ask her about what she likes to do outside of work. Not only will this show her you’re interested in her as more than just a co-worker, it’ll also give you some hints about her as a person. | ||
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# Offer to take her to lunch on a workday. One way to get some one-on-one time with a little less pressure is a quick lunch break together. You could ask her to grab a bite with you outside the office, or even just grab the seat beside her in the break room while she’s eating. | # Offer to take her to lunch on a workday. One way to get some one-on-one time with a little less pressure is a quick lunch break together. You could ask her to grab a bite with you outside the office, or even just grab the seat beside her in the break room while she’s eating. | ||
#* Lunch is a great opportunity to have a conversation, break the ice, and get to know her a little better. If you take her someplace away from work, you’ll be away from the prying eyes of your co-workers, and things can be a little more casual and comfortable. | #* Lunch is a great opportunity to have a conversation, break the ice, and get to know her a little better. If you take her someplace away from work, you’ll be away from the prying eyes of your co-workers, and things can be a little more casual and comfortable. | ||
| − | # Avoid coming on too strongly. Even if she makes the first move, hang back and be cautious. You wouldn’t want to reciprocate a touch or a hug and then have things go bad down the road, and have her file a retroactive complaint against you. Stick to light, friendly, and appropriate gestures and conversations.<ref | + | # Avoid coming on too strongly. Even if she makes the first move, hang back and be cautious. You wouldn’t want to reciprocate a touch or a hug and then have things go bad down the road, and have her file a retroactive complaint against you. Stick to light, friendly, and appropriate gestures and conversations.<ref name="rf6" /> |
#* Dating and flirting in the workplace is tricky if you aren’t careful. Make sure you aren’t coming on too strong right away, and make sure you are reading her body language and signals to know whether or not she wants to reciprocate. | #* Dating and flirting in the workplace is tricky if you aren’t careful. Make sure you aren’t coming on too strong right away, and make sure you are reading her body language and signals to know whether or not she wants to reciprocate. | ||
===Considering the Risks=== | ===Considering the Risks=== | ||
| − | # Understand the policies on workplace romance at your job. Some business or companies might have strict rules against any kind of fraternizing between co-workers. Consequences for doing so could even be termination, so make sure you know what the rules are before you pursue the girl at work.<ref | + | # Understand the policies on workplace romance at your job. Some business or companies might have strict rules against any kind of fraternizing between co-workers. Consequences for doing so could even be termination, so make sure you know what the rules are before you pursue the girl at work.<ref name="rf6" /> |
| − | #* Sometimes, policies like these only exist if the co-workers are on different levels. For example, it might be against the rules for a supervisor to date or pursue his subordinates. Other times, there are no policies in place regarding workplace romance at all.<ref | + | #* Sometimes, policies like these only exist if the co-workers are on different levels. For example, it might be against the rules for a supervisor to date or pursue his subordinates. Other times, there are no policies in place regarding workplace romance at all.<ref name="rf5" /> |
| − | # Avoid going after multiple girls at work. Not only is that just bad form and pretty rude, you might end up in a sticky situation if the girls find out. If you want to flirt with or pursue a girl at work, stick to her only, and don’t throw pick up lines at every girl in the office.<ref | + | # Avoid going after multiple girls at work. Not only is that just bad form and pretty rude, you might end up in a sticky situation if the girls find out. If you want to flirt with or pursue a girl at work, stick to her only, and don’t throw pick up lines at every girl in the office.<ref name="rf2" /> |
#* More often than not, gossip tends to circulate around workplaces. You don’t want to end up with a few ladies having bad things to say about you, and then everyone hearing about it. It could make your place of work a very unpleasant place to be. | #* More often than not, gossip tends to circulate around workplaces. You don’t want to end up with a few ladies having bad things to say about you, and then everyone hearing about it. It could make your place of work a very unpleasant place to be. | ||
| − | # Avoid flirting with a superior, or someone below you. These kinds of relationships can cause a lot of friction in the workplace as they could possibly make other employees think there is favoritism happening. Make sure the girl you’re flirting with is at the same level as you in the company.<ref>http://www.glamour.com/story/dating-at-work-rules-for-dating-coworkers-tips-advice</ref> | + | # Avoid flirting with a superior, or someone below you. These kinds of relationships can cause a lot of friction in the workplace as they could possibly make other employees think there is favoritism happening. Make sure the girl you’re flirting with is at the same level as you in the company.<ref name="rf7">http://www.glamour.com/story/dating-at-work-rules-for-dating-coworkers-tips-advice</ref> |
#* Women are especially subjected to criticism when dating people in the workplace. Make sure you aren’t putting a female co-worker into a situation in which she could be negatively judged. | #* Women are especially subjected to criticism when dating people in the workplace. Make sure you aren’t putting a female co-worker into a situation in which she could be negatively judged. | ||
| − | # Understand that she might not want you to flirt with her. If she reacts negatively to your gestures, joking, or singling out, take the hint and don’t push it any further. She might report unwanted attention to your boss, or things could simply get very awkward at work.<ref | + | # Understand that she might not want you to flirt with her. If she reacts negatively to your gestures, joking, or singling out, take the hint and don’t push it any further. She might report unwanted attention to your boss, or things could simply get very awkward at work.<ref name="rf6" /> |
#* If she isn’t responding to your flirting, or if she shows signs of wanting you to stop, make sure you listen to your gut and don’t push things. If she feels harassed or threatened, she could file a sexual harassment complaint against you, or report you to a supervisor. | #* If she isn’t responding to your flirting, or if she shows signs of wanting you to stop, make sure you listen to your gut and don’t push things. If she feels harassed or threatened, she could file a sexual harassment complaint against you, or report you to a supervisor. | ||
#* If she seems uncomfortable or unreceptive when you flirt with her at work, talk to her after work. Apologize and explain yourself. You may find out that she was only shutting down your advances because you were at work. Read her signals and body language. If she shies away, or looks upset or irritated, back off. | #* If she seems uncomfortable or unreceptive when you flirt with her at work, talk to her after work. Apologize and explain yourself. You may find out that she was only shutting down your advances because you were at work. Read her signals and body language. If she shies away, or looks upset or irritated, back off. | ||
| − | # Realize that failed office relationships can lead to an unhappy workplace environment. If things go sour with someone in the workplace, you might find yourself feeling uncomfortable and awkward at work. Office gossip might not end up in your favor, or being around the girl who turned down your advances might just feel awkward.<ref | + | # Realize that failed office relationships can lead to an unhappy workplace environment. If things go sour with someone in the workplace, you might find yourself feeling uncomfortable and awkward at work. Office gossip might not end up in your favor, or being around the girl who turned down your advances might just feel awkward.<ref name="rf6" /> |
#* Weigh the pros and cons of pursuing the girl at work before you do so. If the idea of things possibly going badly and resulting in an uncomfortable workplace doesn’t seem to outweigh the pros of pursuing the girl you like, then consider looking for someone outside of work. | #* Weigh the pros and cons of pursuing the girl at work before you do so. If the idea of things possibly going badly and resulting in an uncomfortable workplace doesn’t seem to outweigh the pros of pursuing the girl you like, then consider looking for someone outside of work. | ||
