Difference between revisions of "Earn Your Girlfriend's Trust"
(importing article from wikihow) |
m (Text replacement - "[[Category: G" to "[[Category:G") |
||
| (4 intermediate revisions by the same user not shown) | |||
| Line 3: | Line 3: | ||
== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
=== Earning Trust in Your Relationship === | === Earning Trust in Your Relationship === | ||
| − | #Prioritize friendship over all else. The basis of any great relationship is the foundation that you build it on. Knowing each other as friends first is a great way to earn trust slowly as you the relationship develops organically.<ref>http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/why-couples-should-be-friends-first-scientifically-speaking</ref> | + | #Prioritize friendship over all else. The basis of any great relationship is the foundation that you build it on. Knowing each other as friends first is a great way to earn trust slowly as you the relationship develops organically.<ref name="rf1">http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/why-couples-should-be-friends-first-scientifically-speaking</ref> |
| − | #*Having a strong friendship as a core to your relationship will help you tell each other everything and give time and attention to each other easily while looking forward to being with each other.<ref | + | #*Having a strong friendship as a core to your relationship will help you tell each other everything and give time and attention to each other easily while looking forward to being with each other.<ref name="rf1" /> |
| − | #*Give your partner the best gift of friendship, the gift of total and complete acceptance. Accept her as she is without expecting anything in return to strengthen your relationship by strengthening your friendship.<ref | + | #*Give your partner the best gift of friendship, the gift of total and complete acceptance. Accept her as she is without expecting anything in return to strengthen your relationship by strengthening your friendship.<ref name="rf1" /> |
| − | #Follow through and be a man of your word. Your word is your bond, so when you say things or make promises, make sure that you are a man of action. If you are not able to, don't promise or it will cause more hurt than anything.<ref> https://experiencelife.com/article/how-to-be-true-to-your-word/</ref> | + | #Follow through and be a man of your word. Your word is your bond, so when you say things or make promises, make sure that you are a man of action. If you are not able to, don't promise or it will cause more hurt than anything.<ref name="rf2"> https://experiencelife.com/article/how-to-be-true-to-your-word/</ref> |
#* Promises could be small or large in perspective but realize that making a promise is long term and can affect both you and her future. | #* Promises could be small or large in perspective but realize that making a promise is long term and can affect both you and her future. | ||
#* If you tell your girlfriend you will make it to her birthday celebration, be there. If you offer to help her move her things to a new place, do that. Words and actions that match establish trust. | #* If you tell your girlfriend you will make it to her birthday celebration, be there. If you offer to help her move her things to a new place, do that. Words and actions that match establish trust. | ||
| − | #Always tell the truth. Truth sometimes hurts, but its pain is temporary compared to pain from lies or betrayal. Gain your partner's trust by being 100% truthful 100% of the time. Honesty fosters trust in relationships.<ref>http://lifeesteem.org/wellness/wellness_truth.html</ref> | + | #Always tell the truth. Truth sometimes hurts, but its pain is temporary compared to pain from lies or betrayal. Gain your partner's trust by being 100% truthful 100% of the time. Honesty fosters trust in relationships.<ref name="rf3">http://lifeesteem.org/wellness/wellness_truth.html</ref> |
#*A lie is a lie, big or small. Rethink telling her that you were with your guy friends the other night when you were really with a girl from class as a part of study group. Never answer a question with a lie. | #*A lie is a lie, big or small. Rethink telling her that you were with your guy friends the other night when you were really with a girl from class as a part of study group. Never answer a question with a lie. | ||
#*Betrayal, even the smallest kind, can derail a relationship and cause your girlfriend to distrust you completely, especially if it touches on a scar from a past relationship that hasn’t yet healed. And it is hard to recover from. | #*Betrayal, even the smallest kind, can derail a relationship and cause your girlfriend to distrust you completely, especially if it touches on a scar from a past relationship that hasn’t yet healed. And it is hard to recover from. | ||
| − | # Communicate with her to let her know about your ups and downs. Healthy relationships are a result of healthy, honest communication.<ref>http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/communicate-better/</ref> It’s always better to hear firsthand what happened, and to seek forgiveness then. Being open extends to letting her know pertinent information as well. | + | # Communicate with her to let her know about your ups and downs. Healthy relationships are a result of healthy, honest communication.<ref name="rf4">http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/communicate-better/</ref> It’s always better to hear firsthand what happened, and to seek forgiveness then. Being open extends to letting her know pertinent information as well. |
| − | #*Not presenting facts from the start makes you look deceptive and like you were hiding something. Even something small could look ten times worse if you aren’t honest about it from the start.<ref>http://singersroom.com/content/2011-05-27/5-ways-to-gain-trust-of-a-woman/</ref> | + | #*Not presenting facts from the start makes you look deceptive and like you were hiding something. Even something small could look ten times worse if you aren’t honest about it from the start.<ref name="rf5">http://singersroom.com/content/2011-05-27/5-ways-to-gain-trust-of-a-woman/</ref> |
| − | #*Keeping your girlfriend in the loop to support you during challenges is equally important in moments of joy as well. Not only will you feel like you matter, but she’ll feel like she matters too because you share those special moments, like getting a promotion or receiving an acceptance letter from a school you’ve been dying to get into, with you too.<ref>http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yourtango/7-normal-things-happy-cou_b_6290514.html</ref> | + | #*Keeping your girlfriend in the loop to support you during challenges is equally important in moments of joy as well. Not only will you feel like you matter, but she’ll feel like she matters too because you share those special moments, like getting a promotion or receiving an acceptance letter from a school you’ve been dying to get into, with you too.<ref name="rf6">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yourtango/7-normal-things-happy-cou_b_6290514.html</ref> |
| − | #Involve your girlfriend in your day to day.<ref>http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/must-talk-with-partner</ref> Dealing with someone with trust issues means dealing with suspicion if you leave out certain details. Grabbing an innocent cup of coffee with a female friend can raise suspicions for a girlfriend having trouble with trust if you gloss over details and she has to hear it from someone else. | + | #Involve your girlfriend in your day to day.<ref name="rf7">http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/must-talk-with-partner</ref> Dealing with someone with trust issues means dealing with suspicion if you leave out certain details. Grabbing an innocent cup of coffee with a female friend can raise suspicions for a girlfriend having trouble with trust if you gloss over details and she has to hear it from someone else. |
#*Just be forthcoming and, on the day of, state: “I’m grabbing coffee with Sasha today. Cool?” It is a simple way to be honest while showing her that her opinion matters at the same time. | #*Just be forthcoming and, on the day of, state: “I’m grabbing coffee with Sasha today. Cool?” It is a simple way to be honest while showing her that her opinion matters at the same time. | ||
#*If you aren’t hiding, she doesn’t need to be unnecessarily concerned so keep her up to date on what you’re doing with the opposite sex, even if you are just friends. | #*If you aren’t hiding, she doesn’t need to be unnecessarily concerned so keep her up to date on what you’re doing with the opposite sex, even if you are just friends. | ||
=== Overcoming Your Girlfriend’s Trust Issues === | === Overcoming Your Girlfriend’s Trust Issues === | ||
| − | #Make sure you trust her.<ref>http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice_300/333_can-you-trust-her.html</ref> Without your trust for your girlfriend, she definitely won't be able to trust you. Understand that some things fall beyond trust, including putting yourself into tempting situations. | + | #Make sure you trust her.<ref name="rf8">http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice_300/333_can-you-trust-her.html</ref> Without your trust for your girlfriend, she definitely won't be able to trust you. Understand that some things fall beyond trust, including putting yourself into tempting situations. |
#Tell her things that no one else in the world knows about you. Actions like that paired with your consistency in following through with your words will help her slowly but surely develop trust in you. | #Tell her things that no one else in the world knows about you. Actions like that paired with your consistency in following through with your words will help her slowly but surely develop trust in you. | ||
| − | #Be your girlfriend’s support system. As the boyfriend of someone who has trust issues, it is not your job to fix her or her situation. Instead, it is your job to play a supportive role.<ref>http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/</ref> | + | #Be your girlfriend’s support system. As the boyfriend of someone who has trust issues, it is not your job to fix her or her situation. Instead, it is your job to play a supportive role.<ref name="rf9">http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/</ref> |
#*Ask her for her story and listen to her fears. From a place of concern ask her: “I know you’ve been hurt before, can you share with me what exactly happened?” | #*Ask her for her story and listen to her fears. From a place of concern ask her: “I know you’ve been hurt before, can you share with me what exactly happened?” | ||
| − | #*Suggest that she see someone professionally or read books to help her with coping strategies and to assist her in discovering why her past plays such a huge role in the present relationship you have with her.<ref> http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-psychology-of-trust-issues-and-ways-to-overcome-them</ref> | + | #*Suggest that she see someone professionally or read books to help her with coping strategies and to assist her in discovering why her past plays such a huge role in the present relationship you have with her.<ref name="rf10"> http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-psychology-of-trust-issues-and-ways-to-overcome-them</ref> |
| − | #Practice patience with her trust issues. Your girlfriend is more than likely trying just as hard as you are to get over her lack of trust, so trust her and the process. Asking her to trust you is not going to create trust. Instead, rely on patience to be your guide in helping the relationship rise above trust issues. <ref>http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-e-clifford/relationships-trust_b_3000579.html</ref> | + | #Practice patience with her trust issues. Your girlfriend is more than likely trying just as hard as you are to get over her lack of trust, so trust her and the process. Asking her to trust you is not going to create trust. Instead, rely on patience to be your guide in helping the relationship rise above trust issues. <ref name="rf11">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-e-clifford/relationships-trust_b_3000579.html</ref> |
#*The road to trust is a long process that will encounter setbacks and obstacles along the way. It is a slow process as well, so don’t expect an overnight turnaround in her ability to trust you more. | #*The road to trust is a long process that will encounter setbacks and obstacles along the way. It is a slow process as well, so don’t expect an overnight turnaround in her ability to trust you more. | ||
#*If it takes her a while to take down her guard for you, be understanding and patient about it. Encourage her to share more parts of herself by sharing more personal details about yourself. | #*If it takes her a while to take down her guard for you, be understanding and patient about it. Encourage her to share more parts of herself by sharing more personal details about yourself. | ||
| − | #Be consistent with how you show her love. Make time for your relationship. Give her love, appreciation, and support in some form or other daily.<ref> http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2012/07/03/trust-in-relationships-making-it-stronger-by-being-consistent/</ref> | + | #Be consistent with how you show her love. Make time for your relationship. Give her love, appreciation, and support in some form or other daily.<ref name="rf12"> http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2012/07/03/trust-in-relationships-making-it-stronger-by-being-consistent/</ref> |
#*Ask her how she is doing or about her day. When she is feeling distant or withdraws out of fear, ask her gently how you can help: space, closeness? | #*Ask her how she is doing or about her day. When she is feeling distant or withdraws out of fear, ask her gently how you can help: space, closeness? | ||
#*Treat her with soft kisses, sweet compliments, and romantic date day or date night excursions. | #*Treat her with soft kisses, sweet compliments, and romantic date day or date night excursions. | ||
=== Rebuilding Trust After a Betrayal === | === Rebuilding Trust After a Betrayal === | ||
| − | #Be apologetic and own up to your mistakes. Reveal whatever secrets you might have been keeping, but note that she does not have to know every detail about your indiscretions. <ref>http://www.care2.com/greenliving/5-ways-to-rebuild-trust-after-its-broken.html</ref> | + | #Be apologetic and own up to your mistakes. Reveal whatever secrets you might have been keeping, but note that she does not have to know every detail about your indiscretions. <ref name="rf13">http://www.care2.com/greenliving/5-ways-to-rebuild-trust-after-its-broken.html</ref> |
| − | #* Be honest about your intentions with your girlfriend now. You might have made a mistake, but you love her and want to make things work. For example: “I know I lied about who she was to me and I know that dishonesty hurt you, but I promise nothing happened and I really want to make things work with you because I love you. You’re the only woman I want. I’m sorry I jeopardized that with my actions. Please forgive me.”<ref> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201111/recovery-affair</ref> | + | #* Be honest about your intentions with your girlfriend now. You might have made a mistake, but you love her and want to make things work. For example: “I know I lied about who she was to me and I know that dishonesty hurt you, but I promise nothing happened and I really want to make things work with you because I love you. You’re the only woman I want. I’m sorry I jeopardized that with my actions. Please forgive me.”<ref name="rf14"> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201111/recovery-affair</ref> |
#*Give her space. If she would like time to decide what her next move is, allow her as much as she needs. | #*Give her space. If she would like time to decide what her next move is, allow her as much as she needs. | ||
| − | #Explain your motivations in your betrayal. It lets your girlfriend know that you have a reason behind why you did what you did and helps to rebuild the trust that was lost.<ref>http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/16455/1/How-to-Rebuild-Trust-in-a-Relationship.html</ref> | + | #Explain your motivations in your betrayal. It lets your girlfriend know that you have a reason behind why you did what you did and helps to rebuild the trust that was lost.<ref name="rf15">http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/16455/1/How-to-Rebuild-Trust-in-a-Relationship.html</ref> |
#*Talk about what made you do what you decided to do. What were you feeling? Scared? Overwhelmed? Insecure? Relay those feelings to your partner to gain sympathy and understanding. For example: “I felt like it was okay to go out with another girl because honestly, I’ve been feeling disconnected from our relationship lately and I’ve just wanted a break. Maybe it was self-sabotage in a way…” | #*Talk about what made you do what you decided to do. What were you feeling? Scared? Overwhelmed? Insecure? Relay those feelings to your partner to gain sympathy and understanding. For example: “I felt like it was okay to go out with another girl because honestly, I’ve been feeling disconnected from our relationship lately and I’ve just wanted a break. Maybe it was self-sabotage in a way…” | ||
#*Talk about why the betrayal won’t happen again in the future. Disclose how her pain has made you feel – how awakening it’s been, etc. For example: “I see how distraught and offended you feel by my actions. I don’t want to be the one that hurts you ever again. I don’t want to do this to us ever again. It’s really opened my eyes about what I have with you and what I don’t want to lose.” | #*Talk about why the betrayal won’t happen again in the future. Disclose how her pain has made you feel – how awakening it’s been, etc. For example: “I see how distraught and offended you feel by my actions. I don’t want to be the one that hurts you ever again. I don’t want to do this to us ever again. It’s really opened my eyes about what I have with you and what I don’t want to lose.” | ||
| − | #Forgive yourself for what you have done. If your girlfriend is able to move past the betrayal, accept your apology, and forgive you, but you aren’t, only half of the relationship is being sustained. <ref | + | #Forgive yourself for what you have done. If your girlfriend is able to move past the betrayal, accept your apology, and forgive you, but you aren’t, only half of the relationship is being sustained. <ref name="rf15" /> |
| − | #Ease the relationship back to normal. Embrace whatever leftover awkwardness there may be. Go back to who you were as a loyal, loving boyfriend.<ref>http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-to-rebuild-your-wifes-trust-after-youve-had-an-affair-knts/</ref> | + | #Ease the relationship back to normal. Embrace whatever leftover awkwardness there may be. Go back to who you were as a loyal, loving boyfriend.<ref name="rf16">http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-to-rebuild-your-wifes-trust-after-youve-had-an-affair-knts/</ref> |
#*Note how much more difficult it is to earn back trust once you are the one who caused to be lost. | #*Note how much more difficult it is to earn back trust once you are the one who caused to be lost. | ||
#*Rely on the negative feelings that came about as a result of your betrayal and the potential of the loss of the relationship to keep you from doing it again. | #*Rely on the negative feelings that came about as a result of your betrayal and the potential of the loss of the relationship to keep you from doing it again. | ||
