Walk Away from Love

Revision as of 04:19, 29 January 2017 by Kipkis (Kipkis | contribs) (importing article from wikihow)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)

Love can be beautiful but sometimes Cupid's bow and arrow can take a very misdirected aim. While often hard if you were truly in love, walking away from a love that will never work can sometimes be the best thing you can do for your sanity and future well being.

Steps

  1. Consider how this person treats you. One of the most compelling reasons for walking away from someone you love is that despite the love, this person is hurting you in some way. Perhaps he or she is manipulative and controlling, perhaps he or she is lying to you or perhaps he or she can't stop having affairs and then asking to be taken back by you. Whatever the reason, if you're constantly hurt, undermined or let down by this person, you owe it to yourself to walk away. Common signs that it's time to walk away include:
    • Lies: Your love lies about the time of day, his or her whereabouts, his or her income, how much he or she loves you, etc.
    • Lack of support for you: Your love demands all the support in the world from you but gives none back. Perhaps he or she insists that you do all the housework, earn all the money, buy all the dinners out or take full responsibility for the children without lifting a finger. Whatever the reason, failure to support is not a sign of real love.
    • Affairs: Any affairs are a reason to question your relationship. More than one and your lover is likely to keep repeating this wheel, to your detriment.
    • Condescension: If your love acts superior, condescendingly or rudely toward you all the time, puts you down in front of others and causes you to feel like you're worthless, it's time to walk away. No love is worth sapping your own self-esteem for, not ever.
    • Callous, cold and moody: A love who can't turn off the nasty tap is not someone to stay around lifelong. While everyone gets moody at times, someone who changes moods as quickly as the wind and uses these moods to dominate, inflict fear or treat you badly is someone to walk away from.
    • Violence: Love is not violent. You need to walk to safety when your "loving" relationship is a violent one.
    • Grown apart, just don't feel the love anymore: Unlike most of the other reasons, this one is down to either both of you or perhaps just you. If you feel that loving feeling has passed on and the romance is past its due-by date, it's very unlikely that anything will salvage it once the rot sets in. For the sake of both of you, it may be time to walk away.
  2. Notice your own attempts to justify the behavior of your loved one. If you are making excuses to stay with your love despite any of the reasons cited above, learn to call yourself out on them. It is quite possible that you've fallen into a vicious justificatory cycle that you'll never break free from unless you acknowledge it openly. Realize that being stoic and putting up with a bad situation will only end in faster aging, resentment and feeling like you're putting up with second best. It bodes ill and does not reflect well on either of you to be sticking together when the love has fled.
  3. Remind yourself of all the things that get on your nerves and cannot be reconciled. All loving couples get on each other's nerves now and then, it's only natural when people live closely together. However, if you find you're constantly irritated by all the little foibles, faux pas and habits, it's possible that you're the one who risks turning condescending and manipulative unless you deal with it. Either have a few very open conversations about making changes or start to think about walking away and beginning anew with someone who irritates you a whole lot less.
  4. Make arrangements to jump from whatever situation you're in now to one that is self-supporting and away from this person. If you're living together or married, you need an alternative when walking away. For those dating, your home is likely already your sanctuary, while for those living together, the hard decision as to who goes needs to be reached. Are you wanting to stand your ground and stay in your shared residence or are you going to leave for a new place? If you do leave, is it affordable, safe and suitable for you? If you're a victim of violence, find out where a refuge is that you can run to when the chance arises.
    • Consider how your savings will keep you going. If you have tangled them jointly, it's going to be a lot harder to walk away than if you're not yet living together. See a lawyer for advice if you're living with this person.
  5. Think about how you'll tell this person that you're leaving. You may not even want to, or in the case of violence, you will most likely be leaving in secrecy. But for most people walking away from love, this can be a time of resolution, a chance to get things off your chest or even an opportunity to remind your love what a great person they are as an individual, just not as part of the couple the two of you once formed.
    • For the faint hearted, leaving a card or note is one goodbye option.
  6. Get active. Find things to occupy you once you've made the decision to leave. You're free and for a while, it may feel unbelievable to be able to do things without having to keep in mind your lovers needs and wants. Consider doing things that keep your mind off too much thinking about your love, like sport, exercise, visiting museums, seeing movies, catching up with friends, getting into hobbies, joining volunteering, reading books, creating your own website. Just do whatever rocks your boat and keeps your mind off things.
    • You have permission to have fun. There isn't anything mandating that you mope about or look sad all day long. Often people feel compelled to act out sadness at loss of a love long beyond the time that they actually feel able to move on. In fact, many people who institute break ups have already done a lot of their mourning before leaving. You don't have to don grief as your outlook forever.
    • Hold a letting go ceremony to mark the crossing of one experience of love and to ready yourself for future love. A little like a funeral, letting go ceremonies can help you to establish a point at which you're okay about having walked away and you're ready to move on.
  7. Delete his or her number from your mobile phone. Delete their email address. Delete them from MSN, Bebo, Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and anything else you are connected on. Stop caring what he or she is doing anymore, it's probably bound to annoy or upset you anyway, so let it go and build your new life.

Tips

  • Don't start dating again for a while. Give yourself plenty of time to get over he or she who-shall-no-longer-be-named.
  • Be proud! You have finally realized that you're worth more. Have no regrets, cry no tears and waste no more time. Learn to love yourself again and enjoy time on your own. Learn from the past relationship experiences and never make the same mistakes again.
  • Love yourself first before you consider loving someone else.
  • Be happy that for once you can enjoy your freedom if your spouse was a jealous type enjoy. That he she can't tell you what to do anymore .Remember that it'll hurt for a while but your free and your not hurting in an unhealthy relationship. Be happy that no-one can control for who want to be, that person doesn't deserve the love you give him if he can't return a simple thing that's called respect.

Warnings

  • Unless you're totally callous or desensitized, walking away hurts, like crazy. Even if you've already done all the hard thinking and think you're over this person, actually making the decision to leave and acting on it will bring a lot of emotional pain to the surface. Be gentle on yourself and give yourself the time to get over the big change in your life, the loss of this comfortable relationship.
  • Don't listen to sad songs they will make you cry.

Related Articles

Retrieved from "https://kipkis.com/index.php?title=Walk_Away_from_Love&oldid=50127"