React when Insulted or Teased

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Learning how to cope with being teased or insulted can help you get a better handle on these unfortunate social situations. Assessing the situation, responding appropriately, and seeking help when necessary will all help you overcome being teased or insulted.

Steps

Assessing the Situation

  1. Realize it’s not about you. People who tease and insult others are insecure. Their bullying is often driven by fear, narcissism, and the need to control a situation. Picking on others makes them feel powerful. Recognizing that it’s about them, not you, will help you gain confidence in the situation.[1]
  2. Understand your aggressor’s motivation. Making an effort to understand why a particular person is insulting or teasing you is key to coming up with a resolution to the situation. Sometimes people tease you to make themselves feel better; other times they might do it because they don't understand you or the situation as well as they could.
    • For example, the coworker who always insults your clothing may feel like you are getting more credit than you deserve from your boss.[2]
    • In another example, your aggressor might be teasing you because they do not understand that your disability prevents you from fully participating in an activity.
    • Keep in mind that some forms of teasing can be playful and are not meant to hurt your feelings. For example, a relative or close friend might tease you about something, such as a quirk that they find amusing about you.
  3. Develop a plan to avoid the person or situation if possible. Avoiding your aggressor can help minimize the insults and/or teasing you are experiencing. While this is not always possible, come up with ways to minimize the time you must spend in the presence of the bully or avoid contact altogether.
    • If you are being teased while walking home from school, work with your parents to come up with a safe route home that will help you avoid being teased or insulted.
    • If you are being teased or insulted online, consider deleting the bully from your social media networks or limiting the time you spend on certain applications.
  4. Determine if the teasing is a violation of the law. Sometimes teasing or insults are a direct violation of state or federal law. For example, if you have a co-worker who is sexually harassing you at work by commenting on your body, this is a violation of the law and must be reported immediately.
    • If you are at school, you have a right to feel safe and to have a distraction-free environment to learn. If someone is teasing you in a way that makes you feel unsafe or distracts you from school (such as by making you not want to attend), you should talk to your parents or teacher about it.

Responding to Being Teased or Insulted

  1. Prepare for the situation. If you must spend time with a person who repeatedly insults or teases you, come up with a plan for how you will address the situation. Thinking through ways you can respond and role-playing can help you handle the situation.[3]
    • Practice role playing with a trusted friend or family member. Try having your best friend say, “Anna, your haircut is really awful.” You can respond with, “Thank you for your opinion, but I like it and that is what matters.”
    • If your boss is insulting you in a belittling way, come up with a plan. Try saying, “Bob, your teasing is unprofessional, hurtful, and is hindering my productivity. I will report it to human resources if it continues.”
  2. Stay calm. It’s important to stay calm when you are being teased or insulted, even if your instinct is to get angry or cry. People who tease and insult others are often looking for a reaction. Keep your cool and stay grounded.[4]
    • When someone insults you, try taking several deep breaths before responding to them.
  3. Be assertive. Be confident and clear with the aggressor about how his or her insults affect you. Use a firm, yet calm tone and explain why you are not okay with their teasing.[5]
    • Try saying to a classmate who teases you about your shoes, “It makes me angry when you insult me in front of our classmates. So stop it.”
    • If your co-workers are heckling you at work in a sexist way, try saying, “Your teasing and insults are bordering on sexual harassment. If this happens again I will report you immediately to our supervisor.”
  4. Ignore the insult. Sometimes the best response to an insult is to ignore it. You can pretend you didn’t hear it at all or change the subject to something completely off topic. Ignoring your aggressor’s teasing or insults instead of reacting will prevent fuel being added to the fire.[6]
    • If you are insulted or teased online, don’t respond.
    • If you are being insulted by a family member, try to ignore the insult and leave the room.
  5. React with humor. Using humor to react to being teased or insulted is an effective response. Humor can diffuse a tense situation, disarm the aggressor, and even undermine the insult. Try making a joke when someone insults or teases you.[7]
    • If your coworker insults the poster you bring to a conference try saying, “You’re right. This is an awful poster. I really shouldn’t have let my five-year-old do my work for me.”
    • Another option might be to act shocked and engage in some playful banter with the person. For example, you might say something like, “Oh my goodness! You’re right! Thank you for helping me to see the light!”
  6. Report teasing and insults based on your gender, sexuality, religion, or disability. It is important that you report these kinds of harassment immediately. This type of teasing is often against the law. Go directly to an authority figure if you are being teased or insulted in this way.
  7. Have a conversation with your aggressor. For example, if you are being repeatedly insulted by a parent or family member it might be time to sit down and have a conversation about the abuse. Be direct about how the teasing makes you feel and how such harassment affects your life.
    • If your mother continually insults your appearance, try saying, “Mom, I feel hurt when you comment on my clothing, hair, or makeup. It hurts my feelings. From now on, please stop making these comments.”
    • Even if the teasing is non-malicious, you can still say something to the person if it bothers you, such as "I love hanging out with you and it's fun teasing each other sometimes, but the following topics hurt my feelings and those are off limits now: clothes, husband, kids, etc…”

Feeling Better About Yourself

  1. Develop Self-Esteem. Having low self-esteem can make it harder to handle teasing, whether it is mean-spirited or not. Improving your self-esteem takes time, but you can do it using simple activities, such as:[8]
    • Giving yourself compliments. Try looking in the mirror every morning and saying one positive thing about your appearance, such as “Your eyes look especially bright and beautiful today.”
    • Making a list of your strengths, achievements, and things that you admire about yourself. Try to list at least five things in each column. Keep the list and read over it daily.
  2. Practice self care. Taking care of yourself is important and a good strategy to deal with being insulted or teased. Try taking a long bath, going on a quiet walk, or doing something nice for yourself like getting a pedicure. These self care strategies will help you build self esteem and feel better about yourself.
  3. Develop-Your-Resilience. Being resilient means that it is easier for you to recover from teasing, insults, and other obstacles. Try to work on your resilience to improve your ability to bounce back from the teasing and insults that you endure. Some things you can do to build up your resilience include:[9]
  4. Learn how to be more assertive. Being able to express yourself in an assertive way can also help you to deal with teasing. To be assertive, it is important to be comfortable saying “No” to people and to express your needs in a clear, direct way.[10]
    • Say what is bothering you in a specific way. For example, “You often tease me about my hair, such as by calling me a poodle or frizzball.”
    • Express your feelings about the teasing. For example, you might say something like, “I feel angry when you say these things because I think my hair looks awesome.”
    • Say what you want to happen. For example, “I want you to stop teasing me about my hair. If you do it again, then I will walk away.”

Getting Help

  1. Talk to your parents. If you are a child or teenager and are being teased or insulted, it is important that you let them know what is going on. Tell them about the situation and ask for their help in resolving it.[11]
    • Try saying something like, "Mom/Dad, I have been getting teased by someone at school and I have tried to get them to stop, but it is not working."
  2. Reach out to a teacher or other trusted professional. If someone at school is insulting or teasing you, touch base with your teacher, school counselor, or even the school nurse. These educational professionals can help you devise a strategy for dealing with the situation.
    • Try saying something like, "I am being teased/insulted by someone at school and I am not sure what to do."
  3. Go through the proper channels at work. If you are being insulted or teased in your place of work, it is important that you document the abuse and go through the proper channels. Discuss the situation with your boss or go straight to human resources and report the situation.
    • Try saying something like, "A coworker is teasing/insulting me on a regular basis and it is affecting me. I would like some help to resolve this situation."

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200911/ego-insecurity-and-the-destructive-narcissist
  2. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/how-to-handle-being-bullied-as-an-adult-1726099137
  3. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/parenting/tc/bullying-what-children-should-do-if-they-are-bullied
  4. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2277292/
  5. ↑ http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/105581/teaching_kids_to_deal_with
  6. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2277292/
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201302/how-deal-insults-and-put-downs
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem
  9. ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/resilience.htm
  10. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/02/25/building-assertiveness-in-4-steps/
  11. ↑ http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/what-to-do-if-you-are-being-bullied
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