Difference between revisions of "Deal With Your Girlfriend Ignoring You"
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Your girlfriend used to be excited to see you, but now it feels like she’s always either angry at you or doesn't even notice that you’re there. Maybe she no longer responds to your texts, or she spends the whole night at a party talking to everyone except you. Whatever, the case, if you’re feeling ignored by your girlfriend, chances are you’re also feeling hurt, frustrated, and maybe even angry. It might be tempting to ignore her back, try to make her jealous, or even break up with her, but the healthiest way to deal with being ignored is to address it directly. | Your girlfriend used to be excited to see you, but now it feels like she’s always either angry at you or doesn't even notice that you’re there. Maybe she no longer responds to your texts, or she spends the whole night at a party talking to everyone except you. Whatever, the case, if you’re feeling ignored by your girlfriend, chances are you’re also feeling hurt, frustrated, and maybe even angry. It might be tempting to ignore her back, try to make her jealous, or even break up with her, but the healthiest way to deal with being ignored is to address it directly. | ||
| − | [[Category:Youth Relationship Issues]] | + | [[Category: Youth Relationship Issues]] |
== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
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#* Have you been through anything difficult recently? Maybe you’ve been demanding more attention from her lately, and she’s having a hard time meeting your needs, which has resulted in her pulling away. | #* Have you been through anything difficult recently? Maybe you’ve been demanding more attention from her lately, and she’s having a hard time meeting your needs, which has resulted in her pulling away. | ||
#Consider that your girlfriend may be depressed. She may be ignoring you, but if she’s struggling with depression, she might not even realize it. | #Consider that your girlfriend may be depressed. She may be ignoring you, but if she’s struggling with depression, she might not even realize it. | ||
| − | #* Signs of depression include difficulties concentrating and making decisions; fatigue; feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and/or worthlessness; insomnia or excessive sleeping; irritability; loss of interest in pleasurable activities such as sex or date nights; overeating or loss of appetite; anxiety; suicidal thoughts and/or destructive behaviour.<ref name="rf12872" /> | + | #* Signs of depression include difficulties concentrating and making decisions; fatigue; feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and/or worthlessness; insomnia or excessive sleeping; irritability; loss of interest in pleasurable activities such as sex or date nights; overeating or loss of appetite; anxiety; suicidal thoughts and/or destructive behaviour.<ref name="rf12872">http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression</ref> |
#* If you think your girlfriend might be depressed, there are things that you can do to [[Help Someone with Depression| help]]. | #* If you think your girlfriend might be depressed, there are things that you can do to [[Help Someone with Depression| help]]. | ||
#Avoid the temptation to ignore her back. As tempting as it may be to ignore her back or try to make her jealous, it’s not healthy or productive to do so. In addition, if your girlfriend is depressed or struggling with some other difficult personal problem, ignoring her back will only make things harder for her, and could really damage your relationship. | #Avoid the temptation to ignore her back. As tempting as it may be to ignore her back or try to make her jealous, it’s not healthy or productive to do so. In addition, if your girlfriend is depressed or struggling with some other difficult personal problem, ignoring her back will only make things harder for her, and could really damage your relationship. | ||
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#** If you decide to give each other space, ensure that you are both clear on what that means. For some, space might just mean only talking on the phone twice a week instead of every night, or, it might mean an entire week without any communication whatsoever. Clarifying what “space” means to you will help make that time easier. | #** If you decide to give each other space, ensure that you are both clear on what that means. For some, space might just mean only talking on the phone twice a week instead of every night, or, it might mean an entire week without any communication whatsoever. Clarifying what “space” means to you will help make that time easier. | ||
#* Know that you don’t HAVE to give her what she says she needs. If you aren’t comfortable with something that she requests, it’s okay to tell her that. The two of you might be able to make a compromise. Ultimately the two of you need to respect one another’s needs and boundaries. | #* Know that you don’t HAVE to give her what she says she needs. If you aren’t comfortable with something that she requests, it’s okay to tell her that. The two of you might be able to make a compromise. Ultimately the two of you need to respect one another’s needs and boundaries. | ||
| − | #Be an active listener. When it’s her turn to speak, actively listen to her. This involves empathetic body language (open stance, nodding, reassuring sounds) as well as showing your understanding by repeating what she has said and/or asking for clarification.<ref name="rf713" /> If you are hurt by something that she says, it’s okay to let her know that, but try to let her know in a non-confrontational way. | + | #Be an active listener. When it’s her turn to speak, actively listen to her. This involves empathetic body language (open stance, nodding, reassuring sounds) as well as showing your understanding by repeating what she has said and/or asking for clarification.<ref name="rf713">http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm</ref> If you are hurt by something that she says, it’s okay to let her know that, but try to let her know in a non-confrontational way. |
#* Example: “Thank you for opening up to me. When you said that I’m too clingy, I felt sad and a bit confused. I enjoy spending time with you, but I’m also happy to do my own thing. I would like to know some of the specific things I do that lead you to think that I’m clingy. Maybe I’ll be able to change some of those things.” | #* Example: “Thank you for opening up to me. When you said that I’m too clingy, I felt sad and a bit confused. I enjoy spending time with you, but I’m also happy to do my own thing. I would like to know some of the specific things I do that lead you to think that I’m clingy. Maybe I’ll be able to change some of those things.” | ||
#** If she can give you some specific examples, even if you don’t agree with them, it will help you get a better sense of what she wants from the relationship. Knowing what she wants will give you a clearer idea of whether you’re able or willing to give it to her. | #** If she can give you some specific examples, even if you don’t agree with them, it will help you get a better sense of what she wants from the relationship. Knowing what she wants will give you a clearer idea of whether you’re able or willing to give it to her. | ||
