Difference between revisions of "Deal With Bullies"
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| − | Bullies come in all shapes and sizes. Over time, most of us have to deal with a bully or two, perhaps as children or maybe as an adult. Recent statistics reveal that one in four children are faced with bullying at one time or another.<ref>http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bullying.htm</ref> In the workplace, the home, the military, hospitals, and even nursing homes, bullying is an issue for adults. Those who bully need to be dealt with carefully and most of all, the cycle must be stopped. | + | Bullies come in all shapes and sizes. Over time, most of us have to deal with a bully or two, perhaps as children or maybe as an adult. Recent statistics reveal that one in four children are faced with bullying at one time or another.<ref name="rf16612">http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bullying.htm</ref> In the workplace, the home, the military, hospitals, and even nursing homes, bullying is an issue for adults. Those who bully need to be dealt with carefully and most of all, the cycle must be stopped. |
| − | [[Category:Surviving School]] | + | [[Category: Surviving School]] |
[[Category:Dealing with Bullying]] | [[Category:Dealing with Bullying]] | ||
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===Developing Coping Mechanisms === | ===Developing Coping Mechanisms === | ||
| − | #[[Ignore Bullies|Show minimal reaction to their bullying.]] Do not show the bullies that you feel hurt and they've succeeded in affecting you; just walk away as if you didn't mind it. Bullies gain satisfaction from making others feel hurt or uncomfortable, so reacting to them will only encourage them further. <ref>http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/school_stuff/bullies.html</ref> The bully wants attention and if you show them that they are emotionally hurting you, they will get more pleasure out of doing it. | + | #[[Ignore Bullies|Show minimal reaction to their bullying.]] Do not show the bullies that you feel hurt and they've succeeded in affecting you; just walk away as if you didn't mind it. Bullies gain satisfaction from making others feel hurt or uncomfortable, so reacting to them will only encourage them further. <ref name="rf16613">http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/school_stuff/bullies.html</ref> The bully wants attention and if you show them that they are emotionally hurting you, they will get more pleasure out of doing it. |
#*This tactic may backfire depending on the bully, so read the situation carefully. Some bullies will feel safe tormenting you (as they enjoy that action itself) if they see that you aren't suffering from their actions. | #*This tactic may backfire depending on the bully, so read the situation carefully. Some bullies will feel safe tormenting you (as they enjoy that action itself) if they see that you aren't suffering from their actions. | ||
#* You cannot talk sense to an irrational person. Walk away with dignity, saying you have better things to do with your time. If it continues, stand up for yourself. Whether it continues or not, be sure to stand up for others who are being bullied. | #* You cannot talk sense to an irrational person. Walk away with dignity, saying you have better things to do with your time. If it continues, stand up for yourself. Whether it continues or not, be sure to stand up for others who are being bullied. | ||
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#Take martial art lessons. Consider Karate, Kung Fu, Taekwondo, Judo, Ju Jitsu, Aikido or something similar. This will boost your confidence, prime your physique and enable you to gain combat or defensive skills. Bullies like to prey on those they perceive as being weaker than them, so developing a battle aura can help deter them. Martial arts skills will also help you learn how not to appear to be an easy target. | #Take martial art lessons. Consider Karate, Kung Fu, Taekwondo, Judo, Ju Jitsu, Aikido or something similar. This will boost your confidence, prime your physique and enable you to gain combat or defensive skills. Bullies like to prey on those they perceive as being weaker than them, so developing a battle aura can help deter them. Martial arts skills will also help you learn how not to appear to be an easy target. | ||
#*You don't have to look like a fighter, just be a no-nonsense type with a don't-mess-with-me aura. It's better to be combat ready and not need it than to be black and blue wishing you could've defended properly. | #*You don't have to look like a fighter, just be a no-nonsense type with a don't-mess-with-me aura. It's better to be combat ready and not need it than to be black and blue wishing you could've defended properly. | ||
| − | #Be smart and aware of everything. Study the surroundings for possible escape routes, hangouts, conflict zones, safe zones, and territorial boundaries. Be aware of the bully's patterns including possible connections, as most bullies have a pack of underlings. Knowing the enemy and the surroundings could mean a lot when evading but, most importantly, during a direct confrontation.<ref>http://www.parents.com/kids/problems/bullying/bully-proof-your-child-how-to-deal-with-bullies/</ref> | + | #Be smart and aware of everything. Study the surroundings for possible escape routes, hangouts, conflict zones, safe zones, and territorial boundaries. Be aware of the bully's patterns including possible connections, as most bullies have a pack of underlings. Knowing the enemy and the surroundings could mean a lot when evading but, most importantly, during a direct confrontation.<ref name="rf16614">http://www.parents.com/kids/problems/bullying/bully-proof-your-child-how-to-deal-with-bullies/</ref> |
#*Be confident when walking about. Walk with a purposeful confidence and a don't-you-dare-mess-with-me attitude. Walk with your head up looking forward in the direction you are walking and use your peripheral vision to be aware of the people around you. No matter how untrue it feels to you, act confident and stand tall. Everyone will be none the wiser. | #*Be confident when walking about. Walk with a purposeful confidence and a don't-you-dare-mess-with-me attitude. Walk with your head up looking forward in the direction you are walking and use your peripheral vision to be aware of the people around you. No matter how untrue it feels to you, act confident and stand tall. Everyone will be none the wiser. | ||
#Learn a few self defense moves. This is very important should you need to fight (which hopefully you won't). You don't need a black belt, just tips on self-defense. Do so with all your strength, and do so without reluctance. | #Learn a few self defense moves. This is very important should you need to fight (which hopefully you won't). You don't need a black belt, just tips on self-defense. Do so with all your strength, and do so without reluctance. | ||
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#Recognize the type of bully you and others are dealing with. Bullies cross the spectrum – some abuse physically, others verbally, while others play mind games and toy with you emotionally. Many bullies use a combination of these strategies. Whatever the type, it helps for you to understand the approach taken by the bully. | #Recognize the type of bully you and others are dealing with. Bullies cross the spectrum – some abuse physically, others verbally, while others play mind games and toy with you emotionally. Many bullies use a combination of these strategies. Whatever the type, it helps for you to understand the approach taken by the bully. | ||
#*Does the person abuse you physically? Aggressive bullies like to hit, punch, kick and pull hair. They will do it without hesitation. Such a bully isn't beyond starting a physical fight, only to blame it all on you or cry that they're hurt and you started it. | #*Does the person abuse you physically? Aggressive bullies like to hit, punch, kick and pull hair. They will do it without hesitation. Such a bully isn't beyond starting a physical fight, only to blame it all on you or cry that they're hurt and you started it. | ||
| − | #*Is this person a name-caller, someone who insults you verbally? Taunting bullies are verbally abusive (calling names, making jokes, teasing, etc.).<ref>http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2013/09/20/how-to-deal-with-a-bullying-boss/</ref> | + | #*Is this person a name-caller, someone who insults you verbally? Taunting bullies are verbally abusive (calling names, making jokes, teasing, etc.).<ref name="rf16615">http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2013/09/20/how-to-deal-with-a-bullying-boss/</ref> |
#*Does the person pretend to be your friend, but then makes fun of you in front of others without warning? This is just one type of emotional bullying. Others include threatening to hurt or break something you care about, doing something to cause you to be ridiculed (such as having a "kick me" sign on your back) or telling lies about you to other people to Try to make them hate you. Indirect bullies, sometimes known as backstabbers or gossip-mongers, spread rumors, exclude others, and harass their victims whenever possible. | #*Does the person pretend to be your friend, but then makes fun of you in front of others without warning? This is just one type of emotional bullying. Others include threatening to hurt or break something you care about, doing something to cause you to be ridiculed (such as having a "kick me" sign on your back) or telling lies about you to other people to Try to make them hate you. Indirect bullies, sometimes known as backstabbers or gossip-mongers, spread rumors, exclude others, and harass their victims whenever possible. | ||
#Understand that cyberbullying is as real as face-to-face or real life bullying. [[Stop Cyber Bullying|Cyber bullies]] harass other people through instant messaging, e-mail, and any other electronic means. The best way to deal with online bullies is to delete their messages and not read anything they say. Be sure to block the bully as well. | #Understand that cyberbullying is as real as face-to-face or real life bullying. [[Stop Cyber Bullying|Cyber bullies]] harass other people through instant messaging, e-mail, and any other electronic means. The best way to deal with online bullies is to delete their messages and not read anything they say. Be sure to block the bully as well. | ||
