Throw a Wedding Shower

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When wedding bells are ringing, the time for a wedding shower is nigh. Whether those bells are for you, a good friend, or a relative, one of the fun lead-up events to a wedding is the bridal shower. Here are a few tips to throwing a great one.

Steps

3 Months Before

  1. Check to see if the coast is clear. No, you're not sneaking out of the house; you're checking with the bride's friends and family to see if a shower is already planned. It isn't a good idea to throw two parties if the same people will be at both! Consider these possibilities:
    • If you are the bride-to-be's co-worker and would like to throw an office bridal shower, you're less likely to run into interference.
    • If you're the bride's mother, feel free to plan a shower for your daughter; however, be aware that in some parts of the world it is considered to be general wedding etiquette that the bride's mother does not plan a bridal shower as it is thought better left to others to plan and that it lacks taste to have the mother doing this. Note, however, that more people are ignoring this little "rule" and doing it anyway. It's up to your discretion.
  2. Talk to the bride. That is, if you don't want a shower that's a complete surprise. With all the general fuss of a wedding, it may be best to talk to the bride, though. You want to avoid inviting people to the shower who aren't invited to the reception and you want to make sure the shower is in line with the bride-to-be's wishes. Does she want a co-ed shower? What dates and times are best for her? Where would she want it at?
    • If you like the idea of the bride being minimally involved, just ask about the guest list and date -- she probably figures she's having a shower anyway. The theme and details can be up to you and the rest of the bridesmaids or close family.
  3. Choose a location. Now comes the best part! Whether it's the beach, a restaurant, or fancy hotel, the location of the shower can change everything. If you do decide to go with a specific theme, your location should reflect this.
    • You probably wouldn't want to bring the bride's elderly aunts to a smoke-filled bar and grill. Sometimes the shower is held at a relatives' home, or the maid of honor's, or even the bride's place. Consider a nice picnic area, a yacht, or a bonfire/cookout in the backyard. Your location should match both the bride's personality and your budget.
  4. Decide on a date. Traditionally, the wedding shower isn't held until a month before the wedding, but these days people are less inclined to follow this norm and choose a date to suit their own needs. Just be sure that the couple has had the opportunity to tell everyone about the wedding first. You don't want to step on anyone's toes!
    • Make sure that all the necessary people will be available for this day. Once you have found a day that works for everyone, call the venue, if you're not having it at someone's home, to make reservations.
  5. Compile the guest list. Ask for some names from the bride herself, as well as from the mother of the bride. If another shower is being planned, try not to invite those same people to yours. It's ridiculous to expect someone to buy two -— and sometimes even three -— gifts for one person!
    • Also, beware of inviting those who aren't also invited to the wedding itself. Just because you thought the bride was still friends with Laura from second grade, does not mean that she is. You will only offend people if you're not careful.

2 Months Before

  1. Make Event e Invites and/or call important guests. This does not serve as the invitation -- it just lets everyone know the plan well ahead of time (those coming from distant lands will appreciate it). Contact guests you know the bride needs there -- her best friend for college, favorite extended family, and females from the groom's side to see if they all can make your date.
    • As you're doing this, compile a list of addresses to send the real invitations out to. In your email, request their information if you don't already have it.
  2. Pick a theme. It will help direct both the mood of the shower party and can even impact the gifts.
    • Consider a classic "Round the Clock" shower, where every guest gets a certain time of day to buy their gift for. Those with 7 a.m. could give the bride breakfast items, whereas those with 6 p.m. may gift the couple with dinner plates and napkins.
    • Another idea is to have a location theme: Hawaiian, French, Chinese, or Spanish works well. Or, tailor your theme to the location: if the shower is at the beach, an obvious choice is to have a luau or Hawaiian theme.
    • Choose a charity theme. Ask that guests not bring gifts but donate money to charity instead. This in consideration of the reality that you will receive wedding gifts anyway and a shower seeking gifts is akin to double dipping and can irritate potential wedding guests.
  3. Set a budget. Bridal showers can run from the very inexpensive to the extremely pricey, depending on your location and number of guests. Enlist a few of the bride's friends to help plan (and pay!) for the shower. Be sensible, however, as most of the money should go to the wedding and reception and not be eaten up by a wedding shower party. If you're a bridesmaid or maid of honor, consider asking all the girls to pitch in. A group effort will not only lessen the limits of your purse strings, but it will also help the shower itself run much more smoothly.
    • Get together with the girls to decide on the decorations, menu, party favors, flowers, activities and the like. Give each person a specific to-do list to make all the duties manageable. If any of the team has connections (or is particularly crafty), the details can be sorted out. You don't necessarily need a theme now, but knowing what is and is not reasonable will help lessen the burden on your shoulders.
  4. Purchase the invitations and order special menu items, if applicable. The invitations do not have to be store-bought or otherwise ordered -- you can make them yourself! wikiHow has a plethora of sources for this! Often personalized, hand-made invites are even more meaningful.
    • Once you've gotten the invitations taken care of, think about special items you'd like for the shower. Do you have to rent any equipment? Get anything intricately designed? Some companies may ask you give them 8 weeks to complete your order.

1 Month Before

  1. Assemble, address, and mail the invitations. Include information about the couple's registries and, if it's a theme party, make sure to provide proper gift-giving instructions. Give your contact information for those that have questions.
    • You may want to include an ending time. Some people will be more won't to come if they know their entire day won't be taken up by watching an old acquaintance open gift after gift after gift.
  2. Shop for decorations, dining ware, and other party necessities. After all, what's a theme without decorations? If you're throwing a beach-themed shower, pick up some tiki torches, palm trees, and grass skirts. Balloons, crepe paper streamers, banners, table centerpieces, plates -- the list of available items goes on and on.
    • Abandoning the feel of the shower entirely is also a legitimate option. If you know the bride would be totally turned off by an hour of opening presents and drowning in crepe paper, dedicate the afternoon to a wine tasting or a spa treatment. As long as friends are relaxing and having a good time, success will be had.
  3. Decide on a menu. Bridal showers have been known to produce quite a few tears as well as laughter, both of which make for some hungry tummies. Keep the time of your party in mind when creating your menu; a morning shower would be perfect for a brunch.
    • Some food ideas for your shower: finger sandwiches, cookies, cold salads, veggies and dip, chili, crackers and cheese, etc.
      • If guests have offered to bring desserts and other treats, call to confirm what they plan to bring -- adjust your recipe plans accordingly.
  4. Plan some games. Silly games are essential to any good, traditional shower. The naughtier, the better! Try one of these:
    • Stuff It: Before the party, sit down with the groom and ask him a list of questions, preferably ones the bride may not know. Then, at the party, pass the questions around the room, having each guest ask the bride one. If she gets it wrong, she must stuff a piece of bubble gum in her mouth. Her answers will become so messy, you'll have the whole room laughing.
      • If the mother of the bride or groom is present, take caution (depending on her personality).
    • Stud Muffin: Before the party, obtain a picture of the groom. Buy balloons. Also gather photos of sexy, hunky men. Roll the pictures up tight and tie with a ribbon or rubber band. Stuff one into each balloon and blow up. At the party, each woman has to grab a balloon and pop it. Whoever gets the real hunk—the groom—wins a prize!
      • Don't go into overkill. The gals (and maybe guys?) will be totally content eating, drinking, and being merry.
  5. Pick up some favors. Speaking of bridal shower games, you may want to reward your loyal jesters with a gift. Make up little gift bags and place small trinkets inside. Shop the dollar stores if you have to: photo albums, picture frames, fancy pens, coffee mugs, dish towel sets, candles, and nail polish will all do the trick.
    • It’s the hostess’s job to send all the party-goers home with a little favor. Make sure your favor is small but meaningful and tie it in with the theme of your party as best you can.

2 Weeks Before

  1. Take care of the basic details. Place your flower order (if desired) and pick up any goods friends or neighbors have offered to lend -- CDs? Baskets? Cake dishes or punch bowls? Tea trays? Sound equipment? A pre-rolled red carpet?
    • Make a grocery list for the food and drinks. Buy any hard-to-find ingredients now in case you foresee having any trouble. Grab the alcohol now, too, if you're having cocktails.
  2. Buy your gift for the bride. As long as it's meaningful, it doesn't have to be large -- especially since you're throwing her the dang party!
    • If she's a bit on the OCD side, ask the other bridesmaids and attendants what they've gotten her. They may have valuable input or you could join forces to purchase a larger gift.
    • You could always offer to pay for part of the honeymoon! Hey, that's one less gift to open in the stream of gifts that will dominate (and possibly put the snooze button on) the party.
  3. Pick out your outfit. Finally, a moment for you! Since you're the hostess, you have to look good, too! Here's the excuse to buy that new dress you've been looking at.

The Days Before

  1. Confirm, confirm, confirm. Hope you can take a break from your day job, because you'll need to spend a hefty amount of time making phone calls. But once it's done, it's done! Lock yourself in the living room with a list of phone numbers and get on it.
    • Confirm reservations. If you're not using an outside venue, skip this.
    • Confirm orders and delivery times. This goes for flowers, friends taking care of pick-ups, food, and equipment.
    • Confirm RSVPs. This is possibly the most important. Call the guest list to make sure your numbers are correct and the bodies you have to help this go off without a hitch.
  2. Create a mental floor plan. You may think one table is enough for gifts, but 28 blender-sized boxes ends up taking a large amount of room. Consider the guests, the space needed for activities, and how to arrange the flowers, decorations and food.
    • Have the games fully prepared before you go about designating space for them.
  3. Buy any last-minute groceries and do the prep work. If you can prepare anything beforehand, do so. You'll need to allot your time masterfully. As the clock ticks, get the other bridesmaids or family members to help you get going.
  4. Set up the equipment and decorations, and assemble the favors. Set up the tables and chairs according to your floor plan. Have everything as ready as possible before the actual time. Once you do, breathe. Is there anything you've forgotten?
    • Take these last hours to run any errands. Has anyone forgotten to bring or pick up anything that they said they would? If a friend is free, can they run the errands for you?

When The Day Arrives

  1. Stay organized. The day of the party, keep a Make a Checklist Now in hand and designate others to help. If you have extensive decorating to do, arrive at your location bright and early. Remember all your items and remember to pick up your balloons and the cake as well.
    • Keep your phone on you! Businesses or friends may be calling for directions or other questions.
  2. Think of the outside. If people are coming to an area you are unfamiliar with, you may want to put balloons on the mailbox or little arrows along a walk. Or you may have to end up sending someone outside to flag wanderers down!
    • If you're doing it at a public place, ask what signage you can post and where to assist your guests in finding the appropriate area.
  3. Be a good assistant. When the bride opens her gifts, have a pen and paper handy. Sit next to her and write the name of the person who gives her each gift. This will be a huge help to the bride when she writes her "thank you" notes. In fact, many brides can't thank anyone without this list!
  4. Help Clean Up for Guests. Don't leave your location dirty after the party. Even if the party was thrown at the beach or a picnic area, you still need to pick up your mess. Send the bride home with the leftover cake and be sure the women have their favors. Hopefully a few other people will be kind enough to help.

Tips

  • Stay within your budget. True, a wedding shower is an important event, but it shouldn't be as expensive as the wedding itself!
  • Ask for help. If you're throwing a large shower, consider enlisting some friends to help with setting up the decorations or making food.
  • This is also known as a "hen's party" in some places.
  • If you find out there is another wedding shower being planned, ask to combine your showers rather than hold two. Such conspicuous consumption prior to a wedding smacks of bad taste. If you cannot combine, consider not holding yours but putting your efforts into helping with planning the wedding reception etc.

Warnings

  • Don't be offended if you receive no immediate thanks. Brides are busy creatures in the first place. Add ten excited aunts, eight childhood friends and a few cocktails, and your bride may forget to thank you properly. If, however, she never thanks you, it is probably something to ask her about!

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Sources and Citations

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