Know if Someone Is Talking Behind Your Back
Is she talking behind your back? How would you know? Why are all these rumors popping up around you? Don't let these rumors harass you. Find out who started them. The steps below are some of the ways to find out if someone is talking behind your back.
Steps
- Note if they are constantly whispering to other people, and when you come they abruptly turn back. This is the most obvious sign. However, do not assume someone is talking about you just from body language, such as staring, giggling, whispering when you're not around, and/or cutting off a conversation when you approach. Even though this can be a sign, it doesn't necessarily mean it. For example, if a group of people stop talking when you approach, but continue when you leave, they might be talking about something they don't want anybody to hear, not just you.
- If you suspect someone is talking behind your back, find more proof. Don't just confront them automatically; it will make the situation worse, and if they weren't talking about you at first, after a confrontation, they certainly will. Find out if they are suddenly asking more personal questions behind your back.
- Watch for signs of distancing. If they used to be your friend, they are now isolating themselves away from you.
- Avoid involving a friend in the matter because this will only get them into the fight. It is ok to ask friends for advice, but don't be upset with them if it doesn't go your way. Don't ever hurt the person you "think" might be talking about you because chances are they're not. Be careful of who you confide in and where you confide.
- If you figure out your best friend is talking behind your back, then maybe they aren't really a friend after all. It's happened to many before, and it hurts. Either build the relationship, or cut it off, depending on how serious it is.
- Think about the circumstances. Who were they talking to? Why did they say it? What did they say? What did they mean by it? How much does it hurt? Who is the person who said it? Can I build back my relationship with them? Should I confront them (only to be done IF you know the person well [best friend, boyfriend, etc.], if you're certain they're talking about you, and if you're sure it won't make you look bad).
- If they suddenly stop talking (as in not even finish their sentence) and stare at you, then they probably are talking about you.
- If you are speaking behind ANYONE'S back, anyone in the world, you might as well forgive them for it and move on forgiving yourself just for noticing.
- If this person gossips about others to YOU, then they probably gossip about you to other people also.
- Realize that if everyone were perfect, you wouldn't be facing such a thing, so being that nothing is perfect, you do have to expect as much from anyone.
Tips
- If you have a friend that constantly comes to you with gossip about other people then you can almost guarantee that they are also gossiping about you. Choose your friends wisely.
- Know that these things happen all the time to everyone.
- Don't panic( be calm)
- if you know they are talking about you say it to their faces. If you are nervous on confronting them then just drop them hints so they will know that you know.
- Make sure if you tell another one of your friends about your suspicion, make sure it is a friend you can trust. You don't want them to go off and tell your other friends who are talking about you. Make sure they are not a spy for your other friends too.
- Make sure you don't threaten them, they may get your friend to turn on you.
- If you find out they are talking behind your back, don't jump to conclusions; there could be a reason for it. Remain calm and ask them if there's any particular reason they're talking behind your back.
- Ask a friend if he/she could be a "spy". Unless the person you think is talking about you knows you are friends, you could hide close by while your friend walks up to them and says "So, ugh, what do you think of (your name)?" and then listen to their reply. If they laugh, they are probably talking about you behind your back, or think your friend is weird.
- Approximately 93% of people do this at nine out of ten conversations. Forget it.
- Work and talk so to make sure that there actually talking behind you.
- Be careful not to tell them in their face, what if they aren't the ones that said you kissed so-and-so?
- Don't cry if that's your best friend or second friend
- Tell a teacher if it happens at school.
- Don't confront them unless you're sure they were talking about you. Also have something to confront them with.
- If they don't know you personally, don't take it personally.
- Don't talk behind anyone's back. They are likely to do the same to you.
- Make sure they are actually talking about you before you get into a bunch of drama.
- If they are and you find out, you're sure, you will get angry but don't take it out on people. Calm down and think straight.
Warnings
- Don't be paranoid.
- If this goes on for a long period of time, DO take action.
- Reacting to back stabbing can create a deadly confrontation, remember they are not backstabbing you because they are not brave. They do it because they are cowards, so to move on them will frighten them into action. Think of ways to avoid those you don't need in your life, some of them aren't worth what you can keep while they are around.
- If possible, avoid confrontation about the matter. If you really need to talk to this person take them aside and lightly ask, but make sure they don't get defensive.
- Don't start a fight.
Things You'll Need
- Advice
- Good instincts
- Understanding (listen to their side of the story)
- Be happy in spite of it
- The ability to analyze every aspect of the situation and determine what its worth.
- Patience
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