Difference between revisions of "Cope when You Feel Left Out"
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| − | + | Being left out by a group of friends is painful at any age. Even though everyone experiences rejection sometimes, being left out can make you feel lonely and sad. To cope with being left out, there are several things that you can do, including understanding why you feel the way that you do, encouraging yourself, and talking to your friends about your feelings.Your feelings are just as important as everyone else's. Keep reading to learn more about how to cope with being left out. | |
| − | [[Category:Managing Negative Feelings]] | + | [[Category: Managing Negative Feelings]] |
== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
===Understanding Your Feelings=== | ===Understanding Your Feelings=== | ||
| − | #Understand why being left out hurts. Feeling left out is usually the result of being excluded or rejected by a group of people that you want to like and accept you. You may feel left out because you have been excluded and/or rejected by a group of friends or coworkers. It is normal to feel pain when you are excluded or rejected because we are all in need of social belonging. We are social beings and when our needs are not met, we experience pain and sadness.<ref name="rf4751" /> But just because it’s normal to feel pain when you are rejected doesn’t make it hurt any less, so it is important to develop strategies for coping with rejection. | + | #Understand why being left out hurts. Feeling left out is usually the result of being excluded or rejected by a group of people that you want to like and accept you. You may feel left out because you have been excluded and/or rejected by a group of friends or coworkers. It is normal to feel pain when you are excluded or rejected because we are all in need of social belonging. We are social beings and when our needs are not met, we experience pain and sadness.<ref name="rf4751">http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection.aspx</ref> But just because it’s normal to feel pain when you are rejected doesn’t make it hurt any less, so it is important to develop strategies for coping with rejection. |
#*Recent research has found that your brain processes pain from rejection the same way it would process physical pain, such as having a broken arm.<ref name="rf4751" /> | #*Recent research has found that your brain processes pain from rejection the same way it would process physical pain, such as having a broken arm.<ref name="rf4751" /> | ||
#*Social rejection can bring on feelings of anger, anxiety, depression, sadness, and jealousy.<ref name="rf4751" /> | #*Social rejection can bring on feelings of anger, anxiety, depression, sadness, and jealousy.<ref name="rf4751" /> | ||
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#Move past the situation. Once you have acknowledged your feelings, try to move past the situation by doing something that will improve your mood. Dwelling on what happened or how it made you feel will not make you feel better, it will make you feel worse. Find something else to focus on right away. For example, you can look for the good in the moment by writing down three things that you are grateful for. Or, you can distract yourself by doing something else that you enjoy. For example: | #Move past the situation. Once you have acknowledged your feelings, try to move past the situation by doing something that will improve your mood. Dwelling on what happened or how it made you feel will not make you feel better, it will make you feel worse. Find something else to focus on right away. For example, you can look for the good in the moment by writing down three things that you are grateful for. Or, you can distract yourself by doing something else that you enjoy. For example: | ||
#*If you feel like you've been stuck at home while your friends are out having fun, do something to spoil yourself. Take a bubble-bath with your favorite scented candles and a book. Take a long walk or a run with your iPod. Go into town and go shopping, or just browse the shops on your own. Whatever you do, make it all about you and making yourself happy. | #*If you feel like you've been stuck at home while your friends are out having fun, do something to spoil yourself. Take a bubble-bath with your favorite scented candles and a book. Take a long walk or a run with your iPod. Go into town and go shopping, or just browse the shops on your own. Whatever you do, make it all about you and making yourself happy. | ||
| − | #Breathe to calm yourself. Rejection can be very upsetting and you might find yourself feeling worked up or stressed as a result. Research has shown that taking a few minutes to practice deep breathing can reduce stress and promote a feeling of calm.<ref name="rf5692" /> | + | #Breathe to calm yourself. Rejection can be very upsetting and you might find yourself feeling worked up or stressed as a result. Research has shown that taking a few minutes to practice deep breathing can reduce stress and promote a feeling of calm.<ref name="rf5692">http://www.npr.org/2010/12/06/131734718/just-breathe-body-has-a-built-in-stress-reliever</ref> |
#*To practice deep breathing, take in a slow deep breath as you count to five. Then, hold the breath as you count to five again. Then, slowly exhale as you count to five. Follow this exercise with two normal paced breaths and then repeat the slow deep breath. | #*To practice deep breathing, take in a slow deep breath as you count to five. Then, hold the breath as you count to five again. Then, slowly exhale as you count to five. Follow this exercise with two normal paced breaths and then repeat the slow deep breath. | ||
#*You might also try yoga, meditation, or tai chi to help yourself feel calm. | #*You might also try yoga, meditation, or tai chi to help yourself feel calm. | ||
| − | #Use positive self-talk to encourage yourself after a rejection. Being left out can cause you to feel sad and get down on yourself. Using positive self-talk can help you to combat these negative feelings and feel better after being rejected. After being left out, take a few moments to look at yourself in the mirror and say something encouraging to yourself. You can either say something that you believe about yourself or something that you would like to believe about yourself.<ref name="rf10758" /> Some examples of positive affirmations include: | + | #Use positive self-talk to encourage yourself after a rejection. Being left out can cause you to feel sad and get down on yourself. Using positive self-talk can help you to combat these negative feelings and feel better after being rejected. After being left out, take a few moments to look at yourself in the mirror and say something encouraging to yourself. You can either say something that you believe about yourself or something that you would like to believe about yourself.<ref name="rf10758">http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/tc/building-self-esteem-topic-overview</ref> Some examples of positive affirmations include: |
#*“I am a fun and interesting person.” | #*“I am a fun and interesting person.” | ||
#*“I am a good friend.” | #*“I am a good friend.” | ||
#*“People like me.” | #*“People like me.” | ||
#*“People enjoy spending time with me.” | #*“People enjoy spending time with me.” | ||
| − | #Take good care of yourself. Caring for yourself can make you feel loved rather than rejected. This can take many different forms because different people feel cared for by different means. Some examples include cooking yourself a nice meal, taking a long bubble bath, working on a project you love, or watching your favorite movie. You should also make sure that you are taking good care of your body. By taking good care of your body, you are sending your brain signals that you deserve to be taken care of. Make sure that you are devoting enough time to meeting your basic needs for exercise, food, and sleep.<ref name="rf10755" /> | + | #Take good care of yourself. Caring for yourself can make you feel loved rather than rejected. This can take many different forms because different people feel cared for by different means. Some examples include cooking yourself a nice meal, taking a long bubble bath, working on a project you love, or watching your favorite movie. You should also make sure that you are taking good care of your body. By taking good care of your body, you are sending your brain signals that you deserve to be taken care of. Make sure that you are devoting enough time to meeting your basic needs for exercise, food, and sleep.<ref name="rf10755">http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-raise-your-self-esteem/</ref> |
#*Aim for 30 minutes of exercise per day. | #*Aim for 30 minutes of exercise per day. | ||
#*Eat a balanced diet of healthy whole foods like fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. | #*Eat a balanced diet of healthy whole foods like fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. | ||
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#*Be honest with yourself. Have you done things to cause your friends to want to leave you out? For instance, have you been demanding, pushy, or thoughtless about their needs lately? Or perhaps you have overcrowded them a little. This may be the reason they left you out in the first place, to find space and peace. If this is the case, own up to it, apologize, and be determined to make changes. | #*Be honest with yourself. Have you done things to cause your friends to want to leave you out? For instance, have you been demanding, pushy, or thoughtless about their needs lately? Or perhaps you have overcrowded them a little. This may be the reason they left you out in the first place, to find space and peace. If this is the case, own up to it, apologize, and be determined to make changes. | ||
===Moving On=== | ===Moving On=== | ||
| − | #Make others feel included. Sometimes the best way to get over feeling left out during a conversation or at an event, it to make others feel welcomed and included. Doing this helps to take the focus off of how uncomfortable or hurt you feel due to the situation, and gives you power to actively change your experience at the event. You can make others feel included by doing the following:<ref name="rf2910" /> | + | #Make others feel included. Sometimes the best way to get over feeling left out during a conversation or at an event, it to make others feel welcomed and included. Doing this helps to take the focus off of how uncomfortable or hurt you feel due to the situation, and gives you power to actively change your experience at the event. You can make others feel included by doing the following:<ref name="rf2910">http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm</ref> |
#*Smile and greet others | #*Smile and greet others | ||
#*Start conversations | #*Start conversations | ||
