Difference between revisions of "Cope With Your Boyfriend's Depression"

{{Love and Romance}}{{empty}}[[Category: Helping People with Depression]]

# Acknowledge your feelings. When someone you love is depressed, it's normal to experience a variety of different emotions, such as frustration, sadness, anger, and guilt. It's important you accept these feelings rather than trying to ignore them or your own mental health.<ref name="rf1">http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-a-depressed-person.htm</ref> Once you start to notice your boyfriend's depression, take time to check-in with your feelings and express them. Acknowledge that depression may:<ref name="rf1" />  

#Talk to your boyfriend. If your boyfriend has not yet gotten help for his depression, then try telling your boyfriend what you have noticed and letting him know you are concerned. It is important to tell your boyfriend how you feel in a way that will not seem like you are blaming him. Try to express you concern in a way that shows you care and that you want to help.<ref name="rf2"> http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-a-depressed-person.htm</ref>  

# Make time for things you enjoy. Your own happiness and mental health are important. If you don’t make time for the things you enjoy, you might get pulled down into your boyfriend’s depression, and then you’ll be of no help to him or yourself.<ref name="rf1" /> Stay engaged in your own hobbies, interests, and activities to get a break from your boyfriend’s depression, which will leave you with more energy to face it.<ref name="rf3">http://www.adaa.org/finding-help/helping-others/spouse-or-partner</ref>

# Take care of your physical health. Your boyfriend may have difficulty eating, sleeping, and exercising normally when depressed. Avoid getting caught in his cycle of poor physical health. You cannot control what he does, but you can take care of your own body. Make sure you are:<ref name="rf4">http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/serious-mental-illness.aspx</ref>

# Get support. Keep a regular support system of people who care about you, especially since your boyfriend may not be able to care for you or listen to you as well when he is depressed.<ref name="rf3" /> Seeking support does not mean you are weak or that you’re betraying your boyfriend, just that you need an outlet for your feelings.  

#* Choose people who are non-judgmental and supportive of you, as well as people who you can be honest with and who won’t gossip about your boyfriend’s depression behind your back.<ref name="rf1" />  

# Set boundaries with your boyfriend. Supporting and caring for someone with depression consumes time and energy. Know that you can only do so much to help your boyfriend before you get tired or burned out yourself. To avoid getting resentful and damaging the relationship, set clear boundaries with your boyfriend on what you’re willing and capable of doing. Avoid taking on too much responsibility.<ref name="rf1" />

# Speak honestly and gently. Don’t be afraid to voice your needs in the relationship, just like you would in a period when your boyfriend isn’t depressed. If you avoid honest communication, your boyfriend might be able to pick up that you’re holding something back. You might start to feel resentful that you can’t share your emotions with him.<ref name="rf1" />  

# Offer your help. Ask your boyfriend directly what he needs instead of making assumptions. Listen and be prepared to offer help with what’s realistic for you.<ref name="rf3" /> Ways you might help include:<ref name="rf5">http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/men-and-depression/index.shtml</ref><ref name="rf1" />

# Be compassionate and patient. It can be difficult to talk with a depressed person, especially since they may be irritable or take things out on you. It’s not going to be easy to be around your boyfriend for awhile most likely, since he may become moody, negative, and rejecting.<ref name="rf1" /> However, the depression won’t last forever, so be patient with your boyfriend. To be more patient, try to:<ref name="rf6">http://www.nytimes.com/1998/01/06/science/personal-health-trying-cope-when-partner-loved-one-chronically-depressed.html</ref><ref name="rf7">https://www.amherst.edu/campuslife/health-safety-wellness/education/mentalhealth/deal_depression</ref>

# Listen non-judgmentally. Let your boyfriend talk about his depression and his symptoms with you. Encourage him to talk about his feelings and show him that you don’t judge him for having them.<ref name="rf1" /> Ask him questions about his depression and if you don’t understand, ask more questions for clarification.<ref name="rf6" />

#* Avoid saying things like, “Just get over it” or “You’ll be fine.”<ref name="rf1" />  

#* You can say, “I don’t understand exactly what you’re going through, but I care about you. How can I help you?”<ref name="rf1" />  

# Encourage treatment. Your boyfriend may have difficulty finding the motivation to find a doctor and get into treatment. He may think that the whole process is hopeless and not worth his time. <ref name="rf1" /> Try to encourage him as much as possible to seek treatment, as it will likely provide a lot of relief.<ref name="rf1" />

# Manage your expectations. Even if your boyfriend agrees to get treatment for depression, he won’t recover from the depressed episode overnight. <ref name="rf1" />A person who is depressed has to start with small goals and work up from there, one day at a time.<ref name="rf8">http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/dealing-with-depression.htm</ref>Some reasonable expectations and goals to have for your boyfriend include:<ref name="rf8" />

# Demonstrate healthy behavior. If you can maintain your own good emotional and physical health, you’ll reinforce and model that kind of behavior for your boyfriend. Encourage him to get active by exercising regularly yourself. Encourage healthy eating by avoiding junk food yourself. Encourage healthy relationships by spending time with supportive people yourself.<ref name="rf1" />

# Educate yourself about depression. Not everyone has all of the same signs or symptoms of depression. Everyone is different in terms of how severe each symptom is. Keep in mind that some people experience multiple major depressive episodes throughout life, while others just experience mild depression that may not last as long. Some symptoms of depression include:<ref name="rf5" />

# Expect new challenges in your relationship. Because depression symptoms interfere with how your boyfriend functions in everyday life, you may experience difficulties in your relationship. You may take on more than your “fair share” in the relationship for a little while, but if your boyfriend is able to get treatment for depression, this won’t last forever.<ref name="rf3" /><ref name="rf9">http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/the-warning-signs-that-depression-is-affecting-your-relationship/</ref>

# Learn what treatment is available. There are many different treatment options out there for depression. The first step is often going to a primary care physician, who can rule-out other conditions, recommend medications, and recommend a therapist or psychiatrist. Getting treatment earlier may help reduce symptoms quickly and get your boyfriend out of treatment sooner.<ref name="rf10">http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/men-and-depression/index.shtml#pub2</ref> Treatment options include:<ref name="rf11">http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-treatment.htm</ref>

# Know the risk of suicide. Depression is a serious condition. Your boyfriend may attempt suicide or have suicidal thoughts. If your boyfriend is very depressed and hopeless, he may not see any way out of it. Call 911 or your boyfriend’s doctor or therapist if you notice any of these warning signs:<ref name="rf1" />

# Watch out for atypical behavior. Men may experience depression in unique ways that aren't noticeable as depression. For example, they may act more irritably or aggressively when depressed.<ref name="rf10" /> Other signs your boyfriend may be depressed without telling you include:<ref name="rf9" />

*It’s possible your boyfriend may experience suicidal thoughts or attempt suicide during depression. Don’t leave him alone during a crisis. Call 911, go to an emergency room, call his physician, or call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).<ref name="rf10" />