Get Your Boyfriend to Hang Out With You

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You don't spend as much time with your boyfriend as you'd like. While it's important to give him space, it's also important that you are getting what you need out of the relationship. You may need to compromise and get creative to make your schedules match – but make sure that you aren't doing all of the work.

Steps

Understanding the Problem

  1. Examine your feelings. Write about your frustrations, or talk to a trustworthy friend. Perhaps you feel neglected, or frustrated, or insecure – or all of these things. Try to determine whether he is truly failing to keep up his end of the relationship agreement, or whether you are holding him up to unrealistic expectations. Think about how your feelings have changed over time, and consider whether this problem is symptomatic of any other problems in your relationship.
  2. Figure out why. Think about your relationship, and think back to all of the times you've seen your boyfriend recently. Try to understand why he isn't hanging out with you as much as you'd like. It can be much easier to find a solution once you fully understand what's wrong. Keep in mind that speculation will only take you so far. The best way to understand the problem is to ask your boyfriend about it.
    • Perhaps your boyfriend is very busy with work right now, or he's stressed out about another pressure in his life. He might not feel like he can relax and hang out right now. Be patient.
    • Maybe your boyfriend isn't putting equal energy into your relationship. If you are always making time for him, but he never makes time for you: it might be time for a change. Don't let him take advantage of you.[1]
    • Your boyfriend may be perfectly happy in the relationship, but completely unaware that you are feeling neglected. Try telling him how you feel and asking him to spend more time with you.
  3. Trust yourself. There is nothing wrong with wanting to see more of someone that you care about – especially if you are "going out" and you've made a commitment to spend time with each other. Do not think of yourself as "needy" or "clingy" just because you want to hang out with your boyfriend. The important thing is that you both have the same expectations for the relationship.

Communicating

  1. Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him that you want to hang out with him more often. Explain how you feel about the situation, but try not to be accusatory. He might not be experienced with relationships, and he might not even realize that you are upset with how things are going. Sometimes, getting onto the same page is enough to solve the problem.
  2. Listen to your boyfriend. Ask him how he feels. Try to find out if there's a reason that he isn't hanging out with you as much as he used to. Be patient. Let him explain his side of the story.
    • Although you should not necessarily blame yourself, it's possible that you're doing something to put him off. This doesn't mean that you need to change. However, it might help you understand what's wrong.
  3. Ask him to hang out with you. The most important thing, once you have explained your feelings and listened to your boyfriend's perspective, is to simply get your boyfriend alone. Set a date in the near future, and hold him to it. This doesn't need to be anything fancy – it could just mean setting aside an hour to go for a walk together.
    • If your boyfriend declines your invitation without a good reason, and does not offer an alternate time – it might be time to reconsider the relationship. It is neither fair nor healthy for you to pour your energy into someone who doesn't want to spend time with you.

Finding Common Ground

  1. Be positive when you're together. You don't need to fake cheeriness, but try not to get bogged down in worrying about the particulars of your relationship. Let your time together be easy, fun, and stress-free. If you and your boyfriend only ever talk about the heavy stuff, he may have formed negative associations around hanging out with you. That said: if you need to talk about these things, you may as well let them out.[2]
  2. Find activities that you both enjoy doing together. Whether it's a walk, a trip to the beach, or a movie night – find something that you both can get excited about. Consider what he's into lately, and what he might most want to spend his time on. Think back to where you met him and what the two of you did together at the beginning of your relationship. Find common ground.
    • If you aren't sure, you might need to take a more active approach. Try as many different things as you can until you find a few that you both enjoy.
    • Think about what he does with his friends. You don't need to do these things, and you shouldn't cut completely into his friend time – but it might help to understand where his time is going.
  3. Be kind and open. Engage with his thoughts and feelings while still being true to your own. Be considerate, and don't force him to do things that make him comfortable. Don't try to make him jealous or stressed-out just so that he will hang out with you.
  4. Compromise. When you are hanging out together, try to strike a balance between what you want to do and what he wants to do. Sometimes, you might have to spend time doing something that bores you in order to be around him. If you do things that your boyfriend likes doing, he may be much more open to spending time with you when you're doing things that he doesn't enjoy.
    • For example: Say that you hate baseball, but your boyfriend loves it – and you love going to museums, but your boyfriend can't stand them. Make an agreement: if you go to a baseball game, he'll accompany you to a museum!
  5. Know when to end it. Check back in periodically to see if things have improved. If you find your boyfriend spending more time with you in an enjoyable way, then you should keep doing what you're doing. However: if he still isn't spending time with you despite your best efforts, then it might be time to end things. You may simply not have common interests; he may not like you as much as you think; or he may just generally not spend much time with his partners. Whatever the case, he's clearly not giving you the attention you need – so if you aren't comfortable, you might consider leaving him.[3]

Tips

  • Be happy within yourself first. People who can be happy with only themselves for company are usually a lot less dependent on others to spend time with them. Of course, it's always nice to have your boyfriend hang out with you more, but being happy within yourself always helps.

Warnings

  • Don't just assume a reason he isn't spending much time with you until you sit down and talk about it. He may be oblivious to the problem while you suspect an affair. So don't jump the gun!
  • Don't try to force the situation too much - ease him into spending more time with you or you may only succeed in pushing him further away.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://metro.co.uk/2014/10/27/22-signs-he-definitely-does-not-want-to-be-your-boyfriend-4923429/
  2. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/14/10-things-your-boyfriend-is-dying-to-tell-you_n_3273610.html
  3. ↑ http://www.thebolde.com/trying-boyfriend-just-hook-ask-5-questions/
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