Difference between revisions of "Come Out As Transgender"
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== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
===Figuring Out What You Want to Say=== | ===Figuring Out What You Want to Say=== | ||
| − | #Know your audience. Think about the people in your lives, and that ones who you trust. You may have certain friends or relatives who are more understanding and loving than others. Evaluate both the people who will likely support you and those who may not.<ref>http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/features/transgender-what-it-means#2</ref> | + | #Know your audience. Think about the people in your lives, and that ones who you trust. You may have certain friends or relatives who are more understanding and loving than others. Evaluate both the people who will likely support you and those who may not.<ref name="rf1">http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/features/transgender-what-it-means#2</ref> |
#*If you are a minor, the coming out process may be more challenging since your parents are still legally responsible for you. If you are concerned that your parents will not be accepting, consider talking first with a friend or family member who you can trust. You may want to have someone on your side before coming out to your parents. | #*If you are a minor, the coming out process may be more challenging since your parents are still legally responsible for you. If you are concerned that your parents will not be accepting, consider talking first with a friend or family member who you can trust. You may want to have someone on your side before coming out to your parents. | ||
#*Focus on preparing to come out to trusted and loving friends and family first. | #*Focus on preparing to come out to trusted and loving friends and family first. | ||
#*You don't need to come out to everyone all at once. Be strategic and tell those who are likely to be your allies first. | #*You don't need to come out to everyone all at once. Be strategic and tell those who are likely to be your allies first. | ||
| − | #Inform yourself and do your research. Be knowledgeable about transgender issues. Understand the questions that your friends, relatives, and others may have about gender identity. By being more informed, you will show maturity and thoughtfulness in your coming out as transgender.<ref>http://www.transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people</ref> | + | #Inform yourself and do your research. Be knowledgeable about transgender issues. Understand the questions that your friends, relatives, and others may have about gender identity. By being more informed, you will show maturity and thoughtfulness in your coming out as transgender.<ref name="rf2">http://www.transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people</ref> |
#*Find literature or reading materials in your community or online. There may be LBGT community centers or youth groups in your area that provide information and helpful brochures. | #*Find literature or reading materials in your community or online. There may be LBGT community centers or youth groups in your area that provide information and helpful brochures. | ||
#*Learn about ways that your friends and family can be your allies via GLAAD: http://www.glaad.org/transgender/allies | #*Learn about ways that your friends and family can be your allies via GLAAD: http://www.glaad.org/transgender/allies | ||
#*Understand your equal rights as a transgender person via the National Center for Transgender Equality: http://www.transequality.org/ | #*Understand your equal rights as a transgender person via the National Center for Transgender Equality: http://www.transequality.org/ | ||
#*Find support as a LGBTQ youth about your coming out concerns via The Trevor Project: 866-488-7386 or http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ | #*Find support as a LGBTQ youth about your coming out concerns via The Trevor Project: 866-488-7386 or http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ | ||
| − | #Consider writing a letter first. Get your thoughts out on paper as a way to find your voice and focus on what you want to say. No matter who the letter is intended for, be courteous and give them space to process the information.<ref>https://www.transactiveonline.org/inabind/comingout.php</ref> | + | #Consider writing a letter first. Get your thoughts out on paper as a way to find your voice and focus on what you want to say. No matter who the letter is intended for, be courteous and give them space to process the information.<ref name="rf3">https://www.transactiveonline.org/inabind/comingout.php</ref> |
#*A letter can help you to focus on what you want to say without interruption. | #*A letter can help you to focus on what you want to say without interruption. | ||
#*If you use a letter as a framework for coming out, it allows for the possibility of revision until you feel more comfortable with what you want to say. For example, let's say your tone is at times angry about being hurt in the past, and feeling unloved. Consider revising it to focus on how you are a stronger and more confident person about who you are, and what feels right for you. | #*If you use a letter as a framework for coming out, it allows for the possibility of revision until you feel more comfortable with what you want to say. For example, let's say your tone is at times angry about being hurt in the past, and feeling unloved. Consider revising it to focus on how you are a stronger and more confident person about who you are, and what feels right for you. | ||
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#*Don't try to rush and say everything at once. Pace yourself, and allow the audience to process each part of what you have to say. | #*Don't try to rush and say everything at once. Pace yourself, and allow the audience to process each part of what you have to say. | ||
===Coming Out=== | ===Coming Out=== | ||
| − | #Identify the best time and place to come out. Think about the "who, what, where, and when" of coming out. Be sure about who you want to tell, and that you trust them. Choose somewhere that is neutral and safe. Consider spaces that are more private, where there aren't people who you know who could be eavesdropping.<ref>http://www.teni.ie/attachments/664c0589-3011-46a5-a6a3-28269015b71b.PDF</ref> | + | #Identify the best time and place to come out. Think about the "who, what, where, and when" of coming out. Be sure about who you want to tell, and that you trust them. Choose somewhere that is neutral and safe. Consider spaces that are more private, where there aren't people who you know who could be eavesdropping.<ref name="rf4">http://www.teni.ie/attachments/664c0589-3011-46a5-a6a3-28269015b71b.PDF</ref> |
#*Choose a time that won't feel rushed or shortened by other activities, events, or obligations. Make sure that there is ample time to talk. | #*Choose a time that won't feel rushed or shortened by other activities, events, or obligations. Make sure that there is ample time to talk. | ||
#*Consider places that aren't at school or at work. Avoid spaces where there are people you know and don't trust. | #*Consider places that aren't at school or at work. Avoid spaces where there are people you know and don't trust. | ||
| − | #Be confident and authentic in coming out. Make sure that you want to come out, rather than feeling like you have to. Remember that this is your life, and how you come out is entirely up to you. Be confident in who you are, and share authentically about your experiences with being transgender. Understand your own identity at a transgender person.<ref>http://young.scot/information/identity/coming-out-as-transgender/</ref> | + | #Be confident and authentic in coming out. Make sure that you want to come out, rather than feeling like you have to. Remember that this is your life, and how you come out is entirely up to you. Be confident in who you are, and share authentically about your experiences with being transgender. Understand your own identity at a transgender person.<ref name="rf5">http://young.scot/information/identity/coming-out-as-transgender/</ref> |
#*It's your life, and you can decide how, and in what ways, to come out. Be uniquely who you are and share from your experiences with being a transgender person. For example, you might share about what has been a struggle for you, such as feeling out of place among your peers. If coming to terms with being transgender has been a relief for you, then share this as well. | #*It's your life, and you can decide how, and in what ways, to come out. Be uniquely who you are and share from your experiences with being a transgender person. For example, you might share about what has been a struggle for you, such as feeling out of place among your peers. If coming to terms with being transgender has been a relief for you, then share this as well. | ||
#*Be thoughtful in how you describe and understand yourself as a transgender person. | #*Be thoughtful in how you describe and understand yourself as a transgender person. | ||
#*When talking about yourself as transgender, speak firmly with confidence. Be willing to be flexible and responsive to what others have to say. Consider saying, "I am confident that I am transgender. I know that you may have questions or not know what to say. That's okay. I'm open to listening." | #*When talking about yourself as transgender, speak firmly with confidence. Be willing to be flexible and responsive to what others have to say. Consider saying, "I am confident that I am transgender. I know that you may have questions or not know what to say. That's okay. I'm open to listening." | ||
| − | #Be patient when coming out. This process won't happen overnight, and will continue to shift and change as you and your loved ones understand more about being transgender. Know that as you get older, go to different schools, get jobs, or interact with new people that you will still be coming out throughout your life. Be patient with the process.<ref>http://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-tips-for-coming-out-as-trans/</ref> | + | #Be patient when coming out. This process won't happen overnight, and will continue to shift and change as you and your loved ones understand more about being transgender. Know that as you get older, go to different schools, get jobs, or interact with new people that you will still be coming out throughout your life. Be patient with the process.<ref name="rf6">http://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-tips-for-coming-out-as-trans/</ref> |
#*While it may be nerve-racking at first, being honest with yourself and others about who you are will be deeply gratifying and make you feel better over time. | #*While it may be nerve-racking at first, being honest with yourself and others about who you are will be deeply gratifying and make you feel better over time. | ||
#*Be accepting that others may not understand this process in the same way. Be patient with others who may want to help, but have ignorance about what you're going through. For example, if someone says, "You don't seem like someone who's transgender," be patient, and explore what being transgender means to you, rather than trying to correct them. | #*Be accepting that others may not understand this process in the same way. Be patient with others who may want to help, but have ignorance about what you're going through. For example, if someone says, "You don't seem like someone who's transgender," be patient, and explore what being transgender means to you, rather than trying to correct them. | ||
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#*Understand that even if your friends or family have not personally experienced what it is like to come out as transgender, they may have personal struggles with their own identities. For example, ask them, "Have you ever faced feeling like you didn't belong or fit in?" | #*Understand that even if your friends or family have not personally experienced what it is like to come out as transgender, they may have personal struggles with their own identities. For example, ask them, "Have you ever faced feeling like you didn't belong or fit in?" | ||
#*Feeling different or misunderstood is something that everyone goes through from time to time in their lives. Use this as a way to connect with others who feel this way, rather than distance yourself. | #*Feeling different or misunderstood is something that everyone goes through from time to time in their lives. Use this as a way to connect with others who feel this way, rather than distance yourself. | ||
| − | #Talk to supportive professionals about your gender transition. Many people who want to transition as transgender wish to make physical changes to their body. You may be struggling with what you plan to do both physically and emotionally. Seek advice from experts who have helped others find their path.<ref>http://darahoffmanfox.com/how-do-i-find-a-gender-therapist/</ref> | + | #Talk to supportive professionals about your gender transition. Many people who want to transition as transgender wish to make physical changes to their body. You may be struggling with what you plan to do both physically and emotionally. Seek advice from experts who have helped others find their path.<ref name="rf7">http://darahoffmanfox.com/how-do-i-find-a-gender-therapist/</ref> |
#*Talk with your doctor about making physical changes to your body. This may involve hormone replacement therapy or surgery. Talk with your doctor about a possible referral to a specialist in these types of medical procedures. Ask, "I am considering transitioning as a man (or woman) and want know about the medical treatments available in this area. Can you help me or make a referral?" | #*Talk with your doctor about making physical changes to your body. This may involve hormone replacement therapy or surgery. Talk with your doctor about a possible referral to a specialist in these types of medical procedures. Ask, "I am considering transitioning as a man (or woman) and want know about the medical treatments available in this area. Can you help me or make a referral?" | ||
#*Possibly meet with a counselor or therapist about the coming out process. They may help to give you insight into your concerns, and help you cope with your concerns. There may be a counseling center in your area that focuses on the needs of the LGBT youth and adults. Talk with them about individual or group therapy. | #*Possibly meet with a counselor or therapist about the coming out process. They may help to give you insight into your concerns, and help you cope with your concerns. There may be a counseling center in your area that focuses on the needs of the LGBT youth and adults. Talk with them about individual or group therapy. | ||
| − | #Connect with the LGBT community. Whether it's online or in-person, there is an LGBT community out there that can help you navigate your coming out process, and what feels right for you. You don't have to feel alone or isolated as you make choices about how to talk with your family, or what to do when things are tough. Seeking support will make the process easier for you.<ref | + | #Connect with the LGBT community. Whether it's online or in-person, there is an LGBT community out there that can help you navigate your coming out process, and what feels right for you. You don't have to feel alone or isolated as you make choices about how to talk with your family, or what to do when things are tough. Seeking support will make the process easier for you.<ref name="rf4" /> |
#*Find online forums or support groups. This can be helpful if you're not yet ready to talk with people face-to-face. | #*Find online forums or support groups. This can be helpful if you're not yet ready to talk with people face-to-face. | ||
#*Find community centers in your area. Go to CenterLink and find a directory of centers: http://www.lgbtcenters.org/ | #*Find community centers in your area. Go to CenterLink and find a directory of centers: http://www.lgbtcenters.org/ | ||
