Difference between revisions of "Come Out"

#Make sure you’re comfortable with your sexuality first. Before you come out to anyone, you should feel comfortable with who you are and with your sexuality so that you don’t let anyone else tell you who you are. If you’re still not sure about how you really feel and don’t feel comfortable telling anyone, then you should wait until you’ve had time to come to terms with your sexual orientation so you can come out without letting it shake your confidence. If needed, you can find a therapist to talk to to help get an understanding. In the end, you want to make '''sure''' you're pansexual rather than bisexual, because nobody wants to have to sit down with their friends/parents ''again'' and explain they were not sure about themselves the first time, although it's not the end of the world if this is the case.<ref name="rf1">http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out/stages-of-coming-out.php</ref>  

#Don’t let anyone pressure you into coming out. One of the most important pieces of advice when it comes to coming out, whether you’re telling a close friend or your parents, is that you should never, ever let anyone pressure you into coming out. Don’t let one of your friends or siblings pressure you into telling your parents, or don’t let one friend pressure you into telling another; the most important thing is that you deliver the news on your own terms.<ref name="rf2">http://glbtss.colostate.edu/coming-out-to-your-parents</ref>  

#* If this is the case, plan to have a safe place where you can stay if you do not feel safe at home. This is a last resort, but generally it is a good idea. If you have a friend or another family member that is comfortable with you staying at their house for a while, set up a plan just in case.<ref name="rf3">http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/gay-and-lesbian-well-being/201103/should-you-come-out-your-parents</ref>  

#Make sure you have a support network. It’s important to have a strong support network before you come out to your parents. Whether they react well or not, it’s important to know that you have friends you can depend on before you have a conversation with them. You don’t want to feel completely alone after you talk to your parents, and it’s important to know that you have somewhere to turn to in the event that things don’t go well. As you’re talking with your parents, remember your friends’ positive reactions can help you gain the strength you need.<ref name="rf4">http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/advice/factfile_az/coming_out</ref>  

#Pick an appropriate time to tell them. It’s important to pick the right time and place before you come out to your parents. Pick a time when you’ll have an evening to yourselves, and when they are likely to be less stressed, busy, or distracted than usual. Make a point of setting up a time to talk and letting them know what you have to tell them. Though you may feel like you’re dying to break the news to them, it’s important to pick the right time, since it’ll be a moment you all remember for the rest of your lives.<ref name="rf5">http://geneq.berkeley.edu/lgbt_resources_coming_out</ref>  

#Don’t come out during a fight. The most important thing is that you do not come out in the middle of an argument. You may feel tempted to reveal your sexuality in the middle of an argument with your parents, especially if it’s relevant to the argument — like them not letting you spend the night at the house of a friend who is the opposite gender — but this is not the right way to go about it. You should not use your sexuality as a weapon against your parents, or you’ll be making it more difficult for them to have a positive reaction because they’ll see it as an affront.<ref name="rf2" />  

#Anticipate a variety of reactions. You need to understand that, even to the most open-minded of parents, this news may come as a complete shock. They may even see the news as an irrevocable change in the life of the child they’ve always loved and known; you need to see that they have probably thought about you getting married and having children, and that, while these things are still possible, they’ll need some time to accept these things. If they need some time to process what you’ve told them, don’t take it personally and understand that you’ve just changed their lives forever.<ref name="rf2" />  

#Give it time. Though you may want to deliver your news and then resume family movie night, your parents may need a bit of time to process what you’ve told them. There’s no magic amount of time that will lead them to accept what you’ve told them, and for some parents, it can take weeks, months, or even years — and some, unfortunately, won’t be able to accept it. In the meantime, you’ll have to be patient with them and be prepared to answer any questions they may have and to be a source of support for them.<ref name="rf2" />  

#Be prepared to educate them. Though your parents may not want to be educated, you should try to convince them to use all the resources they can get to get a better understanding of your sexual orientation. Helping them do some research will make them feel like they aren’t alone and that they aren’t clueless, either. They may be reluctant to associate themselves with the gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender movement at first, and it may be up to you to bring them books or pamphlets or to send them links to web sites.<ref name="rf3" />  

#*They can also check out the resources at Our True Colors, which provides a list of memoirs, articles, and books about the coming out process and the relationship between LGBT children and heterosexual parents.<ref name="rf6">http://www.ourtruecolors.org/Resources/Reading/straight-parents.html</ref>

#Decide whether or not it’s a good idea to come out in your community. Remember that some communities are much more accepting than others, and your news will be taken differently if you’re living in the heart of San Francisco or in the heart of Mississippi. Of course, it won’t make you feel comfortable if you feel like you really can’t come out in your own community, but it’s important to keep an objective perspective and to focus on your safety first.<ref name="rf7">http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/ten-things-to-consider-when-coming-out</ref>  

#Consider coming out on social media. Some people like to come out on Facebook and find it an easy way to let everyone know their social orientation at once. You can do this by posting a comment about it or by simply changing your status on Facebook. However, some LGBT members prefer just to live their lives on Facebook and let people figure it out so they don’t have to go through the trouble of telling each and every person they know.<ref name="rf8">http://content.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1901909,00.html</ref>