Difference between revisions of "Calm a Girl Down"

#[[Breathe Deeply | Breathe deeply]] with her. When you see her struggling to calm down on her own, lead her into a deep breathing exercise that promotes the natural relaxation response. To practice deep breathing:<ref name="rf1">http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/relaxation-techniques-for-stress-relief.htm</ref>

#Do progressive muscle relaxation.<ref name="rf1" /> Another technique you can try to get her to loosen up and relax is progressive muscle relaxation. This exercise helps you to notice where you are holding tension in your body and know what relaxation feels like in these tense areas.

#Get some exercise. The intensity of working out may not immediately come to mind when thinking of way to help calm someone down, but physical activity is a terrific way to relieve stress and promote a positive mood. Exercise generates those feel-good chemicals in the brain called endorphins that tend to make you feel more energetic and brighter about life.<ref name="rf2">http://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/exercising-to-relax</ref>

#*If you see her having a tough day, steer her towards a group fitness class like Zumba to get moving and form social connections.<ref name="rf3">http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/a-z/zumba-workouts</ref> Other ideas include running, walking, yoga, playing basketball, swimming, and hiking.

#Do a guided imagery exercise together. Guided imagery or visualization is another approach that promotes the body's natural relaxation response. This practice can be carried out by listening to an audiotape or following along to a YouTube video. Here's how it works:<ref name="rf1" />

#Listen to soothing music. Research shows that classical music is especially effective at producing a calming state of mind.<ref name="rf4">http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-power-of-music-to-reduce-stress/</ref> However, it really depends on her, maybe she just wants to forget her problems temporarily and shake her hips to a tribal drum beat. Or, she may want to commiserate by listening to songs that describe her feelings.

#*As long as it's relaxing to her, it doesn't matter what type of music it is.<ref name="rf5">http://www.unr.edu/counseling/virtual-relaxation-room/releasing-stress-through-the-power-of-music</ref>

#Avoid saying "calm down". When she's upset and shouting at the top of her lungs, the last thing you want to say is "calm down".  Although calming her down may, indeed, be your focus, those two words actually have the power to rile her up even more. In addition, saying this can make her think you are minimizing or dismissing her feelings.<ref name="rf6">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/panic-life/201405/calm-down-what-say-your-anxious-friend</ref>

#Make her smile. One way to take her mind off what's stressing her is to change her perspective. Do something to make her smile. Tell her a joke or watch a funny video or movie together. Splurge and buy her that new book/pair of earrings she's been wanting. <ref name="rf7">http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/6-simple-ways-make-someone-smile-today.html</ref>

#Offer physical touch. Human touch has amazing calming properties. Since touch is one of our earliest and most basic forms of communication, mostly everyone responds to it. Physical touch in the form of hugs, a caress, a pat on the back, or hand-holding can offer comfort that perhaps words cannot. Physical touch has been shown to lower stress, improve health outcomes, and lift mood.<ref name="rf8">http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/hands_on_research</ref><ref name="rf9">http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/03/10/the-surprising-psychological-value-of-human-touch/</ref>

#Wait until she is ready. When we see those we care about in trouble or pain, we instantly want to fix the situation. Overcome the urge to "fix" her problem or rush her into talking about it. The best case scenario is to just be there. When she's ready to talk, she will.<ref name="rf6" />

#Listen actively. The [[Be a Good Listener | best listeners]] don't listen to reply, they listen to understand. Active listening is the process of focusing your attention on her message and responding so that you can achieve mutual understanding.<ref name="rf10">http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/activel.htm</ref> Active listening involves four key principles:<ref name="rf11">http://www.state.gov/m/a/os/65759.htm</ref>

#*Provide undivided attention. Make eye contact within a ratio that feels comfortable to you, typically about 70% of the time you're listening (about 50% when you're speaking).<ref name="rf12">http://msue.anr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_dont_make_these_mistakes</ref> Turn off your phone. Turn to face her with your arms and legs uncrossed.

#[[Validate Someone's Feelings | Validate her feelings]]. More than likely, if she is overwhelmed by stress or emotion, she may just want to feel heard and accepted. When loved ones are upset it can be terribly easy to overlook their core feelings in an effort to resolve the situation. When she calms down a bit, ask her to describe her feelings to you without minimizing her circumstances or offering unsolicited advice.<ref name="rf13">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pieces-mind/201204/understanding-validation-way-communicate-acceptance</ref><ref name="rf14">http://eqi.org/valid.htm</ref> Helpful validating statements may sound like:

#* Clearly define the problem. Then, ask her ideally what she would like the end result to be. Once you've identified her goals, then outline a list of possible solutions that can meet them. Go over each solution aloud and consider the pros and cons of each. Allow her to make the final decision. Remember, you are there to be a source of support, not to take over her life.<ref name="rf15">https://counseling.caltech.edu/general/InfoandResources/5</ref>