Difference between revisions of "Break up With Someone You Met Online"
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== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
=== Deciding How to Break the News === | === Deciding How to Break the News === | ||
| − | #Think about the benefits of being upfront. It may be better for you and the other party to be upfront about ending things. You can do this face-to-face, or via text. If you've never met this person in real life, or only met them a couple of times, there's no need to meet them face-to-face if you're not comfortable. However, a longer relationship would benefit from a face-to-face meeting.<ref>http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/breakups/1050-how-do-you-break-up-with-someone-you-re-only-sort-of-dating/</ref> | + | #Think about the benefits of being upfront. It may be better for you and the other party to be upfront about ending things. You can do this face-to-face, or via text. If you've never met this person in real life, or only met them a couple of times, there's no need to meet them face-to-face if you're not comfortable. However, a longer relationship would benefit from a face-to-face meeting.<ref name="rf1">http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/breakups/1050-how-do-you-break-up-with-someone-you-re-only-sort-of-dating/</ref> |
#*The main benefits of this approach is that it's a mature way of handling a potentially awkward situation. You won't have to awkwardly avoid the person in the future. You will also avoid any feelings of guilt. If you simply cut someone out, you may regret it later. | #*The main benefits of this approach is that it's a mature way of handling a potentially awkward situation. You won't have to awkwardly avoid the person in the future. You will also avoid any feelings of guilt. If you simply cut someone out, you may regret it later. | ||
#*The major con is rejecting someone is hard. The other person may react negatively if you reject them upfront. You also may not feel you owe someone an outright rejection if you only knew them via the internet. However, if the person seems very invested in you, you should probably be upfront about your feelings so they have some closure. | #*The major con is rejecting someone is hard. The other person may react negatively if you reject them upfront. You also may not feel you owe someone an outright rejection if you only knew them via the internet. However, if the person seems very invested in you, you should probably be upfront about your feelings so they have some closure. | ||
#*If you met someone in real life, and dated for a few weeks, try meeting up in real life. If you only talked to someone online, or only met them a few times, you can break up via text or email. | #*If you met someone in real life, and dated for a few weeks, try meeting up in real life. If you only talked to someone online, or only met them a few times, you can break up via text or email. | ||
| − | #Consider just tapering off contact. Sometimes, it's best just to slowly taper off contact. If you never met this person in real life, or if you only had one date, consider just slowing contact until they take the hint.<ref | + | #Consider just tapering off contact. Sometimes, it's best just to slowly taper off contact. If you never met this person in real life, or if you only had one date, consider just slowing contact until they take the hint.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#*One pro to this approach is that you avoid a potentially awkward situation. If the other person seems to be slowing contact as well, they may feel the same way. If the other party doesn't seem invested either, it may be appropriate to slowly stop returning texts and emails. | #*One pro to this approach is that you avoid a potentially awkward situation. If the other person seems to be slowing contact as well, they may feel the same way. If the other party doesn't seem invested either, it may be appropriate to slowly stop returning texts and emails. | ||
#*This is probably not the best approach if the other person seems more invested. If you're getting a lot of texts, emails, and other forms of contact, the other person may want to move towards a serious romance. If this is the case, simply ceasing contact can leave them feeling confused and hurt. A conversation may be better. | #*This is probably not the best approach if the other person seems more invested. If you're getting a lot of texts, emails, and other forms of contact, the other person may want to move towards a serious romance. If this is the case, simply ceasing contact can leave them feeling confused and hurt. A conversation may be better. | ||
| − | #Try waiting for them to contact you. Another approach is allowing the other party to contact you. If you're not sure if the other party is invested in the relationship, give it a few days. If you don't receive any contact, it's safe to assume the other person is not interested in continuing things. At this point, it's fair to simply move on without a formal breakup.<ref | + | #Try waiting for them to contact you. Another approach is allowing the other party to contact you. If you're not sure if the other party is invested in the relationship, give it a few days. If you don't receive any contact, it's safe to assume the other person is not interested in continuing things. At this point, it's fair to simply move on without a formal breakup.<ref name="rf1" /> |
| − | #Choose a time to break the news. In the event you decide to be direct, choose a time to have the conversation. If you're comfortable, you can meet in person. If you don't feel comfortable meeting up again, you can send them a text or email.<ref>http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/how-do-i-break-up-with-someone-i-met-online/</ref> | + | #Choose a time to break the news. In the event you decide to be direct, choose a time to have the conversation. If you're comfortable, you can meet in person. If you don't feel comfortable meeting up again, you can send them a text or email.<ref name="rf2">http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/how-do-i-break-up-with-someone-i-met-online/</ref> |
#*If you met up for a date and didn't feel a spark, it's best to let the other person know sooner rather than later. This is especially important if the other party seems more enthusiastic than you. Give it a day or so, and then get in touch with them. | #*If you met up for a date and didn't feel a spark, it's best to let the other person know sooner rather than later. This is especially important if the other party seems more enthusiastic than you. Give it a day or so, and then get in touch with them. | ||
#*You can probably send a text or email if you only met the person once, or never met in person. However, a longer relationship warrants a face-to-face conversation. | #*You can probably send a text or email if you only met the person once, or never met in person. However, a longer relationship warrants a face-to-face conversation. | ||
#*Pick a time when you can fairly assume the person is free. If there's a particular time you were regularly exchanging texts and emails, this is probably a good time to talk. | #*Pick a time when you can fairly assume the person is free. If there's a particular time you were regularly exchanging texts and emails, this is probably a good time to talk. | ||
=== Expressing Yourself Effectively === | === Expressing Yourself Effectively === | ||
| − | #Identify why you're breaking things off. Before the conversation, figure out why you don't want to continue the relationship. This will help you better express your feelings. Spend some time consider what went wrong, if anything, and why you're not interested in the other person.<ref>http://www.professional-counselling.com/how-to-break-up.html</ref> | + | #Identify why you're breaking things off. Before the conversation, figure out why you don't want to continue the relationship. This will help you better express your feelings. Spend some time consider what went wrong, if anything, and why you're not interested in the other person.<ref name="rf3">http://www.professional-counselling.com/how-to-break-up.html</ref> |
#*When did you notice the relationship did not feel right? The person may have said something that indicated you wouldn't be compatible. For example, the two of you may want different things from a romance. | #*When did you notice the relationship did not feel right? The person may have said something that indicated you wouldn't be compatible. For example, the two of you may want different things from a romance. | ||
#*You don't have to be brutally honest with the other person. If there was something particular you disliked about them, there's no need to tell them about this. However, knowing on your own end can make you more confident about breaking things off. | #*You don't have to be brutally honest with the other person. If there was something particular you disliked about them, there's no need to tell them about this. However, knowing on your own end can make you more confident about breaking things off. | ||
| − | #Stay realistic about what the relationship was. When breaking things off, try not to make it a bigger deal than it was. Many online relationships are not serious, even if you meet up for a date or two. The other party may be taken aback if you approach the situation with the seriousness of breaking off a longterm, face-to-face romance.<ref>http://www.glamour.com/story/the-dos-and-donts-of-breaking</ref> | + | #Stay realistic about what the relationship was. When breaking things off, try not to make it a bigger deal than it was. Many online relationships are not serious, even if you meet up for a date or two. The other party may be taken aback if you approach the situation with the seriousness of breaking off a longterm, face-to-face romance.<ref name="rf4">http://www.glamour.com/story/the-dos-and-donts-of-breaking</ref> |
#*Remember, you can exchange many messages online and not have chemistry in real life. While you may feel a connection to this person because of an onslaught of social media interactions, you may not have a real life connection. | #*Remember, you can exchange many messages online and not have chemistry in real life. While you may feel a connection to this person because of an onslaught of social media interactions, you may not have a real life connection. | ||
#*The other person may already understand this somewhat. Therefore, you may be able to approach the situation somewhat casually. | #*The other person may already understand this somewhat. Therefore, you may be able to approach the situation somewhat casually. | ||
| − | #Be direct. You do not want to beat around the bush when breaking things off. Online relationships can sometimes be confusing, as you interact intellectually before you do so physically. As the boundaries can be confusing, make sure to be as direct as possible when breaking things off. You can send them a text, or meet them in person to let them know.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201509/4-ways-break-someone-compassionately</ref> | + | #Be direct. You do not want to beat around the bush when breaking things off. Online relationships can sometimes be confusing, as you interact intellectually before you do so physically. As the boundaries can be confusing, make sure to be as direct as possible when breaking things off. You can send them a text, or meet them in person to let them know.<ref name="rf5">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201509/4-ways-break-someone-compassionately</ref> |
#*It can be helpful to begin the conversation with something nice. Oftentimes, ending an online relationship is not personal. The online chemistry may simply not be present in real life. You can say something like, "I had a great time hanging out with you, and you seem like a really nice person." | #*It can be helpful to begin the conversation with something nice. Oftentimes, ending an online relationship is not personal. The online chemistry may simply not be present in real life. You can say something like, "I had a great time hanging out with you, and you seem like a really nice person." | ||
#*Explain your feelings about the relationship. You can be brief and to the point. For example, "While I had a good time, I just don't feel a romantic spark." | #*Explain your feelings about the relationship. You can be brief and to the point. For example, "While I had a good time, I just don't feel a romantic spark." | ||
| − | #Try to end things on a positive note. There's no need to leave harboring negative feelings. You can still be friendly with someone, even if you're not interested in them romantically. When finishing up the conversation, try to look for some positives. You don't want to leave the other person feeling they wasted their time with a relationship.<ref | + | #Try to end things on a positive note. There's no need to leave harboring negative feelings. You can still be friendly with someone, even if you're not interested in them romantically. When finishing up the conversation, try to look for some positives. You don't want to leave the other person feeling they wasted their time with a relationship.<ref name="rf5" /> |
#*Wish them luck in the future. You can say something like, "I had a lot of fun with you. I hope you have good luck finding someone more compatible with you." | #*Wish them luck in the future. You can say something like, "I had a lot of fun with you. I hope you have good luck finding someone more compatible with you." | ||
#*Remember, relationships are a learning process. Most of them do not work out. Even though your online romance fizzled, the two of you probably learned something about yourselves during the process. | #*Remember, relationships are a learning process. Most of them do not work out. Even though your online romance fizzled, the two of you probably learned something about yourselves during the process. | ||
=== Avoiding Pitfalls of Breaking Up === | === Avoiding Pitfalls of Breaking Up === | ||
| − | #Do not say more than necessary. When breaking off an online relationship, especially one that was casual, there's no need to give a laundry list of reasons. If you're sending a text or email, keep things brief. You don't owe this person a detailed explanation.<ref | + | #Do not say more than necessary. When breaking off an online relationship, especially one that was casual, there's no need to give a laundry list of reasons. If you're sending a text or email, keep things brief. You don't owe this person a detailed explanation.<ref name="rf4" /> |
#*If there was a specific reason, you can mention it if you feel comfortable. However, don't mention anything that could be hurtful. | #*If there was a specific reason, you can mention it if you feel comfortable. However, don't mention anything that could be hurtful. | ||
#*For example, if you just weren't attracted to the person, there's no need to mention this. If you felt the two of you wanted different things, you can say so. Try something like, "I got the impression you wanted something more casual. That's fine, but I'm looking for a real relationship right now." | #*For example, if you just weren't attracted to the person, there's no need to mention this. If you felt the two of you wanted different things, you can say so. Try something like, "I got the impression you wanted something more casual. That's fine, but I'm looking for a real relationship right now." | ||
| − | #Avoid attempting to comfort the other person. If the other person is disappointed, do not try to offer comfort. Rejection hurts. If the other person was more invested, being rejected may be a major blow to their pride. If you offer comfort, this may come off as condescending. Once you tell them you're not interested, slowly taper off contact.<ref | + | #Avoid attempting to comfort the other person. If the other person is disappointed, do not try to offer comfort. Rejection hurts. If the other person was more invested, being rejected may be a major blow to their pride. If you offer comfort, this may come off as condescending. Once you tell them you're not interested, slowly taper off contact.<ref name="rf4" /> |
| − | #Stop contacting the person after the breakup. When you meet someone online, it's often easier to keep up contact after the relationship ends. You may be inclined to continue to interact with them via Twitter, Facebook, or other social media platforms. However, this could easily be interpreted as mixed messages. Once you've broken things off, cease social media contact, at least for awhile. Give the other person time to understand the romantic part of the relationship is over.<ref>http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13488/the-best-way-to-end-a-casual-relationship.html</ref> | + | #Stop contacting the person after the breakup. When you meet someone online, it's often easier to keep up contact after the relationship ends. You may be inclined to continue to interact with them via Twitter, Facebook, or other social media platforms. However, this could easily be interpreted as mixed messages. Once you've broken things off, cease social media contact, at least for awhile. Give the other person time to understand the romantic part of the relationship is over.<ref name="rf6">http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13488/the-best-way-to-end-a-casual-relationship.html</ref> |
| − | #Evaluate your approach to online dating. Online dating can work for many people, but you may not be approaching it effectively for yourself. If you frequently break things off with online matches, spend some time viewing your approach to the online dating world.<ref | + | #Evaluate your approach to online dating. Online dating can work for many people, but you may not be approaching it effectively for yourself. If you frequently break things off with online matches, spend some time viewing your approach to the online dating world.<ref name="rf2" /> |
#*You may be spending too much time talking online before meeting in person. Stick to a few conversations to establish whether you have something in common. Then, meet in person. This way, you'll be able to tell right away if this person is right for you. | #*You may be spending too much time talking online before meeting in person. Stick to a few conversations to establish whether you have something in common. Then, meet in person. This way, you'll be able to tell right away if this person is right for you. | ||
#*You can also try meeting people other ways if you don't like online dating. Try going to clubs or volunteering to meet potential romantic matches. | #*You can also try meeting people other ways if you don't like online dating. Try going to clubs or volunteering to meet potential romantic matches. | ||
