Difference between revisions of "Act Confident"
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==Steps== | ==Steps== | ||
===Mimicking Confident People === | ===Mimicking Confident People === | ||
| − | #Find some examples of confident people. Think of people you know who are self-confident. These people can be models for you to emulate on acting confident. You might choose a parent, teacher, or even a celebrity. Observe this person’s actions, speech and body language. Imitate these behaviors until they become your own.<ref>http://www.simplypsychology.org/bandura.html</ref> | + | #Find some examples of confident people. Think of people you know who are self-confident. These people can be models for you to emulate on acting confident. You might choose a parent, teacher, or even a celebrity. Observe this person’s actions, speech and body language. Imitate these behaviors until they become your own.<ref name="rf1">http://www.simplypsychology.org/bandura.html</ref> |
#Smile often and act friendly. Being friendly to others and smiling makes you appear confident. It makes people believe that you’re a nice and happy person who enjoys being around other people. In turn, they will want to be around you. | #Smile often and act friendly. Being friendly to others and smiling makes you appear confident. It makes people believe that you’re a nice and happy person who enjoys being around other people. In turn, they will want to be around you. | ||
#*Participating in a variety of different activities will give you the opportunity to be friendly and display your confidence. | #*Participating in a variety of different activities will give you the opportunity to be friendly and display your confidence. | ||
| − | #*Introduce yourself by name to other people. This will give them the impression that you respect yourself and you are worth listening to when you speak.<ref>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/7-traits-of-highly-confident-people/</ref> | + | #*Introduce yourself by name to other people. This will give them the impression that you respect yourself and you are worth listening to when you speak.<ref name="rf2">http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/7-traits-of-highly-confident-people/</ref> |
| − | #Speak and listen appropriately. Confident people don’t over-talk, chatter, or say too much. They speak appropriately and listen to other people, engaging in conversation in socially appropriate ways.<ref>https://www1.cfnc.org/Home/Article.aspx?articleId=TKZjBonzsuebU8XAP2BPAXEAiXAP2FPAX11wXAP3DPAXXAP3DPAX&level=3XAP2FPAX6J7I3kztATGuYyXAP2BPAXDahIQXAP3DPAXXAP3DPAX</ref> | + | #Speak and listen appropriately. Confident people don’t over-talk, chatter, or say too much. They speak appropriately and listen to other people, engaging in conversation in socially appropriate ways.<ref name="rf3">https://www1.cfnc.org/Home/Article.aspx?articleId=TKZjBonzsuebU8XAP2BPAXEAiXAP2FPAX11wXAP3DPAXXAP3DPAX&level=3XAP2FPAX6J7I3kztATGuYyXAP2BPAXDahIQXAP3DPAXXAP3DPAX</ref> |
| − | #*For example, don’t constantly talk about yourself. When you constantly talk about your achievements, people start to think that you’re looking for approval and acceptance. A confident person doesn’t try to seek much external approval. Instead try asking other people about their achievements and lives! <ref | + | #*For example, don’t constantly talk about yourself. When you constantly talk about your achievements, people start to think that you’re looking for approval and acceptance. A confident person doesn’t try to seek much external approval. Instead try asking other people about their achievements and lives! <ref name="rf2" /> |
#*Accept compliments graciously. When people give you positive feedback, thank them and accept the compliment. Confident people know that they are worthy of compliments and respect. Don’t self-deprecate by saying you’re not good at something, or acting as though your success was just lucky. | #*Accept compliments graciously. When people give you positive feedback, thank them and accept the compliment. Confident people know that they are worthy of compliments and respect. Don’t self-deprecate by saying you’re not good at something, or acting as though your success was just lucky. | ||
| − | #Have [[Make a Good Impression Through Body Language|confident body language]]. Confident people usually don’t appear anxious or nervous. Making small adjustments to your body language can convey confidence, despite what you might be feeling inside.<ref>http://socialpronow.com/confident-conversation</ref> | + | #Have [[Make a Good Impression Through Body Language|confident body language]]. Confident people usually don’t appear anxious or nervous. Making small adjustments to your body language can convey confidence, despite what you might be feeling inside.<ref name="rf4">http://socialpronow.com/confident-conversation</ref> |
#*Stand up with your back and shoulders straight. | #*Stand up with your back and shoulders straight. | ||
#*Make eye contact when you’re talking with someone. | #*Make eye contact when you’re talking with someone. | ||
#*Don’t fidget. | #*Don’t fidget. | ||
#*Relax tension in your muscles. | #*Relax tension in your muscles. | ||
| − | #Give a firm handshake. When you meet someone new, make eye contact and give a firm handshake. This will convey that you are confident and interested.<ref>http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/how-act-confident</ref> | + | #Give a firm handshake. When you meet someone new, make eye contact and give a firm handshake. This will convey that you are confident and interested.<ref name="rf5">http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/how-act-confident</ref> |
| − | #Speak deliberately and clearly. Use a clear, confident voice when you speak. When your voice is timid or wobbly, you are not conveying as much confidence.<ref | + | #Speak deliberately and clearly. Use a clear, confident voice when you speak. When your voice is timid or wobbly, you are not conveying as much confidence.<ref name="rf5" /> If you rush through your words, you are conveying that you might not expect people to listen to you. |
#*Try to eliminate words like “um” and “uh” from your vocabulary. | #*Try to eliminate words like “um” and “uh” from your vocabulary. | ||
#Dress confidently and appropriately. People often make snap judgments based on a person’s appearance. Sometimes, acting confidently means that you need to dress the part. If you're wearing clothes that look like you've just got out of bed, the average person may not take you seriously. On the other hand, if you look like you're ready to get things done, people will assume you are confident and will likely be more respectful. | #Dress confidently and appropriately. People often make snap judgments based on a person’s appearance. Sometimes, acting confidently means that you need to dress the part. If you're wearing clothes that look like you've just got out of bed, the average person may not take you seriously. On the other hand, if you look like you're ready to get things done, people will assume you are confident and will likely be more respectful. | ||
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#*Challenge the negative thoughts you are having in the party situation by reassuring yourself that you have social skills and that you can talk easily in other situations. | #*Challenge the negative thoughts you are having in the party situation by reassuring yourself that you have social skills and that you can talk easily in other situations. | ||
#Compliment others. Confident people not only view themselves in a positive way; they also recognize positive attributes in other people. If your coworker did a great job or won an achievement award, congratulate that person with a smile. Give people compliments on little and big things. This can help you appear confident to other people. | #Compliment others. Confident people not only view themselves in a positive way; they also recognize positive attributes in other people. If your coworker did a great job or won an achievement award, congratulate that person with a smile. Give people compliments on little and big things. This can help you appear confident to other people. | ||
| − | #Take deep breaths. Initiate your body’s calming response by quelling your fight or flight response.<ref>http://www.med.umich.edu/painresearch/patients/Relaxation.pdf</ref> Even if you don’t feel more confident for the moment, breathing deeply can calm your body. | + | #Take deep breaths. Initiate your body’s calming response by quelling your fight or flight response.<ref name="rf6">http://www.med.umich.edu/painresearch/patients/Relaxation.pdf</ref> Even if you don’t feel more confident for the moment, breathing deeply can calm your body. |
#*For example, if you feel nervous about a job interview, activate your body’s calming response by taking ten deep breaths, breathing in for a count of four, holding for a count of four, then exhaling for a count of four. Your body will become more relaxed, which will help you appear more confident to others. | #*For example, if you feel nervous about a job interview, activate your body’s calming response by taking ten deep breaths, breathing in for a count of four, holding for a count of four, then exhaling for a count of four. Your body will become more relaxed, which will help you appear more confident to others. | ||
#Additionally, never talk about other people behind their backs. Some people may suggest that in order to become popular you have to be mean to others. However, this is far from the case. Confidence never includes talking bad about others. | #Additionally, never talk about other people behind their backs. Some people may suggest that in order to become popular you have to be mean to others. However, this is far from the case. Confidence never includes talking bad about others. | ||
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#*For example, if you want to act confident during an interview, you could take the interview as an opportunity to see how your work experience and knowledge is going to contribute to fulfilling the company’s needs. You could say, “From what you’ve told me, one of the skills you are looking for is in helping to expand upon existing client’s usage of intermodal rail services. In my position at ABC Transport, I was able to help three major national clients expand their use of intermodal rail services, bringing in an extra one million dollars for the company. I would love to do the same, if not more, for XYZ Intermodal.” | #*For example, if you want to act confident during an interview, you could take the interview as an opportunity to see how your work experience and knowledge is going to contribute to fulfilling the company’s needs. You could say, “From what you’ve told me, one of the skills you are looking for is in helping to expand upon existing client’s usage of intermodal rail services. In my position at ABC Transport, I was able to help three major national clients expand their use of intermodal rail services, bringing in an extra one million dollars for the company. I would love to do the same, if not more, for XYZ Intermodal.” | ||
#*You will seem confident to your future employer because you have conveyed your past accomplishments in a way that is factual rather than boastful. Moreover, you are conveying your enthusiasm for becoming one of the team. | #*You will seem confident to your future employer because you have conveyed your past accomplishments in a way that is factual rather than boastful. Moreover, you are conveying your enthusiasm for becoming one of the team. | ||
| − | #Make [[Be Assertive|assertive]] decisions. When you need to make a decision, don’t waffle over the options. Be decisive and firm, and stand by your decision.<ref>http://leanin.org/news-inspiration/8-ways-to-boost-your-confidence-what-no-one-ever-tells-you/</ref> | + | #Make [[Be Assertive|assertive]] decisions. When you need to make a decision, don’t waffle over the options. Be decisive and firm, and stand by your decision.<ref name="rf7">http://leanin.org/news-inspiration/8-ways-to-boost-your-confidence-what-no-one-ever-tells-you/</ref> |
#*This can be something minor, such as deciding which restaurant you’ll go to for dinner. Don’t overthink this decision. Decide on a restaurant and have fun. | #*This can be something minor, such as deciding which restaurant you’ll go to for dinner. Don’t overthink this decision. Decide on a restaurant and have fun. | ||
#*If the decision is a large one, such as accepting a new job, you can take more time to weigh the pros and cons of the decision’s outcomes. Just make sure that you are not hemming and hawing too much. | #*If the decision is a large one, such as accepting a new job, you can take more time to weigh the pros and cons of the decision’s outcomes. Just make sure that you are not hemming and hawing too much. | ||
#Work hard. Channel any nervous energy you’ve got into something productive. Shift your focus onto working hard. Confident people are not afraid to look towards improvement, because what they do does not affect their own self-opinion. They know that they are always going to do their best in any given situation, so they will act confident even if mistakes happen. | #Work hard. Channel any nervous energy you’ve got into something productive. Shift your focus onto working hard. Confident people are not afraid to look towards improvement, because what they do does not affect their own self-opinion. They know that they are always going to do their best in any given situation, so they will act confident even if mistakes happen. | ||
| − | #Don’t give up easily. Confident people don’t give up easily in situations. Rather, they keep going until they have found a solution or a way to succeed. If you want to act with confidence, don’t cave in when you are confronted with a challenge.<ref | + | #Don’t give up easily. Confident people don’t give up easily in situations. Rather, they keep going until they have found a solution or a way to succeed. If you want to act with confidence, don’t cave in when you are confronted with a challenge.<ref name="rf3" /> |
===Building Your Self-Confidence from the Inside Out=== | ===Building Your Self-Confidence from the Inside Out=== | ||
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#*Write down each situation where you don’t feel as confident. For each of these situations, write down what it is that prevents you from feeling confident. For example: “I don’t feel confident when I am in work. Reasons why I don’t feel confident: It’s a new job and I am not sure about what I am doing. My boss is a bit picky, and she has pulled me up on the work I have done.” | #*Write down each situation where you don’t feel as confident. For each of these situations, write down what it is that prevents you from feeling confident. For example: “I don’t feel confident when I am in work. Reasons why I don’t feel confident: It’s a new job and I am not sure about what I am doing. My boss is a bit picky, and she has pulled me up on the work I have done.” | ||
#Focus on improving yourself. Another skill you can work on is striving to succeed in the things you do at work, at school, or even at your relationships. It’s all about focus. Confident people focus on how to improve what they do until they succeed. People who lack confidence will focus upon how they appear, worrying about their perceived shortcomings (which are most often not true), and worry about failing rather than trying to find a way to make things work. | #Focus on improving yourself. Another skill you can work on is striving to succeed in the things you do at work, at school, or even at your relationships. It’s all about focus. Confident people focus on how to improve what they do until they succeed. People who lack confidence will focus upon how they appear, worrying about their perceived shortcomings (which are most often not true), and worry about failing rather than trying to find a way to make things work. | ||
| − | #*Reflect on a recent situation that you were in, such as giving a public talk or interviewing for a job. Count at least three things that went well in the situation. This will help keep negative thinking at bay.<ref | + | #*Reflect on a recent situation that you were in, such as giving a public talk or interviewing for a job. Count at least three things that went well in the situation. This will help keep negative thinking at bay.<ref name="rf7" /> |
#Quiet your inner critic. Negative thoughts cause a lot of misery for a lot of people. Negative thoughts are often based upon self-beliefs that are untrue. These types of thoughts might include, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m unlucky,” or “I mess up all the time.” | #Quiet your inner critic. Negative thoughts cause a lot of misery for a lot of people. Negative thoughts are often based upon self-beliefs that are untrue. These types of thoughts might include, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m unlucky,” or “I mess up all the time.” | ||
#*Acknowledge those thoughts as they occur. You simply have picked up some bad habits along the way. Changing them is completely within your reach. | #*Acknowledge those thoughts as they occur. You simply have picked up some bad habits along the way. Changing them is completely within your reach. | ||
#*Counter negative thoughts. Offer an opposite thought and then test out which one is true. For example, if you catch yourself saying, “I’m unlucky,” counter that thought with all the things you have in your life that make you lucky. For example, remind yourself, “I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothing on my back. I have friends and family who love me. I won $40 last year from lottery scratch tickets.” | #*Counter negative thoughts. Offer an opposite thought and then test out which one is true. For example, if you catch yourself saying, “I’m unlucky,” counter that thought with all the things you have in your life that make you lucky. For example, remind yourself, “I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothing on my back. I have friends and family who love me. I won $40 last year from lottery scratch tickets.” | ||
#*Acknowledge that your inner critic is never really correct. Quieting the inner critic can help you act confidently because you will feel more confident without someone (you) putting you down all the time. | #*Acknowledge that your inner critic is never really correct. Quieting the inner critic can help you act confidently because you will feel more confident without someone (you) putting you down all the time. | ||
| − | #Believe in your ability to meet challenges. You can use your list of positives to increase your belief in the fact that you will rise to challenges and do your best in any given situation.<ref | + | #Believe in your ability to meet challenges. You can use your list of positives to increase your belief in the fact that you will rise to challenges and do your best in any given situation.<ref name="rf3" /> |
#*If you always think about what you’re doing wrong, you will decrease your sense of “self-efficacy” (your belief that you can actually accomplish things big and small). In turn, this will erode your self-confidence and cause you to act with less self-confidence. Instead, believe that you can overcome challenges. | #*If you always think about what you’re doing wrong, you will decrease your sense of “self-efficacy” (your belief that you can actually accomplish things big and small). In turn, this will erode your self-confidence and cause you to act with less self-confidence. Instead, believe that you can overcome challenges. | ||
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#Write in a journal. Everyday write down something that you are proud of, whether it be an act of kindness towards someone or a positive trait that you just discovered. Whenever you need to boost your confidence, look back to your journal and remind yourself that you are wonderful in so many ways. | #Write in a journal. Everyday write down something that you are proud of, whether it be an act of kindness towards someone or a positive trait that you just discovered. Whenever you need to boost your confidence, look back to your journal and remind yourself that you are wonderful in so many ways. | ||
#Maintain close relationships with loved ones. Spend time with people who love you and whom you love. Having supportive people in your life will help you build confidence in a multitude of situations. This includes family, friends, and significant others. | #Maintain close relationships with loved ones. Spend time with people who love you and whom you love. Having supportive people in your life will help you build confidence in a multitude of situations. This includes family, friends, and significant others. | ||
| − | #Maintain a healthy lifestyle. Take care of your body so that you feel good about yourself. Get enough exercise and eat healthy foods. When you feel good about yourself and your body, you will feel more confident. This will help you act more confident too.<ref>http://www.goal-setting-guide.com/ways-exercise-improve-self-confidence/</ref> | + | #Maintain a healthy lifestyle. Take care of your body so that you feel good about yourself. Get enough exercise and eat healthy foods. When you feel good about yourself and your body, you will feel more confident. This will help you act more confident too.<ref name="rf8">http://www.goal-setting-guide.com/ways-exercise-improve-self-confidence/</ref> |
| − | #*Aim to get about 30 minutes of physical activity every day.<ref>http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/fitness/in-depth/exercise/art-20048389</ref> | + | #*Aim to get about 30 minutes of physical activity every day.<ref name="rf9">http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/fitness/in-depth/exercise/art-20048389</ref> |
==Tips== | ==Tips== | ||
