Difference between revisions of "Accept Criticism"

The funny thing about criticism is that, while it stings, it's actually a critical component of becoming truly good at something. Accepting criticism and turning it into something constructive is a skill. If you're not very good at taking criticism, you might want to work on it. Not only will it help you improve your interactions with other people, but it will also help you improve yourself and feel better when you have problems.

[[Category: Managing Negative Feelings]]

#Stay calm. It is natural to feel defensive when you are being criticized, but allowing yourself to get upset and show your emotions will not help the situation. Keep in mind that we all make mistakes when we are learning a new skill, so criticism is inevitable and if you deal with it in a constructive way you may learn something valuable as a result. So try to stay calm even if the person who is criticizing you seems agitated. Do not match their emotions because it may make you seem incapable of handling criticism and it will interfere with your ability to learn something from the criticism.<ref name="rf1">http://www.professional-counselling.com/dealing_with_criticism_rejection.html</ref>

#*Try to smile. Even a small smile can help you to feel better and it may cause the person who is criticizing you to relax a bit too.<ref name="rf2">http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/7-effective-ways-to-deal-with-criticism.html</ref>  

#Give yourself time to cool off. Before responding and even before thinking about the criticism that you received, give yourself time to cool down. Do something you enjoy for about 20 minutes such as listening to your favorite type of music, reading a book, or taking a walk. Giving yourself some time to cool down after receiving harsh criticism will help you to deal with it in a constructive way, rather than just reacting based on your emotional response.<ref name="rf1" />

#Separate the criticism from other areas of yourself. When accepting criticism in a way that’s healthy for you, you need to remember to compartmentalize. Try not to think about criticism as being personal or speaking against other things that you do. Take it as it is and do not add things to it or make assumptions about other aspects of yourself based on what was said.<ref name="rf3">http://www.professional-counselling.com/how-to-deal-with-criticism.html</ref>

#Consider the motivation for the criticism. Sometimes criticism is not meant to help, it is meant to hurt. Before you decide what to do about the criticism you received, take some time to think about it. Ask yourself some questions to try to understand why the criticism was made.<ref name="rf1" />

#Listen to the criticism. When the person is giving you the criticism, make sure that you listen very well and show that you are listening. Maintain eye contact and nod your head now and then to show that you are listening. It may be hard to do this, but it is in your best interest. If you don’t listen you might not respond in the correct manner, which may lead to more criticism.<ref name="rf4">http://oregonstate.edu/instruct/comm440-540/criticism.htm</ref>

#Restate what your critic just said. After your critic has finished talking, it is a good idea to restate their criticism back to them so that you both understand what is needed. In other words, you want to eliminate the possibility of a more criticism due to a misunderstanding. You don’t need to repeat what your critic just said word-for-word, just summarize it.<ref name="rf5">http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/UnfairCriticism.htm</ref>

#Respond when you're ready. Some types of criticism might be too harsh or complicated to respond to right away. If possible, wait until you are calm, collected, and can have some time to think about the criticism before replying. Sometimes you need to respond to criticism right away, but it is better if you can give it time. Having time to come up with a mature response will lead to the best outcome.<ref name="rf5" />

#Apologize for your mistakes, if needed. If the criticism came because you made a mistake or someone got hurt, it's important to apologize for what happened right away.<ref name="rf6">http://www.usu.edu/arc/idea_sheets/pdf/handling_criticism.pdf</ref> Apologizing is different from dealing with criticism, so don't feel like apologizing obligates you to change or accept all of the criticism you have received.

#Acknowledge where they're right. Once you are ready to verbally respond to criticism, start by acknowledging what part of their criticisms are right. Hearing this will make them feel better and let them know that you have really thought about what they said.<ref name="rf6" />

#*Stick to “what” questions instead of “why” questions. Asking “what” questions will lead to more helpful advice while asking “why” may make the situation worse and put the critic into defensive mode. For example, ask something like, “What do you think I should do differently next time?” Don’t ask something like, “Why did you say that about me?”<ref name="rf7">http://www.wsj.com/articles/how-to-take-criticism-well-1403046866</ref>

#Communicate the need for patience. Ask for their patience if the changes are not something that you can put into action right away. Changing, especially if the changes are significant, can take time. Asking for their patience will take some of the pressure off of you and lead to a better understanding between you and the critic. When you communicate that you need time to work on improvements, it also tells that person that you plan on taking their criticism seriously.<ref name="rf8">http://www.forbes.com/sites/dailymuse/2012/11/07/taking-constructive-criticism-like-a-champ/</ref>

#See this as an opportunity. The healthiest way to handle criticism is to see it as a chance to step back, evaluate your actions, and find ways to improve. Criticism is a good thing and can help to bring you up to the top of your game. When you see criticism in this way, you may have an easier time of accepting it. Not only will you be able to take it but you might even find yourself asking for it.<ref name="rf9">http://lifehacker.com/5915488/how-can-i-learn-to-take-criticism-without-taking-it-personally</ref>

#Distinguish useful advice from useless advice. It is important, when implementing criticism, to understand what criticism you should listen to. Generally, if someone is just complaining without offering an idea for how you should change, they should probably be ignored. You also shouldn’t worry about criticism surrounding things you can’t change. Some people just hand out criticism so that they can make themselves feel better and you have to look out for situations like that. Don’t respond to criticism if it is useless. Acknowledging and fighting against it will only empower the critic.<ref name="rf2" />

#Think about and write down some takeaways. Consider the advice that you were given. Did they tell you what they thought you should do to change? Try to think of a few different approaches that achieve the same effect. This will give you options, so that you can find the best one for you. You should also think about if there’s anything else that you can learn from what the critic said.<ref name="rf9" />

#Make a plan. Now that you’ve decided what parts of the advice are important to you, you’ll have to make a plan for how you’re going to implement the changes that you want to make. Having a plan, especially one that you write out, will make it easier for you to follow through and make the changes. You’ll also be more likely to take action.<ref name="rf9" />

*Remember to avoid getting defensive when you receive criticism. This may make matters worse. It is also important to avoid crying, denying, or blaming others when you are being criticized.<ref name="rf7" />