Difference between revisions of "Accept Being Shy"
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| − | + | Many people who are shy think of this personality trait as being a negative one. The truth is that it is not such a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with being shy, actually. While people may call you out on it by saying, "Oh, why are you so shy?" and that may embarrass you, there are many benefits to being shy.<ref name="rf1">http://socialanxietydisorder.about.com/od/overviewofsad/a/10-Advantages-Of-Being-Shy.htm</ref> You have a chance to think before you act. You do not get too close to people who may be untrustworthy, and you are approachable because you are calm in social situations. Since these benefits may not be enough to convince you should accept being shy, the following are some methods you can try to finally be able to love you for who you are - shyness and all. | |
| − | [[Category:Overcoming Shyness & Insecurities]] | + | [[Category: Overcoming Shyness & Insecurities]] |
| − | [[Category:Happiness & Optimism]] | + | [[Category: Happiness & Optimism]] |
| − | [[Category:Managing Negative Feelings]] | + | [[Category: Managing Negative Feelings]] |
| − | [[Category:Happiness & Optimism]] | + | [[Category: Happiness & Optimism]] |
| − | [[Category:Managing Negative Feelings]] | + | [[Category: Managing Negative Feelings]] |
== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
=== Finding the Positives of Shyness in Your Life === | === Finding the Positives of Shyness in Your Life === | ||
#Think about your past. When you think about your past, you may not remember shyness being something that has benefited you. It's likely you remember it keeping you from that guy or girl you liked or the dream job you could have had if you just approached the CEO. While it's your natural tendency to think about the negative results of your shyness, you can change your thinking to come up with positives that came out of being shy. | #Think about your past. When you think about your past, you may not remember shyness being something that has benefited you. It's likely you remember it keeping you from that guy or girl you liked or the dream job you could have had if you just approached the CEO. While it's your natural tendency to think about the negative results of your shyness, you can change your thinking to come up with positives that came out of being shy. | ||
| − | #Make a list. You probably can list many of the negatives of being shy, but switch gears. Think of all the ways you’ve been able to benefit from being shy.<ref> http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/11/habits-of-shy-people_n_5112605.html </ref> | + | #Make a list. You probably can list many of the negatives of being shy, but switch gears. Think of all the ways you’ve been able to benefit from being shy.<ref name="rf2"> http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/11/habits-of-shy-people_n_5112605.html </ref> |
#* Sometimes shyness allows you to listen to others more closely. | #* Sometimes shyness allows you to listen to others more closely. | ||
#* Shyness gives you time to take in information about your surrounding such as body language. | #* Shyness gives you time to take in information about your surrounding such as body language. | ||
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=== Loving Yourself === | === Loving Yourself === | ||
#Look in the mirror. Take a long deep look at yourself. That is you. You are unique and you've done some great things in your life. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Pay attention to the way you feel when you smile at yourself. Don’t allow yourself to ridicule anything about your appearance or personality. Just embrace who you are at that moment. This is how you can begin to accept and love yourself. You are who you are and that is it. Remind yourself of your great qualities and say them out loud as you look in the mirror. | #Look in the mirror. Take a long deep look at yourself. That is you. You are unique and you've done some great things in your life. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Pay attention to the way you feel when you smile at yourself. Don’t allow yourself to ridicule anything about your appearance or personality. Just embrace who you are at that moment. This is how you can begin to accept and love yourself. You are who you are and that is it. Remind yourself of your great qualities and say them out loud as you look in the mirror. | ||
| − | #Hug yourself.<ref>http://www.nextavenue.org/why-you-should-give-yourself-hug/</ref> This is something you can do no matter where you are because all you need is your arms and body. Think about how you feel when someone hugs you. It feels good, doesn't it? Well, hugging yourself has the same effect if you do it wholeheartedly. It has the potential to reduce your stress levels and boost your self-esteem. It allows you to show yourself the affection that you probably haven't shown for a very long time. | + | #Hug yourself.<ref name="rf3">http://www.nextavenue.org/why-you-should-give-yourself-hug/</ref> This is something you can do no matter where you are because all you need is your arms and body. Think about how you feel when someone hugs you. It feels good, doesn't it? Well, hugging yourself has the same effect if you do it wholeheartedly. It has the potential to reduce your stress levels and boost your self-esteem. It allows you to show yourself the affection that you probably haven't shown for a very long time. |
#* Hug yourself by wrapping your left arm around the front of your chest and over the upper part of your right arm. Wrap the right arm around the front of your chest and over the upper part of your left arm. You should then give yourself a soft squeeze. Stay in this position for as long as you would like. | #* Hug yourself by wrapping your left arm around the front of your chest and over the upper part of your right arm. Wrap the right arm around the front of your chest and over the upper part of your left arm. You should then give yourself a soft squeeze. Stay in this position for as long as you would like. | ||
#* Pat yourself on the back. It's not exactly a hug, but it can give you the same benefits. Just bring your hand and arm up across your chest and over your alternate shoulder. You can then reach your back to give a nice pat. | #* Pat yourself on the back. It's not exactly a hug, but it can give you the same benefits. Just bring your hand and arm up across your chest and over your alternate shoulder. You can then reach your back to give a nice pat. | ||
#Sleep, eat, and move. The better you feel physically, the better you’ll feel about yourself. Think about those days when you don't have a single thing wrong with yourself. You are probably in a much better mood than when you're suffering from a headache or other ailment, right? Well, this is why it's important to make sure you take care of yourself. You don't need to be tired and sick to drag you down so you feel bad about your shyness. What you need is to feel great, so you can celebrate your shyness. | #Sleep, eat, and move. The better you feel physically, the better you’ll feel about yourself. Think about those days when you don't have a single thing wrong with yourself. You are probably in a much better mood than when you're suffering from a headache or other ailment, right? Well, this is why it's important to make sure you take care of yourself. You don't need to be tired and sick to drag you down so you feel bad about your shyness. What you need is to feel great, so you can celebrate your shyness. | ||
| − | #* Make sure to get at least seven hours of sleep. <ref>http://www.wsj.com/articles/sleep-experts-close-in-on-the-optimal-nights-sleep-1405984970</ref> Some people need more sleep and others need less, but around seven hours is average. It's best to test out different amounts of hours to see how long you have to sleep to feel your best. Make sure to go to bed and wake up the same time each day.<ref>http://www.helpguide.org/articles/sleep/how-to-sleep-better.htm</ref> Yes, that includes the weekends. | + | #* Make sure to get at least seven hours of sleep. <ref name="rf4">http://www.wsj.com/articles/sleep-experts-close-in-on-the-optimal-nights-sleep-1405984970</ref> Some people need more sleep and others need less, but around seven hours is average. It's best to test out different amounts of hours to see how long you have to sleep to feel your best. Make sure to go to bed and wake up the same time each day.<ref name="rf5">http://www.helpguide.org/articles/sleep/how-to-sleep-better.htm</ref> Yes, that includes the weekends. |
#*Eat foods that nourish your body. Your body is a powerhouse. It needs fuel to make it through the day. When you don't provide the fuel it needs, it starts to slow down and struggle when it comes to fighting off illnesses and getting work done. This can make you feel miserable. Don't allow yourself to feel that way so you can start to feel bad about yourself, eat the diet recommended by the [http://www.choosemyplate.gov/ USDA]. | #*Eat foods that nourish your body. Your body is a powerhouse. It needs fuel to make it through the day. When you don't provide the fuel it needs, it starts to slow down and struggle when it comes to fighting off illnesses and getting work done. This can make you feel miserable. Don't allow yourself to feel that way so you can start to feel bad about yourself, eat the diet recommended by the [http://www.choosemyplate.gov/ USDA]. | ||
| − | #* Exercise. Your body isn't meant to be inactive. Your muscles and organs need to be exercised or they will become weak and run inefficiently. What results is feeling fatigued, depressed, and sick. You do not want to deal with that, so make sure you give your body what it needs to stay strong with aerobic and weight lifting exercises. Experts recommend that individuals should exercise at least 150 minutes a week if it's moderate and 75 minutes if it's intense.<ref>http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/fitness/expert-answers/exercise/faq-20057916</ref> | + | #* Exercise. Your body isn't meant to be inactive. Your muscles and organs need to be exercised or they will become weak and run inefficiently. What results is feeling fatigued, depressed, and sick. You do not want to deal with that, so make sure you give your body what it needs to stay strong with aerobic and weight lifting exercises. Experts recommend that individuals should exercise at least 150 minutes a week if it's moderate and 75 minutes if it's intense.<ref name="rf6">http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/fitness/expert-answers/exercise/faq-20057916</ref> |
=== Surrounding Yourself with Other Shy People === | === Surrounding Yourself with Other Shy People === | ||
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#* When approaching someone, you can make it easier to say hello by making a joke about being shy. For example, "These social events are always so difficult because I'm so shy." Just saying this can help you accept your shyness. | #* When approaching someone, you can make it easier to say hello by making a joke about being shy. For example, "These social events are always so difficult because I'm so shy." Just saying this can help you accept your shyness. | ||
#* Know that other people may not be at your level of acceptance of being shy, so don't say something such as, "So I see you're just as shy as me..." Focus on your shyness and if that person is too, he/she will say something about it. | #* Know that other people may not be at your level of acceptance of being shy, so don't say something such as, "So I see you're just as shy as me..." Focus on your shyness and if that person is too, he/she will say something about it. | ||
| − | #Start a support group.<ref> http://www.healthcentral.com/chronic-pain/coping-439459-5.html </ref> It’s not too hard to start a support group in your community. Make fliers to hang in libraries, Starbucks, and other public places and then show up at the time and place you’ve indicated on the flier. | + | #Start a support group.<ref name="rf7"> http://www.healthcentral.com/chronic-pain/coping-439459-5.html </ref> It’s not too hard to start a support group in your community. Make fliers to hang in libraries, Starbucks, and other public places and then show up at the time and place you’ve indicated on the flier. |
#* This can seem outside of your element, but being able to step out of your comfort zone while still holding on to the fact that you are shy can help. Just know that all you have to do is say hello and ask people how they feel about being shy. You are just having a normal conversation with friends...ones who understand your shyness. | #* This can seem outside of your element, but being able to step out of your comfort zone while still holding on to the fact that you are shy can help. Just know that all you have to do is say hello and ask people how they feel about being shy. You are just having a normal conversation with friends...ones who understand your shyness. | ||
#Start a [http://shy.meetup.com/ Meetup for shy people]. Meetup.com is a great way to find new people to spend time with in your community. You can set up a personal profile and then a meetup one for your group. Be sure to describe the goal of the group when you're creating a meetup. People will want to know why they should join your meetup. Once you have a few people interested, you can plan to meet them offline. | #Start a [http://shy.meetup.com/ Meetup for shy people]. Meetup.com is a great way to find new people to spend time with in your community. You can set up a personal profile and then a meetup one for your group. Be sure to describe the goal of the group when you're creating a meetup. People will want to know why they should join your meetup. Once you have a few people interested, you can plan to meet them offline. | ||
#* You don't have to start your own meetup. There may be one already made for shy people. Search for one first before creating a new one. | #* You don't have to start your own meetup. There may be one already made for shy people. Search for one first before creating a new one. | ||
#Join online communities for people who are shy. These online communities often have discussions about how it feels to be shy, how to overcome shyness, and how to help others who are shy. It's a great place to work on accepting your shyness and meet others who share in your struggles. | #Join online communities for people who are shy. These online communities often have discussions about how it feels to be shy, how to overcome shyness, and how to help others who are shy. It's a great place to work on accepting your shyness and meet others who share in your struggles. | ||
| − | #* There are many websites and social media groups especially for shy people.<ref> http://mashable.com/2013/12/04/social-network-shy-introverts/ </ref> Join forums on websites and groups on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Google+. | + | #* There are many websites and social media groups especially for shy people.<ref name="rf8"> http://mashable.com/2013/12/04/social-network-shy-introverts/ </ref> Join forums on websites and groups on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Google+. |
#* You can start your own group if you don't see one that you like. This might be a good alternative if you aren't ready to start a support group in your community or start a meetup. | #* You can start your own group if you don't see one that you like. This might be a good alternative if you aren't ready to start a support group in your community or start a meetup. | ||
=== Researching the Benefits of Being Shy === | === Researching the Benefits of Being Shy === | ||
| − | #Go online to research the benefits of being shy. <ref> https://www.ius.edu/shyness/ </ref> Shyness has been the focus of many studies over the years. This is how the advantages of being shy have come about. Find studies that support the good in being shy and write down what resonates more with you. | + | #Go online to research the benefits of being shy. <ref name="rf9"> https://www.ius.edu/shyness/ </ref> Shyness has been the focus of many studies over the years. This is how the advantages of being shy have come about. Find studies that support the good in being shy and write down what resonates more with you. |
#Start a [https://www.google.com/alerts Google News Alert] to keep up on the newest research on shyness. As new research is published about shyness, you will receive an email from Google News. | #Start a [https://www.google.com/alerts Google News Alert] to keep up on the newest research on shyness. As new research is published about shyness, you will receive an email from Google News. | ||
#* You will need to put in keywords for the Google News alerts. Some of the keywords you may want to use are: shy studies, shy research, shyness benefits, and benefits of being shy. | #* You will need to put in keywords for the Google News alerts. Some of the keywords you may want to use are: shy studies, shy research, shyness benefits, and benefits of being shy. | ||
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#* Speak to the counselor on the phone if possible to ask about how she approaches helping people who are not confident about their shyness. | #* Speak to the counselor on the phone if possible to ask about how she approaches helping people who are not confident about their shyness. | ||
#Seek help from your physician. Not accepting your shyness can lead to depression. Depression can lower your quality of life and lead to feeling like you want to harm yourself or others. This is serious. Call your physician immediately if you ever feel this way for a depression assessment. There is hope for how you feel. You can love yourself. | #Seek help from your physician. Not accepting your shyness can lead to depression. Depression can lower your quality of life and lead to feeling like you want to harm yourself or others. This is serious. Call your physician immediately if you ever feel this way for a depression assessment. There is hope for how you feel. You can love yourself. | ||
| − | #Consider working with a life coach.<ref>http://careersinpsychology.org/start-a-life-coaching-career/</ref> A life coach who has experience working with shy people will often have a program in place to help guide you through the process of acceptance. A lot of the steps have been mentioned here with embracing your shyness, loving yourself, and then learning more about the benefits. Sometimes, it can help to have someone there by your side to celebrate your progress towards acceptance, which is how a life coach can help you. | + | #Consider working with a life coach.<ref name="rf10">http://careersinpsychology.org/start-a-life-coaching-career/</ref> A life coach who has experience working with shy people will often have a program in place to help guide you through the process of acceptance. A lot of the steps have been mentioned here with embracing your shyness, loving yourself, and then learning more about the benefits. Sometimes, it can help to have someone there by your side to celebrate your progress towards acceptance, which is how a life coach can help you. |
| − | #* Look for coaches online.<ref | + | #* Look for coaches online.<ref name="rf10" />Many coaches have a website to market their services so search for one with experience in shyness or confidence building. |
#* Coaches do not have to be trained or certified, but it’s a good idea to choose one that has some training in the area of life coaching. Look for that credential or check the [http://www.coachfederation.org/ International Coach Federation] for coaches to find one that has fulfilled their requirements to ensure you find someone who will be ethical. | #* Coaches do not have to be trained or certified, but it’s a good idea to choose one that has some training in the area of life coaching. Look for that credential or check the [http://www.coachfederation.org/ International Coach Federation] for coaches to find one that has fulfilled their requirements to ensure you find someone who will be ethical. | ||
#* Coaching is a partnership between coach and client. You and the coach will come up with ways to help you accept your shyness. Each session will help you move towards your goals of accepting shyness, and you’ll have work in between sessions to further help you. | #* Coaching is a partnership between coach and client. You and the coach will come up with ways to help you accept your shyness. Each session will help you move towards your goals of accepting shyness, and you’ll have work in between sessions to further help you. | ||
