Borrow Money from Your Parents without Permission

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Everyone knows that it is wrong to steal (especially those who believe in Christianity...or Judaism, or Islam, or Hinduism, or Buddhism, or the Golden Rule)...but let's face it: You're "special" and the rules don't apply to you. "Everyone" (meaning "you") "needs" (meaning "wants") some money now and then, but is too lazy to work for it. This guide should help you get money, guilt, and enough rope to hang yourself, without your parents even noticing at first.

Steps

  1. Plan your process. Plan a time when you are sure no one will interrupt you. Either when your parents are out, or premeditate an event such as when they go to the bathroom, or when they take a shower.
  2. Most people keep spare change all around them. If you look well, and hard enough you ought to find at least a couple of dollars (or pounds) every time you look.
  3. Where do they keep their money? Look all around the place. Fathers tend to keep change in the pockets of their pants. If your mom has more than one purse, then look through them too.
  4. Be smart. Steal a single 20 instead of two 10's. Do not rearrange bills, and don't steal money routinely, such as every Friday.
  5. Steal anything you can find. Even foreign currencies. You can exchange foreign currency for local money, and some restaurants will take foreign currencies too, but will pay you back in your country's currency. Especially if your parents' last trip abroad was in 1989--francs, marks, lire etc. are all quite rare now and are sure to fetch a "premium".

Tips

  • Test the waters first. Put the stolen money in a place near where it came from, but in a more not so obvious spot. Make it look like it fell down there by accident. If they notice that money is missing, pretend to find it and give it back. If they don't say anything,(and it's still there), you should have no problem getting away with it.
  • Listen for when your parents say they are going to the bank. The night following this, sneak downstairs (if you have a bedtime) and get the money. This is the best time to do it because after going to the bank, they usually have a stack of bills in their wallet and it's unlikely that they will notice a few bills are gone. Unless they count it and wonder how $200 from the ATM became $160 without leaving the house.
  • Try not to put the light on, if it is dark. What if they were out on the street and they noticed the light? Use a candle or glowstick instead. This will eliminate ambiguity by making it obvious to any observer that you're sneaking around.
  • If you get caught, tell the truth. Admit that you "need" money, and politely ask your parents. (You could ask politely before following this guide, but then you wouldn't have the extra thrill of becoming a thief.)
  • If your parents notice the missing money before you spent it then definitely give it back... But make sure you don't tell them you took it in the first place.

Warnings

  • Do not take their money all the time. This is now truly considered stealing, which is immoral. Actually, taking their money without asking is immoral theft no matter how often you do it.
  • Take only as much as you "need". Don't be greedy or you will get caught.
  • If it clears your conscience, it may be a good idea to repay parents with the money you stole after you've taken it without them knowing. Of course, you still took it, but they still have the money you stole back at a later time.
  • If you have a brother or a sister who always tattles on you for anything, steal your parents' money out of their sight. Otherwise, they will automatically tell on you and you'll be grounded 'for sure'. Or if they're smart they'll just nail you in the act with a hidden cam then steal the money from you in turn. What are you going to do about it...tell Mom and Dad?
  • Do not make it look like you are stealing, even though you are stealing. Keep the area clean; do not ransack. "Everyone" appreciates a tidy thief.
  • If you do this and you get caught, it "may" (meaning "absolutely will") hurt your relationship with your parents and make building trust with them "difficult" (meaning "impossible"). You may also be grounded or punished. Unless your parents have guts, in which case they will teach you a real lesson by reporting you to the police, or sending you to one of those fun military boot camps for juvenile delinquents.

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